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Hirose knows something is up with Nakamura, but he just can't pin-point what. On the outside, everything seems normal. They still hang out and talk, yet, Hirose notices Nakamura’s tense posture lately. It’s like he’s reverted back to months ago.
Before they became friends.
It started soon after Valentine's day, which is also when Hana confessed to him. Hana has been taking a lot of his time lately. She especially likes walking home with him. He accepts every time because you shouldn’t leave a girl hanging, right? It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it has cut down on his free time. Maybe that’s just it. If Takeuchi and Mukai are on his ass about his girlfriend, Nakamura might be annoyed as well. That… doesn’t sound like Nakamura at all actually, he’s too nice.
If Hirose was being entirely honest he’s probably the one over this relationship. Don't get him wrong, Hana is kind and cute, he doesn’t dislike being around her.
There just isn’t really that spark they always write about in manga. His stomach always feels wrong and empty instead of warm and fluttery.
Hirose carefully gnaws on the end of his pencil, sneaking a subtle glance behind him at Nakamura. His mind wanders to their conversation on Valentine’s day.
~
Hirose sighs deeply, looking anywhere but at the other boy. “Hey, Nakamura? Uh, I’m just curious. Did you get chocolate from anybody in our class?”
His head perks up as he hears Nakamura stutter a response. “WHUH? Gh- No!?”
“None… huh? Got it,” Hirose’s hand clenches as he feels heat rush to his cheeks.
Hana confessed to him earlier with homemade chocolate. He’s still not fully sure why, they barely know each other. Dating girls is a high school norm though, so surely accepting was the right call…? Should he go out and buy some for her then in return? Most girls would probably appreciate it. He doesn’t know what flavors she likes though.
His breath stutters subtly as he pictures the chocolates in his own bag. The ones he picked out specifically for Nakamura today. Would Nakamura think it’s weird for a guy to give chocolate to another guy? Even as a friendly gesture? Is it even okay to do that now after his… girlfriend confessed in the same way?
He considers for a moment telling Nakamura everything. All his doubts and worries. He’s always been the easiest to talk to after all.
“So… uh. Actually, I…”
Hirose feels his throat tighten and his heart clench at the same time. Why? Why is his body doing this?
“Sorry! Forget about it, okay? Later!”
He bolts out of the school before Nakamura has the chance to respond. He feels like an idiot. Couldn’t even gift some damn chocolate.
~
Hirose’s hand subconsciously grasps at his uniform, right above his heart. He turns back around before Nakamura has a chance to catch his gaze.
What is wrong with him? He’s supposed to be Nakamura’s friend and now he’s not only made him upset somehow, but his body starts acting weird around him too! Well, he’s pretty sure Nakamura is upset, but maybe he’s looking too much into it.
His heart won't stop hammering and he doesn’t understand why. He’d expect to feel something like this around Hana, yet his heart does nothing for her. Why!?
The bell makes him nearly jump out of his skin as the classroom starts bustling around him. He barely gets a chance to pack his bag before a voice is calling to him from the hall.
“Aiki. We need to talk.”
Hana’s voice betrays nothing. Glancing at her face gives him the same result. He’s truly not sure what ‘nothing’ is supposed to mean. Should he know what’s on her mind without fail, is that what’s expected?
“Sure thing,” he says as he throws his bag over his shoulder and heads out with her.
The walk is utterly silent, which confuses Hirose further. Hana is always telling him about some story of the day.
This must be serious.
The two make it to the trash collection area, stopping because Hana seems to have deemed this the right spot. A conversation paired with the smell of rotting food and rusting metal, what a worrisome set-up he’s been given.
The girl doesn’t hesitate to cut to the chase, “I’m breaking up with you.”
Hirose’s eyebrow raises. He feels like he should be distraught, however, nothing. His heart doesn’t shatter and his eyes don’t water. If anything he feels relieved. Yet he still gets the instinct to ask, “Did I do something wrong?”
“You’re just duller than I expected,” Hana sighs.
He hears rustling near the trash, spotting Nakamura who definitely heard most of that. Hirose gives her a simple, “Alright then,” before bounding towards Nakamura.
Problem solved, I guess.
“I got dumped!” It feels more freeing to say than he thought it would.
