Chapter Text
Too hot. Too sticky. Too sticking. When he was finished jacking off, Xander couldn't bring himself to climb under the sheets.....instead he lay on top of the blanket, wondering.
Wondering.
Wondering.....what the hell was wrong with him now? Was it just his demon-magnet fate? Or did years on the hellmouth just make him insane? It didn't really matter.....even now he was still savoring those memories....
He was staring down Spike. ["I don't need this crap from you."] Willow was sweet and trying to keep things calm....even the groceries being thrown to the ground didn't phase her.
Then Spike lunged for him, just a half-hearted suggestion of a bite (just enough to send shivers down his spine) then flashed him that killer smile.
Then Willow said .....whatever she said. All Xander could remember..... playing over and over in his mind..... was Eyes of Spike.
Eyes of Spike
First, Spike dropped his eyes, looking Xander down, then up....
.... and suddenly Xander could imagine what standing naked in front of the vampire would be like.....how Spike would look at him.....
Then, bringing those incredible eyes back to meet Xander's gaze, Spike raised his eyebrows, in a "I want, do you want?," look (or was it just a "did that sexy look just now freak you out?" look? who could tell?)
THEN Spike nodded. Of that Xander had no doubt. What it meant he couldn't guess, but as the scene played over and over and over in his mind, to Xander, the silent message was this:
(1) I wonder what you look like naked?
(2) I want, do you want?
(3) YES, I AM thinking what you're thinking.
Then came the working of the mouth.....as if Spike was trying not to laugh, or just waiting for Willow to stop talking so he could say something devastating......[because he was not, was DEFINITELY not, thinking about what Xander would feel like filling up his cool, vampire mouth, and, you know, since vampires don't need to breath, and probably have no gag reflex? so getting a blow job from Spike might just be....]
But that was just ridiculous. Surely Spike was just trying to tormet him -- unable to hit him, just messing with his head. After all, Willy Wannabite couldn't hurt him.
Willy Wannabite .... THAT had been a good line. Xander usually didn't think of good lines like that until days later.....but he HAD managed to deliver THAT line, and very well too..........until Spike lowered his head and raised his eyebrows, as if to say "I won't hurt you, unless you want me too......" [Or maybe....."It won't hurt, I'll be *very* gentle."]
No.....wait.....that wasn't right. He was still holding the bag of groceries when Spike started with the "comehitherandletmefuckyou" eyes -- how could he forget? He had the bag of groceries shielding his erection from view.
Xander groaned and threw his arm over his head. It was time to go to sleep (yes, with the damn window open, stupid broken air-conditioner) and forget about Insane Spike Fantasies, no really, his brain REALLY WAS going to give up this stupid quest.
After he went over the series of events one more time. Just one more time.
FIRST, He said, "That's right, Spike, why don't you just run along?"
SECOND, Spike said something insulting, then lunged as if to bite him. Cue shivers down the spine, cue goosebumps, cue hidden erection.
THIRD, Spike pulled back and flashed that amazing evil smile, just *begging* someone to grab him on both sides of his head and force a tongue into that cool mouth..... wait!
.....the insult had been "Heard it brought the house down." [Spike had heard about him? Spike was thinking about him?]
THEN, protective grocery bag in place, Spike gave him the look....the "I know what you look like naked" look, the up-and-down look.
FOLLOWED by the "I want to, do you want to?" wiggle of the eyebrows.
THEN the nod. The "Yes, I AM talking about sex" nod.
Then.....what? Willow had stopped talking about, something (funny how, in his memory made the whole scene seem unreal -- sounds fading in and out, mouths moving, but voices delayed or coming too soon.) Yes, Willow had said something soothing and Xander had delivered his Big Line.
"Willy Wannabite can't hurt me." THEN the eyes .... the, "It hurts, Xander? Then someone wasn't doing it right. I'll do it right." look.
THEN Spike took the groceries and tossed them to the ground. Something about "beating you through the pain."
Oh yes......then Spike called Xander a "poof." Did that mean something? The grocery bag went flying, exposing Xander's erection, and Spike called him gay.....that's what "poof" means, right? And if Spike could beat him "through the pain" did that mean that he could....
Xander groaned out loud. Sitting up, he combed two hands through his sweaty hair, made fists and pulled. But nothing -- not pain, not the longest cold shower possible would wash this sudden madness from his mind.
Xander swung his legs off the bed and headed.....where he couldn't say, but anywhere other than this bedroom. On the way to the door he caught his naked reflection in the dresser mirror. There he stopped, examined himself, and groaned again. What happened to his swimmer's body? That long, lean self that *might* have attracted an experienced Vampire, maybe a little bit? But those days, those long, tall drink of water (Larry's words, god, how he missed Larry) days were over. *If* he felt like attracting, say, a lean, angled cheekbones-so-sharp-they-might-cut-you and probably VERY experienced Vampire, well then, he was shit out of luck. It was too late. Spike would never look at him twice.
Back to the bed, Xander threw himself back on top of the covers. His life sucked. He had lost his mind, his brand-new air-conditioner was broken, and he had lost his youthful figure. His whole life was full of suckage.
So, then, what harm would a little more fantasizing do? After all, there was nothing wrong with a deep, dark secret, just as no demons came along that required singing out your deepest darkest secrets. He could engage in a little more fantasizing before he went to sleep.
Through the stale, hot apartment cool Sunnydale breezes blew, breezes that, had Xander been paying attention, smelled slightly of cigarette smoke, peroxide, and leather. But Xander's eyes were closed, Xander's mind was busy, and Xander's hands were busier. Xander called out Spike's name in the silence, and whatever the vampire perched in his open window thought about that, Xander never heard.