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"Uhh.. Spoke?"
Jumper's voice drags him from the depths of his thoughts as Spoke peers around the corner, heart already dropping as he braces himself for Null members approaching. They are already tired and he and Jumper are at the last place they have to go to— the place where Spoke had been jumped at first by the Null. Because surely they wouldn't expect them to come back here to a place the Null already knew? A place already deemed unsafe?
Jumper doesn't sound particularly nervous, just confused, so Spoke just stands beside her, tail dragging behind him and pushes open the doors with the tired air of a man who had been through too much.
The scene before him is a thousand times better than what he was expecting. His beloved best friend, alive, standing in front of him, alive, alive, alive, alive, alive in a way that makes Spoke's mind repeat the words over and over and over again until it no longer feels real.
Mapicc is standing in front of him, sun catching behind his horns, warm glow on the edges of the folds of his clothing, painted noble reds and soft eyes and soft smile and warm hands and warm, warm, warm, and Spoke can't help himself.
"Mapicc!" He practically screams, throwing himself into Mapicc's arms as Mapicc laughs. It is tired, but he laughs, and Spoke thought that he had forgotten that beautiful noise, forgotten how easily he fit into Mapicc's embrace, how natural it was for him to become a part of Mapicc like some beast with two tails and two heads and four limbs. But he is remembering it now, remembering it all, and the ghost that he thinks is standing in front of him is not a ghost but real, real, real, wrapping him up in strong arms. His beloved Mapicc is back from the dead.
"Hi Spoke," Mapicc whispers, too echausted to match Spoke's energy, but that's okay, because he's here and that's all that really matters to Spoke, even if a new burst of energy has him wanting to run laps around the base hidden in the side of a mountain. Even if he wants to take Mapicc's hand and run away from here, far, far away where neither of them can get hurt.
But he doesn't. Mapicc seems content with staying here, and they sink to the ground like one interconnected being and Spoke thinks to himself, I missed this.
The grass is warm and soft and at his knee a dandelion bobs yellow and fluffy, a testament to their perseverence and strength, like the world is acknowledging their hardships, celebrating the fact that they are both alive. And the universe is, because the universe is Mapicc, arms wrapped tightly around Spoke, one hand up cradeling Spoke's head.
"I missed you," Spoke admits quietly, like it's some big secret. It's not, it really isn't. Mapicc's tail finds Spoke's and curls around it, even as he presses closer to Spoke.
"I missed you too," Mapicc mumbles into his hair. He smells like the outdoors, like sunshine and pine and prairie winds. Like love and everything familiar. "I thought I would never see you again."
Spoke's heart twists in pain. His arms tighten around Mapicc's torso, rubbing circles into it like Mapicc did whenever Spoke was stressed. He can't imagine a world without Mapicc. Cannot imagine he ever lived without sweet, sweet Mapicc by his side, without Mapicc to joke around with and pull pranks with and run around the server with. Without a constant, loving presence by his side he could rely on, without someone he could side-eye and whisper secrets too and not-so-silently judge people with.
What a darker time it had been without Mapicc.
Mapicc who laughed with Spoke, who shared his wins and losses, who never complained and said that Spoke was too annoying or too weird. Mapicc who always forgave Spoke even when Spoke didn't deserve it.
Spoke wishes he can stay like this forever, but as his finger find the dandelion by his feet, as his leans back to bring it up to Mapicc's face to stick it right above his ear (much to the chagrin of his best friend who lets out a grumble at the loss of contact), Mapicc's hands release Spoke's back and come up to grip at Spoke's arm.
It's sudden, and although it doesn't hurt Spoke— Mapicc is too gentle for that, he flinches nonethless, getting a hurried apology from Mapicc. But Mapicc's attention isn't on Spoke, it's on Spoke's arm that he has in his hold, sleeves slightly rolled up to catch a glimpse of the black cracks that line Spoke's skin.
"Spoke?" Mapicc speaks up, breaking the quiet between them. His face is wreathed in light and his brow is furrowed in concern and it feels both odd and right that Mapicc is worrying about Spoke. He's worrying about Spoke because he cares. "Are you—?"
