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Reality set in seconds after their tears stopped, and suddenly the sound of traffic screamed in their ears.
Dan was the first to pull back, mourning the feeling of Jaekyung’s warmth the moment they were apart.
“Sh-should we go home?”
Jaekyung nodded, wiping the wetness from his face with the back of his coat sleeves. He looked like a child recovering from a meltdown. It made Dan want to hug him again, protecting him from the outside world and everyone around them.
He let out a soft gasp when Jaekyung held onto his hand—intertwining their fingers.
Dan wanted to ask if that was a good idea. Sure, Jaekyung was looking far from his usual put-together self. His hair was dishevelled and slightly greasy; his eyes were puffy and red. And his usual workout clothes that clung tightly to his shredded body were replaced by a sweater and sweatpants that somehow seemed even too big for him.
But despite him looking the equivalent of a hot mess, he was still the most handsome person Dan had ever laid his eyes on. A guilty part in the back of his mind even dared to think that the hot mess look was a good one, and it made him even more appealing than he already was.
Dan shook his head. No time for that.
The walk back to the condo wasn’t long, but it was cold, and Dan was still healing, so the moment they were in the comfort of their home, they collapsed on the couch—drained from so many emotions.
They still needed to talk. Dan had so many questions, and he was sure Jaekyung had many as well.
“Um…” Jaekyung cleared his throat. “I’m…gonna go grab you some warm clothes. I’ll be back.” He said stiffly, walking away in an almost robotic manner.
Dan tilted his head as he watched Jaekyung head upstairs—confused but surprisingly not nervous at all. He didn’t think for a second that Jaekyung regretted his words after such a confession.
Maybe he was embarrassed? Dan was feeling that slightly as well. He didn’t even want to think about how many people had witnessed them tearily professing their feelings in front of a bus stop in the middle of Korea’s busiest city.
Jaekyung was taking a long time, so he got up to put his jacket away. He even managed to put the few things he was carrying back into his room before he could hear Jaekyung’s steps coming down the stairs. He put a pile of comfy-looking pyjamas in the space beside Dan, but before he could pick them up, Jaekyung quickly placed a small box on top.
He looked away nervously as Dan stared at it.
“Wh-what’s this?”
Jaekyung shrugged, clearly trying to look more nonchalant than he was feeling. “I…meant to give you this on the day…you got hurt.”
Dan lifted it, his hands shaking. He’d never owned jewelry in his life, but he had watched enough dramas to know most likely what was in it. He almost didn’t want to open it, but Jaekyung was watching him eagerly.
He flipped the lid open, slowly revealing a set of matching rings. Dan almost never swore, but he had to fight back the urge to scream holy shit.
He had never dreamed of owning something so grand—so sparkly and expensive.
“Is…this one for me?” He pointed at the significantly smaller band. It was simple but one of the most beautiful things he had ever laid his eyes on.
Jaekyung nodded, scratching the back of his head. “Only if you want it to be.”
Dan gently placed the box on the couch, lunging forward to wrap his arms around Jaekyung. He thought he was done crying. He thought his emotions had calmed down, but he was in tears the moment they collided. He still couldn’t believe any of this was real as Jaekyung held him just as tightly, cradling the back of his head like he truly was the most precious thing in the world.
He pulled away from the hug slightly, pressing the gentlest of kisses to Jaekyung’s lips. “I-I love you very much, Mr. Joo.”
Jaekyung kissed him back, putting in as much passion and affection as he could into it. “I…love you too, Kim Dan.”
“O-oh!” Dan sobbed, nuzzling his head into the side of Jaekyung’s neck.
“I didn’t say it earlier…But I do. I really love you.”
Dan nearly melted against him—holding onto him like his life depended on it, and Jaekyung held onto him the same way. They were desperate, craving nothing more than to feel the other. Neither of them wanted to let go. But eventually Dan’s arms grew tired, and he leaned back, picking up the box once again.
