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"No, that's not right," said Stolas.
"Why'd you moan like that then?" asked Blitz
"Because while your skillful little tongue is as effective as always," said Stolas, amazingly snooty for someone bent over Blitz's desk with his ass out, "that was the wrong letter."
"Like you can even tell," said Blitz. "The sounds you've been making, all you know is how much you love my fucking tongue."
"I know that was an S," said Stolas.
"Uh huh, yeah," said Blitz. "Great big sloppy S...."
"And since we were actually on H..."
Fuck!
"Hey, Stolas, come on, you're just making it worse for yourself," Blitz said, running his hands down Stolas' thighs, away from the tight little hole he was only allowed to touch with his tongue and only then to use it to spell out the alphabet. "You know I can make you cum real hard." He grinned as he heard the slight catch in Stolas' breath that meant he was definitely thinking about it, definitely willing to at least consider dropping the reins if it meant Blitz would get him off. He stroked his way back up the inside of Stolas' thighs. "You know you want me to..."
"I want you to start over," said Stolas.
"What I ask real nice?" Blitz asked and swiped P-L-E-E-S against his hole with his tongue.
"P-L-E-A-S-E," said Stolas.
"Yeah, I mean that's...that's basically the same thing..."
"Start over," said Stolas.
Blitz grabbed his ass again, letting his claws dig in just enough to make Stolas gasp as he squeezed. "What if I just fucked you?"
"You can't," said Stolas. "You have to do the whole alphabet first."
"Yeah, but what if I didn't?" Blitz asked. "What if I just threw you down and ravished you like...like some illiterate brute?"
"But you won't," Stolas said with more willpower than Blitz would've expected after this many failed tonguings of the alphabet.
"I could."
"This was your idea!"
"Okay, fine, if you want to spend the afternoon getting edged to death..."
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Well, the eating bird puss while Stolas bent over his desk part had been a fantastic idea, no notes there, but the Stolas bent over his desk as his afternoon snack part was really interfering with the whole remembering alphabetical order part. Which he was not exactly solid on when he wasn't rock hard (and the shame of Stolas knowing he was exactly this fucking stupid was making him harder and stupider). Being rock hard with a half naked, thirsty owl occasionally moaning, "Oh, yes," and "That's it" really was not good for concentrating on anything other than making the half naked, thirsty owl continue to moan "Oh, yes" and "That's it" which ironically only led to--
"No," said Stolas. "Start again."
"Can you just fucking accept that I'm fucking stupid and--"
"I don't think you're stupid," Stolas said very quietly in a tone that was definitely not Horny Teacher.
It was the kind of quiet tone that made Blitz realize he might actually be even stupider than he thought.
"Do you...do you think I think you're stupid?" Stolas asked.
"Uhh," said Blitz who was at least smart enough to know that the correct answer (yeah, obviously) was probably going to be the wrong answer.
"Because I wouldn't have agreed to this if I'd known you think that--"
"I think," Blitz said, taking his hand and pulling him back upright and turning him around, "I think maybe we could agree we're both fucking dumbasses and--"
"I don't--"
"Okay, Stolas, literally yesterday you asked what kind of fucking moron would--"
Stolas scowled down at him, not quite annoyed enough to snatch his hand away from Blitz's for the full, double barreled annoyed flapping. "And how the fuck was I supposed to know that you were the fucking moron?"
"Process of elimination?" Blitz asked. "You're kind of...kind of an idiot if you couldn't figure that one out."
"Fuck you," Stolas said, clearly trying not to smile.
"I could," Blitz said. He brought Stolas' hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. "But I think I've got to alphabetize your box first." He kissed his hand again. "Unless you want to switch to math?"
Stolas laughed. "But you're doing so well."
"Sit your lying ass down," said Blitz. "You say it, I spell it, see who fucks up first?"
"Okay," said Stolas. He'd usually agree to pretty much anything when Blitz pushed his knees apart and spread him open like that.
The fact that Blitz hadn't managed to make it past...L? was probably making him more agreeable. Stolas didn't have much of an appetite for being teased unless he was bound and gagged and in the mood to be punished for being too impatient, and it wasn't like Moxxie's bullshit alphabet technique was going to get him off even if Blitz actually managed to get through all 25 letters in order.
Steady and a little sloppy with just the right amount of friction was the way to get the job done. Maybe a little bit of gnawing on one of his feathered thighs, but not like he was allowed to stop in the middle of licking up and then down and then across. A well timed pause in the middle of B to add a bit of fang would probably get mistaken for something else and then they'd start again, but he could feel a very promising shiver as his tongue swept a crescent over Stolas' C for cunt and he could definitely hear it in Stolas' voice as he swept his tongue up again and then around--the other half of the moon--D for the dicking down that was definitely going to happen once they'd finished this little game and it was time to F for--
"E," said Stolas, his feathers rising in another shiver as Blitz added that last little lick at the bottom (what asshole had made too many of these stupid letters too similar?) "Then F."
"F U," said Blitz.
"F G," said Stolas.
"G spot?" Blitz asked, wriggling his tongue a little deeper than he was probably allowed.
"Ohh!"
"You sure?" Blitz asked, squeezing his thighs and pushing them just a little bit wider. "Think you skipped a few."
"And you haven't properly done G yet," said Stolas.
"I haven't done any of this properly yet," said Blitz. "You wouldn't be able to fucking talk if I was doing this properly."
Stolas gave him a filthy smirk. "G," he said. "Unless you want to start over."
"Don't fucking push me." Blitz rolled his eyes but still traced another C with that extra little swipe.
The next bunch were closer to the kind of up and down, up and down that made horny birdies squawk, although O and P seemed to be less puss pleasing than the ones before (more proof that Moxxie was full of shit).
