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Bright sunshine filtered in through the open window. The rays themselves were a blinding yellowish-white, but they somehow painted the pale buttercream walls a dark gold. Crowley’s bed, plush and warm, was further heated by the harsh, ultraviolet rays of a fiery, non-sentient celestial body. This body hung in a void, far, far away from Earth, yet it was hot enough to envelop the spinning rock in a vortex of overwhelming warmth.
Birds fluttered about, singing their morning songs as a choir of echoing, mechanical chirps. Chirp patterns redundant and understood intuitively by the avian singers at birth, yet they leave one to wonder if hidden sounds with forbidden information could be decoded from them. But one thing was for certain. They always welcome the emergence of morning warmth and light. Singing and fluttering about, sharing joy with everyone around them as if they’d crawled out of a long, dark winter. Good for them!
And there Crowley lay, in wholesome warmth and brightness from a morning sun. Surrounded by songs of cheerful birds and the irresistible scent of sweet and savory comfort foods. From where? Who knows? Crowley was too exhausted and didn’t care for the shy grumble of his stomach. The medication from the previous night still held power over him—his bones were as dense as lead, and his muscles were as useful as Styrofoam. His body was taxed from hyperventilating his lungs to the point of collapse. It was still, indeed, sleep time! It was always sleep time somewhere!
Crowley stretched out his weak, aching body and softly groaned. His joints creaked, and his spine popped, warranting a less polite groan. He curled up on his side and reached out to the right part of the bed, where Aziraphale lay… and he missed! He reached farther into empty air. Did Aziraphale scooch away from him in the middle of the night? Decide he’d rather teeter off the edge of the bed instead of giving him morning cuddles? How dare he!
Another desperate grasp at empty air, and Crowley opened his eyes. Everything was blurry, but despite the warped vision, one thing was clear: Aziraphale was gone!
Where in the world had Aziraphale gone? Why was he out of bed at such a wretched, early hour? The sun wasn’t even halfway through the sky yet! Why couldn’t more creatures in this world be nocturnal? Why did every other entity need so little sleep?
Most celestial beings don’t even need to sleep! Why do serpents like Crowley need to sleep so much? Even with immortality? Even without medication or sedatives? Yes, truthfully, Crowley found Aziraphale’s concern over the drowsiness caused by the medication redundant. Had the angel somehow never noticed that Crowley is always asleep?
And what was up with the wonderful smell? Even with the medically induced drowsiness playing upon his snakelike laziness, Crowley found it distracting… and wonderful! His stomach growled louder. How could he ignore such wonderful food? With a body so taxed from medication and a panic attack that tried to kill him? No, no, panic attacks don’t kill, but it certainly feels like they want to, especially when they are forced upon you by uninvited night terrors. Which demon was responsible for creating these horrid events? No, it wasn’t him. Crowley never wanted his acts of evil to be cruel. Just annoying. This was thought up by someone truly sick. He was afraid to imagine who it could have been, and why…
Crowley pulled the covers over his face and screwed his eyes shut. A jolt of electricity shot through his nerves, and the grumbling in his stomach ceased, replaced by a growing pool of nausea. At least he was no longer hungry, but now something else plagued his mind. Something so disturbing that it shouldn’t even exist.
But somehow, the horrid thought slipped his imagination as quickly as it came. As if his brain wasn’t capable of comprehending it for long. His muscles relaxed after only tensing for half a minute. Something in his brain spoke, “It’s over now. Most celestial beings aren’t like that. You were just unlucky. Go back to sleep. You might feel better with some more rest.”
The expression on Crowley’s face softened. There wasn’t anything to be worried about, was there? Bleh… he didn’t have the energy to care for long anyway. Somehow, thinking about it for even a moment expended what little energy Crowley didn’t know his body even had. The birds’ songs devolved into muffled, squeaky garbles. He forgot about the buttercream walls. Crowley pulled Aziraphale’s pillow close and indulged the scent, but even the powerful, familiar scent profile grew opaque in his mind. He only knew darkness. His head grew devoid of thoughts. The birds’ songs grew even quieter. Finally, sleep could be his once more! Or perhaps he just doesn’t exist anymore.
