Chapter Text
Illi woke up to the sound of her door slamming open, her brother’s voice chanting her name.
“Illi Illi Illi Illi—”
“Jesus, Mikey..” Illi opened her eyes, wincing at the bright light coming from her window. “I’m up. Fuck off,” she grumbled, looking over at Mikey. He was already in the school’s uniform, his hair styled as it usually is: slick and slightly spiky, laying over his forehead. His glasses sat over his hair, which Illi found weird, but as long as he was happy, so was she.
Illi glanced around her room, taking in the sights of the gray walls piled with posters. Some of her favourites were her ABBA, Fleetwood Mac, The Smiths, and Daisy and the Scouts posters. She shifted her gaze over to her desk that was tucked in the other side of her room. It had a variety of drawings, sketches, and paintings she made hung up over it. There were also several doodles directly on the walls, ones that either her, Mikey, or Ray had added.
Her eyes passed over Mikey, looking at the wall to the left of him. Hanging from two separate mounts were her electric and acoustic guitars. For Illi’s past two birthdays she was given one guitar each, plus an amp when she got her electric. She wasn’t the best at playing guitar, but knew enough to occasionally make an idea for a song.
She finally looked back at Mikey, noticing that he had his ‘I have a question’ face on. She nodded, prompting him to continue talking.
“You’re very welcome.” Mikey walked in, sitting down on the edge of Illi’s bed, causing it to dip slightly from his weight. “First day… How’re you feeling?” He asked hesitantly.
“Tired,” Illi responded, her voice a bit hoarse. “I really don’t want to do this shit again, but I know I have to. Mom and Dad would beat my ass if I skipped.” Illi laughed it off, but she secretly wondered if that would ever be true.
“It’ll be fine, Illi. I’ll be there, and so will Ray and Frank.” Mikey smiled softly at his sister, hoping he was helping.
“First off, I barely know Frank. And either way, I’ve already taken this grade before so I literally know all the shit they teach,” Illi scoffed. “It’s such a waste.”
Yes, it technically was her fault for getting held back, in a way, but she couldn’t fully blame herself. She had been real fucked up and school wasn’t even in the top ten list of things she had been worried about. Being 17 was supposed to be easy, but not for her.
“Illi, I swear on my life that this year will treat you well. You have good people around you, and like you said, you already know most of the material they teach. That just gives you an advantage.” Mikey’s words flowed seamlessly, as if it was something he had rehearsed hundreds of times, and knowing him, he probably had.
“Why the fuck are you always right,” Illi groaned as she sat up. rubbing the grogginess out of her eyes.
“I learned from the best,” Mikey said. Illi smiled at him, and he smiled back.
“Okay, thank you for the Mikey talk. Now let me get dressed.” Illi lightly shoved Mikey off her bed as she got up, waving to him as he left. She sighed as she walked over to her closet, grabbing her tie, white button up, and blazer with the school emblem embroidered onto the chest pocket, which read “St. Matthew’s Academy.”
She paused for a second, hand hovering over the blue pair of pants that she had worn all the other years she’d been going to this school. Her eyes wandered to a pleated navy mid-length skirt that was shoved in the corner of her closet. ‘Shit. I didn’t think about this,’ she thought to herself.
It’s not like her being a girl was a new thing, but she had never worn a skirt to school. Sure, she would wear them around Mikey, Ray, and literally anyone else, but she was never able to muster up the courage to wear one to school. She knew it wouldn’t be a big deal, as literally everyone there either called her Illiana or Illi, and even referred to her as a girl, but she always had an underlying fear of being judged or beat up.
After a short pause, she mumbled a quiet “fuck it” to herself and quickly grabbed the skirt, adding it to the pile of clothes she was holding.
Within a few minutes she had fully changed into her uniform, with her own touch of black leggings, white socks, and her usual black Doc Martens. She stared at herself in the full length mirror that leaned against her wall, still a bit unsure about her outfit.
There was a knock at the door, and Mikey’s voice came again. He was holding a warm cup of coffee in his hands, taking a small sip before asking, “Illi? You ready yet?” He slightly opened the door, waiting for Illi to approve his entry.
“Yeah, just…” She turned around, now facing Mikey. “Do you think this is fine—?” Illi picked at the skin of her nail, glancing between the mirror and Mikey.
“Holy shit, Illi. You look amazing!” Mikey smiled widely, walking over to her to get a better look.
“Really? I’m still unsure but—”
“Illi I swear if you don’t wear that skirt I will actually start crying.”
Illi laughed, punching Mikey’s shoulder. “Fine, I’ll wear it.” She turned to the mirror for the last time, smiling at herself.
“I’ll be waiting out by the door, okay? We need to leave in, like, five minutes. I’ll make you your coffee.” Mikey said, walking out of Illi’s room.
“Yep, okay, thank you,” Illi replied. She gathered up all the things she needed: sketch book, pencil pouch, notebook, all her textbooks, wired headphones, and her cell phone, shoving them into her bag. It was a simple brown messenger bag with a couple of pins and patches that she had made herself. Illi hauled the bag onto her shoulder and stepped out of the room, taking one last look before shutting her door and walking to meet Mikey, who was waiting for her with a second coffee in his hands.
“Thanks, Mikey.” Illi smiled, taking the steaming cup from Mikey’s extended hand. Mikey nodded, taking a sip of his own coffee. “You ate breakfast, right?”
Mikey glanced up from his cup, nodding and saying, “Uh, yeah, I ate.” He mumbled, then took another sip of his coffee while adjusting his glasses, which had fallen down his nose.
