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Rocking, rocking, endlessly rocking, Xander moved with the large man above him in a smooth, graceful parody of a man making love to a woman.
On his back, legs spread wide, pierced to the core, Xander was in the position of the woman.
Which meant that he had turned out to be the useless fucking faggot his father always knew he would be.
The constant scraping of his prostrate was driving him crazy and the sounds above him were frying his brain. He had kept his mouth clenched tight for fear of what might come out of it, something like ‘stop’ or ‘more’ or ‘I love you’ or ‘My gods why didn’t anyone tell me I could feel this way?’”
But he was slack-jawed now, awestruck, whimpering. His eyes were clenched tight -- maybe, if he kept them closed, this wouldn’t really be happening, he wouldn’t really be here; his legs spread, his hands searching for something to clench, his impending orgasm threatening to blow the top of his head off, his lover above him making impossible demands….
“Open your eyes.”
“I can’t,” he whispered (whimpered) and he bent his body forward in hopes of rubbing his cock against that other body while simultaneously turning his head as far away from his lover as he could get it, trying to pretend this was all just another Deranged Fantasy a-la-Xander, that he was really just alone in his pitiful bed in his pitiful house living his pitiful life and…..
“Xander, open your eyes.”
He did, and when he saw his father, he knew he had died and gone to hell.
He screamed and threw his arms over his head.
“Running off to that English gay-wad’s house with your gay-wad friends, I guess you’ll be in gay-wad heaven,” his old man spat, and Xander’s hands pressed over his ears did nothing to block out the hateful voice.
Far away……in another room perhaps, or in another reality, he could hear another voice call his name, and he knew hope was near. Rupert Giles was here, somewhere. Giles would save him.
“Xander…..what? Xander I…..oh gods, oh gods Xander……”
Something was wrong…. Giles sounded like he was in some kind of trouble (or feeling REALLY good!) and either way, Xander had to find him. Find him and rescue him.
He tried to turn his head, open his clenched eyes and figure which way was up, but nothing made sense. They were in some dark place lying among disheveled books (Giles would be pissed!) and he couldn’t get off the floor because a heavier man was on top of him, but suddenly it didn’t matter because Giles had just fallen on top of him and Xander had rescued him after all.
He pulled his sweating, panting friend to him, pressing his lips to the older man’s head and whispering “Giles, oh god, oh god,” over and over again. Xander actually found himself KISSING the man’s head and trying to rock him back and forth, overwhelmed with the mad urge to laugh out loud. Giles didn’t seem to mind, was even kissing him back. In fact, he was kissing him and begging forgiveness.
“I’m so sorry, oh bloody hell Xander, oh fuck I tried, gods know I tried, God in Heaven forgive me. I’m so sorry but merciful Zeus Xander, I’ve wanted you for so very long….”
“Shhhhhh……” Xander said (what else could he say?) He pushed the man’s wet hair out of his face, straightened his glasses, and tried to make sense of it all. “Giles, what happened to you? Where are we? You want me?”
Giles planted a kiss on Xander’s forehead while pulling his body away (Xander couldn’t help but notice that they were both completely nude but Giles didn’t seem to mind that fact, nor did he seem to notice that Xander was sporting a huge erection.)
“What’s the last thing you remember?” the man asked, gasped really. He didn't sound well. He sounded heartbroken.
“We were with Buffy in the tunnels, and we were fighting the Krufe Effle demon and you were telling her to not let the blood get…. Giles? Why are we naked?”
“God forgive me,” he said, but when he tried to pull away Xander wouldn’t allow it, keeping his arms wrapped around the other man’s neck.
“The Krufe Effle blood,” he said, bowing his head down until his forehead was touching Xander’s chest. Xander combed his fingers through the wet hair as his mentor explained it all. “The Krufe blood affects humans in unpredictable…..”
“Is Buffy all right?”
“I last saw her with Willow and they were….well…..I suppose it would be polite if we just forget what we saw Buffy and Willow doing……”
“We came here, I remember!” Xander said, their wet bodies suddenly making more sense. “You said we had to get into the shower……how did we get here?”
