Chapter Text
~NOVEMBER 2018~
Kageyama stared at tomorrow’s tournament bracket with a feeling he couldn’t quite decipher. His leg bounced with the nerves that had crept down his body. He turned off his phone with a grunt and got up from his spot on the couch. Despite him being alone in his apartment and freshly awake, he felt as if he had just finished three hours of conditioning.
He went into the bathroom, splashing cold water onto his face and brushing his teeth. He stared into his own eyes, trying to figure out exactly what he was feeling. He was never good at feelings. That fact was apparent to anyone who met the stoic, athletics focused, young man. With a sigh of annoyance he grabbed the nearest shorts and t-shirt and with a slam, closed his apartment door as he made his way towards the outdoors.
He ran. Kageyama ran until his body begged him to stop. Even then, he refused to quit. He ran until he could only think of the pain and aching coursing through his muscles. Until he could no longer think about tomorrow’s opponent. Most importantly, until he could no longer see the image of the familiar, orange-headed, number 21 that was proudly displayed on their roster. MSBY’s newest opposite hitter: Shoyo Hinata.
It had been over a year since he had last spoken to Hinata. In fact, it had been even longer since he had last actually seen him in person.
~MARCH 2016~ (2 Years Ago)
It had been roughly a year since they had graduated from Karasuno High School and things couldn’t be going better. Kageyama had finally made his professional debut with the V.League. He was able to play volleyball as a career, there was almost nothing in his life that he could be more grateful for. Besides Hinata, his boyfriend of nearly three years now.
Kageyama was laid upon the bed with the window open when a soft breeze came through and tickled his face. He breathed it in, trying to steady himself and bring himself the courage he so desperately needed. When it came to volleyball, he had no issue with confidence. He knew he was a good player and he knew what had to be done to score and win. He wished everything in life could be as straightforward as volleyball felt to him. Alas, he would have to, as confidently as a baby learning to walk, stumble through this next step of his life and (hopefully) his future.
He rolled over and opened his bedside drawer. His heart sank with anxiety at the sight of the seemingly small and insignificant box that held the key to what he had deemed to be his “ideal future.” He held the small box in his palm and ran his fingers along the velvety material. He sucked in a breath and opened the box with a click. The smooth, metal ring inside caught the light coming in through the window and seemed to beam, reflecting in the room around him…much like Hinata himself. Kageyama smiled at the thought of this.
Tonight was the night. He had hyped himself up and failed countless other nights to ask him this one, simple, stupid, quick, easy, totally not life altering or dangerously risky, question. He had to just do it. He had already decided that Hinata was the only person he could see himself living alongside for the rest of his life. He wanted that. He wanted them to live together, grow together, compete together (and against each other).
He chuckled to himself briefly about the irony of it all. The short, spunky, obnoxiously determined kid he met at the start of secondary school who drove him nothing short of clinically insane was now the same man he wanted to ask to marry him. His reminiscing was quickly cut short by the sound of keys jingling and the front door opening. His heart practically jumped out of his throat as he snapped the box shut and shoved the velvet box into the pocket of his sweatpants. He could do this.
One foot in front of the other. One knee to the floor. That’s all it took… and words. God he needed the words.
“Hey, I’m home,” Hinata called from the entryway, interrupting his internal panic.
Kageyama heard the sound of him taking his shoes off and throwing down his backpack lazily. Kageyama got up and walked out there. He took in the sight of him. He was a lot bigger than he was in high school. He’d obviously done a lot of training and was now sporting a good amount of bulk. Kageyama had found it hard to keep up with him in terms of strength these days. He tried his best not to get distracted by his bare arms shown off by his T-shirt.
“Hey,” Kageyama silently cursed himself for how dry and shaky his voice came out, “how was your day?”
“Good,” Hinata replied with a tone that left Kageyama slightly confused. He tried to focus on figuring out what that meant but his head was still swimming from his other issue at hand. It felt like the small box weighed as much as a building and was burning a hole into his pants.
He licked his dry lips and managed to croak out, “everything okay?”
Hinata had a look of something, yet again, indiscernible, flash across his face, “um, yeah…actually…I need to,” he seemed to be fighting some sort of silent battle. Kageyama felt like he was gonna black out from the stress of it all, “I need to take a shower.”
With that, he walked over to Kageyama, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, before disappearing into the bathroom. What the hell? Kageyama thought to himself. He sat on the bed as the sound of the shower turning on started next door. He wasn’t sure what was causing Hinata’s weird demeanor but he was crossing his fingers that whatever it was would be washed away by his shower. It wasn’t entirely uncommon for Hinata to be tired when he first got home. He tried not to overthink it and decided instead to focus on rehearsing in his head what he was going to say to Hinata.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No. That was too basic.
