Chapter Text
“Oh God, help me!”
I sprinted around the control room like a chicken with its head cut off, twisting knobs, yanking levers, and smacking buttons while sparks rained from the ceiling. The central column of the TARDIS lurched violently up and down as the whole ship groaned around me.
“Come on, girl,” I shouted over the alarms. “You’ve flown through supernovas, temporal collapses, and Birmingham at rush hour. You can do this!”
The TARDIS responded with an offended wheeze.
“I know, I know, low blow.”
I grabbed the console and nearly got thrown across the room as the entire ship shook again. Something was pushing us out of the Time Vortex. Not turbulence. Not damage. Something external.
Which was bad.
Very bad.
I had just dropped off the Ponds. Proper goodbye this time. No explosions, no paradoxes, no universe collapsing. For once, things had actually gone smoothly.
Then this happened.
The monitor flashed violently. Warning symbols flooded the screen in glowing Gallifreyan text.
“Temporal displacement… dimensional instability… oh, that’s never good.”
The TARDIS screamed.
“I know!”
I slammed both hands onto the console, spun a dial, kicked the stabilizer, and pulled a lever hard enough that it nearly snapped off in my hand.
The familiar wheezing groan of the TARDIS echoed through the room.
THUMP.
We landed.
Everything went still except for a few lingering sparks fizzing overhead. For a moment, I just stood there breathing heavily.
Then I grinned.
“Ha ha! Yes!” I patted the console affectionately. “Good girl!”
I kissed the controls and did a small victory dance around the platform before stopping abruptly.
“…Wait.”
I looked around the silent console room.
“Where are we?”
I grabbed the monitor and frowned. Instead of coordinates, the screen displayed a flashing red warning.
DEMATERIALIZATION CIRCUIT DAMAGED.
“Oh, that isn’t good at all.”
The TARDIS made a sad groaning noise.
“No, don’t do that,” I muttered. “Makes me feel guilty.”
I checked a few more readings, but they all said the same thing. The TARDIS wasn’t going anywhere until I fixed her.
Which meant I was stranded.
Again.
“Well then,” I said, straightening up. “Could be worse.”
The lights flickered ominously.
“…Don’t prove me wrong.”
I adjusted my bow tie, straightened my tweed jacket, and checked my sonic screwdriver.
“Right then. New planet. New century. Probably danger. Off we go.”
I snapped my fingers, and the TARDIS doors swung open.
I cautiously poked my head outside.
I was in New York.
“Huh, America, land of the free.” I closed the door of the TARDIS behind me, truly looking around. There were billboards everywhere, advertisements for energy drinks and… superheroes?
What?
Where am I?
I took out my sonic, scanning the area for… something, anything that could lead me to where I was. I flicked it open, and looked at the psychic interface.
“No, no that doesn't make any sense.” It said that I was on earth. Human civilization, twenty-first century.
Everything exactly where it should be.
The atmosphere matched, the gravity matched, the planetary signatures matched, the psychic field matched.
Every reading insisted I was standing on Earth.
Which was impossible.
But superheroes didn't exist last I checked.
I looked at the watch on my wrist, confirming the same thing.
“Blimey this isn't good.”
"That's not right."
I looked up at the billboard again.
The superhero was now promoting a breakfast cereal.
"That is especially not right."
I glanced at my wristwatch. The temporal display confirmed the same thing.
Earth.
Present day.
No significant distortions, and no obvious timeline damage.
"Either reality has changed and somehow nobody told me, which is rude, or I've landed in a parallel universe."
I paused, then brightened.
"Ooh."
A few pedestrians glanced at me nervously.
"A parallel universe!"
I grinned for exactly three seconds before remembering why I was here.
"Oh."
The grin vanished.
"The TARDIS."
I turned and looked back at the blue box.
The old girl sat quietly against the curb.
she emitted a faint mournful groan from inside.
"Don't do that," I said immediately. "You'll make me feel guilty, again."
Another groan.
"I know it wasn't your fault." I lightly touched her wood, caressing it with a light touch.
"Okay. Priorities." I stopped touching her doors and began pacing around back and forth.
"Need a new dematerialization circuit."
Pace.
"Need to figure out why superheroes apparently exist."
Pace.
"Need to determine whether reality is broken."
Pace.
Then I heard screams.
"Oh, that doesn't sound good."
I took off, running toward the noise.
When I reached the source, I slowed to a stop.
It was a crowd. Hundreds of people were gathered around a man hovering in the sky. Cheering, screaming, taking pictures.
I blinked.
"Right."
The man was flying.
Just flying.