Nakamura freezes, startling a bit at being caught eavesdropping. “Huh?”
Hirose averts his eyes for a moment. “I guess I really don’t understand women. She said I was boring,” he repeats, even if Nakamura definitely heard her. “What was the point of all that then, am I right?”
He turns his gaze back, and giggles at the taller boy. What he sees, however, makes him pause. Nakamura is looking at him the most seriously he thinks he’s ever seen the boy look at anyone.
The other takes a deep breath, seeming to anchor himself. “That girl, she… She doesn’t understand you, Hirose. She doesn’t see your appeal.”
His eyes widen as he stares carefully at Nakamura. Hirose knew he was kind and earnest, but that… that made his stomach flutter in a way he’s never known before. It’s almost like he can hear his heart beating straight out of his own chest.
Weird…
He’s snapped out of it by Nakamura sputtering again. “Uh, um, uhhh, so um… Are you sad about it after all?”
“Nah, not really,” Hirose says, sighing out of his nose. “I didn’t really click well with her. I mean, I wasn’t really able to talk to her, y'know?” He chuckles before beaming at Nakamura. “After all, some things are just easier to talk about with boys.”
His expression sobers quickly as a new anxious feeling takes over his stomach instead as his own minor confession settles in his mind. That might be the most honest he’s been with Nakamura, no, most honest he’s been with anyone in a long time.
Hirose smiles sadly, quickly getting quiet and correcting his mistake. “Let’s keep this a secret.”
“Um, sure.” Nakamura agrees easily.
“See ya!” Hirose takes that as his cue to run away from. Nakamura. Nakamura? What’s the world coming to that I’m running away from him? Am I escaping these troubling feelings instead? He really wish he knew.
~
White day has arrived and with it, another long winded speech from Takeuchi about his quest for love.
Hirose listens to him drone on, cheek in hand as he tunes Takeuchi out. He honestly isn’t sure what to think about all this romance talk, perhaps he should be more bothered by it than he actually is. Maybe he should feel annoyed that Takeuchi continues to rattle on about getting Hamaoka to notice him without much tact, considering everything that happened with his own short-lived relationship. Instead, he just feels… bored.
Despite himself, his mind wanders then, the talk of romance gets him thinking about Valentine's day and how he had failed to give Nakamura the friend chocolates he so desperately wished he had. It had been nagging him for a while now; a heavy feeling in his chest that feels something like regret. Hirose’s been feeling an awful lot of that recently… especially with Nakamura. He doesn’t know why he keeps tripping over himself like this. Friendship is supposed to be easy if nothing else is.
He doesn’t even know why he put so much weight onto that exchange. It was just supposed to be a friendly gesture, but instead he’s gone and made it all the more complicated for himself by feeling way more than he should.
Him and Nakamura have been doing better since that conversation at the trash collection. However, something still feels wrong. It’s like he’s missing a key clue. Hirose feels bad for forcing the other to keep secrets. That might be part of the problem. He doesn’t even know why he wants it to be secret, honestly. It just felt right to be something kept between just the two of them.
Boys may be easier to talk to, but Takeuchi certainly isn’t.
Speaking of, Hirose zones back in time to catch the finale of the ranting.
“That, my dear friends, is why Yuka will definitely be returning my gift of love on this fine day!” Takeuchi grins triumphantly.
Mukai’s expression is as deadpan as ever, “Dude. All that girl cares about is BL. She didn’t even care about your rose gift.”
“YEAH? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE?”
Hirose grimaces at the volume, but that reminds him of what’s in his bag once again. He brought them on impulse because of the date, and because he didn’t want them sitting in his fridge for eternity. He wishes he wasn’t such a coward. He shouldn’t feel weird about giving his friend chocolate.
Would Nakamura be fully open with him again if he finally gave these? He put extra care into picking them out, sea animal themed with super cute chibi octopi and crabs. A small part of him laughs in reflection at the fact that he had spent far more effort picking out friend chocolates than he did in his entire previous relationship.
Hirose misses feeling free with Nakamura. He wants to go back to telling him everything, and Nakamura to him in return. He hates this anxious feeling that something could slip out at any minute. He doesn’t know what something is, that’s the most infuriating part. Nakamura is so easy to talk to and that’s been working against him.