A creak of a door.
“Crowley? It’s ten thirty-three in the morning! Aren’t you awake yet?”
Crowley groaned and pulled the covers over himself. Oh, yes. He did indeed still exist, it seems. How does one even lose track of their own consciousness and existence?
Perhaps Aziraphale’s concerns about the medication are valid?
“Crowley! Do wake up! You’ve been asleep for quite a while now. I’ve made you some breakfast to ease you out of your sleep, along with some black coffee. You need to eat something after having an episode like that. Especially with that medication! You didn’t eat enough last night when you took it.”
Crowley groaned and mumbled into the blanket, “Nghmm… Aziraphale… ’m tired! I don’t need to eat… mmm… ‘m i‘mortal…”
“Oh, Crowley!” Aziraphale strode over to the bed and peeled the blanket from Crowley’s upper body. Crowley covered his face with his arms and let out a quiet hiss. Aziraphale retorted, “Now, now! No need to start hissing at me! Grumpy demon! You are to eat something this morning! It truly is for your own good! Come now! I’ve prepared hot, black coffee. Plenty of black coffee! Perhaps that can help you get out of your haze?”
“No…”
“Oh, really now, Crowley? I’ve been kind enough to prepare a large breakfast for you! In your time of need, no less! I even had the courtesy to let you sleep in this morning, so the least you could do is enjoy the breakfast I’ve prepared for you. I’ve even made the eggs exactly how you prefer them! Over-easy poached eggs! Borderline raw! With a spicy sauce on the side because you won’t have them plain, and you won’t have them scrambled either! Such a fussy creature! Perhaps I’m not the only one who is particular about things?”
“Ugh, fine!” Crowley stretched and slid out of bed. He stood upon a cold, hardwood floor, wobbling. Aziraphale wrapped an arm around him, and he steadied. Crowley continued, “I’ll eat your breakfast, then. And if you don’t happen to have any other plans for me, I’d love to resume my short nap afterwards.”
Aziraphale chuckled and said, “Don’t be so silly! Nothing about that sleeping marathon was a ‘short nap.’ It seemed to me more like you were comatose!”
“Eh, not really much of a difference between those two things when you’re a snake. I slept through a whole century once.”
Aziraphale and Crowley exited the room and walked downstairs to the kitchen table. Aziraphale said, “Well now, let’s not start a whole list of centuries you’ve slept through! I’ve spent too many long periods without you. You’re not sleeping an entire century now that we can be together!”
Crowley slumped onto a chair and retorted, “But I’m cold and sleepy! Can’t I at least sleep a few days?”
“Darling, you can have another nap once you’re done with breakfast. But not for a few days straight. We’ll have to get back to work on this cottage at some point. And if you’re suddenly cold, perhaps you should drink some of the coffee and eat your breakfast while it’s still hot. Or, change out of those shorts and T-shirt when you’re done! Put some socks on too!”
“It was so warm last night. Why am I suddenly so cold?” Crowley grasped the coffee mug with a shaking hand, “And I’m sorry my feet gross you out.”
“Oh, Crowley!” Aziraphale gently whacked his shoulder, “You know that’s not what I was suggesting! I was only telling you to cover up so you could be warm. I don’t think any part of you is disgusting!”
Crowley quirked a brow, “Oh?”
Aziraphale sighed and shoved Crowley’s plate of food closer to him, “Eat your breakfast already!”
Before him sat some runny, poached eggs with tangy, spicy chili sauce on the side. A couple of slices of buttered toast with strawberry jam accompanied it. Juicy, fat sausage links teased him, and an orange wedge smiled at him.
