Chapter Text
Charlie Morningstar was caught off-guard when the angelic hologram interrupted her rapid explanation of her plan.
“Let me stop you right there, save us all precious time. If what you're suggesting is letting them climb up the ladder-- Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates?” Adam mocked her, then took a breath. “You know what, sweetie? That sounds fucking GREAT!”
“I-It… does?” Charlie stammered.
“Yes!” Adam snarled in delight. “Why didn’t I think of that?!” He turned his glowing grin to the Valkyrie by his side. “Giving these sinners something to strive for? Think of how much fun that’ll be!”
The lieutenant smiled, her voice slow and cold. “Perhaps you're right, Charlie. Perhaps sinners should have a chance to redeem themselves.”
Charlie’s face lit up with hope. “Really?”
Adam started laughing as if he’d just heard the best joke of his fucking life. Charlie’s smile wavered nervously, but the punchline never came. Lute summoned some golden Valkyrie holograms to escort her out of the embassy. “Thank you for the suggestion, Princess. Go on and tell your people that there will be no further exterminations.”
Charlie gasped. “Thank you! THANK YOU!” She threw her stack of drawings into the air and cheered triumphantly before running out the door, almost deaf to the angels’ snickering, cackling, and maniacally-growing laughter that rang through the halls behind her.
~~~~
Velvette had never, and she meant never ever, gotten a call from the fucking Princess of Hell. Of course, she took it. And of course, the very next person she called was her cobalt colleague.
“Oh Voxxy, the Princess of Hell wants to make some grand announcement.”
“I’m in the MIDDLE of a very IMPORTANT CALL, Vel!”
“Don’t you raise your voice at me, you phosphate fuck!”
“Wait, you said it’s the Princess?"
“Yes, it’s the goddamn Princess.”
“Give me twelve minutes! Okay? I want her live, on the roof, in twelve minutes!” Vox severed their digital connection.
Velvette sighed and swiped back to the call with Princess Morningstar.
“I can put you on a social blast. You’re gonna want to tell Hell that you’ll be live in twelve minutes at V Tower. Does that work for you, your highness?”
“Yesyesyesyes thankyouthankyouthankyou!”
“You’ll need to meet us atop V tower in ten, so we can touch up your look.”
“Yesyesyes I’m heading over right now!”
“Right, I’ll cast you to all of Hell in five, four --compose yourself, deep breath-- two, one..”
Charlie unfortunately timed her deep breath right as the social broadcast started. “GUUUUH Hello! Princess Morningstar here with some biiiig news for all of Hell! I’ll be live atop V Tower in ten minutes! Twelve! I meant twelve minutes! You’re gonna want to hear the announcement I’m going to make. So, uh, tune in! See you soon, bye!”
Charlie hung up the call. Comments were already pouring in with question marks, confused face emojis, and eggplant & sweat emojis. Velvette rolled her eyes, but tapped away on her phone, ensuring the reel reached as far and wide as possible. All across the seven Rings of Hell, phones lit up and buzzed, interrupting whatever their Sinners were doing.
Velvette sure hoped this wasn’t going to be something fucking stupid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This advertisement video was complete shit. Alastor was no help at all, as usual. The hotel was fucked. Vaggie paused the horrendous video she and the others had made in Charlie’s absence and growled, rubbing her temples.
Her phone went off, but not with the buzz of a call or a text. It was a social media ping. She picked up her phone with a suspicious glare --she never got social media alerts. Her eyes grew wide upon watching the latest viral video. “V Tower?”
Something didn't feel right. What was going on? Charlie was supposed to just go to the celestial embassy. What could she possibly be making an announcement about at the top of V Tower?
Unless…
Vaggie dared to feel hope rise in her chest. Had Charlie really done it? Had she succeeded in convincing Heaven of her plan?
“No way!” Vaggie smiled, proud of her girlfriend. But… her smile faded. No, something still didn’t feel right. That would be too easy. There was more to this, and she feared Charlie may be leaping headfirst into some sort of trap. Especially if Adam had anything to do with it.
She got up and ran out the door, down the hall, and to the lobby, wishing he still had her wings so she could fly straight to Charlie’s side.
Husk and Angel ceased their argument to watch her race past them. Alastor’s small, smug smile remained as he rotated his head, his gaze following her as she ran across the room.
“Hey, where’s the fire?” Husk barked, annoyed and confused.
“Charlie’s about to make an announcement at V Tower,” Vaggie explained, not slowing her stride. “I think something’s up, and I’m going to go make sure she doesn’t get herself into trouble. You fucks coming or what?”
Angel visibly winced at the mention of V Tower, but hid it quickly by turning back to his drink, “Nah, I’m good.” He took a large swig of the pink cocktail. “Whiskers and I were just gettin’ acquainted. Weren't we, putty cat?”
“Don’t call me that,” the bartender growled, showing his fangs and pouring a drink for himself.
“Whatever,” Vaggie didn’t waste time changing their minds. These Sinners barely knew Charlie. Of course they weren’t gonna come.They were just here for free rent and drinks, and they’d made that very clear in their first few days here.