"No." Spoke says, shutting down what Mapicc is about to say. The only time he has hurt himself is on accident, when his sharp claws dig into his skin when he stresses. It happened a lot when Mapicc was not there to catch it and gently drag Spoke's hands away from his arms— Spoke has the marks in his skin riddled like faux stars, pale against his blue-gray skin.
But even with Spoke's assurance that he is okay, not hurt from the Null or from anything, Mapicc refuses to calm down, eyes still bright and anxious. Mapicc knows very well that Spoke isn't telling him everything, and it won't hurt Mapicc if he tells him right? Maybe it will make Spoke feel a little better from not telling Mapicc about a bunch of other things?
He pulls his sleeve up more, revealing more of the dark, void-like cracks that spiderweb across his arm. Kinda like a broken mirror, with the backing seen through the shards of glass. Mapicc hisses through his teeth as he does when Spoke is in pain.
"Do they hurt?" He asks, bringing a finger up to trace around the edges of the gashes. His feather-light touch tickles and Spoke slaps his hand away, bringing up his own hand to itch at it. Skin flakes off like dried paint and Mapicc pulls his claws away, holds Spoke's hand in his own so Spoke stops.
"No," Spoke says placatingly, calmly, so that Mapicc is no longer so worried. Mapicc gives him a glare and Spoke acquiesces, backing down, letting Mapicc trace circles around his knuckles.
"Only a little. "
"Spoke," says best-friend Mapicc.
"Okay, maybe a lot."
Their tails twine together in the tall grass. They're kinda like statues, if you think about it. Spoke thinks that maybe it would be nice to be a statue. Mapicc's eyes are boring holes in Spoke's skin, carved from smooth stone. If Spoke was a statue, the cracks would be normak. But Spoke isn't and they're very wrong and he knows this and everyone who sees them knows this.
"Spoke—" Mapicc sighs, squeezing Spoke's fingers.
"Not when you're here though!" He attempts to raise his hands but they're stil connected to Mapicc so he resorts to a half-shrug instead.
"Then I'm never leaving your side ever, ever." Mapicc says firmly, puffing out his chest like he even has the power to make that promise. He doesn't. Compared to everyone else on the server, Mapicc and Spoke are pretty powerless. They both know this. But Spoke lets him make the promise, lets him lie to both of them. The hidden lie that they will be together forever and ever. Spoke knows that the world is cruel, that likely this won't happen, that likely it won't happen because Spoke wants it. Maybe if he lies to himself he can convince the world that he doesn't want this to happen and it will give it to him.
(Mapicc is the universe, a much nicer one. Don't get them confused. If Mapicc was really the whole universe and not just Spoke's, both of them would be together and forever happy.)
"Okay, Mapicc!" Spoke chirps, eyes crinkling with happiness. There's no point in getting caught on the future like a knife in between ribs, not when Mapicc the balm, the soothing healing potion is here right by his side. Spoke is never letting go. Mapicc doesn't want to either.
Mapicc is light, so light and so warm and so everything that Spoke starts tearing up. He's forgiveness, boundless love and care and he's everything Spoke isn't and Spoke doesn't know why Mapicc is still here when Spoke is the complete opposite— cold and dark and nothing.
Mapicc startles but even as he tries to soothe, the body does not want to be healed, rejects the medicine and continues to throw itself pointlessly against the infection. Except the infection is Spoke and Spoke is killing himself and his death won't be supernova— no flash of blinding light but a pitiful laying down of an old dog— there and then not. No stunning outro, just a death that could almost pass as sleep, a death that only matters to the people who own the dog.
Mapicc is so bright and Spoke is the absence of light and as the cracks on his arms sting with the reminder of his nothingness, of the black ink-like substance that corrodes Spoke's bones, rusts like like oxygen and iron, of the lack of star-studs in his being, Spoke begins to cry.
