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Fount sighed, tucking himself into bed.
One of the regular spring rainstorms had become a thunderstorm. He knew it happened more often around this time, and noticed when it started building up, and he hated it. So much.
The thunder echoed, shaking the walls of the Spire.
No no no no no…
Healer started rubbing his shoulder.
"My Fount?"
"Yes?"
"Are you alright, darling?"
"…Uh-huh. I'm good."
"Alright. Love you."
"I love you too."
Healer pulled his hand away, lying back down.
Fount flinched at the thunder again, curling into himself. He forced his eyes shut, he couldn't even— he wanted to watch for lightning, but he couldn't and he didn't know why. He didn't know why he was so scared. It always made him feel like a dog. A stupid dog. He should be just fine.
It was just a storm. They happened all the time. It was just the climate. It was something he'd dealt with hundreds of times, and it was particularly expected in the springtime. It was so stupid, how terrified he got every time.
He held back a whine at the next clap of thunder. He felt his breath sped up slightly, then forced himself to calm again.
Fount allowed one of his eyes to open, waiting to see lightning, and the immediately hearing the thunder a second or two after. And closing his eyes.
The storm was pretty close, wasn't it?
It shouldn't be. It— technically it could, it wasn't impossible, the spells around the Spire only kept it from being hit or damaged, but he couldn't— it shouldn't be. It just shouldn't.
He hated it. Witches, he hated it, so much.
He didn't get why he felt like it was going to hurt him.
He knew it wouldn't. He'd even checked to make sure the spells were still properly held up when he knew the storms were starting, because he'd expected this.
And he was still so scared he was about to cry.
…Healer wouldn't mind listening to him talk about it, right?
Well, he probably didn't want to listen to Fount whine about some stupid fear he shouldn't have anyway. What, was he scared it was going to kill him? He'd already wanted to die anyway, and Healer had to deal with that, too! Healer was only tolerating him because he's nice and didn't want to hurt him. He would leave if he could, because he was so fucking annoying. He'd probably want him dead with how irritating he was.
Fount hated thinking like that. It hurt. Physically. His chest really hurt.
He turned to his side, staring at Healer.
His lashes looked so pretty. He didn't have the bandages over his eyes, seeing as he found it uncomfortable to sleep with them on.
Healer opened his eyes, squinting at Fount, clearly trying to read his expression despite how hard it was for him to see. It was cute.
…and probably really irritating to deal with.
Fount moved closer to him, trying to avoid showing how upset he was when he spoke.
"…Healer—"
He stopped immediately. He sounded so clearly about to cry.
He was, but that didn't matter.
"You wanna cuddle?"
"Mhm."
"Come here."
Fount crawled on top of him, wrapping his arms around Healer's back, and Healer pushing a kiss to his forehead.
He knew Healer wouldn't let him get hurt. At least he was sure of that much. Even if he hated himself so much he'd doubt it, Healer loved him. And he loved him too, and Witches forbid he let him get hurt, either.
It wasn't truly that bad, right—?
Another crash of thunder, and that time he whimpered, his nails digging into Healer as he closed his eyes again.
Damn it.
"Starlight?"
Damn it. Healer noticed, and now he was going to try to make him talk about something that shouldn't matter in the first place.
"Hm?"
"I thought you liked rain."
"I do like the rain. I can't—" He flinched, latching tighter onto Healer at the thunder again, "I don't like thunder. I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't know why and I know I'm being whiny, and it's stupid, and I should be able to handle it but I can't and I hate it! I HATE IT!"
Healer's hand went to Fount's head, Fount leaning into it.
It didn't calm him down. It couldn't. Healer couldn't.
Not right now. Not when the storm kept going.
Fount's breath sped up and wouldn't stop.
It hurt— why did it hurt, that didn't hurt, right?
"Fount?"
Fount whined. Whined. It was so stupid, he was just acting stupid.
He couldn't— nothing would— why couldn't he calm down? Why wouldn't it stop?
Just breathe. Breathe, for fucks sake, just breathe. Why couldn't he breathe?
"What the fuck—" Fount mumbled, "I can't—mm—"
He pushed his face into Healer's chest. It wouldn't stop.
Why couldn't the storm just stop, too?
Why was he freaking out so badly?
"Make it stop. Make it stop, please make it—"
Healer replied something, whatever it was, Fount couldn't tell.
Healer couldn't do anything.
Why wouldn't it stop?
He couldn't breathe. He couldn't— he was going to die. He wasn't— he knew that but— but he was, and—
"Fount, please—"
Healer tensed as Fount latched onto him tighter. and tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter.
Just tighter every time he heard thunder.
At some point, Healer winced.
He was hurting him.
Why couldn't he just let go?
Why couldn't he calm down?
Another stupid lighting bolt.
Fount shoved himself away from Healer.
He didn't want to hurt him more.
All he did was hurt him.
He couldn't calm down.
Why couldn't he just calm down?
Healer crawled over to him, laying on him and waiting for his reaction.
It felt nice. Healer being close, and the weight on him— it felt nice.
Healer grabbed his hands, "Fount. You're alright. Everything is alright, darling. I know you're scared. I love you."
"No— I can't— Orchid please I—" Fount latched onto him again, "I'm sorry, please— don't— I can't—"
"Listen to me. Not the storm, me. Just— can you try to copy my breathing? Please?"