She didn’t bother closing the door behind her as she ran outside. After a moment, a single tendril of wind curled into the hotel, chilling the air slightly, and billowing the tattered trim of The Radio Demon’s coat.
Alastor’s expression shifted, one brow lifting, the other lowering sharply. “Hmmm.”
He puzzled for a moment, then shared a look with Niffty, who had just finished slaying a cockroach. Her round face broke into a giddy, bloodthirsty grin upon meeting Alastor’s eyes. Alastor smiled a calm, closed-mouth smile back at her. “Oh, Husk, dearest,” he called in his trans-atlantic accent.
The cat man ceased his argument with Angel yet again. His ears flattened slightly.
“Little Niffty here wants to go see what all the buzz is about. Would you be so kind as to take her to see the fireworks?” Alastor asked. Nicely.
Husk wasn’t a damn fool. “Uh, sure, boss.” He departed from his spot behind the counter, his feather-tipped tail drooping.
“Splendid,” Alastor praised.
“YAY! KITTY FLYYYYY” Niffty cheered, holding her small arms up like a child wanting to be picked up. Husk obliged, wincing in terror as if he was holding a live grenade. They were out the door in a swoop of red, white, and black feathers.
“Fuck this! I ain't staying here alone with this creep!” Angel announced to nobody in particular, gesturing at Alastor before throwing all four hands into the air and leaving as well.
Alone in the empty hotel, Alastor’s pointed fingers fiddled with the sound shield of his microphone staff. The lights of the room dimmed drastically, and he revealed his teeth in a sinister grin.
~~~~~~
“Sinners rejoice!” Charlie was announcing, standing on a platform atop V Tower wearing a gorgeous red dress. She was grateful that Velvette had set her up with such a regal, exquisite outfit. It was perfect for the occasion; for what would be forever known hereafter as The Happiest Day in Hell.
“The Exterminations are OVER!” Charlie cried in triumph.
Before there could be any uproarious applause from the massive gathering of her subjects in the square far, far below them, the screen behind her --which previously showed her face-- flashed in the wake of a thunderous lightning bolt, now showing a different face entirely.
Adam’s.
His cruel laughter rang through Pentagram City, amplifying through every speaker and causing thousands of Sinners to wince, tremble, and cower.
“That’s right, CUNTS! You heard your Princess. No more exterminations. My army’s grown BORED with picking you off ourselves. Now, you get to pick off each other, every day, and Voxtek is gonna televise it for my entertainment!”
“What?” Charlie gasped, glancing offstage to where the Vees were standing.
Velvette smirked. Valentino grinned. Vox made a mockery of pretending to look sorry. ”It was simply too good an offer, your highness. I mean, he’s giving me an angelic audience! How could I refuse?” he chuckled with a shrug.
Hurt, confused, and scared, Charlie whirled back to look at the looming image of Adam on the massive screen behind her.
“Listen up, bitches. Here’s how things are gonna work. From now on, killing demonspawn, imps, monsters, mobs, whatever doesn't have a human soul, will give you a little something called XP. Killing another Sinner such as yourselves gives you even MORE XP, and a nice little tally marker above your head.”
Charlie flinched as a gunshot sounded over her shoulder. Turning, she saw the bleeding corpse of one of the Vee’s assistants. Valentino's gun smoked as he twirled it and holstered it in the folds of his wings. He met the Princess' gaze and grinned devilishly. A little skull icon appeared above his head with a ‘1’ beside it.
“Like that!” Adam’s voice chirped. The murder had been caught on one of Vox’ camera drones, which zoomed in on Valentino as he winked and blew a heart-shaped smoke kiss at the lens.
[NEW ACHIEVEMENT]
“Agh!” Charlie put her hands over her ears as a new voice rang in her head. It sounded like Adam’s, but more robotic in nature.
[Cain Ya Do That?]
[You just witnessed the First Murder of Season 1 of Dungeon Crawler HELL. Congratulations! Get used to seeing death, for this is juuuuust the beginning. Try not to be next!]
[REWARD: You’ve earned 1 Plastic Reward Box!]
“What?” Charlie gasped, breathless, and in complete shock. What was happening???
Adam’s Hell-wide announcement continued from the big screen. “You all just heard what I call the AI program. ‘Adam’s Intuition.’ Some might consider it the Holy Spirit. It will pop up upon certain triggers to tell you what the fuck’s going on-- and most importantly, tell you just how FUCKED you all are. I know all you simps can’t get enough of my angelic voice, so, you’re welcome!”
“The game’s easy,” he continued. “In concept, anyway. The goal is to earn enough XP to level up, and when you level up, you get to pick stats, classes, and other shit to grow stronger. The strongest Sinner who gets through all seven Rings of Hell gets a ticket to Heaven! Don’t thank me, this was all Charlie Morningstar's idea!"
“What? No, it wasn’t! That’s not-- this is not what I wanted!” Charlie cried, finding enough of her voice amidst the shock to stammer and then shout at the screen. Adam couldn’t see or hear her. No one could. The camera was only showing Adam.
