Work Text:
The sheets were freezing cold against Grace's body in a bed that felt strangely empty. Fog pushed against the widows building up thin droplets that rolled down the clear xenonite. A shiver racked up Ryland's spine as he curled further into the blankets. The pressure felt nice, but it wasn't quite enough.
For some reason he felt an awful gnawing feeling in the back of his mind. The sleep haze still held onto him too tightly to remember what happened. That was okay, his memory was always spotty, he just needed to take things slow. His eyes felt puffy, so he'd been crying for what was most likely a long time. Not a great sign. His back ached, but it wasn't anything he wasn't used to. The Eridian's gravity was always too strong for him. He kept checking through his mental checklist, but kept drawing blanks. There had to be something, he never got this feeling unless something was deeply wrong. Slowly the memory of another bed with another person came into his mind. There was still nothing wrong, Simon and him spent plenty on nightmares together. Then it hit him.
Simon.
Simon had locked himself in his house and told Grace to go away.
Grace had told Simon he loved him.
Shit.
Grace's mind chose then to hit him with the wall of memories it had been keeping from him. The yelling through the front door. Pleading to let him inside, pleading for him to go away. A soggy cardboard box filled with all of Simon's worldly possessions. The tear filled confession dotted with an I love you. The threats that were hurled back at him. It all came back in one painful second. The flood of information drew a sharp breath out of him. He quickly sat up in bed tossing the sheets off himself and standing up.
He needed to get Simon to open that door. There was a billion and one reasons this was bad. Simon was in mental distress, enough to cause him to reject everything he owned. Ryland had also made it worse last night by escalating things further than what they were. Simon had obviously been hurt, what had driven Grace to saying I love you? Haphazardly, he threw on his shoes, brain working faster than he could fully process. Anything could have happened to him in those hours he was asleep.
There wasn't time to dwell on that, Grace had to keep moving. Simon could be in danger, or worse, he could be a danger to himself. The thought made him sick to his stomach. Everything had to be okay, Ryland was just worrying too much. He had made it to his front door ready to sprint to Simon's when a different thought hit him. Simon was locking him out, he never did that, not without a good reason.
The last time he did it was because he perceived a threat in the form of Adrian. It had been early in his time here on Erid, he hadn't met any other Eridains than Rocky. The sight of the large spiked green rock with a low humming voice had sent Simon into a spiral that took him days to come out of. They were friends now of course, but at the time it had been a terrifying experience.
Grace had done something to invoke that same feeling again. A pit settled in his stomach. His brain was keeping something from him again. Pressure built up behind his eyes threatening a headache as he tried to pull the memories. He couldn't help if he didn't know what he'd done wrong, he'd just repeat last night again. His cheeks heated to a rosy red when he finally remembered what happened.
They had kissed. In the heat of the moment still lingering with nightmares, Grace had kissed Simon for the first time. Hands had been tangled in shirts and hair as he chased Simon's warmth. He remembered the butterflies in his stomach and the soothing touch of tan skin. His brain lingered on the moments right before sleep had overtaken him where he stared into the most gorgeous pair of eyes.
He suddenly felt light headed slumping down onto the ground. His hands came up and tangled in his hair as he tried to get his mind back on track. He'd done it, he'd finally built up the courage to kiss the man he was head-over-heels for. Ryland could have done a victory lap if it weren't for the elephant in the biodome.
He'd made Simon uncomfortable. No, it wasn't uncomfortable, that was too light of a word to use. Grace had scared Simon. Grace's eyes flew open. Of course he had, in the dark of night when Simon had let him into his house, his room, his bed. He'd said comforting words and held him closely, just as he always did. Simon was inherently good like that, as much as he liked to deny it. No matter how much Grace cried, or flung around in his sleep from nightmare, Simon was right there by him.
And what had Grace done? He had violated that trust. He'd kissed Simon and then fell asleep on him. Grace, the one who mainly communicated with the Eridians, the one who had rescued him, the one who held the power. Of course Simon had kissed him back, of course he hadn't fought back, Grace to him controlled every aspect of the space they lived in. He could only imagine how utterly terrifying that had been to him.
He buried his palms into his eyes hoping the pressure would give him assurance. His head was still spinning having completely lost it's footing. Simon put up a barrier between them, he tried to tell Grace to give him space, and the only thing he did was violate it further. He'd yelled through his door about loving him. He'd pretended to know what was wrong. Then he gave whatever poor excuse for an apology that he couldn't even fully remember. And he had just been thinking about how awesome he was for finally being 'brave.' His stomach twisted at the concept calling him a monster with each wave of horror.
Maybe he wasn't remembering everything yet. Maybe somewhere in the day Grace had done something else to hurt Simon. He desperately hoped he did because there was no apology he could give Simon, not for that level of wrong. If he'd violated him like that Grace didn't know how he could live with himself.
