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Dan awoke to something aggressively rubbing itself against his shoulders. His body felt weighed down by a warm body, engulfing him in its embrace. Slowly his eyes fluttered open, his vision clearing as he saw tufts of blonde hair enter his field of view. He huffed out a laugh as Phil squeezed him tighter in his arms, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Dan's neck. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's back as he brought them closer together, their chests moving against each other with their heavy breaths. Phil pressed kisses along his neck, making his way up to edge of his chin. Dan felt a warm sensation bloom in his chest. Almost like his stomach were full of butterflies, threatening to spill out.
Dan giggled as Phil kissed all the freckles on his face. "Stop it!"
Phil pressed one last kiss into his skin before leaning back with a grin. "Happy birthday, Danny."
Dan chuckled, unable to contain the smile on his face. "Is that my birthday gift for today? Get rudely awakened from my sleep to a grown man trying to suffocate me with hugs?"
"You love it," cooed Phil.
Phil hovered over Dan's face and smiled brightly. His eyes softened as wrinkles and crows feet appeared on his face. His blonde hair was messily tousled all over his head, sticking out in different directions. Phil's pale blue eyes glowed in their dimly lit room, yet Dan swore he could see specks of green and yellow scattered across his irises. It almost surprised him how hard his heart would beat when he stared at Phil after seventeen years. Yet here he was, unable to form a proper sentence, as Phil stared down at him with a look so full of love that it made Dan want to cry.
"You're right," Dan said, smiling fondly. "I really am a sap for you, aren't I?"
Phil smiled as he pulled Dan towards his chest and wrapped him in his arms. Dan nuzzled his nose into Phil's shoulder, letting the tension in his body seep out as he relaxed into the warmth of his embrace. Phil ran his slender fingers through Dan's curls, pressing his nose against the top of his head. Dan lay on top of him, focusing on the steady rhythm of Phil's hand. He sighed. Thirty-five years. It almost seemed too insane to be real. How had been on earth for that long? There was a point in Dan's life when he had thought that he wouldn't even make it to eighteen. Living back then seemed impossible, always having to balance the persona he had made for his friends and family versus who he truly wanted to be inside. It felt like a curse, waking up each day to realize that he could never have the life he wanted without being torn apart for it. It felt unattainable then, so out of reach that it may as well have been a fantasy. Yet here he was, openly gay to the world, running a successful YouTube channel with the love of his life, happily wrapped in his arms.
Phil stopped stroking his hand through Dan's hair for a moment. "You're thinking too loud, Dan. What's on your mind?"
Dan sighed into Phil's shoulder. "I just… I can't believe I'm this old."
Phil chuckled. "You're getting closer to twunk status every day."
Dan laughed. "You're saying this, old man? Aren't you bordering on forty? What does that make you, mega twunk?"
"Hey, I'm always going to be young and gay and magical!" Phil sighed. "But really, what is it bubby?"
Dan nuzzled into Phil's shoulder. " I wish… I wish I could tell eighteen-year-old Dan how far he's come, you know? I just feel like he could really use that."
Phil hummed, pressing a kiss into Dan's hair. "Yeah… He wouldn't believe any of the things we've done."
"It still doesn't feel real sometimes. The fact that we've come this far. I mean, after all these years, we can finally just… be."
Phil smiled into Dan's hair. "First birthday as a couple."
"Yeah," chuckled Dan. "I just… I never thought I'd make it this far back then. You know, because…"
Phil tightened his grip around Dan. "Yeah… I know."
"It's all thanks to you. If I hadn't met you, my life would never be this good," whispered Dan.
Phil chuckled. "Since when did you get so sappy, Howell?"
"I'm getting softer with age," Dan chuckled. "You know, for the first time in a while, I actually feel… happy on my birthday. Like, I'm excited."
"No more existential crises for you."
Dan laughed. "They're not in style with my brand anymore."
Phil chuckled as he continued to run his hands through Dan's curls. Dan eased into Phil's embrace, letting his eyes close as drifted off further into sleep. Yet something kept him awake. He and Phil had joked that they were so co-dependent that they could somehow read each other's minds in some strange way. When Phil wanted Chinese food for dinner, he wouldn't even ask cause Dan would order it anyway. When Dan had a rough day, Phil would ask about his interests and watch Dan talk for hours. So when Phil had been silent for too long, Dan knew something was up.
"I can hear your thoughts, you know," said Dan.
Phil chuckled. "Your mind reading is getting better."
Dan lifted his face out of Phil's shoulder and rested his chin on his chest. "What are you thinking, Philly?"
Phil smiled, his eyes glistening in the orange hue of the lamp beside them. "Oh, nothing, just thinking about how much I love you. How proud I am of you. How happy I am that you cyber-stalked me for four months."
Dan laughed and buried his face in Phil's shoulder, trying to hide his blush. "Shut up!"
Phil laughed as pulled Dan closer, nuzzling his cheek into his hair. Dan could feel Phil's hot breath against his head as they lay in silence.
"You know I meant what I said though, right?" said Phil. "I am proud of you. God, I can't even describe it. You've fought so hard all these years, and watching you grow, it's…"
Dan moved his face out of Phil's shoulder, resting his cheek against him.
Phil looked at him with glassy eyes, a bright smile on his face. "My life is so much better with you in it, you know that?"
Dan smiled softly, his voice thickening. "Yeah… Me too."
Dan shifted upwards to press a kiss against Phil's lips. Phil let out a noise in surprise before deepening the kiss, wrapping his arms around Dan's neck and pulling him closer. They stayed that way for a while, letting themselves get lost in the feeling, their legs tangled up with each other.
"I love you," Phil said against Dan's lips, breaking the kiss. "So much."
"Me too," Dan said. "I love you too—" Phil pressed their lips back together before Dan could finish.
Phil tightened his hands around Dan's curls. He bit Dan's bottom lip before pressing more gentle kisses there to soothe the ache as an apology. Phil let his fingers trail underneath his shirt, resting them against the soft skin of Dan's back.
Dan leaned out of the kiss to catch his breath. He felt sleep catching up to him as he struggled to keep his eyes open. He looked into Phil's eyes, his pupils dilated and his gaze heavy and wanting.
Phil leaned in so their noses were almost touching, his arms still around Dan's neck. His legs wrapped around the back of his knees.
"What do you want, bubby?" Phil asked softly.
Dan smiled and leaned into Phil's ear.
"What I want," Dan said softly. "is some sleep."
He flopped back onto Phil, letting out a deep sigh.
Phil groaned. "Come on, you got me all worked up for nothing!"
Dan chuckled into Phil's shoulder. He pinched his side.
"Later, you horny bitch," said Dan softly.
Phil smiled into Dan's hair. "Alright, birthday boy, prepare yourself."
Dan sighed as Phil wrapped him tighter in his arms and rested his cheek against his head. He continued to play with Dan's curls as he slipped deeper into sleep. His birthday plans of cake and partying could wait until later. Right now, wrapped in the arms of his other half, was the only birthday gift he would ever need.