"What do I get if I get you off doing this?" Blitz asked.
"The satisfaction of a job well done," said Stolas. "Q."
Something about that little flicker for the Q's dick made Stolas' toes curl (maybe he should mix up the angles even when they weren't trying to be all literary).
"What kind of satisfaction?" Blitz asked.
"R. The kind of--ahhh..."
Yeah, definitely something to that particular angle. "What do I get if I make you forget the alphabet?" Blitz asked.
"You won't," Stolas said, his face flushed, his feathers still puffed up. "S."
Blitz took this one nice and slow, just to teach him a fucking lesson, making sure to really drag the tips of his tongue over the long swipe of S for sexy, squirming Stolas, lingering on one last little flourish before moving onto W for winking--
"T," said Stolas. "It's T."
"You sure?" Blitz asked.
"Yes, I'm fucking sure!"
Back to slow and steady, this time going across and back, down and then back up.
"Blitz!" Stolas moaned and then giggled as Blitz licked a circle and then the two swoops of his horns. "U," Stolas said and then laughed even harder as Blitz did it again.
"Oh, right, that's me," said Blitz. "Hang on..." He traced the shape of Stolas' face, "That's you," and four quick little flicks for the eyes before doing the letter.
Stolas was still giggling through V, but W and then X had him gasping again.
"Please, we're almost done," said Stolas. "If we have to start again, I will fucking murder you."
"You fucking won't," said Blitz.
"Y."
"Because your job is to--oh, yeah, right, sorry," said Blitz, tracing two spread legs and a long torso.
"Z," said Stolas.
Another long, lazy drag, an angular backwards S. And then he just looked up at Stolas because he was pretty sure (well, at least 75%. Maybe) that that was the last one, but he might start crying if he was wrong about that? And there was a good chance he was going to just immediately jizz in his pants if Stolas told him he was a good boy. Which...possibly hotter than crying? Well, depending on what Stolas did to him if he started crying.
"Next time won't you sing with me?" said Stolas.
"Oh, you want me to make you sing?" Blitz asked and dove back in, practically hauling him off the desk.
Stolas was light enough that Blitz could practically hold one ass cheek in each hand while he ate him out--nice and rough, just dragging his tongue back and forth, up and down until he could hear Stolas' claws just shredding the top of his desk as he moaned, cumming on Blitz's face in what felt like record time.
Blitz didn't even bother to wipe his face before he picked up him all the way up and pulled him into his arms. "On the desk or on the floor?" he asked. "Because I'm fucking the alphabet back out of you."
Stolas dragged a finger through the mess on Blitz's cheek. "Does that mean you're going to say it backwards?"
"What? No! Fuck you!"
"You'd better."
Blitz wound his tongue around the offered finger and licked it clean. "Uh huh, okay, yeah, sounds like you're going on the floor."
A few months ago he would've thrown him or at least dropped him, and Stolas would've shrieked with delight. Now he just pretended not to notice that Stolas seemed to be trying to figure out if he was disappointed not to be handled roughly as Blitz set him on the floor and flipped him facedown.
Floor was better anyway. He didn't have to stand on the tips of his hooves to fuck Stolas while standing, and there was something about the way Stolas had to lie on the floor, arms stretched out in front of him and his long legs folded under him like some kind of slutty yoga pose. Blitz grabbed his tail to basically pull him onto his dick and fucked him right there beside his desk, getting a very impressive, very loud squawk out of him before cumming inside him with a not quite as loud groan.
Stolas sat up and watched him take out a cigarettes and light it. "I don't think you're stupid," he said as Blitz placed the cigarette between his fingers and sat down next to him.
"Stolas, it's fine," said Blitz.
"It isn't," said Stolas. He took a long drag and exhaled in a heavy sigh. "I don't want you to think that I...I really admire you. Very much."
Blitz took the cigarette back. One of the good things about being stupid was that sometimes he could almost convince himself that he was okay with Stolas admiring him very much and being very fond of him and caring very deeply for him. It was really more than he deserved. Better than he'd ever expected.
"It's fine, Stolas," he said. "I've always been a useless dumbass, so..." He shrugged and took another drag off the cigarette, watching the smoke drift up to the ceiling and trying to ignore the faint sound of Moxxie's bitch ass bitching about them smoking in the office.
"Hon, do you really think that's the worst thing that's happened in there today?"
"Millie, this is a nonsmoking building! That's a lease violation!"
He looked at what Stolas' talons had done to the thin shitty carpet and decided he might as well stub out the cigarette next to the claw marks.
"You're so very clever," said Stolas. "And you come up with all these incredible ideas. And you're so funny!"
"The fuck does that have to do with--"
"Stupid people aren't funny," Stolas said with almost frightening conviction. "They think they are, but they're just awful and cruel."
Which was probably how a lot of people would describe Blitz.
"And you're the funniest person I've ever known," said Stolas. Who admittedly only knew boring rich assholes, but maybe this was kind of close to how it would've felt to be told he was a very good boy. Maybe better (definitely less horny in a sad, weird way).
"Yeah?" Blitz asked.
"Yes," Stolas said, beaming at him, possibly giving him the biggest smile Blitz had seen from him in awhile, so Blitz didn't have the heart to tell him that it was easier to get away with being stupid if you could make people laugh. Fuck, it was probably how he'd managed to keep Stolas from figuring out he didn't know the fucking alphabet for so long (well, that and fucking him real good).
But even Blitz wasn't dumb enough to ruin that smile he hadn't seen for too long, so he just kissed him and helped him to his feet and tried to figure out where in the fuck they'd thrown his pants.