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April, 2026
Ricky went up to the rooftop of the building in search of fresh air. It must have been around two in the morning. They had been rehearsing for hours for their debut as And2ble and had finally been given an hour to rest.
From up there he could see the whole city, so brightly lit and so alive despite the late hour... After a few seconds he simply sat down on the floor, hugging his coat tighter against his body after noticing the cold night air. He didn’t even lift his head when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs and the sound of the door opening. Then the footsteps suddenly stopped.
“Ah, I thought you’d be with Hao hyung in the vocal room.”
Ricky finally looked up and saw the tall figure standing there, eyes lowered and scratching the back of his neck. He was surprised to see a glass bottle in his hand, he couldn’t tell what it was, but he could have sworn it looked like soju.
The blond tucked his hands into the pockets of his coat as he watched Gyuvin start walking again, heading toward him.
“What are you doing here?”
The question made the brunet stop moving. He simply stood still and looked at him with a serious expression and something else that Ricky couldn’t quite identify yet. That was when he noticed Gyuvin’s eyes were slightly red.
“I think I’m doing the same thing as you.” Ricky looked at him, confused. “Looking for a moment alone.”
Gyuvin walked over again and sat down beside him with a sigh, leaving a cautious distance between them. The silence grew even more uncomfortable and the cold wind felt stronger.
“Today marks three years since we broke up.” He let out a small, sad laugh. “Did you remember?”
He murmured without even looking at him. Ricky didn’t answer. He only brought a hand to his face and shook his head.
“You’re drunk...”
“I’m not.” The seriousness in Gyuvin’s voice surprised them both. “I’m just desperate.”
There was another very long silence until Ricky dared to speak again.
“Yes.”
“Hm?”
He closed his eyes for a moment before answering.
“I remember, Gyuvin.”
September, 2019
Gyuvin was only fifteen years old when he first entered Yuehua. The company wasn’t too big, but it still made him nervous, more than he had imagined. Over time he managed to adapt to the schedules, the scarce hours of sleep, the diets, and the company’s demands.
A few months later Yujin arrived. The moment he saw the black haired boy, so young and with a scared expression, he knew he wanted to “adopt” him. He approached him with a smile and introduced himself with his extroverted personality. At first the younger boy barely spoke, but after two months Gyuvin had already become his main support in the company, and the older trainee was impressed by Yujin’s talent.
But the big change came some time later.
June, 2020
Ricky entered the building scared, looking at everything almost without blinking. The first two nights he couldn’t even sleep. He knew he was fulfilling his dream, but at the same time he was aware that debuting was very difficult.
On the third day he first met Gyuvin and Yujin in the dance room. The moment the brunet saw his eyes, he was completely hypnotized. They were elegant, sharp, yet sweet at the same time, and he couldn’t help thinking that he had never stopped to analyze a gaze so much. By the time he realized he had been staring for too long, it was already too late. Ricky looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.
Then, before his brain could react, he stood up and walked over to him, still not fully aware of his own actions.
When he was standing in front of him, Ricky was still looking at him in confusion.
“I’m Kim Gyuvin!” He smiled and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
The blond didn’t react.
“What’s your name? Are you sure you’re not already an idol? With that face you could be... I mean, you’re really handsome, and... um... You seem really cool, you know?”
Ricky kept looking at him in silence. Gyuvin nodded and brought a hand to his forehead, still smiling.
“Ah, I get it. Are you a foreigner?” he asked in English.
The shorter boy nodded slowly and Gyuvin’s smile widened.
“Japanese?” he asked.
“Chinese.” His voice came out very low, almost a whisper, and the younger boy froze for less than a second.
“I’m Kim Gyuvin. What’s your name?”
The blond seemed to hesitate for a few seconds before finally answering in the same low voice as before.
“Ricky.”
“Cool. We can become friends and I can help you with the language.”
The older boy nodded slowly and, for the first time since he had arrived, something resembling a smile formed on his face.
Little by little, Ricky began to lose his shyness and showed a fun personality that Gyuvin adored. The three of them, Ricky, Gyuvin, and Yujin, became great friends. During those months they talked about anything and everything, important or not. They went out for walks when they didn’t have practice or evaluations. Gyuvin helped him with the language, they comforted each other when things got tough...
There was no one in Korea who knew Shen Ricky better than Kim Gyuvin.
