Chapter Text
“So, put any thought on my offer?” Ivan asked, giving poor Till a little smile, who looks like he is about ready to punch the daylights out of him. “From yesterday? About sitting with us at our lunch table–”
Till rolled his eyes. “Yes, Ivan, I know what you're talking about.” He sighed, looking down at his sketchbook filled with nothing but random doodles. Horrible, of course. A swirl here and a smiley face there, nothing meaningful or creative put onto the page. “And just like yesterday, I’m not sitting with you guys. Is that so hard to understand!?” He snapped, slamming the table and standing up to Ivan’s level.
Ivan pouted, reaching out and tugging him closer by his shirt collar. “Please? I know you don’t want to but I would really like it if you sat with us!!” Ivan released him and shrugged. “It’s not like you have friends to sit with instead.”
“I-I have friends!!” Till stammered, glaring daggers at Ivan. “You just don’t know any of them. I don’t want you associating with any of them.”
“Yes, yes, I’m sure.” He waved his hand in dismissal. “So? Do you wanna sit with us?!” He pleaded, hands clasped together in a plea. “Please?”
Till rolled his eyes, slamming his sketchbook closed and shoving it in his backpack. “Fine. But I swear, I better not regret this fucking decision, Ivan–”
Ivan wrapped an arm around him as they walked down the cafeteria, passing by other students on their way to their respective lunch tables. All scoot away silently as he passes by, too uncomfortable to even glance his way. Like was some god everyone should fear. Because Ivan totally doesn’t have a body pillow of Till and beats kids up on a daily basis. So scary, indeed.
“I promise you, My Till, you will not regret this, Plus, Luka’s gonna be there.”
Till shrugged him off, slipping out of Ivan’s arms and making sure there was a spacious gap between the two of them. “What does Luka have to do with me? I’m not friends with him.”
“...you aren’t?” Ivan asked, genuine confusion written on his face. A rare moment too, as Ivan didn’t usually like expressing his emotions so openly. But with his Till, he was a complete open book that was never gonna be seen, let alone read by the other. “I thought you were at least in the same class…”
As if I could be in those honor and AP classes… Till thought to himself, looking off to the side in search of the vending machines. His favorite snacks hidden away behind a glass case, only blessing him with a single snack if he gave up his summer job money. Which he ran out of five weeks ago. Because of course buying anime figurines was way more important than saving money for the future.
“Hi Tilly! Hi Ivan-baby!!” Mizi chirped, waving both hands in the air at them. Sweet Mizi, a huge grin on her face that she graced everyone with. Nobody had ever not seen her smile, it was iconic in every way. Even the most quiet kids knew Mizi’s nature. She might’ve been popular, but everyone loved and adored her. Mizi wasn’t like other popular kids, she was kind to everyone. The smile no one missed.
“Hey Mizi.” Ivan smiled, sitting down beside her, gesturing for Till to sit in front of him. “What did you get for lunch today?” He asked, leaning closer to her, hovering a hand over her lunchbox.
“Oh! Your sister made me a whole nice meal for me. Isn’t she so lovely?” She cooed, pulling out her food and showing it off to him. “She said I had to go warm it up though.” She turned to Hyuna, tapping her shoulder. She turned toward her, her pin straight hair swishing over her open shoulder. “Wanna go to the microwave with me?” She asked.
Hyuna grinned, giving her a quick thumbs up. They both rushed to the microwave, her hold on Mizi tightening as they rattled on about some nonsense at school.
Till sighed, pulling out his sketchbook from his backpack again, a sense of dread washing over him in waves. The one person Till knew decently leaving and of course, not a single familiar face in his vicinity. What did he expect though ? That all of sudden everyone would be friendly to him and become the ultimate friends of the world?
I left those childish wishes in the past. He scolded himself, scratching his temple.
He tapped his pencil on the table, thinking of drawing ideas to sketch. It’s been ages since he’s drawn something he was proud of.
“Can I see?” Ivan asked, already reaching over to grab his sketchbook. Till quickly snatched the book away though, holding it tightly against his chest.
“No!” He shouted, grabbing the attention of the people sitting around them, excluding Luka who couldn’t care less about anything.
