Work Text:
2019 rookies, charlos & 1 loser
Lando:
hypothetically
if someone would be about to propose does he ask the dad first?
for permission i mean
or is that too outdated?
Charles:
you’re gonna propose to Oscar??
Alex:
really?
finally?
Max:
yes
Lando:
yes what?
mf there are two options
Carlos:
no
George:
maybe
Lando:
i feel like you’re just fucking with me
Max:
yes
Carlos:
no
George:
maybe
Lando:
fuck all three of you
@Charles @Alex so what do you guys think?
Charles:
I personally would ask his dad for permission first
or like not ask for permission but just tell him that I’m about to ask his son to marry me
you know, just to let him know
Alex:
yeah, don’t ask for permission, this is not the 50s anymore
just straight up tell him what you’re about to do
Lando:
what if the dad doesn’t like me and tells me i cannot marry his son?
Max:
is this still hypothetical or are you genuinely talking about Mark?
Lando:
what do you think dumbass
Carlos:
mind you he would rather relive multi 21 than let you marry Oscar
Lando:
did he tell you that??
seriously
Carlos:
I can see it on his face every time you two are in the same hemisphere
Max:
he tried to negotiate a deal with RedBull so he could get Oscar away from you
George:
he tasked me and Alex to make him a PowerPoint presentation about you
Charles:
he once gave me 20 bucks to seduce Oscar
Max:
WHAT
Lando:
WHAT THE FUCK
Charles:
I obviously didn’t do it
Lando:
well i would hope so???
@George did you really make the presentation for him?
George:
yeah
Lando:
whyyyyyy
George:
he told me that otherwise he would have a talk with Toto
Lando:
did he really say that???
George:
no but it was the tone and
Max:
LMAO
Alex:
you need to have 15 hours of screen time to understand this reference
Carlos:
post it on f1twt
Lando:
guys stop fucking around
all i wanted was a simple answer to my question about proposing to oscar
and what did i get??
find out that his dad fucking hates my guts and wants me gone??
Charles:
I’m sure it’s not that bad
Lando:
…
@Charles he would rather have you, SEBASTIAN VETTEL’S SON, as his son-in-law than me…
George:
if you say it like that it really sounds bad
Max:
@Lando did you kill his dog or something?
Lando:
oh yes, i fucking ran him over
WHAT DO YOU THINK
Max:
well you shouldn’t have fucking done that then
Lando:
bitch don’t piss me off and help me
Max:
fine, let’s see
not asking for permission could be seen like you don’t respect Mark or like you don’t value his opinion
could make him think that you’re not good enough for his son
Lando:
he already thinks that, that’s the problem
Max:
is he wrong tho?
Lando:
SO WRONG
i treat oscar like a princess
my pretty boy
George:
okay simp, we don’t need to know everything
Carlos:
yeah cuz that’s what we wanted to know…
Max:
you know what, try it on me, lover boy
let’s pretend I’m Mark and convince me I should let you marry Oscar
Lando:
are you serious
Max:
absolutely
Lando:
…
max do i have your permission to marry oscar?
Max:
that’s Mr. Verstappen to you
Lando:
mr. verstappen, do i have your permission to marry oscar?
Max:
no
next question
Lando:
i’ll fucking punch you
Charles:
that’s how you plan on asking??
he’ll actually send your ass to hell
George:
wait this was for real??
I can’t believe you’re making me side with Verstappen and others but this was so bad
Lando:
i’m done with all of you
he cannot stop me from marrying oscar anyway
Max:
don’t do it
George:
Lando, please think this through
Charles:
well… if Lando mysteriously disappears we know why
Mark Webbah
Lando:
Hello, Mister Webber
Mark:
I’m calling the police
Lando:
Okay, rude??
Mark:
Why are you texting me?
Did you and Oscar finally break up?
Lando:
Why would I even text you if we did?
Mark:
What do you want then?
I don’t have all day, some of us have things to do
Lando:
Funny you say that, one would think that the world champion is more busy than a 9-race-winner in retirement
Oh my god, I’m so sorry
I don’t know why I said that
Mark:
Please, the championship was rigged
Say thank you to Oscar for switching places in Monza
Lando:
boohoo stay mad
Mark:
Verstappen owns your ass
Lando:
and i own your son
you know he calls me daddy sometimes
Mark:
Bitch, I’m coming for you
Lando:
your son does that too
Mark:
Kill yourself
Lando:
you’re just mad i can actually pull my teammate
wish that was you huh
Mark:
Genuinely don’t know what you talking about, mate
Lando:
does the name sebastian vettel ring a bell??
