Chapter Text
All the time it felt like theres no where to go, maybe whoever created her felt a sadistic nature to make her feel like she does not belong, she never belonged in arasaka’s floors, she never belonged with Jackie’s familia, she never belonged in this apartment either, in this city, in this life ,just a soul that has no where to go.
looking at the mirror, V stares at the reflection that’s supposed to be her, she doesnt really know who stares back, she altered her face and modified her eyes, her hair, everything about her was different than the girl she was 8 years ago, she looks at her hollow cheeks, the darkness under her eyes, the pale skin and the picked lips, just a ghost among ghosts, not like it really matters anyway, No one would notice, or maybe they would and she wouldn’t want them to, she doesn’t want anyone to do anything to her, infact she doesnt wanna do anything herself.
she always felt like ever since she was born she was ready to die, the only fuel she had was the one that made her flourish as a killer, desperate to leave a stain on the world before she goes, and she knows she is going early, not really a long life written in the contract for people like her, after all she was a merc, her only job was to kill or be killed, maybe thats why she liked it, the thrill that came with finishing the job, of leaving a mark…or a scar in the lives of these people she took, she chose to believe she was doing it for the greater good really, one less evil wont change the filth thats rotting in the city, but it gave her selfish heart a reason to continue doing it
She is selfish and she knows it, she is smug and filthy and rotten and she doesn’t understand why people like misty feel like she isnt, because deep down she knows she is, she can feel it inside her, the need to keep going in the wrong direction because theres no going back, getting lost in addiction and murder and sex and leaving then relapsing, she was way too deep in, and she didnt wanna leave, no one understood that this is exactly where she wants to be, just sinking deep down to the other end where there’s no return, theres no point in looking forward to the next day when you dont even know if there will be a next day
She was under the scorching heat, wishing it could just take away all the sins that covered her body and go down the drain with the water, she was getting ready for a mission with jacks, in all honesty she felt like her nerves were on fire, she had that gut feeling when you just know something wrong is bound to happen, they were ready for the big apple, not only that going to konpeki plaza was already a bad idea, they were stealing a whole package from the fuckass place
Shit, she couldn’t stop overthinking about everything that could go wrong, but she also had no choice but to go if she wanted to have a spot in this city, this was her chance to prove herself finally, not that V was insecure, she knew what she was capable of, but there was a cruelty in her heart that hoped everyone else could see it so they could take her seriously, that she isnt just a right hand , or the friend of that one merc, she was who she thought she was and everyone will know who she is.
…
Well fuckity fucking fuck, they were fucking screwed, absolutely, undeniably, completely screwed , if there was another words for shit that went sideways she would use it right the fuck now, jackie was bleeding, the entire fucking arasaka team was chasing after them, the stupid fucking ai couldnt stop talking, the chip was still in their fucking hands, at this point adam fucking smasher was going to jump on the car at any point, she felt dizzy-
-fuck she felt like she was about to throw up 6 times in a row, she wished she could so the acid could just burn her away so she couldnt be in this moment ,she f- “my medical diagnosis indicates that Mr welles’s condition is critical “ oh fuck fuck fuck fuck this is not happening right now, “critical?! What the hell does that mean??” This couldn’t be fucking happening, not again, she cant lose someone again, The ai kept spewing words but she couldn’t hear them, she couldn’t hear anything, she couldn’t see anything but her friend slowly dying in front of her eyes, she kept talking and talking and talking, hoping that he will stay conscious till they get the fuck outta here, one of the cars almost swept them off the road but she didnt care?, she couldn’t, fuck.
“The biochip…hold on to it for me” he said with a sort of weakness she knew, she is definitely going to throw up now, suddenly his hand slipped from her hand, and she knew..she couldn’t….
fuck.
“See you in the major leagues, jack”
___________
Her head was fucking killing her, she doesnt remember any fucking thing, nothing but the only thing that mattered, and now it doesnt matter because he is dead-
V’s eyes flew open, the sudden realization that her best choom is gone, he is gone , the job went to shit, she fucking died, she remembers as much, so how the fuck is she here right now, clutching the chain that misty gave her, she got up slowly, she can feel her entire body burn with every move
“Gotta get outta here, understand?” Oh what the fuck, johnny fucking silverhand just said this infront of her, her kiroshis are fucking done for, or maybe she is hallucinating and she is the one who is done for
“I’ll kill anyone that gets in my way, you included”
“need a smoke, where do you stash yours?”
God her head must be really fucking killing her, “where did you even come from, how the hell are we even talking?”
“How The fuck am i supposed to know, th’fuck kinda joytoy yo’supposed to be?” Yeah she is definitely hallucinating now, “fucking ghost off!!” Right, he must be a ghost, because there’s no Fucking way that johnny silverhand is talking to her right now, unless she is in hell, which would explain a lot after the bullet she took in her brain
Before she could move forward she crashed hard into her nasty carpet, if the fracture from the bullet that fucking fatass put through her brain didnt do the job, then this takes the cake, she couldn’t even sit up
“Who do you work for?! Start talking!” He pointed at her, wait no, she pointed at…him? She moved her hands again and very certainly his moved the same way…the same hand, this cant be fucking real, that was the last thing V thought of before she drifted off again, the image of a supposedly dead 80 something rockerboy last thing she saw
She woke up again, she was still on the ground, but she couldn’t move, she couldn’t feel shit, oh fuck fuck fuck her legs were moving on their own, suddenly her forehead was met with the cold glass of her studio apartment, and it just kept pounding and pounding and pounding against the fractured glass untill the only thing she could see was her own blood, she could hear something silverhand was saying very faraway, she couldn’t even move her head, the headache inside her skull multiplying by a hundred, maybe she really did step face flat into hell and this was her punishment for letting everyone in her life down
…
And she was on the floor again, so close to taking these pills and stopping whatever one sided conversation that fucking cunt was saying, she couldn’t even absorb any fucking thing he was saying, then she was hit face flat into the floor again by him
“Not like that, stick some iron in your mouth and pull the trigger!”
Fucking hell, her last attempt
She was finally reaching the bottle
She cant feel anything but the throbbing of the back of her head
He was still talking , the light was too bright
The traffic was too noisy
Fuck, she cant feel anything and feels everything at the same time
“Fuck me”