He cries because he knows opposites must be on opposing sides. Light versus dark, hero versus villain, unstoppable force versus immovable object. The words bubble out of him like a fountain, stuttered and tearful. Mapicc and him must be against each other, so says the rule of the world.
"Hey," Mapicc says, voice soft in the way that it is when Spoke is at a point of breaking where jokes cannot bring him back. He's back in the void, scrabbling his fingers bloody on the smooth surface of the bedrock, a fly in a pitcher plant, death below and the knowledge of the exit above but no way to get there. "We're not going to be fighting each other."
"Never?" Spoke sniffles, wiping his stinging eyes with a sleeve.
"Never." Mapicc says confidently.
"But theres's— Mapicc, I don't have any— I don't- I don't have any light in me," Spoke stutters, a fresh bout of tears running down his face and black ink trailing down his arms, a reminder of his unfixable brokenness, marring Mapicc's pale skin and his red hoodie as Mapicc pulls out a roll of bandages and begins to gently wrap Spoke's arms up. Spoke watches him through his tears, shoulders shaking with the effort of trying to force them back down.
"You don't have to be made of starmatter to shine, bro."
Spoke's tears halt as he stares at Mapicc who has just dropped some sort of philosophical whatever just to ruin it with a bro at the end. Where did this wisdom come from? Certainly not from Mapicc. Mapicc, who, as beloved as he was by Spoke, whines when Spoke laughs at him for burning his marshmallows around the campfire they make on occassion, orange and yellow flames flickering on his pouting face. Surely not.
"Okay, you cheeseball," Spoke laughs, and its wet and ugly, but it's a laugh right? He pushes Mapicc with the hand that isn't covering his face.
He can feel Mapicc's grin as he ties the bandage and pulls Spoke's sleeve over the clean white, dragging Spoke in for another hug.
"I love you, man," Mapicc murmurs in Spoke's ear, reverent in the space between them.
Spoke's heart warms as his tears dry.
"I love you too, bro."
…
"Spoke? Mapicc?" Jumper interrupts. Has she been standing at the door this entire time? Awkwardddd. "Why don't you two come inside where it's safe?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Mapicc says, standing and dragging Spoke up with him, yellow dandelion still bobbing stubbornly above his ear. He stretches as Spoke leans against him, groaning. "Dude, I think I was sitting on a rock, my ass hurts."
Spoke makes a muffled sound of amusement as he lets Mapicc drag them into the safety of the house, still clinging to Mapicc.
"Never seen him that clingy," Jumper says. mostly to Mapicc.
"Yeah, well," a pause, likely as Mapicc looks down at the koala clinging onto him. "Comes with the territory."
Jumper laughs, shutting the door firmly behind them and blocking out the sunlight, but it doesn't even matter because Spoke has his own personal sun right here in front of him.
"You have to tell us everything— where you were," Jumper sighs as Mapicc drags Spoke over to a bed in the corner. "We were looking for you forever."
"Forever," Spoke agrees sleepily as he settles into Mapicc's side.
"Of course," Mapicc says. "I actually have to take you guys somewhere too, but I think it can wait, just for a couple hours."
Spoke feels Jumper hesitantly settle on the bed too, leaving ample space between them, back propped up onto the stone wall as she keeps watch over the door. Spoke is already half asleep, this being the most important thing in the world. He curls his tail around Jumper's leg, a silent plea for forgiveness for all his snappy behavior. Jumper gasps as if a cute cat had come up to her and asked to be picked up. Mapicc snickers.
Spoke knows that he has to tell Mapicc that the cracks have been spreading up his arms, that he doesn't know if they will stop and that he doesn't know when they started. He will have to tell Mapicc all about his struggles with Jumper in finding him, about his increasing night terrors. But that can wait, it can wait.
Because Mapicc promised he'd be there for Spoke and he promised forever and Mapicc did his best to keep his promises.
Spoke trusted Mapicc with his life, trusted Mapicc's words like truth.
So he just allows himself to fall asleep, comforted, happy, and the warmest he has been for the past couple months.
Welcome home, Mapicc.