As expected, over time an obvious romantic tension began to grow between the two, and neither of them could ignore it.
May, 2021
One night a few months earlier, they had talked about their romantic preferences and Ricky had made it clear that he was gay. Without even thinking about it, Gyuvin said that gender didn’t really matter to him, even though until that moment he had always thought he was straight. After that first deep conversation, they became even closer in a special way.
“Are you coming to practice in the dance room tonight?” the taller boy asked while drinking some water.
“What time?” Ricky replied. “You know I don’t like staying at the company too late when there aren’t many people around...”
“Don’t worry, I won’t let any ghosts touch you.”
Gyuvin gave him a gentle nudge and the blond just shook his head with a smile. “I’ll wait for you in room D1 at eleven thirty.”
When the time came, the younger boy was already there, practicing a choreography from some old group. Ricky couldn’t help but stand at the door watching him in silence for a while, how he moved with power but without losing elegance, how his clothes shifted with every movement... When the music ended, he walked in with a small smile and left his water bottle and bag in a corner.
“Should we start?”
They spent an hour and a half dancing, full of laughter and some playful teasing. The atmosphere was very comfortable, but as always, it was charged with that intense feeling.
At one point Ricky couldn’t manage a turn and Gyuvin approached without hesitation.
“Let me help you. After all, I have a year more experience than you,” he said with a teasing smile. The older boy sighed and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t pull away. His whole body tensed up the moment he felt the touch on his waist, soft at first, then a little more confident. A few seconds later there was another hand on his shoulder. The taller boy spoke in a low voice, very close to his ear, and the sensation sent a shiver down his spine.
“Focus on keeping your balance. Look straight ahead to help yourself.” The hand on his shoulder gently held his chin and lifted his head with care. In the mirror he could see himself, visibly flushed, and behind him was Gyuvin’s body, very close, still holding him. “Now don’t rush. Remember the axis of balance. I’m going to help you turn.”
He placed his other hand on the opposite side of his waist and very slowly turned him all the way around, facing the mirror again. Then, without warning, he turned him again, only halfway, until they were facing each other.
Ricky’s gaze dropped in embarrassment, but only for a second before he looked up again. The two of them stayed there, staring into each other’s eyes for several minutes. Gyuvin’s hands remained on his waist, and unconsciously Ricky’s hands rose to the other boy’s shoulders.
“I guess you already know I like you” the younger one said with total naturalness.
“I guess you already know it’s mutual” the other replied.
Their faces were very close, too close. It was the blond who started leaning in slowly, but he stopped before their lips met. He simply closed his eyes and waited for Gyuvin to close the distance. He did so immediately. Their lips met for just a few seconds, but both felt something they had never imagined and wanted to feel forever. It was a feeling of happiness, of warmth, and absolute peace but at the same time an intense explosion.
When they pulled apart, they looked at each other in disbelief at what had just happened. Gyuvin smiled widely, eyes shining. Ricky was completely red and had to look away with a shy smile.
“Again” he said very softly. Gyuvin barely heard him.
“Again what?” he asked with a smile, even though he knew perfectly well what he meant.
This time Ricky looked him in the eyes again and repeated it a little louder. “Do it again. Don’t play dumb.”
The younger boy couldn’t help but laugh a little and took the chance to tease him.
“You’re so bossy... At least ask me properly.”
“Gyuvin...” the other complained.
He shook his head. “I want to hear it.”
Silence enveloped them for a few seconds.
“Kiss me again, Gyuvin.” There was a small pause. “Please.”
There was no verbal answer. Their lips met again gently, enjoying the other’s. Ricky’s lips were extremely soft and Gyuvin’s were fuller than they looked, or maybe they were just slightly swollen. They moved as if they had done it thousands of times before, as if their mouths already knew each other perfectly. That night of practice turned into one of silly giggles and kisses, many kisses.
From that day on, their relationship changed, officially becoming boyfriends barely two weeks later. They found any place and moment to show each other affection, flirted discreetly in public, and had deep conversations about their future some nights. They were very much in love and grateful to have found each other.
April, 2026
The silence continued to fill the rooftop, interrupted only by the sound of the wind and Seungeon’s loud laugh coming from somewhere inside the building.
Ricky hugged himself a little tighter against the cold. Gyuvin noticed immediately and turned slightly toward him.
