Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1 - she wasnt supposed to exist in this world
OKAY UHH OC INTRODUCTION HERE PLUS BACKSTORY AND CHILDHOOD TRAUMA. TW IN BACKSTORY FOR sewerslide attempts but not in detail. YOU DONT HAVE TO READ THE BACKSTORY BCS A SMALL BRIEF BACKSTORY WILL BE GIVEN AT THE START OF THE CHAPTER BUT WOULD BE GOOD. SKIP TO THE HORIZONTAL LINE IF YOU WANT. OR STAY AND READ THERES A VERY IN DETAIL EXPLANATION OF 4 KINS: CATRA, ENTRAPTA, GLIMMER AND ADORA !
Sophia just turned 18 and has a soft, delicate build (not yn broskis but shes supposed to be me bcs self insert but i sadly do have a petite build do not come after me i hate having a fast metabolism frfr cannot gain weight and am underweight and have always been and NOT proud), shes quiet when shes alone and quite loud when she becomes comfortable, your typical omniverted audhd girl.
She has long pastel pink dyed hair, often just messy, sometimes tied into uneven pigtails when shes trying to feel okay, sometimes left loose when she stops caring. It tends to fall in her face when shes tired.
Her eyes are expressive in a way that she cant hide, no matter how much she tries, they give her away too easily, too much feelings, too little control over them.
She often dresses casually and mostly only pink: tank tops, oversized or messy clothing, off the shoulder tops, soft fabrics she can hide in. Short shorts or skirts.
She looks like the most adorable, sweet and innocent thing ever.
She is not. Well not entirely. Her mind is a dark place to be.
Personality:
Sophia is intense in ways people rarely know how to interpret.
She feels everything too deeply, attaches quickly, and loves with a kind of overwhelming sincerity that often scares her more than others.
She is affectionate .. when drunk. She doesnt really know how to act in social settings so she oftens drinks a bit to be able to feel normal. Shes openly emotional when safe, and extremely observant, noticing small emotional shifts in people that they often dont notice in themselves.
But she also struggles with self-worth and self-image in a way that runs deep into every single thing she does.
She believes, often irrationally, that she is "too much" and simultaneously "not enough".
She tends to idolize the people she loves, especially characters and heroes, placing them on emotional pedestals while failing to see herself as deserving of the same kindness.
Quick sidenote:
Yes, shes autistic and has adhd.
PLEASE keep in mind that autism is not a quirky thing.
also reminder that autism is a spectrum.
Autism Spectrum Disorder. ASD.
MBTI is enfp. YAY
Backstory + Childhood:
Sophia grew up on Earth without magic, destiny or anything she could point to and call purpose.
Her childhood was marked by emotional instability and inconsistent care. Her parents were not emotionally safe figures for her, affection was unpredictable, and criticism was frequent. She was often spoken to in ways that left lasting emotional impact, including being called too sensitive, overdramatic, or difficult when she struggled to regulate emotions or meet expectations.
Her parents were neglectful parents. Spanking and screaming at her over the smallest of things, like still not having cleaned all of the 3 bathrooms in their house in 2 hours when she was only 10. They have been hitting her since she can remember. Since she was a small toddler.
Her first suicide attempt was at age 11. Then another one at 12. and then at 14. When she was 11 she had promised herself she would not make it past 13. Now shes just turned 18. But thankfully she forgot a lot about her childhood. It makes it a bit easier but also sad.
Over time, this shaped the way she saw herself.
Sophia learned early that expressing distress did not always lead to comfort. Instead, it often led to dismissal, escalation, or emotional punishment. She learned to minimize her needs, hide her reactions, and function quietly even when she was overwhelmed.
That internal pressure built up over years.
Her self harm behaviors developed as a private coping mechanism, after her mother once saw it and played the victim role and told her to cut deeper. Not as a desire for attention, but as a way to regulate emotions she did not know how to process safely, especially during periods of stress, emotional overload, or feeling unseen.
At the same time, she was not emotionally supported in learning healthier tools to cope. Instead, she often felt misunderstood, invalidated, or blamed for her reactions.
There were moments of deeper emotional harm as well, words from her parents during conflict, like when her parents told her they wish they aborted her, she never existed, that at least one of her 3 attempts to off herself should have worked, that left longlasting scars on how she views herself, especially during arguments where she felt unwanted or like she was too much to handle.
These experiences led to a deeply ingrained belief that she is fundamentally difficult to love in a stable, safe way.
She was often misunderstood.
When she expressed excitement, she was told she was too much. When she became quiet, she was told she was too sensitive. When she struggled socially or academically, she was called lazy, dramatic, or difficult.
Over time, Sophia learned to mask.
To shrink herself.
To apologize before speaking.
To laugh when she wasnt okay.
And to hide the parts of herself that didnt fit into what others found easy.
Escapism:
She found escape in fiction.
Not just comfort, identity.
Stories like She-Ra and the Princesses of Power became something she latched onto deeply. She did not just enjoy them, she analyzed them, studied them, emotionally dissected them until they felt like something she understood more than her own life.
She connected most strongly to characters like Catra, Entrapta, Glimmer and Adora, not because she wanted to be like them, but because she recognized pieces of herself in them that she had never been able to name before.
She began writing, journaling, and mentally mapping everything she felt about them. It became a form of emotional survival.
