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The fancon was coming to an end.
Dylan felt like a terrible boyfriend because, even though he felt incredibly proud and happy to see Jun successfully conclude his event, there was a small nasty part of him that just felt relieved that it was finally ending.
He could only be glad that he had convinced Pepper to watch the livestream with him at home instead of going to the actual venue. He knew that if Jun managed to find him in the crowd, he’d immediately notice something was wrong with Dylan.
(Would he really?, questioned the nasty little voice inside his head. Would he even spare you a glance when he has Po by his side?)
Dylan saw Jun and Po reach their position in the middle of the main stage. Both of them lifted their microphones to speak at the same time and chuckled when they realized it. Jun signaled Po to speak first with a quick gesture and the older man started his final speech.
“First of all, I just wanted to thank you all once again for coming our fancon today. I never imagined that one day I’d get to receive so much love from people all over the world, I can only hope that you all feel my love too.”
The fans started cheering and screaming in agreement, making Po’s smile grow wide.
“We certainly didn’t expect to have the opportunity to have such an event so soon after our first ever series, but Jun and I have given our everything to make this concert a worthy gift to thank you for all your support, your care and your love for us.”
We. Our. Jun and I. Us.
Dylan hated how easily those words rolled off Po’s tongue, hated the way the crowd ate it up every single time.
“I know that I’m not perfect in any way, but I promise that I’m always trying to better myself for you,” Po’s speech was quickly interrupted by roar of fans voicing their disagreement with the self deprecating sentiment. “Thank you for loving me as I am.”
Po turned to right so he could face Jun, directing the next part of his speech at him.
“And I would like to take a moment to thank you, Jun, for holding my hand throughout this journey. We’ve had a pretty crazy year and I don’t think I would’ve been able to manage without you.”
Dylan hated the way that Jun’s eyes visibly softened at that, hated the way that Jun noticed that Po’s voice had become shakier and immediately reached out for him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“I know I haven’t always been the most open person and I know that I’ve hurt you in the past.” Po’s voice cracked at the end of the sentence and Jun’s eyes were now shining with unshed tears. Dylan knew exactly all the ways in which Po had hurt Jun, and yet, he saw Jun vehemently shake his head at the older man’s words as if to deny them.
“But I hope that you know how much you mean to me, to many people. You’re so incredibly talented and hard-working, you’ve gone through so much and still come out of it with a kind heart. I feel privileged that I get to see you grow as an artist; you’re not only an amazing actor but an amazing idol as well.”
With MARS’ official disbandment happening before Jun and Po’s series aired, some of their fans and most of the general public seemed to be unaware of the fact that Jun had been MARS’ visual before Po’s acting partner.
Jun acted like that was exactly what he wanted, that he preferred to be known as Jun the Successful Actor instead of Jun the Failed Idol, but Dylan saw right through the facade and knew that, deep down, he still couldn’t shake off the disappointment at how their collective dream of succeeding as MARS had crashed and burned; the shame for not being good enough for Oner to keep the group going after Thame’s departure; the bitterness that came with hearing Pemika go on and on about his blossoming career in Korea.
Apparently Po saw right through Jun too.
Dylan really shouldn’t be surprised by this anymore, he was well aware of just how much time the two of them spent together: the never-ending rehearsals for their fancon, the recent onslaught of brand events and guest appearances at TV shows, not to mention all the time they’d spent last year filming their series and then promoting it.
(There had also been those first few months into their partnership where Jun had followed Po like a puppy, trying so earnestly to carve a place for himself inside of the older man’s heart.)
Dylan noticed that, at some point during his speech, Po had started to cry, his tears leaving a visible trail on his otherwise flawless skin and his eyes sparkling like diamonds.
He always looked so pretty when he cried.
(Dylan kind of hated that too.)
“Oh, P’Po! What are you crying for now!”
There was a slight shake in Jun’s voice as he delivered the teasing remark. Still, he tried to lighten the mood as he addressed the crowd:
“Y’all, P’Po is such a crybaby! Did you guys know he even has a bunch of pictures of himself crying in his living room?”
The crowd predictably lost their minds at the mention of Jun having been to Po’s apartment and sharing such “intimate” information.
“You jerk! They’re normal baby pictures!” Po swatted Jun’s shoulder as the younger man cackled. “Don’t make it sound weird!”
Jun had his typical shit-eating grin and Po rolled his eyes before he continuing his speech:
“Even though you’re incredibly annoying most of the time and your favorite hobby is teasing me, I’m glad you’re my partner.”
“Awww, P’Po, you’re so sweet!” Jun extended his hand as if he were to pinch Po’s cheek, but Po quickly batted it away. Even through the livestream, the screams of the fans were deafening.
Dylan rolled his eyes, fans really screamed for everything and anything.
“Don’t let it get to your head! I still tolerate you at best most days.”