Is Nakamura feeling the same way? Maybe he’s also scared of something. Maybe that’s why everything’s felt wrong.
More people filter into the classroom, still long before the first bell should ring. He watches as people exchange gifts all around him, his hand twitching over his school bag. He sees a boy in their class give a girl a cute pink box and she lights up with giggles.
Hirose’s heart does that weird thing again, like something is missing. It hurts. He wants someone to give him a gift too. It’s a ridiculous thought, his girlfriend just broke up with him. It wouldn’t have felt right anyway, he’d appreciate it, sure, but it wouldn’t be right.
His attention is drawn to the doors as no other than Nakamura waltzes through. Despite his inner turmoil he smiles at his friend and waves. They lock eyes quickly before Nakamura seems to panic and rush to his seat.
He’s even jumpier than usual, is he okay?
Hirose hates seeing his friend so anxious, especially considering he’s definitely the cause. He makes a decision at that moment: he shouldn’t be scared of giving his friend something meaningful to make his day better.
He unzips his bag, quickly grabbing the chocolates and shoving them behind his back. Takeuchi and Mukai look at him confused, he frees one arm to wave them off and heads to Nakamura’s desk.
Nakamura is looking down so Hirose taps his desk. The boy nearly shrieks as his head bolts up.
“Ah- uh, hi, Hirose.”
He can do this. He’s going to cheer up his friend and get rid of this weirdness. “Hiya!”
Hirose fiddles with the chocolates behind him. For all his resolution, it’s easier said than done. “So, I-”
“THESE ARE FOR YOU!”
His vision is suddenly filled with dark blue and orange. He realizes quickly that it’s a box. A dark blue box with an orange ribbon.
Wait isn’t that-
Nakamura exhales a shaky breath, “I decorated it with the colors of that band you love, Aquapet. I- I only did the box though, I can’t really bake so I hope the store bought chocolates are fine.”
Hirose had only mentioned that band once in class if he can recall. Around Christmas when their limited shirt was being sold. Nakamura… remembers that?
His heart beats faster and his stomach feels warm… and… fluttery.
Oh.
Oh.
This is what it’s meant to feel like. That’s why I never understood. That’s why it felt wrong with Hana.
Hirose giggles, shoulders shaking, tears springing to his eyes. He pulls the chocolates from behind his back and shoves them at Nakamura just as enthusiastically.
“I got these for you, also store bought, but I couldn’t not get you the octopus chocolates.” His giggles subside, but his smile remains. “I meant to give you these on Valentine’s day, but I’m kinda glad I didn’t. It gave me time to… figure things out.”
Nakamura looks up at him, eyes wide and jaw slack. “What- Huh? You-”
Hirose leans in close to Nakamura so only he will hear, “I think boys are easier to talk to, because I don’t really like girls.”
He doesn’t expect anything, he’s grateful either way that Nakamura’s helped him figure this out. He’s fairly certain Nakamura won’t hate him at least. Hirose always followed what was expected of him because he didn’t think it mattered. He does think though, this boy is worth bending the norm for.
Hirose’s scared for a moment that Nakamura’s stopped breathing with how still he is, before hearing the quietest mutter.
“I’m in love with you.”
He startles a bit, almost certain he’s heard that wrong. “Nakamura?”
Nakamura looks right at him, shaking but determined. He’s still quiet, scared of their classmates hearing, but deadly serious. “I’m in love with you. I- I have been since our first day of high school. Being your friend and getting to be around you has just made it stronger. I really like you, for who you are, Hirose.”
Hirose feels like his soul has left his body, clutching onto the desk for support. Nakamura starts panicking, he can tell by his hand movements. He takes a deep breath and slides one hand onto Nakamura’s shoulder. He’s terrified of doing anything too intimate in front of their entire class, he’ll make it up to Nakamura later.
“Sorry for making you wait so long, people do say I’m kinda dense,” he scoffs a small laugh. “I like you as well. Love, even. You’re why I know girls don’t do it for me.”
“Hirose-”
The bell obnoxiously cuts Nakamura off and he mentally damns the thing. Before heading back to his desk he picks up the gift box. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk on our walk home together, right?”
Nakamura nods his head once slowly and Hirose beams at him in return.
Who knew just going for it could lead to this.