Chapter Text
Cassie leaned over the sink, trying to wash away the sadness. The cold water helped her get back to the present moment. She looked up and her tired face looked back in the mirror. She really looked awful. Messy hair from you so roughly grabbing it while you made out, eye bags were the result of sleeping bad for weeks when you knew what doom awaited. Tears had stained the corners of her eyes, the red spots matching your eyes as she dropped you off.
It had been a long and intimate hangout today. First, going out for ice cream, studying while she made dinner, watching a movie on the couch and then... The inevitable talk. Clear communication of feelings, lots of tears were shed. Cassie told you she would be moving away. She got a job in a hospital in Pittsburgh. That wasn't the only thing. You would enroll in medical school, which would demand your full attention. Cassie didn't want your relationship to drag on and fade away. Better to just end it. You cried for so long but saw the point and agreed. You knew it was coming. After nestling in Cassie's arms for the evening and making her play with your hair she drove you home. With a reassuring kiss she told you some sweet nothings. How everything would be alright.
I walked up the steps to my first floor apartment, it felt as if all that happened only now started making sense. Cassie would move away and you two would break it off. I wrapped her jacket around me tighter. The faint scent of cigarettes had become naturally calming. But dang, she told you she stopped. Did it matter?
The words she told you spooked through your head. ''It's better if your full focus is on med school, sweetie.'' and ''You'll find a nice person of your age there.'' FUCK IT ALL. Cassie was perfect. She meant more to you than you to her, or so you thought anyway. She could be so dismissive and casual about everything. Your emphatic side betrayed you. Every thing she handled wrong, you justified in your head. Some sweet words and a kiss on your forehead was everything I needed to let my worries drift away. She had me hooked.
I wondered if I should text. But really? There was nothing to say. A proper goodbye would follow later. For now, I did what I did best. Shut all my feelings out and throw myself into studying. At two in the morning I had converted enough of my anger into studying. After a sleepless night I asked Cassie out for coffee at 6am. At half eight she had read my text. Half an hour later I got picked up.
Cassie honked at me as I stepped out of the apartment.
''Yeah, yeah. Calm down.''
I got in and immediately leaned over to kiss her with a lot of pent-up frustration.
''you alright, sweetheart?''
''What do you think?'' I gave her a mean look but it melted away instantly as I heard Harrison's attempt at making words.
'I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep after what happened yesterday.''
I watched Cassie's baby in the backseat smiling widely. He really was the cutest.
'Hi baby. You look cute.''
Cassie ordered to put your seatbelt on and as she began driving a question popped up in my head.
''When you're gone, where will he stay? At Chad's?''
''Yes.''
I saw how her face tensed up.
''He's a shitty partner but a good dad, I can't lie.''
''Ah. Alright. I'll miss you both.''
Her hand slid on your thigh.
''Don't say that now. Not yet. Please?''
''fine.''
''how are your studies going?''
''Also fine''
Cassie gripped the steering wheel tighter and let out a breath.
''Where would you like to go?'' she eyed you.
''The usual one we go...please.''
''Alright. Honey, talk to me.''
My head could explode. I didn't feel too well. No words could come out. Cassie's hand found my thigh and absentmindedly stroked it until she parked near the coffee shop.
An Americano, chocolate milk and iced latte. Her poking fun at your sweet choices was familiar. Conversation flowed better now. We both amused Harrison, who was really the cutest toddler in the world. I would miss him, I thought to myself.
''When are you leaving?''
''You really know how to kill the mood, sweetie. But to answer your question, Ina little more than two weeks.''
''That's...sooner than expected.''
''Do you want to come over so we can talk a little more?''
I wiped my eyes from the forming tears and nodded. ''Yeah. But I have to wrap up some things first. I'll text you later today.''
''I'll drive you back.''
''I'd rather walk, I'll see you later. And thanks for the coffee.''