“You’re always cold. You should have dressed warmer. You can’t get sick a month before our debut.”
The younger boy took off his coat, but just as he was about to put it over Ricky’s shoulders, the blond stopped him.
“Gyuvin, seriously. Don’t do this. I mean it.” He gave him a hard look that made the other put his coat back on his own shoulders in defeat. Then Ricky looked at him, hurt and confused.
“What happened to you, Ricky? You used to love me. We loved each other. We were in love, for fuck’s sake.”
“We were seventeen...”
“No!” the brunet raised his voice, letting the tears slide down his cheeks. “No, I don’t believe anything you say. We were together for two years. We were fine.”
The blond sighed and stood up.
“You haven’t matured at all. If you thought like an adult, you’d understand we didn’t have any other choice.”
Gyuvin stood up too and stopped in front of him. After hesitating for a long moment, he carefully placed his hands on the other boy’s shoulders. He felt Ricky’s body tense, but then relax again. To his surprise, he didn’t reject the contact.
“We do have another choice. Look at Hanbin hyung and Hao hyung. They’re still together despite everything they’ve been through and they love each other more than ever.”
Ricky lowered his gaze. “We’re not Hanbin and Hao.”
“Of course we’re not. I’m just saying we could be like them. We could be together and happy without stopping being professionals.”
The shorter boy took a step back, freeing himself from Gyuvin’s hold.
“It’s been three years. We should have gotten over it by now.”
April, 2023
There was one night left until the final and all the contestants were shaking with nerves. Half of them would continue with their normal lives, the other half would achieve their dream. It was the opportunity they had all been fantasizing about for years.
When everyone went to their rooms, Gyuvin managed to slip away with Ricky to the laundry room, one of the few places without cameras.
The taller boy closed the door and sat on top of one of the washing machines, running a hand through his hair.
“Oh my God, I’m shaking.” He placed a hand on his chest and let out a heavy breath. “We’re both in the ranking right now, but I’m scared it could change tomorrow. You know I’ve been getting a lot of criticism lately.”
Ricky stood between his legs and caressed his cheek. “Breathe. Don’t pay too much attention to them. You’ve always stood out.”
“Because of my visuals.”
The older boy shook his head. “You’re so much more than that.” Gyuvin tilted his head toward the hand on his cheek, seeking more contact.
“I feel like I’m going to die” he said, letting his head fall back. Ricky laughed a little.
“You’re so dramatic.”
“What if one of us doesn’t debut? That’s what scares me the most.” the taller one admitted. Ricky suddenly became serious and looked down, nervously playing with his hands. Gyuvin noticed the change immediately and moved closer, holding his waist. “What’s wrong?”
Ricky closed his eyes and let out the air he had been holding in his lungs.
“Gyuvin, I... We...” His voice broke and he tried to hold back the tears, unsuccessfully. That alarmed his boyfriend.
The brunet caressed his hair, which only made the crying worse. Ricky let himself fall against his chest and arms wrapped around him right away.
“Hey, what’s wrong, Riri?” One hand kept stroking his hair without stopping. This time his voice came out even softer. “You know you can tell me anything, love.”
The blond pulled away from his arms immediately and looked at him very seriously, eyes red and swollen, face wet with tears.
“Gyuvin, we can’t keep going.”
The other frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’m breaking up with you.” Ricky answered very quickly.
Silence filled the room for several minutes. Neither of them knew exactly how many.
“What?”
“That’s it, Gyuvin. There’s nothing more to explain.” After saying that, he walked toward the door, but the brunet grabbed his wrist before he could take another step. When he turned around, he saw that Gyuvin’s eyes were also wet now.
“There are a lot of things to explain. Why now? Why so suddenly? Did I do something wrong?”
Ricky shook his head repeatedly. “It’s not that.”
Gyuvin took another step toward him. “Then what is it? I need an explanation, please.”
“It’s just that...” He took a deep breath before continuing. “This is very serious. If one of us debuts, we can’t stay together. It wouldn’t be right. Besides, we’d barely have any time for each other.”
“And what if we both make it? What if we debut together?”
Ricky hesitated a little. “I don’t think that’s possible either. This is our dream. We have to be professional. Plus, it’s too risky and if they found out, they’d kick us out of the group immediately.”
“My dream is to be with you forever.”