A nearby hovering drone did not focus on her at all. It actually dodged her as she jumped and waved at it, desperately trying to get its attention. She had to tell her people that this wasn’t her plan!
Jump, jump, jump. Dodge, dodge, dodge. The drone finished toying with her and ascended, well out of her reach. “Vox!” she cried angrily, turning to glare offstage again. Vox only smiled, thoroughly enjoying the commencement of a beautiful new chapter for his entertainment empire.
“TDLR; You’re all FUCKED!” Adam finished, erupting into more laughter. Beside him on the screen, the masked face of his lieutenant smiled. “Good luck out there, Sinners! And remember, kill, kill, kill!”
Their joined laughter rang out before the broadcast ended. Now on the screen, a countdown from ‘3’ appeared, like the kickoff to a race. That was exactly what this was designed to be. A race. A game. How long would it take for all of Hell to exterminate each other?
This was Charlie’s worst nightmare.
As the last second ticked down on the screen, it was followed by a giant “GO!” A loud boop sounded.
Vox stepped up to the edge of the roof. Multiple cables emerged from his back to hold him aloft so he could get a clear view of the chaos that erupted in the plaza far below. A school of fish-like camera drones swarmed the scene, capturing every gory and gruesome moment of the first battle of the Dungeon. Vox held a microphone up to his flat face, his voice ringing through a public broadcast with a delicious, sinister snarl. “Aaaaaaand they’re off! Look at those Sinners go!”
Velvette hovered beside him on a broomstick like a witch, swiping on her phone, emojis floating in the air around her. She chimed in alongside him, like two sadistic voice casters watching a boxing match. “Ooh, that kill’s gonna give him a boatload of XP” She declared in her British accent. Valentino pointed and laughed at something in the distance.
Charlie watched them, gobsmacked. Their cruel laughter --interspersed between their callous play-by-plays-- made her blood boil. Her hair flipped as an infernal heat grew in her soul, her eyes glowing, her horns emerging. “Vox, stop this!” she ordered, marching forward with clenched fists.
As she approached them, a cluster of information appeared above their heads, and the sudden strangeness of it made her stop in her tracks, her eyes returning to normal.
[Vox]
[Health: 100%]
[Type: NPC]
[Title: Television Host]
[Class: Electric Bard]
[Level: 10]
[Party: The Vees]
[Velvette]
[Health: 100%]
[Type: NPC]
[Title: Social Media Mogul]
[Class: Hashtag Witch]
[Level: 10]
[Party: The Vees]
[Valentino]
[Health: 100%]
[Type: NPC]
[Title: Pimp Moth]
[Class: Smoking Sharpshooter]
[Level: 10]
[Party: The Vees]
Above all three of them, there was another, wider bar of information.
[Party: The Vees]
[Party Level: 30]
[Collective City Boss]
She struggled to process what she was seeing. Had Adam put them all in some sort of video game simulation?
Fuck that. Charlie grit her teeth. This was no game.
“I said STOP!” Charlie roared again; her demon form growing, her horns extending, the fire around her burning hotter.
“With all due respect, your highness…” Vox called over his shoulder, sparing her a brief glance to laugh, then growl, “Make me.”
Charlie marched forward again, planning to do just that.
Velvette chuckled, explaining, “In case you haven’t noticed, Miss Morningstar, your stats are shit. You’re nuthin’ but hot air, love.”
My stats?
Charlie hesitated, then glanced down --or, rather, inward. Much like in a stupid damn video game, a layer of text showed the following.
[Charlie Morningstar]
[Health: 100%]
[Type: Hellborn]
[Title: Pathetic Princess]
[Class: Plucky Pacifist]
[Level: 0]
“What??” she gasped. Awkwardly, she figured out how to select ‘More Info’ on her class. In Adam's AI voice, it read;
[Plucky Pacifist]
[You're too weak and scared to harm anyone! Good luck surviving this dungeon, sweetheart!]
[Effects: -50% to strength, -50% to constitution]
The devastated look on her face made the Vee’s laugh all the louder.
Frozen on the spot, Charlie lost her fire. A tear threatened to trickle down her cheek. She was utterly helpless. She was wracked with embarrassment, confusion, terror, and fear. Was she truly… that weak? How was she supposed to protect her people? How was he supposed to stop this??
The AI voice returned, announcing;
[You’ve been added to a party.]
[Now a member of; Party: Morningstar.]
[Party Level: 999]
Vox stopped mid-laugh, his gaze darting behind her, his eyes shrinking to tiny beads of terror. “Oh, shit!” Emitting a shock of static electricity, he vanished in a blue blink of light.
Velvette was quick to disappear in a similar, yet more poppy, bubble-like fashion. Valentino was last, exclaiming, “¡Ay, carajo!” and fluttering away as fast as his massive, fuzzy moth wings could carry him. The broadcast of the carnage in the plaza abruptly ended, all screens going dark.
Charlie turned around, relief flooding her. “Dad!”