I don’t know what my life would be without you. No. Too clingy.
I love the way you play volleyball. God, that was so stupid.
He ran through an endless series of possible ways he could “pop the question” until he had exhausted his mind. Unfortunately, before he was able to land on a final decision, Hinata came out from the bathroom and changed into fresh clothes. He flopped down next to Kageyama on the bed, the smell of his shampoo and body wash filling his nose. His hair was still wet and was now dripping and soaking into his T-shirt, leaving dark spots behind. Hinata stared into Kageyama’s eyes for a moment as if he was deep in thought about something.
After a hauntingly lengthy pause, Hinata took a deep breath, smiling weakly for a moment before he finally spoke, “so, there’s something really important I need to talk to you about.”
Kageyama swallowed dryly again. God he needed some water desperately, “actually I have something to talk to you about too.” He felt a flicker of hope flash through him that maybe, possibly, Hinata was thinking the same thing as he was. It would be a lot easier if Hinata brought it up first, “you can go first though, I’m sure your thing is more important.”
“Um. So today I was with my trainer and we were talking,” he started, he seemed to be looking anywhere but at Kageyama, “I’ve progressed a lot since we started working together but, I’ve kind of reached a plateau.” He fidgeted with a string on his shorts as he said the last part.
That was it? Kageyama blinked a few times before saying, “Oh, well, I’m sure you’ll start progressing again eventually. You have a good trainer and you work really hard. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Sho.”
“Thats the thing, though. I can’t wait around hoping for something to change while I stay standing in one spot,” Hinata looked directly into his eyes in a way that made Kageyama feel an unshakable sense of impending doom, “Something big has to change. My dream is to be a pro volleyball player, just like you. I have to chase that, no matter what the cost or sacrifice is.”
“So you want a different, more expensive trainer or what then?” Kageyama said, “because that’s not a problem if that’s what you want. We can cut back a little.”
Hinata sucked in another breath, “No. My trainer and I talked, like I said, and there’s some really amazing training opportunities with some really talented trainers. I would be doing an incredible disservice to myself and my career if I let this pass me by.”
Kageyama still felt nothing but confusion. What was the problem then? What was he not telling him? He felt a wave of annoyance wash over him at the way he was tip-toeing around the subject, “Hinata,” he said sharply, “just spit it out already, dumbass, what are you not telling me?”
Hinata bit the inside of cheek and breathed yet again before finally saying, “I’d have to move.”
“Okay, how far and for how long? Like in the next city over for a few months or-“
“Brazil…” The room felt utterly empty suddenly, “for about two years.” Kageyama felt all the life drain out of him. No…certainly he wasn’t actually considering doing that. Right? He wouldn’t do that.
Kageyama suddenly started laughing, “Brazil? Is your trainer out of his mind? That’s insane.”
“I want to do it, Tobio.”
Kageyama felt sick to his stomach. Hinata was actually thinking about leaving him. No. Not now. Not when he’s so close to having everything he’s ever wanted. He suddenly had a thought that shook him to his core. What if it’s not everything Hinata wants? Did Hinata not want what he wanted? The box in his pocket felt like it weighed as much as the world itself now.
In a moment of desperate defense he spat out, “So what? You wanna just,” the words felt sharp and vile on his tongue as he said them, “…break up?”
“What?! No! Of course not. I didn’t say tha-“ he started to say, grabbing Kageyama by the hand.
“Then how is that going to work? I can’t come with you that far, I’m on a contract, you know that. Think about the distance. What about the time difference? What about how busy we’ll both be?” Kageyama felt tears pooling in his eyes and he fought with everything he had not to let them fall. He wouldn’t cry. Not now.
“We can make it work,” he said reassuringly, “Couples have to do long distance all the time. We can do it. I know we can. We just both have to be willing,” He tried reasoning with him to no effect.
“Well I’m not willing,” he said, and then upon noticing Hinata’s fallen face, “I’m sorry but I don’t want you to do this. There’s enough training opportunities here in Japan. At home.” He knew he was being harsh but his desperation to redirect this situation was overpowering his sense of reason. Hinata looked like he might cry too. Fuck.
“Tobio..,” he said almost as a whisper, “I have my mind made up. I have to do this for myself and my career, I told you that. I need you to be supportive of that. I need you to support me. Please.”
Kageyama stood up from his spot on the bed. He felt the panic that had been rising in his chest start to suffocate him. He had to do something. He had to convince him not to do this. He couldn’t let him just leave him like this, “Hinata you know I’m always going to support you but…but I…I can’t.”