I saw a hint of disappointment in her eyes but she let me go. I walked home and thought about what I still had to do. Study, dishes, big cleanup. It was a good thing I was more often at Cassie's than she was at my place. Even with a toddler, her place never looked like a rat's nest.
I took the bus in the afternoon to get to her place. After hearing Harrison was taking a nap I begged her to get on the couch with me. I didn't want to talk yet, I just wanted to get off.
''Fuck... I need you, Cassie.'' I straddled her lap and tangled my hands in her hair. I could tell she was surprised, but in a good way because soon her hands were all over me.
...
''You alright?'' ''Hm-hm.''
We got dressed and I spent time cuddling with her until we had to wake Harrison.
''Does Chad know yet?'' ''Yeah I told him a while ago.''
A deal was made. I'd entertain Harrison so Cassie could nap too and after that she'd cook for us. It was fun, we played games. And when I lost inspiration I opened her laptop and scrolled through her pictures. With the toddler on my lap I looked through things she found worthy being remembered. Pictures with her friends at parties, drunk or high, either would fit. Harrison as a baby, her with that asshole ex boyfriend Chad. What a surprise, I was in it! After we went on a few dates she insisted on taking my picture. There I stood at the lake in a sundress, I remembered the day well. Some other pictures were me sleeping in her arms and for the photo she pretended to bite in my head. It was really cute. Next page, Cassie high as a kite on a couch I didn't recognize.
''Hey Harrison, that's your mommy, but I guess a long time ago.''
''Snooping through my pictures? You could just ask. Found anything interesting?''
I jumped as I heard Cassie's voice behind me.
''Jesus fucking christ. You know I get scared easily. And why ask when snooping exists,'' ''Yeah, yeah. Calm down princess.''
I tried to catch my breath as she played with my hair.
''God, I forgot those existed.’’
Cassie began explaining situations on the pictures giggly.
''You look so cool getting high.'' I confessed.
''Oh do I? I hope to leave that time behind me. But sure. I did look cool. Promise me you'll never try such things.''
I stared for a second to see if she was teasing or dead serious. Upon seeing her stern gaze I quickly promised to never touch such things.
''Alright. Good girl.''
''Didn't you say you'd cook tonight?''
I teased her all the way to the kitchen and sat Harrison in his child-safe chair. I settled on the kitchen island and watched her prep until the moment she threw an apron in my face and told me to get off my lazy ass, affectionately. During the making of Mac and cheese she somehow managed to get me in a situation where she rested her head on top of mine and steered my hands during the activity. Kinda romantic, even with a giggly toddler watching us.
I scooped a spoonful and blew it until it was safe to eat.
''Open.''
I ordered. I watched Cassie chew and she nodded, it was good like this.
''Set the table, will ya? Sweet.''
We had dinner in peace.
''Hey Cassie, can I ask you something? Have you ever written a recommendation letter?''
''I have. Why do you ask? Would you like me to write you one up?''
''Yes please, if it isn't too much work. It would really help me get into some extra classes next semester.''
''I'll get on it.''
''Oh god, you're amazing, Cass.''
I hugged her tight and whined a little as she kissed my hairline.
''I'll put Harrison to bed, that might take a while.''
''I'll keep myself busy.''
I worked on making summary's for courses that were still challenging. Maybe I was overdoing it, not even in school and already studying. I passed the entrance exam a few weeks ago. It was a huge relief after weeks of hard work and barely time to see Cassie. When I got the e-mail I got accepted. We were both overjoyed and Cassie took me out to brunch the next day after we had some fun first thing in the morning.
''Hey. Did he fall asleep easily?''
''for an exception, finally.''
''Come sit. I'm cold.''
As she sat down beside me I jammed my feet under her thigh. Perfect warmth.
''Oh jeez, you *are* cold. Here loser.''
Cassie reached over and threw a blanket on my lap. I watched her pull out her laptop and open a blank page.
''No peeking, sweetheart.''
''Whatever you say.''
I worked further until my blinks became more stretched into minutes of eye resting. Slowly I sunk away on the couch, laptop forgotten.