“C-can I put yours on you?”
Jaekyung looked surprised at his question, his brows nearly raising to his hairline. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
Dan held out his hand, which was shaking violently. Jaekyung took hold of it, sliding the silver diamond band onto his lithe ring finger.
He let out a sigh of relief that it fit. Not that it was all that surprising—after they had come back from Paris, Jaekyung had sneakily measured Dan’s finger while he slept. It just so happened that Jaekyung’s pinky was the same size, making it easy to check if it would be the perfect fit.
Dan was quick to grab his hand and slide the matching ring on. He fiddled with it for a moment before falling back, relaxing against Jaekyung’s body.
His grandma had always told him he was such a cuddle-bunny when he was a kid, but it still shocked him how easily he became affectionate with Jaekyung. And more shockingly, it seemed to be the same for Jaekyung, who wrapped his arms around Dan’s chest, pressing soft kisses to the top of his head.
“Um…Mr. Joo?”
“You can call me Jaekyung, y’know.”
“Okay,” Dan said a bit awkwardly. Calling him Jaekyung felt unnatural—against everything in his being. He let the word sit in his tongue for a moment before he continued. “Jaekyung?”
“Yeah, Kim Dan?” He rubbed his cheek against Dan’s hair.
“What does this mean?”
“What does what mean?”
Dan was quiet for a second.
“I-I suppose…all of this?”
Jaekyung froze.
“A-are…we dating?” He cringed at his words.
Jaekyung let out a long breath. “I’ve…never done this before.”
“Me neither.” Dan let out a gentle laugh.
And there was a moment where panic had begun to set into Jaekyung’s stomach. He had no idea what he was doing. He had no idea how to do any of this. In all honesty, he hadn’t expected to make it this far. The cruel part of his brain had convinced him that no matter what, Dan was going to reject him. So why think of a future? Why think beyond asking him to stay?
But right now, he was cursing his past self because he was completely out of his element. He didn’t date. He didn’t do love. And yet here he was, sitting in his living room with the love of his life practically in his lap—warm and comfortable and safe.
He tried to think of all those romance movies he watched, but none of them really applied to this situation. The golden age of Hollywood wasn’t exactly pumping out movies with gay couples. He was used to films where the couple would profess their love and then quickly get married. It’s not like him, and Dan could do that, which suddenly left a horribly bitter feeling in his stomach.
“M-Mr. Jo—I mean Jaekyung…we can figure this out-“
“Boyfriends.” Jaekyung sputtered, wincing at his own awkwardness. “I
guess…this makes us boyfriends.”
Boyfriends. That word flooded Dan’s mind. In all his fantasies of Jaekyung returning his feelings, never once did he get this. Never had he thought it was even a slight possibility that Jaekyung would be calling him his boyfriend one day.
Dan’s face grew warm. “O-oh.” He buried himself in his own hands.
“Does…that mean we will go on dates…and other things?”
“I think so.”
“I’ve never been on a date.” Dan’s mind flashed to the amusement park and fancy dinner. He thought about the two of them laughing and having a good time. He thought about Jaekyung licking the ice cream off his hand and wiping the food off his face. He blushed at the memories. Okay, so maybe he had been on dates before.
“I…haven’t been on one either.”
Dan’s head turned around—only to be met with an equally blushing Jaekyung. “H-have you really never dated before?”
Jaekyung shook his head, brows furrowed together. “I wasn’t exactly the relationship type of guy.”
“But…you’ve been with so many people!”
“Yeah, I know. I’m a whore.” He scoffed. He had never regretted not being a virgin in his life until now.
Dan lowered his head. “S-sorry I didn’t mean-“
“You’re the first and only person I’ve ever enjoyed sex with.”
“Wh-what?”
“And…you were my first kiss.”
He gasped. “I…was your first kiss?” His heart hammered against his chest.