Here why she relates to the 4 named characters:
Catra: fear of abandonment, emotional protection, attachment wounds
• feeling like you have to protect yourself before anyone else can hurt you
• pushing people away first so abandonment feels controlled instead of unexpected
• intense emotional reactions that come out as anger, sarcasm, or defensiveness
• struggling to trust love even when it is genuine
• breaking down once nobody is there
• never having anyone stay
• inflicting pain on oneself
• wanting affection deeply but acting like you dont need it
• feeling misunderstood or labeled too much by others
• difficulty believing you are worth staying for
• attachment that becomes intense, fast, and overwhelming
• regret after emotional outbursts or decisions made in pain
• wanting to be chosen, but expecting not to be
Entrapta: hyperfocus, analysis, being neurodivergent
• deep hyperfixation on interests to the point of emotional immersion
• analyzing people, stories, and systems in extreme detail
• difficulty with social cues or understanding emotional rules instinctively
• stimming through repetitive focus or behaviors
• getting excited in ways others misinterpret as too much
• prioritizing curiosity and understanding over social expectations
• feeling more comfortable with systems, patterns, or objects than people sometimes
• emotional honesty without realizing social filtering expectations
• forgetting social consequences when deeply interested in something
• being misunderstood as weird instead of just differently wired
Glimmer: emotional intensity, love, responsibility, pressure
• feeling responsible for other peoples happiness or emotional state
• wanting to fix things when they go wrong, even emotionally
• strong emotional reactions that can turn into frustration or overwhelm
• fear of losing people and trying to hold them closer because of it
• learning leadership while still feeling emotionally unstable inside
• struggling between anger and love toward people who matter
• wanting to be strong for others even when you feel broken yourself
• guilt when things go wrong, even if they arent your fault
• emotional growth through conflict and responsibility
Adora: identity struggle, morality, responsibility, self-worth
• trying to be good even when you dont feel good inside
• carrying responsibility for things that were never fully yours
• identity confusion (who you are vs who youre told to be)
• difficulty separating self worth from actions or mistakes
• wanting to protect others even at personal cost
• strong sense of justice and fairness
• feeling forced to protect others
• thinking that love is something you have to work for
• internal conflict between duty and personal desire
• guilt for past decisions or perceived failures
But at the same time, her real life became harder.
She experienced emotional invalidation at home, including being told she was overdramatic and too sensitive, and receiving cruel, destabilizing comments during conflicts.
Her trust in people became fractured.
She learned that safety was inconsistent.
That love often came with conditions.
Over time, she began to struggle with self harm behaviors and emotional regulation issues, especially during periods of overwhelm and loneliness. Her coping mechanisms became a mix of dissociation, fixation, self harm and emotional escape into fantasy worlds.
She developed a strong belief that she was fundamentally less normal than others, like she existed in a place where she was not supposed to be.
OKAY NOW HERE IS WHERE THE FIRST CHAPTER REALLY STARTS...... okay small backstory very very brief for those who skipped the actual backstory:
The first thing Sophia ever learned was that she was too much.
Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too loud when she shouldnt be. Too quiet when she was supposed to speak. Too intense when she liked something. Too dramatic when she hurt.
And never, ever enough of what people actually wanted. She learned to shrink it. To swallow it. To fold herself into something easier to deal with.
It didnt work.
She grew up on Earth. No magic. No princesses. No rebellions. And most importantly, no destiny written in the stars.
Just rooms that felt too small, conversations that felt too sharp, and a mind that NEVER seemed to turn off.
When she was younger, she found stories.
Not as an escape, well not really at least. More like recognition
She didnt know why she connected so hard to animated girls saving worlds that didnt exist.
Adora.
Catra.
Entrapta.
Glimmer.
They felt... realer than real things.
Especially Catra.
Because Catra made mistakes and still existed after them
Sophia liked that idea more than she ever admitted.
At eight, she watched She-Ra and the Princesses of Power like it was oxygen.
At ten, she rewound scenes until they hurt.
At eleven, she started writing things down, not just what happened, but what she felt about it, like if she analyzed it enough she could somehow become part of it. While also losing her friends by how obsessed she became. She started grabbing for her pink scissors. Often. It was at this age that she first tried offing herself. Thankfully she didnt.
At twelve, she started breaking instead of explaining. Bottling every single emotion she felt. Not losing a word of them.
At fourteen, she started trying to disappear into habits that made the noise stop. Desperately trying new ways to cope. Vaping. Cutting. Starving. Binge eating. Drinking. Burning. Inhaling deodorant even.
At sixteen, she stopped believing she was "normal". That that was something she was never going to become.
At seventeen, she finally moved out.
And told people she was fine.
She wasnt.
It was cold out and the window was open. Fresh and like rain smelling air blowing inside Sophias room. Sophia was just laying in her bed and sobbing. Sobbing so much that her face was swollen.
She had just moved 5 months ago to her new apartment. Its a cute and well sized apartment, 2 bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen with a dining area, an office and 2 bathrooms. She had only bought the necessities and a bit of decor. Her whole room was covered in posters from her old room. Everwhere on the wall posters of She-Ra, The owl house, Gravity Falls, Star vs the forces of evil, Amphibia, Jurassic world camp cretaceous. She even had plushies everywhere. The floor of her new bedroom was covered with small paper pieces because she had been diy-ing a small catra. Her Catra cosplay that she wore to a convention last week was draped over the end of her bed. Her bed was fluffy. Her pillows pink, her duvet pink too. The She-Ra blanket she loved so so much had a few mascara stains from crying.
Right now Sophia was hugging her Catra plushie and sobbing because she just watched the finale of She-Ra again on an illegal website. She cant believe that it has ended a few years ago. The show that saved her life multiple times wont be getting a new season. In fact its gone from Netflix.
Sophia let out a raw and loud sob. She sniffled against her plushie and sat up. She rubbed her face and pouted at the Catra in her hands. She whispered with a shaky voice:
"why can you not be real? HM?"
She groaned and let herself fall onto her back again. She shut her eyes tightly and muttered:
"UGH i wish it was all real. magic was real. etheria was real. that i could live there."
She didnt see the bliding white light that came after that. Of course she didnt, how could she, if her eyes were shut?