Fount could barely see him through his tears, though he nodded, trying his best to follow what Healer told him.
"Just breathe, alright? In— and out."
He felt like some stupid whiny child. He listened but he felt so pathetic.
It did work. It calmed him down, and Healer smiled him so sweetly, and kissed him on the cheek so gently. That wasn't fair, because Healer shouldn't have had to deal with him, and shouldn't still have to listen to him. And somehow he still loved him.
"I'm sorry…" Fount mumbled.
Healer nuzzled into his shoulder.
"It's fine. You alright?"
Fount nodded, "It was nothing. Or— I just don't know what— It felt like I was going to die, or… or something.
Healer pushed another kiss to his cheek, "It's okay. I'm sorry I couldn't help more."
"No. It's not your fault, Orchid," Fount sighed, "I love you. I just— really can't stand storms. 'm sorry."
"Love you too. And it's fine."
It wasn't that bad. He shouldn't be so terrified. It wasn't going to kill him. He was so pathetic. He knew exactly how the storms worked, and how the spells protecting the Spire worked, even having cast them himself, and how unlikely it was he'd get hurt more than a cold, and that things like that couldn't kill him, and that he and Healer were perfectly safe, and he was still scared.
It was so pathetic.
So. Fucking. Pathetic.
He wanted to hide. He shouldn't, but he wanted to. He wished he could just hide from all of it.
Fount sat up, "Uhm— we can go back to the top of the bed."
"Alright."
Healer hopped off him, pulling the curtains closed as Fount crawled up beside him.
"I love you, Starlight. I really do."
"I love you too."
He did. Healer shouldn't have to put up with him, but he did, and he was so calm, and gentle, and he was just— he was so sweet, and he'd love him either way, even if he wasn't able to help him, but he did, and he loved how sweet he was, and he wanted to protect him.
Healer started scratching his head, like he was petting a dog.
…he was acting like one. He already knew that. But he hated it. He hated the storm, and he hated that he hated it, and he hated how he was acting, and he just— he hated everything. Except Healer.
"I'm sorry," Fount mumbled again.
"My Fount, truly, I mean it, it's fine. I don't see what you're apologizing for."
"Because I'm acting like a— I don't know, I'm acting like an animal, and I don't understand what's going on, but I do, I completely understand it, and I don't know why I'm reacting so— like— like a puppy! An annoying— clingy— whiny— dumb— puppy!"
"Alright— Uhm— you're— I don't think you're acting stupid. Or like a… annoying, clingy, whiny, dumb puppy. You're just—"
"I am."
"…You're just scared, darling."
"There's no reason I should be."
"Starlight. There is a reason, I know that much. Even if you don't know what it is, most cookies wouldn't react like that, so there has to be some reason. I don't care if you think it doesn't matter—"
"So, I'm just… weird?"
"I— not in a bad way. There's just— something's causing that. And… Witches, I don't know how to put this. It's not— you're not— you're not the problem, okay? But there's some sort of thing that's causing it, and that's why you're reacting so strongly, I—I guess."
Healer grabbed his hand, "And I don't really care if there's a problem. I'd fix it if I could, because it's hurting you, and I want to help you."
"…what if I'm just broken?"
"You're not."
"Are you really sure about that?"
"I am. I don't think you're broken. I promise."
…Healer was wrong. He was. At least it felt like it.
Or maybe Fount was wrong.
"Would you love me if I felt like I was?"
"Yes."
Fount whined at another stupid clap of thunder.
"I'M SORRY— I'm sorry I don't— I can't— I—"
"It's alright! I'm not mad at you, I told you that!"
"…Mhm."
Healer pulled him close, Fount letting out a sigh.
At least he had Healer with him. It could've— It had been much worse before he did. He could remember that.
He loved just having him, even if he was still scared.
At least Healer calmed him down a bit. At least Healer wanted him to be happy, and didn't hate him, or think he was broken.
Fount kept waiting for the thunder to come back.
It didn't. He kept waiting, for nearly an hour. At least it felt like it was. Healer was asleep, at least. At least Healer was getting sleep and stopped having to deal with him.
It never came back. Hell, even the rain stopped. He still felt terrified.
He pulled back, looking up to Healer. Healer wouldn't let him get hurt. And Fount wouldn't let him get hurt either. Both of them were safe.
Fount sat up for a moment, grabbing the curtain and glancing out the window. The clouds weren't gone, but it clearly wasn't raining anymore. Hell, they were so thin he could make out most of the constellations through them. There obviously wouldn't be lightning or thunder, either. It wouldn't pick back up for a while.
Good.
He laid back down, tucking his head into Healer's shoulder, listening to his small snores. They were so cute. He was so cute.
His heart was still racing. He really didn't see, to be able to calm down completely. He didn't need to wake Healer back up over it, but it felt so terrible.
He just need to breathe, right?
…
He was breathing fine. His pulse was just weird. It would slow eventually.
It was fine. He was safe.
The storm was over, and even if it wasn't, he was in the Spire, and the Spire was protected from the lightning, and even if it wasn't, he and Healer would protect each other. He knew how to keep him safe.
Nothing was wrong. Both of them were fine.
He just needed sleep, and he would be fine.
It was alright.