Jaekyung shrugged, pulling Dan in close. “I didn’t give a fuck about intimacy. Sex didn’t even feel that good. It was just a way for me to keep my mind off things.”
Dan felt butterflies in his stomach after hearing Jaekyung’s confession. It made him feel special. That even though Jaekyung was the one who took all his firsts—the one who seemed to be more experienced in absolutely everything, still, he got to experience things for the first time with Dan. He wanted to curl up against Jaekyung, basking in his scent and warmth, but instead he stood up from the couch—extending his hand.
“Do…you want to take a bath with me?”
Jaekyung’s face turned bright red, his eyes looking away in shame. “D-do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“Yes.” Dan smiled, holding onto Jaekyung. “It’ll be nice, I promise.”
Jaekyung seemed to reluctantly follow Dan, trailing closely behind him. He was fighting thoughts he shouldn’t be having, but he was only a simple-minded man at the end of the day; how could he not? Especially when the love of his life was stripping in front of him, looking devastatingly beautiful despite just getting out of the hospital after fighting for his life. He wanted to touch him. To feel his bare skin.
“A-are you going to get undressed?” Dan asked as he turned on the water, feeling the temperature to make sure it was just right.
He nodded dumbly, taking off his shirt in the most uncoordinated way possible. He felt like a pre-pubescent boy discovering what sex was for the first time.
The room steamed up quickly, filling the air with the scent of eucalyptus from the leaves Jaekyung had hanging around. It was nice, calming. He had been on edge for weeks since the moment his match ended. He had been a sobbing mess in his apartment, barely eating or even showering unless he was sneaking into the hospital in the middle of the night to bring Dan fresh flowers.
Dan practically ushered him into the water, slotting himself in between Jaekyung's thick legs. He leaned back against Jaekyung’s chest, his head lifting to meet his eyes. They sat there for a while just soaking. It felt nice being able to relax in something other than a hospital bed. Not that Dan was complaining. Jaekyung had paid for a hospital room that was nicer than the two places Dan had called home. But it was lonely there, and no matter how much he turned up the thermostat, it was always so cold.
“They do this in the dramas I watch.”
Jaekyung looked down at him with a soft smile on his lips. “You watch dramas?”
“When…I have time, I like to.”
“I’ve never seen you watching them before.”
Dan shrugged. “I thought the sound might bother you, so I only watched them when you weren’t here or with my headphones on.”
Jaekyung mentally smacked himself. How could he be such an asshole all the time?
“Maybe…you can show me your favourite ones?”
Dan’s eyes went wide before squinting in a bright smile. “I would like that.”
He blushed, almost feeling like he needed to look away or else he would be consumed by Dan’s pure light.
“Wh-what else do they do in your shows?” He tried his best not to make that sound suggestive, but judging by Dan’s light pink blush, he wasn’t entirely successful.
“They wash each other’s hair.”
Jaekyung smirked. “You want me to wash your hair, Kim Dan?”
He nodded, forcing the embarrassment down. He was trying to convince himself it was okay to want these things. In fact, it was normal. They…were dating. Boyfriends. And wanting affection and intimacy from his boyfriend was normal—expected even.
Jaekyung was tempted to tease him, to lean down and whisper things in his ear that would make him squirm, but instead he leaned to the side of the tub to grab his shampoo and conditioner.
He pressed a quick kiss to the side of Dan’s neck as he lathered the shampoo in his hands. He worked the product into Dan’s hair, putting extra effort into massaging his scalp.
“Does that feel alright?”
Dan practically sighed into his touch. “Yes.” He whispered, eyes closing as Jaekyung did his best to remember all the ways Dan massaged him. He worked his fingers against his head, down to his neck, and then his shoulders.
Judging by the way Dan was practically putty in his hands, he must’ve been doing something right. He eventually rinsed the shampoo out, then moved on to conditioner. They stayed like this for a while, with Dan enjoying being touched and Jaekyung enjoying touching. But Dan’s fingers tingled with need soon enough.