Crowley sipped the warm coffee with shaking hands. A little bit drizzled from the corner of his mouth. A bit more spilled onto the table because he nearly dropped the mug a couple of times. But he was certain that at least half of it ended up going down his throat. Good enough, yes? Aziraphale tsked and shook his head. He grasped the mug with one hand and steadied Crowley’s head with the other. He chastised the sleepy demon, “Now, now. Look at the mess you’ve made! Am I going to have to feed you like you’re an infant?”
“Hmm…” Crowley mumbled into the mug but didn’t resist the help. He welcomed the coffee with slow, lazy gulps. Lightheaded, he closed his eyes. Perhaps today, he would submit to Aziraphale’s fussing like a useless lamb.
“Huh, no longer going to fight with me? What happened to my feisty demon? Now I’m growing a little concerned… Are you feeling alright?”
Crowley nodded, gulping down the last drops of black coffee.
“Are you sure? You aren’t even able to feed yourself! It would seem the sedatives are impacting your motor skills.” Aziraphale set the mug aside and gathered some of the egg with sauce, “Well, I suppose we can manage. Seems you’ll just require some extra care today. Poor thing! Let’s try eating some food, alright? Can you open up for me?”
Crowley opened his mouth and gobbled down the yolky, salted egg, and chili sauce. For most mortals, the chili sauce would have been nothing but pain. For Crowley, it was just a salty, zingy tomato sauce with a slight kick. He swallowed it all, sauce feeling velvety like fresh water on his throat. Aziraphale fed him another bite and said, “Goodness! How do you eat this stuff so casually? It doesn’t even have any flavor! It was just pure agony when I tried it!”
Swallowing the mouthful, Crowley replied, “I dunno. Tastes fine to me. Maybe it’s because I’m a demon or something?”
“Perhaps! Your flavor preferences seem quite extreme to me. You either want things unbearably bitter or painfully spicy! Yet some cakes are too much for you?”
“Some of the things you eat are cloying!”
“Cloying! Pft. Here, having some sweet toast to cleanse some of that spice!”
Crowley obliged, biting off some of the toast. They continued like this, rotating through the various foods on the plate until it was all gone and Crowley was sucking juice from the orange wedge. Aziraphale snapped his fingers and removed all of the mess from the kitchen table and Crowley’s face. He said, “There, much better! I hope the food helped.”
“Yes, a little. But I’m thinking more coffee would be pointless. I still want to nap after eating all that.”
“Of course! You can nap to your heart’s content once you’re changed. I’m thinking some time out in our large backyard will do! Perhaps some fresh air and sunshine will help you feel better? Warm up a little? Yes! That will do, sounds like such a lovely idea! Then once you’re feeling better, we could discuss your plans with the garden?”
Crowley nodded.
“It’s settled then!” Aziraphale coaxed Crowley out of his seat, “Let’s get you dressed. I can help you out if you’d like… I really don’t think you should change by yourself with how exhausted you still are… You could get yourself hurt!”
“So, you’re going to help me change?”
“Y-yes… if that’s alright. We could also just not do that if you aren’t comfortable with it. I was just going to miracle you some new clothes real quick. No need to get naked!”
“Oh, oh! Right… not that I’d care if you saw me naked anyway.”
“Well, I mean… I’d feel bad after the night you had. That’s all! Good thing we have magic, yes?”
“Yeah… sure. Is pretty useful at times.”
“Right.” Aziraphale snapped his fingers again, and Crowley donned long sleeves suited for fall weather and a long pair of socks. Aziraphale continued, “There, much better! You’re certainly ready for the elements now!”
“Yeah… let’s go outside now. I want to nap! Do I get to sleep on your lap out on the nice bench?”
“Oh, of course! Once we get the cushion set up on it. I brought a book for reading just for the occasion. I figure you want to sleep at least an hour more. Perhaps we could reheat the coffee later if you feel like being awake at some point during the day.”
Crowley yawned and said, “Sure, why not? Let’s just go outside already!”