Illi studied him, the hesitation in his answer, the way he was now avoiding eye contact. Mikey was an awkward person but he never avoided eye contact. He would hang on forever, if he needed to. It feels like he’s staring into your soul, but it brings Illi a weird sense of comfort.
“Mikey..” Illi said in a tone that meant ‘stop bullshiting me’, and Mikey sighed.
“It’s whatever, Illi,” Mikey responded blandly, turning around as he opened the front door, holding it as he waited for Illi to follow. “I’m just not hungry. I’ll eat at school. It’s not like you ate anything either.”
Illi’s eyebrows furrowed, her mouth curving into a frown. Mikey knew she didn’t eat breakfast because it always made her nauseous. She hesitated for a second, but let it drop. “Oh, uhm, by the way… Do you mind if we stop by Ray’s? I told him we’d walk together.” Illi asked, taking a sip of her coffee.
“Yeah, sure, that’s chill.” Mikey slowed his pace, waiting for Illi to take the lead. Thankfully, Ray only lived about five minutes from them and was on the way to their school, so walking with him was never a problem.
Once they arrived at Ray’s place, Illi knocked on the door, and it only took a few seconds till Ray’s mom, Bella Toro, opened the door.
“Illi, sweetheart! It’s good to see you, dear!” She wrapped Illi in a hug, smiling widely as Illi melted into it. “Ray will be ready in a second; he’s finishing up his breakfast. Come in, come in!” She beckoned them inside, also making sure to greet Mikey, even if she didn’t know him well. It made Mikey feel seen, like he was someone who actually mattered in a sea of hundreds of people—the smallest fish in the biggest pond.
Mrs. Toro led them into the dining room, offering food to the siblings. “Oh thank you, but I’m good,” Illi replied.
“Yeah, same. Thank you, though.” Mikey glanced around, taking in the bright feel of the house. The way the sun shone through the widows, perfectly illuminating a row of plants and flowers. The counters were so clear and crisp, organised perfectly with not a speck of dust left on anything. Mikey envied this life. Everything seemed easy when you had parents that actually carried about their children and not just their grades or looks.
Illi chatted with Ray and his mother for a brief moment before deciding it was time to leave. “Mikey, c’mon,” she said, touching Mikey’s shoulder and snapping him out of his trance. They waved their goodbyes to Mrs. Toro, and Mikey’s heart stung when she pulled Ray into a tight hug, wishing him a wonderful day and telling Ray she loved him. Why couldn’t his parents show care like that? Why do they have to be so absent? Why can’t they just fucking love their kids normally?
“—ikey? You good?” Illi’s voice brought him back to reality, only now noticing that they were outside and walking to the school. The air swayed the tree's branches, causing leaves of autumn to fall gracefully to the ground.
“Yeah, sorry. Just thinking.” Mikey adjusted his glasses again, not meeting Illi’s eyes.
* * *
They continued their walk in silence, not speaking until they got to the front entrance of the school, which took about ten minutes. If Illi was being honest, she really didn’t like walking to school, given the crime rate in New Jersey, but it’s not like she had other options. She didn’t have a license, Mikey was too young to get one, and her parents would rather disown her than drive her to school. So, walking it is.
“We have the same first period, right?” Mikey broke the silence, looking down into Illi’s eyes. He was only half an inch taller than her, but he still liked to give her shit about it.
“Uhm, I think?” Illi said, glancing at the room numbers she’d written on her hand while at Ray’s house. “Room 2215?”
“Yeah, okay. See you there.” Mikey walked into the school, not waiting for Illi or Ray to follow. Illi’s smile dropped, her eyes lingering on Mikey until she lost him in the crowd. “I’m worried about him. He’s been out of it since we left.” Illi looked up at Ray, watching as his expression changed to match hers.
“Yeah, I could feel that something was off.” He frowned, tilting his head slightly. “We could talk with him later, if you want?” Ray offered as they started walking towards their lockers, which were conveniently located right next to each other.
“No, It’s… It’s okay. I don’t want to ambush him.” Illi opened her locker, shoving most of her textbooks in, but keeping her ELA and science books with her, since those were her next two classes. Ray did the same, emptying the majority of his bag into his locker.
“Okay, so we all have English together, Mikey, Frank, you, and I,” Ray started, changing the subject to lift some of the tension out of the air. “What do you have second period?”
“Physics,” Illi groaned, slamming her head against her closed locker.
“You’ll do fine, Ills. Don’t worry about it.” Ray smiled, shutting his locker and leaning his shoulder on it.
“I know, but I just really hate science.” Illi stood up, walking with Ray to find their English class.
“You’ll find something to like about it,” Ray winked. Illi rolled her eyes, shoving him to the side. “Wow, harsh!” He laughed, playfully shoving her back.
“Fuck off,” Illi snorted.
Eventually they found their way to their class and saw Mikey and Frank already there, sitting in a row of four, two seats empty next to them. Illi silently thank Mikey for that, walking over and sitting down next to him. Ray trailed behind her, sitting on the end of the row and looking around the room. There were a lot of those cheesy teacher posters with phrases like “no excuse is better than a bad one” and “proper punctuation saves lives,” followed by an example of how to use a comma.
Frank leaned over his desk, waving to Ray and Illi. He didn’t really know them but was around them enough to know they were decent people. “Heya, guys!” He was weirdly energetic for 7:50 in the morning, Illi thought, but it seemed in character for a boy like him.
Illi and Ray murmured their hellos as the teacher walked in, introducing herself—Ms. Johnson—as she started taking attendance.