He turned around in the tub, facing Jaekyung. He cradled his face, using the warm water to try to wipe away the puffiness and exhaustion in his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
"I didn't sleep much with you gone."
Dan's brows furrowed further together, annoyed that his concern must've been written on his face.
"I wish you would have visited me while I was awake."
Jaekyung looked away in shame. He didn't have the balls to face Dan. Not after what he put him through. He was still shocked at himself for mustering the courage to run after him. He couldn't help but feel selfish.
"I...didn't want to bug you."
Dan gave him a look that clearly meant he wasn't fooled--that he had been staying away from Dan for a reason. But the look faded in the blink of an eye, and he returned to soothing Jaekyung's tired face.
"The flowers were beautiful to look at."
Jaekyung's eyebrows nearly reached his hairline. "You knew they were from me?"
"I don't think anyone else would've brought me fresh flowers every day."
It took everything in Jaekyung not to pout, knowing that there was another bastard who would do the same. "I'm glad you liked them."
Dan smiled, "I loved them."
Jaekyung's mind went blank; the only thing filling his mind was the thought that he needed to dedicate the rest of his life to making sure Dan smiled like that every single day. Even if it meant going completely broke on buying the most exquisite flowers.
He only managed to come back down to earth when Dan's chaste kiss brought him back. "Did you want me to wash your hair?"
"Okay." He said dumbly, rolling down in the bath so he could be at a better height for Dan to reach.
He knew his hair needed a good wash--he hadn't gone this long without showering since he was a kid, and his father stopped paying the water bill. He almost felt bad for making Dan wash it.
But Dan didn't mind. He had gone through similar phases, drinking himself to sleep for days on end. He wasn't in any better condition than when Jaekyung had found him nearly drowning to death in the ocean.
So he was patient as he worked the shampoo into his hair, making sure to untangle any knots and delicately exfoliate.
Jaekyung was getting lost in his special treatment when he felt an electrifying sensation in his lower stomach.
He groaned, hating that he was getting hard, and no matter how much he gritted his teeth and bit his lip, his erection wasn’t willing to go down.
“Jaekyung…are you feeling okay?”
He nodded, squeezing his eyes tightly closed. “I’m fine.” He grunted, sounding obviously strained. He nearly told Dan to stop touching him—to stop rubbing his gentle hands all over his head and body, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. For weeks, he’d been thinking about those hands. Those hands and that skin and those doe eyes and luscious lips.
That isn’t helping, he muttered to himself. It was barely above a whisper, but Dan could just make out what he said.
Dan peeked around Jaekyung’s body, noticing his hard cock. He blushed, getting flustered at the thought that gentle touches were enough to get Jaekyung going. That he was enough to get him all hit and bothered.
Without saying anything, his hands massaged down Jaekyung’s scalp and then to his neck and back, where Dan slowly dragged his hands to his stomach.
Jaekyung was suffering, nearly whimpering as he tried to hide how turned on he was, and the moment Dan grabbed his dick, he let out what sounded like a choked sob. He placed his hand on top of Dan’s.
“You don’t…you don’t need to do that.”
“I want to,” Dan whispered in his ear, feeling uncharacteristically bold.
“W-we shouldn’t.”
“It’s fine.” He pressed a kiss to Jaekyung’s neck.
Slowly, Jaekyung’s hand fell, and he leaned back into Dan. He was a weak and pathetic man. “The doctor…said you shouldn’t be…doing anything strenuous.” He huffed as Dan worked his member.
Dan wanted to ask how he knew that, since he supposedly hadn’t been at the hospital, but he let it slide for now and continued stroking.
Most things during sex didn’t come naturally to him, and at times he felt awkward and uncomfortable, but to his surprise, giving a hand job almost felt natural—like his hands already knew what to do to take Jaekyung apart.
He even lathered the very expensive conditioner in his hands, switching between using both and then just one when he could tell Jaekyung was close.
