Chapter Text
‘You will be remembered as a hero.’
Those words always felt so ugly to think about. That they knew he wouldn’t be coming back.
That to be remembered, you had to be gone.
To be a hero, you had to look at the flames and walk in without flinching. Not running. Screaming. Kicking. Begging them to send someone else to take your place.
Heroes walked into danger.
Cowards were shoved.
He can see it now. How Earth will ‘remember’ him. The speeches NASA would give, explaining that Ryland Grace was a hero that sacrificed his life for them. They’d build monuments. Name their kids after him. Name their kids' school after him.
He laid flat on his back in the projection room, listening to the waves crash against rocks. His eyes were closed tight as he tried to just pretend that for a moment, that there was no reason to be afraid. That everything was done. That he has done everything he possibly can. He helped save Earth, and he helped his friend, ‘Rocky’, save his planet. Rocky even gave almost all of his astrophage just so Grace could return home. But Grace knew that people that knew him would either be dead or imprisoned.
But why did the tears he felt rolling down his cheeks hurt so much? It stung like freezing water. He felt his body get heavy with sleep as the whispers of the waves enticed him. The Mary suddenly screeching about a containment breach made his skeleton nearly drop out of his body. He scrambled to his feet and ran to the system screen. “W-what?! What is going on?!”
Mary was losing her mind. A screen flashing a certain room. That’s where the Taumoeba was kept. He panicked and ran into the room.
‘Did they find a way to eat through…?’
His hands flew, grabbing the Xenonite capsules and shoved them into their Beatle pod. Then he sealed them in a nitrogen bin, making it harmful for the Taumoeba. The process took roughly thirty minutes. Grace stood with his hands on his hips, just thinking of what to do next. He needed to finish his last notes, and just send these probes back to Earth. He ran his hands through his hair as he turned and walked away, his mind racing. ‘I can finish it by tonight. I just need to focus.’
He walked to his desk and plopped down, grabbing his notebook and pen. What if Mary didn’t detect that? They would have eaten all his astrophage. Then he would’ve never made it home.
“Taumoeba have adapted to eat out of the Xenonite capsules. Nitrogen makes the air extremely toxic, so I’ve sealed them in nitrogen in hopes that they will stay put on the way back. The Xenonite-”
He stopped. Rocky. Rocky’s ship is Xenonite! He shot back up out of his chair and ran to his whiteboard. Rocky would never make it home, especially if the Taumoeba figured out how to evolve that fast! He scribbled down some quick math, checking on his fuel and astrophage. It would take forty eight days to reach Rocky.
Is that enough time? Will he be too late?
This would be a forever goodbye to seeing Earth.
To the place that didn’t want him in the first place.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and ran to the pilot chair. He hopped in it and yanked on the control stick. The system came to life, screens flashing on. Grace reached over and flicked a switch, putting the ship into manual. The Mary protested as he made a giant U-turn. He gritted his teeth as the ship shook from the sudden movement. He got up once the course was corrected and set it to the fastest it could possibly go without eating all of his astrophage.
Grace spent the next days writing notes and making sure the pods were safe to go. He ate a few snacks, hoping that he didn’t run out of food up here. That made him go look at his rations. He carefully counted and calculated how much he could eat per day. He could eat one meal per day. He was just going to have to make it work.
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Grace sighed in relief when he saw Rocky’s ship outside. He cut the engine and drifted towards him, moving around and putting his spacewalk suit on. Once the Mary slowed to a crawl, he pumped the brakes and hurried to the air compression latch. He heard the familiar thunk of the Blip attaching to the latch.
He waited, counting the seconds in his head. Once he knew that it was fully connected, he yanked the door open. That made him fall right on his butt, but he got right back up nonetheless. He ran down the tube. “Rocky!! Rocky, I'm here! Rocky!!!” He screamed, banging his fist against the transparent Xenonite window.
“Please buddy!! I’m! I’m h-here!” He choked out, his shoulders shaking as a sob tore through him. “Rocky…?” He started to bawl hysterically. Sinking to his knees in front of the window.
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Rocky was waking up, his stiff limbs slowly curling in on himself as he tried to stand up. He was living how he wanted for a minute. He knew about the leak. He knew that his only hope was on his way back home. To a life he deserved. That’s when loud banging startled him, making him crumble back down to the floor.
“I’m here!!”
Grace’s voice rattled the ship. Why is he here? He was supposed to go home. To go back to Earth where he belongs.
Rocky quickly got up, running through the ship. “Rocky!! I- There’s a leak! Rocky please!!”
“Grace! I hear you! Grace, Rocky okay!” He hated how Grace’s cries tore his heart out. His poor Grace. He scuttled up to the window, clicking his claws. Seeing Grace’s crumpled face. “Rocky!! Oh my heavens buddy!! You’re okay!!”
Rocky cooed. God, he missed Grace. His pretty face and resonant voice. “Rocky found leak. Accepted death.” He said, putting a claw against the window. Grace sniffled and put his hand against Rocky’s claw. “Listen Rocky, I- I don’t want to go back to Earth. I’m just going to send the Beatles. You- I can take you back to Erid. So you can get back to your mate quicker.”