Mark:
We don’t say the devil’s name around here
And for your information, I could easily pull him if I wanted to
Lando:
you say that and yet, i’m the only one from us two who’s getting married to his teammate
Mark:
You’re not doing that
Lando:
try to stop me
Mark:
You’re not marrying into my family
Lando:
your championship-less family needs me
it’s either me or try to seduce sebi
he has 4 of these trophies
gun to your head, who would you rather chose hm?
Mark:
Gun to my head, I’d say pull the trigger
Lando:
i wouldn’t be against but i’m like 90% sure osc is gonna want to have you at our wedding so please don’t do that
should i also invite seb??
Mark:
Should we invite the devil into heaven ahh question
Lando:
ah mister funny guy
didn’t seem like you hate him when you practically fucked him with your eyes every time you looked at him
Mark:
There was only hatred in my eyes
Lando:
unresolved sexual tension
i’m so inviting him
Mark:
No need because there won’t be any wedding
Lando:
i would kindly disagree
i don’t need your permission
Mark:
Why would you text me in the first place then?
Lando:
just to inform you that your son bagged a world champion
and laugh in your face cuz i know you wanted that too
but that’s skill issues ig
Mark:
Let me speak to Seb one time and I’ll show you how I have him wrapped around my finger
Lando:
i saw you with him in brazil last year
it’s really the other way around
Mark:
…
If you propose to my son I’ll kill you
He’ll be sad, sure, but I think he’ll eventually get over it
Lando:
don’t think so, your son loves me dearly
he tells me i’m his favorite person ever
Mark:
My son is a big fat liar, I see
Lando:
you’re just salty cuz you have no game
Mark:
I actually have more game than you
Lando:
your hand while looking at seb’s edits doesn’t count
Mark:
Your monster sucks btw
Lando:
more like your son sucks my monster but go on
Mark:
I’m calling Oscar
Lando:
he’s gonna be busy now
thank you for your blessings tho, mister webber
Mark:
I’m coming for your ass
business chat (george said)
Ollie:
@Lando why are you beefing with Mark Webber on Twitter?
Oscar:
what
@Lando why are you arguing with my dad?
and why do I have 20 missed calls from him
Lando:
your dad has anger issues
don’t mind him
Kimi:
boyyyy, you’re on thin ice
he actually seems mad
Lando:
don’t worry, i have him under control
@Charles can you tell your dad to text him??
please it would be really helpful
Charles:
okay…?
I guess?
why tho?
Lando:
just to calm him down a little bit
Oscar:
are you talking about my dad?
Lando:
osc love, i got it
Max:
did I see right?
championship-less family???
boy, are you retarded
George:
generational rage bait
Carlos:
I’m pretty sure not even Seb is gonna make it better
Oscar:
@Lando why are you even arguing with him?
Lando:
i just wanted to discuss something with him
Oscar:
what could that possibly be?
Lando:
Max wanted some advice on his love life
Max:
…
I what-
George:
actually wouldn’t surprise me
Oscar:
… from my dad?
Lando:
well charles is seb’s boy and since mark already dealt with one vettel before he would know how to deal with the other one too
Oscar:
@Max why didn’t you go to me?
I would ask my dad for you
Max:
I…
I really don’t know…
Charles:
can’t believe you’re going for advice to my dad’s ex
Max:
Charlie, you know it’s not like that
George:
you’re such a loser, Verstappen
Kimi:
no rizz whatsoever
Max:
@Lando count your days
Lando:
anyway
@Oscar we have a reservation for dinner today, you didn’t forget right
Oscar:
you still gonna pick me up?
Lando:
of course, love
@Max can i borrow your car?
i forgot to get gas
Max:
are you serious
no
Charles:
Max
George:
oh so you hate love?
Carlos:
you’re like Grinch except for hating Christmas you hate people in love
Alex:
must suck to be hater like you
Max:
fuck all of you
@Lando I’m calling Mark
Lando:
tell him i arranged a date for him with his lover boy
[BONUS]
