Chapter Text
Jax peeled his eyes open slowly.
Everything hurt, as per usual.
He forced himself to sit up, the heavy red duvet that had been covering him sliding into his lap as he did. He was in the same over-the-top bedroom he’d found himself waking up in more often than not, and it was just as bright as ever.
It never got very dark in the room, which made every night all that harder to forget– given he didn’t have many places to look away to and there was no darkness to hide his shame.
Jax groaned and rolled out of bed, padded feet hitting the thick carpet as he trudged to the attached bathroom to shower the night off. He used almost half the bottle of soap scrubbing himself, but even by the time he was rubbing a towel across his body, he could still feel all of last night.
He avoided his own reflection as he pulled his overalls on, forcing his eyes to focus on the plain white door instead.
Eventually he was dressed and dry enough to leave the room, walking back down the long hallway to Caine’s office. The walls were lined with decorative pillars, each topped with a colourful shape Caine had once told him were from when he first learned to generate things.
He forced his eyes to the ground again when he passed the last shape, this one a purple squiggle in the rough shape of a rabbit.
He slinked past the grand wooden desk in the center of the office, hearing the bookshelf slide back into place to hide the bedroom.
Jax averted his gaze again as he sat in one of the plush couches, the saved adventures on the walls whispering to him as he took the plate of food left on the small table in front of him.
Next to it was a note stating the day’s plans, something Caine had started leaving after Jax had asked for it.
The deal definitely had its perks, he could essentially ask Caine for anything and he’d give it. Though, he often felt the downsides outweighed those positives.
He finished his food– waffles, his favorite, and almost definitely better than whatever Bubble had served the rest of the gang– before finally leaving the space and climbing through the small doorway that dropped him back off in his own room.
Jax didn’t know why Caine still insisted on being “sneaky” when the rest of the cast already definitely knew.
In fact he knew they knew, because one of them offered him a shoulder to cry on if he needed it, another avoided him like the plague, one of them looked at him differently than he did the others, and the last two made sure he knew they knew.
He made a pit stop at his desk, nearly toppling into his chair as he picked up his scissors– another gift he’d requested from Caine.
It was past the nightly reset– it was nearly nine in the morning– so any mark he made on himself the others would definitely see. But the urge was no less strong than ever.
He glanced at his clock, then again at Caine’s itinerary.
He had time.
He slid his overalls back off, revealing the tops of his thighs, where the marks wouldn’t be seen– except by maybe Caine.
He used the scissors to make several mostly clean cuts against his flesh, no actual blood rising out to greet him– given he had no blood to bleed. He rubbed a gloved finger across the marks, pushing down on them just to feel the sting.
It did nothing.
It never did anything.
It always just made him feel worse.
Why he still did it, he had no clue, but he did.
And now he was pulling his overalls back up over the cuts to meet the others at the stage.
They were re-recording the theme song since it’d been awhile, and they were all supposed to be at the stage by nine thirty.
And he was there perfectly on time, and the second to last.
The only other person they were missing was Kaufmo.
Everyone else glanced at him just long enough to assure him they knew he was there and that he didn’t need to say anything to announce himself.
Except for one of them, who gave him a soft smile as he walked up to the group.
Before they could exchange any words, though, Caine appeared over the group, eyes lingering on Jax just a moment longer than the others
“Good morning, my performing arts!” He greeted, chipper as ever, completely unaffected by the previous night like he always was, “Today we will be re-recording the morning jingle since we haven’t since Zooble arrived, and we’re much in need of a refresher.”
Said abstract character groaned, “Do we really have to?”
“Why of course, Zooble,” He answered, “It will be a great bonding experience for all of us I’m sure.”
He shot Jax a look as he said that last part, which made him involuntarily flinch back.
The ringleader floated back again, “Before we begin, though, where’s Kaufmo?”
“Oh, he's still in his room,” Ragatha chuckled lightly, “He hasn’t woken up yet, we stayed up a little late last night.”
Jax let himself scoff at that, a little late was an understatement. He almost didn’t make it to Caine's room in time, which got him in trouble. They loved playing that game, it was their favorite.
Ever since Ribbit’s… incident, Ragatha and Kaufmo took it upon themselves to make sure Jax got no rest, no comfort.
They never even bothered hearing his side.
Gangle hadn’t, either, but she at least didn’t go out of her way to torment him. Instead she went out of her way to avoid him. Which was understandable, given that when she didn’t and Caine had control, she was the one being tormented.
And Caine took control a lot.
That was the deal: If Jax gave Caine access to his mind and body, Jax would be free from human pain and emotion. Or, at least, he’d be able to turn off the pain and emotion. He was also Caine’s favorite, though he wasn’t sure if that was part of the deal, or the reason the deal was offered.
Caine floated back up above their heads, the movement sudden enough to knock Jax’s mind back to the present, “Alright, I guess we’ll just have to start without him. I’ll rehearse it with him separately later.”
Jax liked the sound of that. Caine needing one-on-one time with another member meant alone-time for Jax. He also liked when Caine sent them all on group activities.
Those meant Caine didn’t try anything with the five other pairs of eyes watching.
Caine pointed each of them in some direction or another to prepare for the main theme, for which Jax would be able to check out completely for.
Caine was always so particular about the intro, he took control of Jax for it. He wasn’t complaining, that meant about five minutes at least of a quiet brain.
Five minutes he desperately needed.