He found himself standing up off the ground before his brain fully processed what he was doing. Grace just needed to move. He needed to get work done, he needed to be useful. Everything would be fine. He needed to stop thinking, just keep pushing forward. His brain would kick in eventually and give him the rest of the day back, it had to. Grace manually worked through every step as he walked to his small kitchen.
His eyes darted around. Homework. He had homework to grade. He could focus on that for a bit. Grabbing the stack of stone tablets, he sat down at the small table, empty chair sitting painfully across from him. He didn't need to focus on that, he was fine being alone. He had to grade the homework he'd given over photosynthesis.
He picks up the first tablet and scans over it. He can see the words on the stone, he knows that they hold the answers, but his brain can't focus on them. He reads it again, still his mind only sees shapes. He took his glasses off letting them dangle from his ear has he scrubs a hand over his face. He just needed to focus on this one thing. He begins again slowly this time.
Two completed tablets sat next to him when his brain went fuzzy again. He squeezes his eyes shut hoping to make it go away. Simon's soft lips pushing against his own, his hand pressed against his back. Grace's own hands tangled in raven hair. Had Simon been trying to push him away? His eyes snap back open and lets out a shaky breath.
Focus, that's all he needed to do. He grabbed the next tablet and dropped it in front of himself with a loud thud. His eyes mechanically scanned over the answers. A, correct. B, correct. C, incorrect but almost. Simon's earthly taste lingered on his mind. His chair flew hitting the ground with a harsh clatter causing him to jump.
Grace needed to do something. He felt guilty in a way no words could make up for, but he needed to make sure he was safe. That he didn't … didn't what? Blame himself? He hadn't done anything wrong, Grace had been the one to kiss him. Hate him? He had every single right to, he could ask to never see Grace again and he would find a way to make it happen.
He just needed to make sure Simon knew this wasn't his fault, and that he was okay.
He quickly exited from his little house. Nagging thoughts of betrayals and grabbing hands shadowed his mind. Grace shook his head to clear them, this wasn't about him right now. His shoes dug into the dirt as he ran to Simon's. His lungs were burning, his eyes welled up with tears. The rhythmic pounding of his feet on the ground kept him locked into the moment.
From a distance the house came into focus, a dark shape against the foggy horizon. The small cardboard box sat on the front porch, his old footprints still trailed to and from the door. It was all the same as yesterday, except for the door being slightly ajar, a deep darkness beyond. Grace skidded to a stop, breath coming out in short gasps. Simon hated the dark, he always had at least a night light on at all times. To be completely dark was unheard of. Anxiety pulsed through his system as he knocked on the open door.
"Simon?"
No response came from the barren home. He took a tentative step into the house before jolting back like it burnt him. He had already taken enough from Simon, he didn't need to take his privacy too.
"Si— Simon! I get if you don't want to see me, I really do, just say the word and you don't have to look at me!"
A sob threatened to shake through Grace's body. He knew it was selfish of him to want a response, he knew he didn't deserve one. All he wanted was to know Simon was okay. That even if he hated him he was alive. That he didn't have to hold another funeral for someone he cared about.
"Why Grace here, question?" Rocky chimed in from behind him causing the blond to jump.
"Rock!" Grace says trying to make his voice sound lighter, "what are you doing here?"
"Grace and Rocky have friend day today!"
"Ah! Right, I was just checking up on Simon!" He glanced back through the door trying to catch any sign of the man. "What did you have in mind for today?"
"Grace say Grace wanted to go to beach statement! Grace brain forget many things."
"Hey! I remember things!"
The Eridian grunted before replying, "Not remember Rocky Grace day."
"Whoa buddy, I did I just had to check on Si— Simon really quick. I promise I didn't forget."
Rocky let out a chuckle and bumped into Grace's leg.
"Rocky just kid, let's go!"
The pair began to walk towards the stony shore, Grace still stealing glances to the empty cabin as Rocky melodically talked about the new project he was working on. He tried to listen, he really did, but a dull buzz had settled under Ryland's skin dragging his attention away from reality. Eventually he felt the sand crunching beneath his shoes. He focused on the pressure, one foot after another. Left, right, left, right. His body still felt disconnected and itchy at the same time, but at least he was able to keep his breath under control.
"Where Grace going?"
His world refocused causing him to realize he was a good 15 feet away from the Eridian.
"No where Rock, just a little lost in thought that's all."
"Grace not listen."
"I'm sorry, I'm listening now I pinky promise." Grace said with a wince.
"Rocky not have pinky. Rocky forgive anyway."
"Thank you bud."
"What Grace thinking about?"
"Nothing important, just some dumb human things."
"False, statement. Grace leaking."
He was suddenly aware of the tears that were falling from his eyes. His hand quickly came up to wipe them away, some of the sand catching on his face.
"Oh, um. I. I did something. Something awful … to Simon. Something that he probably won't forgive me for , nor should he. I hurt him."
"Grace not hurt Simon. Simon healthy, Rocky check."
"Not that kind of hurt bud. I took advantage of him. I—" His voice cut out refusing to let him finish his statement.