Rocky thought for a moment. Why was Grace doing this for him…?
Rocky thought he made it obvious that he wanted to bring Ryland home with him. To introduce him to Adrian. They could still find a way to bring Grace into Erid’s atmosphere. They would have years if Grace was positive about taking him home.
The truth? Rocky was obsessed with Ryland.
Rocky almost begged Ryland to come home with him. But after Rocky saw Grace tears at the idea that he'll never return home? He knew that he wanted what was best for Grace. Which unfortunately meant them being separated by light-years.
So, with the news that Grace doesn't want to go back to Earth made Rocky ecstatic. “Miss Grace…Miss Grace lot.” Rocky chimed, his carapace shifting back and forth. Grace gave a small smile, which made Rocky's vents rattle with joy. “I missed you too buddy…Now let's get you on the Mary, and back to Erid.”
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Rocky missed this part of his day. Getting to watch Grace sleep. ‘All of that crying must have tired the poor thing…’ Rocky hummed. He sat on Grace's chest in his Xenonite suit, studying his face. Grace snored softly, his body seemed to enjoy the extra weight on his chest. Rocky made sure that Grace was comfortable and covered up before he put a little more weight on him.
It was going to take three years to arrive at Erid. Three. Rocky couldn’t believe it. He was excited. He remembers running all over the place. Grace was…Indifferent. His expression looked heavy. Like accepting something he didn’t necessarily want to.
“Grace okay, question? Grace go home with Rocky. Meet Adrian. We are heroes of stars.” Rocky said, bumping into Grace’s chair with his ball. Grace seemed to flinch at the word ‘hero’.
“Yeah bud. You’re right.” He said quietly.
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So, what was Grace so upset about? Rocky was so confused. They will be going home in three years! That’s better than forty-two more!
Was it because Grace would miss Earth?
Because he was going to be the only human on Erid?
Rocky assured Grace that everyone would love him. They would appreciate him. Praise him and accept him as their own.
So what was it? What was Grace so worried about? What was Grace so afraid of?
That’s what led Rocky to leave Grace while he was sleeping. It didn’t go far of course, but he made his round around the main room. Was there something Grace knew and Rocky didn’t? He peaked at everything until he saw the white board. “Mary. Read board, question?” There were a few beeps before the system responded.
“The board states as follows: ‘Can only eat one meal every other day. Talk to Rocky about starvation. Mention the closed box in the ration room…’...There is nothing else on the board, Crewmate Rocky.”
“Thank you Mary.” Rocky said slowly. The system beeps in knowledge and goes back to being quiet. Box in ration room? Rocky has been in there several times. There are tons of boxes. Which one could Grace be talking about? Rocky chittered as he made his way to the other side of the ship. He stepped into the ration room and clicked a few times to get a better sight of it. There was nothing different. All the boxes held the same items as the next.
That was until he clicked again and saw that there was a unit built into the wall. But it needed a key. Rocky can see straight through it of course, but he took note that whatever is inside must be important. But all he saw was a small box of oval-ish pellets that were full of powder. Then, right above the box, mounted on the wall with two hooks facing up, sat an ‘L’ shaped object. Rocky cooed curiously, wondering what it was. It was definitely a tool of some kind. Judging how the long end had a hole big enough for the oval pellets to fit through. That, and the long part had many springs and pieces.
He perked when he could hear Grace's heartbeat pick up a little in pace. He scurried back to the room and crawled up the side of the bed carefully, laying back down on Grace’s chest. His heartbeat immediately slowed and Grace whimpered softly with comfort. Rocky reached forward and put a claw through his hair, singing soft notes to Grace.
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Grace woke up about an hour later, his eyes only seeing Rocky. “Hey bud…” He groaned, stretching his arms above his head. That noise made Rocky tremble, but he shoved that thought away. “Morning Grace! Hi Grace! I watched you sleep whole time!” Rocky exclaimed, making jazz hands with his claws.
Grace laughed and petted Rocky’s vents. “Thanks Rocks, I appreciate it.” This earned a low rumble from Rocky. Rocky got up so Grace could get up.
Grace stood and slowly shuffled into the main room, yawning and scratching his belly. Rocky followed after him, softly clicking. Rocky loved when Grace did that. It was so bizarre. But endearing. He scratched his stomach every time he woke up. Rocky asked ‘why’ and Grace would always say; “Because I’m itchy Rocky…”. Grace looked at the system, just a little routine check. He paused at the white board, and Rocky waited. He was hoping Grace would mention it but he didn’t. He opened his mouth, but stepped away from it. “Well Rocks, what do you want to do today…?”
Rocky thought for a moment. He decided that he was going to press. “What does board say, question?”
Grace looked at Rocky, then at the board. “Nothing Rocky, just some math on how much food I can eat.”
Rocky made a noise similar to a growl. He hated when Grace lies! His carapace wiggled side to side. “I ask Mary to read. Says more than that. Rocky hate when Grace lie.”