“No, phi! You can’t take it back, you finally admitted you looovee me,” Jun went for a hug this time and, surprisingly, Po melted right into it.
“I really do”, Po’s reply came in a hushed tone, as if he hadn’t meant for the public to hear it, the mic struggling to capture it.
Dylan heard it, though.
And judging by the way his arms tightened around Po, Jun had too.
Jun_n: baaabeeee
Jun_n: i’ll be home in like 40 minutes
Jun_n: did you see how great ur boyfriend was on stage today?
RapIsLife: the concert was today?? i didn’t even know
Jun_n: liar
Jun_n: pepper sent me some pictures of u watching the livestream
Jun_n: i bet you were drooling during my saxo love performance
Jun_n: my no. 1 fan
Dylan’s stomach churned.
He remembered how much his head and, well, his other head had battled against each other during that performance. On one hand, his boyfriend had looked terribly sensual, dancing provocatively as artificial rain poured down on him, drenching his already unbuttoned white dress shirt and exposed torso. On the other, Po had been there too, with his dazzling abs and slender fingers, touching Jun’s abs and grinding on him.
RapIsLife: don’t know what you’re talking about, i’d probably fallen asleep by then
Dylan put his phone in his pocket before he could see Jun’s reply and exited the apartment.
Something he appreciated about no longer being in the public eye was not having to worry about people following him or taking pictures when he went out on the street, he reflected.
It was easy to get stuck thinking about the things he’d lost after MARS’ disbandment, but it was nice to think about everything he’d gained because of it. He no longer had to put up with the silly idol standards that he’d never even agreed with, he mostly had privacy again, he was producing music instead of performing some soulless track made by someone else.
Dylan was so immersed in his thoughs that he didn’t even notice he’d arrived at the restaurant until the door’s chime rang, pulling him out of thought.
“Xiao Hui!” Mrs Cheng greeted him, “No Jun today either?”
Dylan shook his head as he approached the older women, “He’s on his way home. I came to get him some jian dui.”
Ever since Jun and Dylan had discovered Mrs Cheng’s restaurant, Jun had become obsessed with the fried sesame balls, quickly becoming Mrs Cheng’s favorite regular. His recent absence hadn’t gone unnoticed; Jun had been on a strict diet in the weeks prior to the fancon and Mrs Cheng always asked for him when Dylan turned up alone.
“Oh, right, the concert! You know, I asked my granddaughter to set up the broadcast on my phone so I could watch. He did so well, your boy!”
Dylan couldn’t help the way he smiled at that.
Your boy.
It was nice that at least someone saw Jun and thought of him as Dylan’s rather than Po’s.
“He did. He put a lot of effort into this concert, I’m hoping to surprise him with his favorite.”
“Oh, I’ll get started on it immediately! Let me give you some chrysanthemum tea for him as well. Make sure he drinks it up hot! Oh, Xiao Jun must be so exhausted. I’m so glad he has you to take care of him.”
Mrs Cheng’s words were like a balm to his ugly, jealous soul and Dylan felt incredibly pathetic for it.
Strong arms surrounded Dylan as he took off his shoes at his apartment’s entrance, the sudden embrace sending the bag that Dylan was holding with the jian dui and thermos swinging.
“What are you doing here? I thought you said 40 minutes?” Dylan secured his grip on the bag as he let Jun turn him around so they could face each other.
“I wanted to surprise you! Imagine how I felt when I was the surprised one, coming home to an empty place. Abandoned after such a hard and strenuous day…” Jun said with an exaggerated pout.
“Please, you talk as if you’d gone to military training when you were just shaking your ass on stage”, Dylan teased. He pulled himself away from Jun and handed him the bag.
“For me?”
“No, for me.” Dylan rolled his eyes. “I’m just showing off what Mrs Cheng gifted me.”
Jun excitedly grabbed the bag and brought it with him to the dining room, where he took out the contents and put them on the table with a happy glint in his eyes.
“Thought you deserved a treat,” said Dylan shrugging his shoulders, hoping really hard that he sounded nonchalant instead of terribly fond.
“A treat for shaking my ass so good on stage?” Jun replied, approaching the silver-haired boy with his arms extended, reaching out for his hips.
“Ugh, I take it back—” Dylan couldn’t finish his retort before Jun’s lips captured his own. He hadn’t realized how tense his body had been until he felt himself finally relax now that he was in his boyfriend’s arms.
Dylan wrapped his arms around the actor’s neck and pulled him towards him. For several moments, the only thing that could be heard in the apartment was the wet sounds of their mouths moving together and then, once they finally pulled apart, their heavy breathing.
The room was dark—it was late and the only source of light was a soft pendant light over the dining table.
“You guys did well today.” Dylan moved his right hand to the back of Jun’s head, stroking it softly. “I’m proud of you.”
Jun’s answering smile lit up the entire apartment with the strength of a thousand suns.