No spaceship, no jet pack, no anti-gravity field.
Nothing.
People couldn't just fly, well, humans couldn't.
Maybe I was in an alternate timeline.
Or maybe he was an alien. He certainly looked the part.
Blond hair.
Blue eyes.
Bright blue suit.
American flag for a cape.
I stared at the cape.
"Definitely alien."
There was simply no other explanation.
I pushed my way through the crowd to get a closer look at him.
The closer I got, the stranger it felt.
The man wasn't doing anything special, well, besides flying.
He was just smiling.
Waving.
Soaking up the attention.
Like he could somehow absorb the adoration of the crowd and use it as fuel.
Deeply concerning.
Very deeply concerning.
The crowd parted as I made my way forward.
A particularly enthusiastic fan shoved me from behind and I stumbled.
I then suddenly found myself standing in the open space directly beneath the flying man.
The cheering stopped.
Everyone stared at me.
Well.
That's unfortunate.
"Ahem." I coughed into my hand.
“Well…”
I straightened my bow tie.
The flying man slowly descended until he was standing a few feet away.
His smile was perfect.
Far too perfect.
"I know I have many fans," he said smoothly, "but you didn't have to push your way through all these good people."
He gestured toward the crowd.
They immediately cheered.
I ignored them. They could be in danger.
"Never mind that."
His smile twitched slightly. I took notice and continued to speak.
"What are you doing on this planet?"
Silence.
The crowd looked confused.
The flying man looked even more confused.
"What?"
"What are you doing on Earth?" I repeated.
He stared.
"I live here."
"No, no, no." I waved a hand dismissively. "What's your species?"
"My what?"
"Species."
The smile was beginning to crack.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course you do. Flying, superhuman physiology, ridiculous costume."
I pointed at the cape.
"Especially the cape."
The crowd murmured.
The man glanced around before looking back at me.
"I'm human."
I laughed.
He didn't.
"Oh, you're serious."
His eyes narrowed.
"Very."
"Huh."
That complicated things.
I pulled out the sonic screwdriver and gave him a quick scan.
The sonic buzzed.
Human.
Mostly human.
Enhanced.
Artificially enhanced.
Very artificially enhanced.
Interesting.
Very interesting.
I frowned at the readings.
The flying man frowned at me.
"What is that?"
"Good question."
"What does that mean?"
"Even better question."
I looked up at him.
"So either you're lying..."
His jaw tightened.
"...or something very strange happened to you."
The smile was completely gone now.
The crowd seemed unsure whether this was part of the show.
For a moment neither of us spoke.
Then I pointed a finger at him.
"This is a level 5 planet, it is protected under the Shadow Proclamation law 57."
He blinked.
"The what?"
"If you're planning an invasion, planetary conquest, mass destruction, reality manipulation, temporal warfare, or any variation thereof, I'd strongly advise against it."
The man stared at me.
The crowd stared at me.
A child in the front row stared at me.
I pointed at the child.
"Especially because he's watching."
The child looked delighted.
The flying man finally spoke.
"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."
The strange thing was...
For the first time since I'd arrived...
I believed him.
Which somehow made this even weirder. I slipped the sonic back into my pocket.
"Hmm."
"What does that mean?" he asked.
"It means you're either the biggest mystery on this planet..."
I turned around.
"...or the biggest problem."
Then I started walking away.
"Wait!" he called after me.
I glanced back.
"I'll be keeping an eye on you."
His expression darkened slightly.
I smiled.
"So try not to conquer any continents before tea time.“
And with that, I disappeared back into the crowd.
~~~~~
Homelander was having a rare good day. The constant ringing in his ears wasn't as loud as usual.
The crowd loved him.
The cameras loved him.
Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.
Then some skinny British man in a bow tie had walked out of nowhere, pointed a strange device at him, and accused him of being an alien invader.
Homelander still wasn't entirely sure what had just happened.
The man hadn't seemed afraid.
That was the strange part.
Most people were afraid, even when they smiled.
Even when they cheered.
Even when they told him how much they loved him.
There was always fear underneath.
The bow-tie guy hadn't shown any.
Just suspicion.
Curiosity.
Like Homelander was some weird insect pinned to a display board.
The memory made his jaw tighten.
He didn't like that.
Not one bit.
Still, there were cameras around.
People were watching.
So Homelander smiled.
Waved.
Posed for a few photos.
And pushed the encounter into the back of his mind.
Just like every other unpleasant thing in his life.
It would stay there.
Until it didn't.
...
Except for one thing.
Homelander's smile faltered for a fraction of a second.
Why did the man have two heartbeats?