Work Text:
Mislead had to be the best damn spell in his entire repitoire. Especially when he is feeling like a complete waste of space. Normally, Kravitz talks him out of it but this time? This time Taako is organized and Taako has a plan.
"You want me to what?"
"You heard me. I want you to mutilate me."
Kravitz stared at Taako incredulously. "Taako...I think you need to maybe lay off of the potions for a bit. And the wine. And whatever the hell it is that Merle is growing in his room." He reached for Taako's arm, "Now let's get you in bed. You need more than meditation tonight."
"Darling. Kravitz, honey. Sugarplum. Dumpling. Sweetheart. I am completely, one hundo percent serious at this exact moment." Taako delicately removed his hand from Kravitz's reach and gave a wicked grin. "I have given it some serious thought and, after consideration and some serious self-loathing issues that may or may not be related to my past and the horrific murders I thought I committed for the longest time," he took a deep breath, having said all that in one go, "I feel like complete garbage and want to get what I deserve."
Kravitz was deathly silent. Taako did not hear the narrational pun this time because the narrator was not an actual voice. Alas.
"I...I feel as though this may be a really bad idea. Especially since I'm contractually forbidden from killing anyone that isn't my bounty and, seeing as you and your friends and all of Refuge have been purged from my records," he sounded a bit miffed about that, "I cannot actually do that. Also," Kravitz looked a bit uncomfortable. "I...don't think I'm really okay with...mutilation."
"But...trust me on this Krav...it ain't gonna be me." Taako smirked and waggled his eyebrows.
Kravitz stared. Taako started to look a little upset.
"Ask me how," he prompted.
"Alright...," Kravitz took a long-suffering sigh and rubbed his sinuses, "how will it not be you?"
Taako beamed and wiggled his fingers, "magic!"
"Wh—what spell?!"
"Mislead. A me that is not me that I can see out of the eyes of, speak from the mouth of, but cannot actually die the death of! I, the real Taako, will remain unharmed while Magic Taako gets the everloving fuck torn out of him! Win-win!" For all intents and purposes, Taako looked like a very small kid in a magical candy shop.
Kravitz gave the idea a thought. The thought was no. "No," Kravitz said.
Taako pouted. "Why not? I'm not actually going to be hurt!"
"Because...it's the principle of the thing! I don't want to cause harm to you, or any of your friends, unless contractually obligated!" He gesticulated wildly as he spoke. "And this is you we're talking about! I...I have certain...feeling toward you...," his voice dropped off at the end. He didn't want to admit it and Taako didn't want to admit it so as a whole they were avoiding the topic entirely.
"What if I asked. Really. Nicely?" Taako purred, wiggling seductively in Kravitz's general direction. It was super-effective.
Kravitz's face was a dark(er) color now. "Um..."
"Look, Krav," Taako batted his lashes, "I really, really feel like shit. I want to express msyelf through self-mutilation but I know some people would be mad at me if I did that so I am refraining. So, I came up with this idea because hey! Maybe that's your kink."
"It's not my kink."
"But it might be! And you'll never know unless you try. So please try? For me?" He was pouting now and Kravitz was also weak to pouting.
"...fine! But!" Kravitz stared Taako down. "There will be aftercare and," he held up a finger, "you will make some really good ice cream."
"Okay." Taako didn't even think for a second.
"Strawberry."
"I said okay!"
"Alright...just cast it. And I guess you'll be giving directions?"
"If that's what floats your boat kemosabe." Taako hooked the umbra staff on his arm and rubbed his hand together. "Just know that I have been a very. Naughty. Wizard."
Kravitz felt a shiver crawl up his...well. Boner as it may be called.
Taako cast Mislead and in his place was another Taako. Using his finely-tuned astral plane senses, Kravitz could see Taako standing a few feet to the left, immobile, blind, deaf, and mute.
Kravitz summoned his scythe and gripped it tight. Magic Taako grinned up at him and winked. "So first things first, big boy: I want you to fucking take care of my arms. I don't need them where I'm going."
"Are...are you sure?"
"Positive..."
"...okay...here goes." He started with the wand arm, Taako's right arm. He cut into the flesh of his shoulder with the blade of his scythe and slowly dragged it down, severing tendon and ligament and bone alike. Taako gasped happily as his arm fell with a wet plop to the ground. Kravitz tried to not show how uncomfortable he was with this whole ordeal—despite having been okay with killing his friends not too long ago. He turned his attention to the other arm.
"Just a little bit!" Taako commanded. "Right at the elbow. I want to still have some stump left. I wanna see how that feels."
"Can you feel it?" Kravitz's voice pitched. He really didn't want to hurt Taako. Even Magic Taako.
"No buddy, but I can kinda feel the movement and stuff. Like right now, I'm trying to move an arm that doesn't exist on Magic Me anymore." Magic Taako wiggled his torso slightly as if he were waving his severed arm.
"Okay...I'll do my best." He went fast this time, pulling the scythe down quickly and shearing his left arm off at the elbow. Taako giggled and Kravitz didn't feel as bad anymore.
So long as Taako was enjoying himself, then it was okay.
"Now my legs. I won't need to walk. Both of them at once."
"As you command," Kravitz hadn't even realized he had shifted to his skeletal form but the way Magic Taako looked at him, like he had hung the moon, made him feel amazing. He wanted to feel like this all the time. He swung fast again, cutting his legs at an angle so that one was longer than the other. Magic Taako hit the ground with a wet thud and gasped, having had the air knocked out of him.
"Stellar," he wheezed. "That was great..."
"What now?" He wasn't sure what else he could stomach. He liked Taako for sure—maybe even more than liked—but he was reaching his limit for weird shit and this was definitely not his kink.
"My guts? Cut me open, I guess. Slash my skin. Expose the bone. Just cut me apart please." He was panting now, the pain releasing dopamine in his brain and fixing the shit that the serotonin imbalance fucked up—even if it was only temporary. "I can't maintain this spell much longer. The real me would be dead by now so it's hard to keep Magic Me awake and functioning."
"One last thing then." He raised his scythe. Magic Taako raised his stump.
"Make it intimate? I want to feel something. Like...emotionally."
"Oh, Taako..." Kravitz knelt down to press his forehead against Magic Taako's. "As you command." He dug his skeletal fingers deep into Magic Taako's gut. He tore past walls of muscle and fat and into the area where his intestines were kept and grabbed ahold of them. He pulled them out, slowly and surely, dragging his skeletal metacarpals against the raw, gaping wound in Magic Taako's stomach. He unspooled his intestines and kept pulling and pulling, harder and harder, until her ripped it out with a sick, wet, pop and Magic Taako phased out of existence, real Taako appearing where he had been the whole time.
The blood was gone. The gore was gone. All that was left was the real Taako and the real Kravitz and hoo boy he had some things to say.
But for now, they could wait. Taako was first and then more Taako and maybe some ice cream. Maybe...if he was feeling better.
"You need to find a healthier way of dealing with this." Kravitz murmured as he pet Taako's hair.
"Maybe later," Taako mumbled back.
"Why don't we snuggle in bed and you can make good on that ice cream after you sleep for real. I'll chase away all the night terrors too."
"What if...," Taako yawned, "Someone sees us?"
Kravitz smiled gently. "Then fuck 'em."