He was a moaning mess in Dan’s arms, panting like he was a man who had never been touched before. “Kim Dan.” He whined, gripping the sides of the tub. “H-Hyung.”
Dan liked the sound of that, noticing that his own dick was growing hard. He subconsciously started grinding against Jaekyung’s back.
He was almost so lost in his own pleasure that he hadn’t noticed the feeling of Dan against him, but the thought of being used only turned him on more.
His hips lifted out of the water when Dan’s palm gently ground against the head of his erection.
“Wh-when did…you get so good at that?”
Dan laughed breathlessly, enjoying this even more than Jaekyung was.
He used his left hand to stroke at an increasingly fast pace as his right continued grinding against the head, switching to thumbing the slit.
Suddenly, Jaekyung grabbed his hand. “Can we…go to the shower? I wanna…come together.” He blushed, sounding almost bashful as the words left his mouth.
Dan was quick to release him, watching as he got out of the tub to turn on the water in the shower.
He wasn’t gone long before he was reaching out his hands in front of him, allowing Dan to pull himself out of the tub with ease and no pain.
They were in the shower for seconds before Jaekyung crashed their mouths together. “I fucking missed you.” He couldn’t seem to get enough. He wanted to touch Dan more, to taste him everywhere.
He guided Dan’s hands back to their erections, pressing them tightly together. “Keep going.”
Dan nodded as he tugged on Jaekyung’s bottom lip, stroking their members with both his hands. It was almost too much to feel Jaekyung pressed against him—to feel the silkiness and heavy weight. And of course, the warmth. The addicting warmth that Jaekyung always gave off.
“I love you.” Jaekyung panted, sucking Dan’s tongue into his mouth. “I love you so fucking much.”
Jaekyung rutted against Dan’s hands, fucking them as he massaged.
They didn’t last much longer—Jaekyung letting out a high-pitched groan the moment he came all over Dan’s hands and stomach. Dan followed right after, falling into Jaekyung’s chest.
“Holy fuck.” Jaekyung breathed. “Shit.”
Dan giggled against him, his arms wrapped securely around Jaekyung’s small waist. He never thought he’d miss sex, but he couldn’t deny how good that felt. Like the weeks of him lazing in bed recovering were just released. Maybe even he could get pent up.
Jaekyung ushered them out of the shower the moment he caught his breath. He was quick to wrap a towel around Dan, making sure his wound and stitches stayed extra dry.
“Is your stomach okay?”
“Yes.” Dan nodded, smiling as he pressed a soft kiss to Jaekyung's cheek. Words couldn’t describe how happy he was that he got to do that. But what made him even happier was Jaekyung quickly returning the kiss, pulling the towel even tighter.
He led them back to his room, dressing them both so they could get warm. Although Jaekyung noticed now that Dan was back, his house somehow felt a little less cold.
But he still wanted to tuck them in quickly, wanting nothing more than to be with Dan. His body craved to touch him. To be as close as humanly possible.
He had gently maneuvered Dan so that their limbs were wrapped together, making sure his stomach remained perfectly flat.
“Is this okay?”
He smiled, snuggling in closer, "Yes, this is good."
Jaekyung kissed him on the top of the head, "Love you." He whispered, nearly falling asleep before Dan could tell him that he loved him back.
He had only ever dreamed that this could be his life. Late at night, he would let himself fantasize about the possibility of being like this with Jaekyung--cuddling him as much as he wanted, being in love. And he knew it would be a cliche to think that he was scared that he would wake up and this would all be a cruel nightmare; his brain played to cope with being in the hospital.
He breathed in Jaekyung’s scent, pulling him impossibly close. In that moment, he knew there was nowhere else he would rather be than in Jaekyung’s arms. As sleep slowly claimed him, his final thoughts lingered on the safety wrapped around him—the feeling of being protected, of finally being at peace. Most of all, he felt so very warm.