"Grace?"
"I am a monster Rocky."
"No! Grace not monster!" Rocky shouted. "Grace not bad bad bad!"
His vocal chords stop working, drying and shriveling in his throat leaving him completely mute.
Rocky chimes in again. "Grace know who Grace is."
You know who you are.
hands holding him down.
Grass sticking to his face.
Shouting from people he knew.
A needle in his back.
The words rattled around Grace's bones, sinking its teeth in right through his heart. His veins chilled, then became unbearably hot. His vision unfocused, his hearing cut out. Ryland wasn't on the beach anymore. He was light-years away begging to the hands pushing him down that he couldn't do it. The cool feeling of fluid being pushed under his skin as Earth faded into his memories.
The waves crashing against the shore deafeningly loud. Sandy rocks stuck on his face and under his nails, the ringing that was building in his ears. His skin buzzed and itched as he quickly scrambled to his feet, the bright light of the foggy day blinding him. Distantly he could hear Rocky's panicked chirps, but his brain couldn't translate them. His legs threatened to give way beneath him as he tore off his jacket that was suddenly too tight for him. Through the haze of noise he could feel himself moving as he started to carry himself to anywhere but here.
His heart thudded in his chest with each running pace unable to keep up with his movements. Ryland's mind flickered in time.
He was running from the guards one second.
The next he was stumbling up the steps to his house.
He was being yelled at to comply.
he was being called for out of concern.
Grace's face was pushed into dirt and grass.
Grace's face was bloodied against a stone.
The primal instinct in his brain told him to keep running, to get away from the danger and hide. The hounds were on his tail and he desperately wanted reprieve. He could vaguely make out the sound of himself yelling half formed sentences about how he couldn't do it, how he just wanted to live. The words were hoarse and burned as they split from him. A mixture of blood, and tears trailed down his cheek falling into his mouth bring forth the familiar taste of iron.
He stumbled through his front door, barreling into the wall at full force before running past Arm-ando. His brain supplies images of the shuttered curtains of Stratt's office and the melancholic call of his old classroom as he scrambles from room to room. In his bedroom he could almost see the desolate rooftop after the explosion as he pushes himself into the tightest corner. His knees slam into his chest as he draws in another shaky breath, hands reaching up to yank at his hair.
His teeth dig into his lip trying to stop the trembling that's overtaken his body. He feels the skin crack and break under the pressure. The sound of Rocky crashing through the house to get to him rang in his ears like the sound of security hunting him down. Grace slams his hands into his head repeatedly. mumbled words of cowards and self desires cage him in.
Grace is nowhere and everywhere at the same time. He is dead and alive, on Earth and on Erid. He feels like he's spinning at top speed trying to gain any semblance of control over the situation. Crescent marks formed on his palms as his nails drew his blood to the surface. His body was being violently thrashed by sobs.
Then a shadow fell over his face. Carl had come to deliver the final blow, the final words he would hear on Earth. But, no. He wasn't on Earth, he was on Erid. His eyes focused enough to see the shape of Simon sitting across from him. He draws in another gasping breath as he pushes himself further away, Grace's mind reminding him of the pain he had caused.
He can feel himself suffocating as his lungs fail to draw in a full breath. The buzz he felt pulses through him making him hyper aware of the fatigue building up in his bones. He needs to apologize to Simon, he needs to tell him to run before Grace hurts him again. All that he can do is make odd sounds as his vocal chords still betray him.
Ryland's vision begins to dim around the edges, the darkness slowly encroaching again like it did all those years ago. They'll keep him knocked out, they'll send him back on the Hail Mary, it would be for the best Ryland thinks while gasping for air that won't make it to his lungs. Some desperate part of him wants Simon to hold him, to promise him it's all okay, but he knows that won't happen.
As the world fades to black Grace sees the look in Simon's eyes. One of a deep sorrow and restraint. He hopes Simon will take some solace in seeing him like this, he hopes he'll see it as some sort of atonement. The last thing he feels is a hand catching him as he falls forward, saving him from hitting the ground.
After dreams of slow foxes and desperate hounds, Grace slowly regains consciousness. He hurts, everywhere. The lingering touch of band-aids and the smell of antiseptics swim around him. His eyes strain against the light stabbing through the windows around him. His muscles strain of disuse. How long had he been out?
"Grace?" Rocky quietly chimed.
"Hey Rock." Grace said, his voice strained from all the yelling.
"Friend Grace okay, question?"
"Yeah, I'm okay … I'm okay, statement."
Grace was sure that if Rocky had a face, he'd be frowning at him right now. It wasn't a lie, he was physically fine. Emotionally was a different subject all together.
"Is— is Simon here?"
"Yes. Simon sitting with Adrian outside. Waited for you to wake up."
"He did?"
"Grace dumb. Of course Simon would."
Ryland hesitated for a long moment. The dread from the day before slowly kindling again as he debated his next words.
"Can I see him?"