Grace was quiet for a moment. Rocky's vents rattled softly. The silence seemed to stretch. Grace looked away first. It was such a small movement, but Rocky knew exactly what it meant. Grace only did that when he was embarrassed. "Grace?" Rocky asked.
Ryland rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not a big deal."
Rocky immediately knew it was a big deal. Every time Grace said something wasn't a big deal, it was a huge deal. Rocky clicked sharply. "One meal every other day is big deal."
Grace sighed. "We have three years left, Rocky."
"Yes."
"And food doesn't magically appear."
Rocky shuffled closer. "So Grace starve? Grace die ?"
"I'm not starving."
"Grace literally starving."
"I am rationing."
"Different word. Same thing."
Despite everything, Grace barked out a laugh. Rocky didn't laugh. This was serious. Grace's smile faded when he realized Rocky wasn't joking. The human leaned against the counter and folded his arms. "I did the math."
Rocky hated those words. Grace always said that right before doing something dangerous. "I have enough food to make it."
"By eating almost nothing."
"I'll survive."
Rocky's carapace shifted uneasily. That wasn't the point. Of course Grace would survive. Grace survived everything. That was one of the things Rocky admired most about him. But surviving wasn't the same thing as being okay. "You should tell Rocky."
Grace looked down. The guilt in his expression answered before his voice did. "I know."
Rocky made a low, unhappy sound. "You promise no more hiding?"
Grace hesitated. Rocky hated that too. After another second, Grace finally nodded.
"No more hiding."
Rocky immediately relaxed. "Good." Then he paused. "Rocky still angry." That earned another laugh from Grace. "Yeah, I figured."
"Very angry." He added, standing tall. Then he stomped a foot.
"Uh-huh." Grace watched with amusement.
"Rocky may require explanation of box in ration room to feel better.”
He forgot he wrote that on the board too. He felt his word come to a slow halt. How does he explain that it was put in there as a last resort? That the team that packed the Hail Mary stashed a pistol away for when times got hard. That when he decided that he couldn’t do it anymore, they gave him an easy way out instead of suffering. This made Grace tense. The amusement vanished from his face almost instantly.
Rocky noticed. Of course he noticed. The Eridian tilted his carapace slightly, waiting. Grace stared at the floor. He'd forgotten about that part. Forgotten that he'd written it down. Forgotten that Rocky had probably already ‘seen’ it. His mouth suddenly felt dry. "Grace?" Rocky asked quietly. Ryland swallowed. "It's nothing."
Rocky immediately clicked in disagreement. "Grace lying again."
"It's not…-" "Grace."
The disappointment in Rocky's voice hurt more than it should have.
Ryland rubbed a hand over his face. God. How was he supposed to explain this? How was he supposed to explain that someone had hidden a pistol aboard the ship? How was he supposed to explain why ?
The silence stretched between them. Finally, Ryland let out a long breath. "It's a gun."
Rocky froze.
"A weapon, question?"
"Yeah."
Rocky's vents rattled nervously. "Why Grace need weapon?"
Ryland laughed once. There wasn't any humor in it. "I don't."
Rocky waited. The answer clearly wasn't enough. Ryland looked up at the ceiling. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "It wasn't put there for protection." The words felt heavy. Every one of them.
"It was a contingency plan."
Rocky clicked in confusion. "Meaning?"
Ryland closed his eyes. Because saying it out loud somehow made it more real. "It means the people who built this ship knew what this mission was." Rocky stayed silent. "They knew I'd be alone." His voice had become quieter. "They knew I'd never come home." Rocky's claws slowly curled against the floor. "And they knew..." Ryland continued, staring at nothing, "that eventually I might decide I couldn't do it anymore. That…I would starve. Or lose my mind…” The realization visibly hit Rocky.
His entire body went still. For several seconds neither of them spoke. Then Rocky made a small, distressed sound. A sound Ryland had never heard before. "Grace..."
"It was supposed to be a last resort."
Rocky's vents trembled. "Humans put weapon here for Grace to kill self?"
The bluntness made Ryland flinch. He hated hearing it phrased that way. Because it sounded exactly as awful as it was. "They called it mercy."
Rocky's claws struck the floor. Hard. The metallic clang echoed through the room. "No."
Ryland blinked. Rocky rarely sounded angry. Now he sounded furious. "No mercy." Another sharp clang. "No leave Grace alone." A third. "No give Grace weapon." His vents rattled violently. "No." For a moment, Ryland just stared. Nobody had ever reacted like that before. Not Stratt. Not the mission planners. Not himself. Everyone had accepted it as practical. Necessary and logical. Rocky looked horrified. As if the entire concept was monstrous. As if the idea of Grace suffering alone for years was unbearable. Something tight in Ryland's chest suddenly hurt. Because Rocky wasn't upset about the weapon. He was upset about what it implied.
That someone had expected Ryland to reach a point where he wanted to stop living. And had prepared for it. Quietly. Like it was inevitable. Rocky shuffled closer. Very carefully. "Grace." Ryland looked up.
"You never use box, question?" The question was soft. Almost fearful. Ryland stared at him for a long moment. Then he shook his head.
"No."
Rocky's body visibly relaxed. "Good." His voice came out shaky. "Very good."