“No, it isn’t. You’re just blinded by love and I don’t want to do this to you, tie you to me.” He turned again to leave.
“Ricky...”
“I’m sorry, but it’s for the best for both of us.” And with that, he left.
The two of them spent the night crying, not caring about the swelling their eyes would have the next day. They would blame it on nerves or some late-night snacks.
The moment came to announce the fourth place in the final ranking. Gyuvin had already been announced as part of the debut lineup. He heard the MC call the name. “Ricky!” and the crowd cheered excitedly.
It was real. They had both made it. Ricky was going to debut too. He felt the knot in his chest loosen with relief. When the blond reached his side, he couldn’t help but hug him tightly and whisper “You did it” in his ear. Even though both of them knew that the decision to end their relationship would not change.
April, 2026
“It’s been three years. We should have gotten over it by now.” Ricky’s words hung in the air.
“But we haven’t.” He paused briefly before speaking again. “Have you gotten over it?” Gyuvin asked. The other didn’t answer. “If you tell me you don’t love me anymore, I promise we won’t talk about this again. We’ll start from zero as just friends.”
Ricky still didn’t answer, so Gyuvin spoke again. “If after three years you still love me, then why didn’t you say anything? What worries you about our relationship?”
Ricky spoke in a low voice, as he always did when he felt too exposed or vulnerable. “I was scared it could affect your career.” Gyuvin opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted again. “I know you’re going to say nothing would happen, but if you saw it from my point of view, you’d understand. You’re someone who loves very intensely and is capable of giving everything for the people he loves. If anyone ever found out about our relationship, you’d find a way to take all the responsibility on yourself, and that could even end the career you’ve been fighting for for years.”
“I understand what you’re saying, but if something happened we’d get through it together.” He moved a little closer to him. “These three years have been hard. Every time I saw you happy, I thought about how at some point we had been happier than ever together. When I saw you sad, I wanted to cover your whole face with kisses to cheer you up. If you made a mistake in a choreography, I felt the need to make a loving joke and end up leaving a kiss on your hair. And the jealousy... I couldn’t stand seeing Jiwoong hyung make you laugh.” That sentence made Ricky laugh.
“You were jealous of Jiwoong hyung? Seriously?”
“Not just him, but especially him.”
“You’re crazy.” The blond laughed again, unable to believe it.
“Maybe.” Gyuvin observed every feature of his face. “I don’t know if I ever told you this, but from the first time I saw you I became obsessed with your eyes.” Ricky tilted his head. “They’re elegant but sweet. I think that was the first thing I thought when I saw you. I also adore that sparkle they have when you like something, and above all...” Very slowly he brought his hand to the other boy’s face, giving him time to pull away if he wanted, but he didn’t. Gyuvin brushed the small dark mark under his eye with his finger. “You know that mole drives me crazy.”
“I... I think it was your smile. What caught my attention the most when I first saw you was your warm and familiar smile even though you didn’t even know me. I still love it now.”
A few seconds later Ricky shivered from the cold again and the taller boy placed his hands on his arms, trying to warm him up.
“We should go inside. You’re going to freeze and I’m sure Hao hyung is already looking for-”
His sentence was interrupted. The blond had just grabbed the collar of his coat quickly and pressed their lips together. At first Gyuvin didn’t react, he stayed still, eyes still open, but he reacted almost immediately. The sensation was familiar, they had done it thousands of times before, but it also came with a new maturity and intensity after so long without doing it.
When they separated, it was because there was no air left in their lungs.
“What was that?” Gyuvin asked with that smirk Ricky knew so well.
“It was just an impulse.” he answered, feeling the heat rising to his cheeks.
“Again.” Ricky rolled his eyes when he realized what he was doing. “Do it again. Don’t play dumb.” The blond shook his head while smiling and left a quick peck on his lips.
“You really are different from anyone I’ve ever met.”
“Does that mean you want to be my boyfriend again?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Gyuvin placed his hands on the other boy’s waist, like he had wanted to do every second during those three years.
“Do you want to or not?” He pulled him a little closer. “Don’t think about me, don’t think about our professional career or what others will think.” His voice lowered a little before saying the last sentence. “Do you want to be my boyfriend again, Riri?”
Ricky lifted his gaze and looked at him with those bright eyes Gyuvin had mentioned earlier.
“I guess we can try.”
They both smiled, excited for that new beginning.