He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t form words. He had to make him stay. Frantically, his hand reached into his pocket and his fingers curled around the small box, lingering for a moment before he released it again, leaving it hidden in his pocket where it belonged. He brought both of his hands to his face. It was useless. When Hinata had his mind set, there was no stopping him. Kageyama should know that better than anyone.
Hinata grabbed his hands from his face and held them tightly in his own. An unusual deep frown was worn on his usually bright, smiling face. As Kageyama studied it, he hoped he would take it all back any second. He wanted him to start smiling again and tell him it was going to be okay and that he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Please,” was all Kageyama could manage to say, the tears he had so desperately tried to repress now escaping his blue eyes, “please stay.”
Hinata just shook his head, tears now running down his own face, “I can’t.”
~NOVEMBER 2018~ (Present)
The 3 weeks before Hinata left for Brazil were like hell on earth. In between the soft and quiet moments of attempting to pretend their relationship wasn’t crumbling, they would argue. To be fair, the two of them had a history of arguing, but not like this. At least not since early high school. Even then it was usually just banter. This was something else entirely.
After Hinata left for Brazil, they attempted to do long distance, both hopeful that things would manage to work themselves out. In terms of the issues that continued, the physical distance was almost irrelevant when compared to the even larger emotional stake that was placed between them upon Hinata’s departure to Brazil. It took all of four months of Hinata being gone before the two of them decided it was best to break up.
Now, as Kageyama prepared to face him yet again he tried to push these heavy memories out of his mind. Despite his worry of what feelings might arise upon seeing his ex boyfriend and lifetime rival on the other side of the court, he had to focus on securing the win. So, he kept running.
It wasn’t necessarily that they had ended on bad terms. In fact, they had ended on surprisingly decent terms, both agreeing that they were hurting each other more than helping. That didn’t make it any less heart shattering for either of them. Either way, there was no doubt that both of them would be equally determined to win tomorrow’s game.
When he finally crashed back into his apartment he was still panting, sweat dripping down his forehead. He flopped down on the couch, trying to catch his breath, and succumbing to his exhaustion at last. Suddenly, he felt his phone start to buzz from the coffee table. He groaned, making no move to respond.
Buzz
Buzz.
Buzz, Buzz, Buzz.
Cursing, he finally picked up his phone. He squinted his eyes at the new text group that continued to relentlessly blow up his phone. What the hell?
KARASUNO REUNION!!!!!!!
Kageyama stared at the group chat name for a while, mentally preparing to open the chat and be met with what he could only imagine to be pure chaos. With a sigh he opened the chat.
Noya: Ayeeee original Karasuno ganggg!!! Who’s all popping out to the big game tomorrow??? The famous “freak duo” finally get to face off against each other in an official game!!
Tanaka: Hell yeah, I’ll be there. I wouldn't miss that for anything. I’ll bring Kyoko with me too.
Daichi: Should we all go out for drinks after?
Asahi: We might as well since we’ll all be in one place at the same time. Who knows when that’ll happen again…
Noya: We can bet on the winner of the game to decide who pays for the first round >:)
Suga: Sounds good to me. Can’t wait to see you guys again!
Kageyama stopped as the next message popped up.
Hinata: Yayyyyyy!!! Can’t wait!! Kageyama and his team are going down tomorrow. He’ll definitely need a beer to help nurse his wounds.
What…the HELL?! Kageyama felt that familiar annoyance and competitiveness he related so closely with Hinata start to boil inside of him. Who does he think he is?
Tsukki: Damn. Shots fired.
Yamaguchi: Uh oh
Tanaka: God, these dorks are still at it.
Noya: Shitttt. Kageyama r u gonna take that?
His fingers hit the keys before he could think.
Kageyama: I’ll be looking forward to it. I’ve been practically dying to see if all your training in Brazil paid off.
The chat went silent for a second. Kageyama held his breath as he waited for someone to say something.
Hinata: Then it’s a deal. Game and then drinks. If I win, you owe me a shot.
Kageyama couldn’t help but laugh at his message despite himself.
Kageyama: Deal.
Tanaka: Now we’re talkinnnn!
Suga: Good luck guys!
Kageyama closed his phone, planning to ignore any further messages for the rest of the day. He felt an ember burning inside of him. Alongside his anxiety and confusion over how he felt about seeing Hinata again was now a burning passion and desire to win. He felt relieved by the much more familiar feeling accompanying the awfully foreign one that had been plaguing him before. After all, this was the game the two of them promised each other all those years ago. He was going to enjoy every last fucking second of kicking Hinata’s ass.