Giles looked up and around his disheveled living room. “Through the bookshelf, it would appear.”
His jaw, scratched and scratchy with stubble was a centimeter from Xander’s mouth. Xander closed the distance and pressed his lips to the older man’s skin, which quickly turned into nuzzling, which quickly turned into a kissing.
“You wanted me for so long? That’s what you said, word for word. Is that true?” he asked, but when Giles tried to apologize Xander interrupted him with another kiss.
“Yes, oh God Xander yes,” he said finally, and Xander closed his eyes and pulled the man to him, listening to the wonderful words repeated over and over again, words spoken between the kisses placed on his eyes, his lips, a chest. If this was ‘gay-wad heaven’ then he never, ever wanted to leave.
“You?” Xander whispered in wonder as the kisses became more amorous. “Super-intelligent seven-language-speaking drop-dead sexy Rupert Giles? You want me?”
“Super-sexy? Have I met this gentleman?” Giles asked, amused, and Xander, all grins, pulled their heads back together.
“You! Super-sexy tweed-wearing librarian! Giles….” Xander said, whispering, “I didn’t even know you liked guys.”
“Yes, well, I’ve always told you I have a private life, didn’t I? But as for wanting you, Xander….”
He placed a soft, manicured hand on the side of Xander’s face and looked at him with eyes so caring Xander never wanted him to look away.
“I’m glad you didn’t know,” he said gently. “Ever since you came of age, well, I’ve spent a great deal of effort making sure no one knew.”
Xander moved forward for another kiss, looking down awkwardly, for just a moment, when the movement brought his erection against the older man’s chest, which made Giles chuckle.
“Sorry,” Xander said, smiling too, wondering what the joke was.
"Quite alright, I just thought I had previously taken care of that.”
“Don’t remember.”
“Oh, that is a pity,” Giles said, and the tender way he stroked Xander’s face, one thumb brushing across his lips, made his meaning clear.
“Ah fuck!” Xander moaned, falling back to the wet carpet and covering his eyes with his hand. “My very first blow-job and I missed it?!”
“Your very first?”
Xander peeked out from between his fingers. “Is that all right?”
Giles pulled Xander’s hand away from his eyes and, moving his body on top again, kissed each eyelid. “Would you like to have another first?” he whispered playfully and suddenly Xander was all smiles again.
“Can you take me to your bedroom? I’m lying in a puddle, I don’t think we made it as far as the towels…..”
Giles kissed him and sat up. Xander followed him, trying his best not to break the kiss, trying to kiss and stand and speak all at the same time.
“I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe you’re…..and I can’t believe you want me too. I’m so glad I’m here.”
“You’re here,” Giles said, embracing him, “And now I’ve got you here I don’t plan on letting you go.”
“Ummmm…..no…..” he said next, pushing Xander away gently as Xander tried to stand up while kissing him at the same time. “That’s how the bookshelf came down. Oh Alexander…..”
They were both kneeling now; naked, bruised, cut but clean, on their knees facing each other in the wreck of the living room. Giles had Xander’s face framed in both hands and was searching his face earnestly, desperately. Too happy to speak, Xander waited patiently, smiling.
“Swear to me I didn’t hurt you,” Giles whispered.
“I wish I could G-man, but I don’t even remember.”
“When you let me make love to you, for a moment I thought….I thought you screamed. Did I hurt you?”
Make love to you. Were there two more beautiful words in the whole world? Xander closed his eyes and floated in the heaven that was Giles using the words ‘making love to you.’
“Xander?”
“Whu…..? Oh, yes…..I mean no. I mean…..I was still hallucinating, and I thought I saw……I didn’t know where I was, and I thought I saw something.”
“What?”
Xander leaned in to kiss the man he had been harboring a secret crush on for most of his adolescent life.
“A monster,” he whispered against soft lips, then pressed into a kiss.
“But you made the monster go away.”