“What? Is it embarrassing?” Ivan asked, his hand frozen between them. Till swatted it away from him, shaking his head.
“No, It’s just…” He sighed, putting the sketchbook back and showing the blank page with only two doodles on the top. “I don’t know what to draw. Nothing is really…inspiring?” He blushed, frustration taking hold. “That sounds stupid, nevermind.”
“I don’t think so.” Ivan replied, sliding the sketchbook over and tapping a finger on it. “Draw a new pose. I noticed you usually just draw head and shoulders, so trying something different might help? Practicing a skill you don’t usually work on.”
“You think so?” Till hummed, taking out a pencil and sketching a rough draft of a body. A dynamic pose he’s been trying to improve on for months at a time, yet still nothing. It looks janky and stiff, not the flow of a real human being. One he strives to achieve with realism and natural movement, the human body’s ability to stretch and have a new perspective in the world.“Nah, I’ll just draw something else.” He groaned, putting his head down on the table, arms under his forehead.
“Hey, Ivan. Who’s that?” Someone asked after a bit of silence, startling Till from his state of dozing off. He jerked up, looking over to a blond boy with an expressionless face. “What the hell are you wearing?” He sneered, a hand to his frowned lips, hiding his disgust. It was Luka, obviously, because who else would be this rude to a stranger?
“What the fuck is wrong with what I’m wearing?” Till snapped, looking down at his outfit. All black long sleeved shirt with white skulls he bleached on himself, chains and studs hanging from anything that could carry the weight. A chain hanging off his studded belt and silver bracelets dangling from his wrists. He looked ridiculous, but that was only because he woke up late. Again.
“You look demonic.”
“And you look a a fucking nerd, what’s up with your outfit? You’re basically a grandpa, ready to smack someone with your old wooden cane!”
“I look proper,” he corrected with a roll of his eyes. “Not that you would even comprehend that.”
“Luka, come on.” Ivan bumped his arm with an elbow. “Be nice, he doesn’t understand you’re joking.”
“I’m not joking?” Luka snorted, taking a quick sip of his water. “He does look idiotic.”
“Be nice.” He warned and Luka sighed dramatically.
“Fine. I guess he could’ve looked worse.” Luka eyed his makeup. “More smudged eyeshadow would help complete the look. Especially with that winged eyeliner, it looks lonely without anything else on your face.”
“It’s not eyeliner.” Till deadpanned slowly.
Luka narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about? Yes it is, it’s so obvious? What else would it be? Blush?”
“What’s blush–” Ivan asked.
“It’s my natural eye shape, shut up.” Till muttered, wiping his eyes to prove his point.
“Great, now you’re gonna tell me those eyebags are real too? Seriously, there is no way someone looks so tired and dead without using makeup.” Luka leaned in closer, reaching out and swiping the bottom of his eyes. His eyes widened in surprise before quickly morphing into a smug smile. “So you’re depressed and emo.” He looked over at Ivan. “The whole package, huh?”
Ivan blushed, looking away. “Look, they’re back.” He pointed out, sighing in relief as they sat down. Till eyes him for a few moments before turning his attention back to the girls.
Mizi and Hyuna make their way back to them, showing off her food to Ivan. “See?? Isn’t Sua the most sweetest and kindest person??” She squealed, sitting next to Ivan and digging in.
“Uh–Mizi?” Till said, his face slightly flustered. He didn’t want to bug her but he also needed motivation to draw. “Can I see your food?” He asked, pointing down to her food.
“Yeah, of course!” She pushed it over to him. “Doesn’t it look so delicious?”
“Mhm…” He mumbled, sketching out the shape of the container, drawing each food out with a stroke of his pencil. Unfortunately, he had no colored pencils to complete the drawing but he could finish that at home. If he even wanted to. Coloring was his strongest attribute afterall.
He stuck his tongue out in concentration, working hard and erasing every little mistake on the way. A shadow here and there, shading in lightly.
“...Till?”
“Yeah?” He snapped out of his trance, blinking away his daze. “What?”
“Can I have it back? Lunch is about to end…and I’m starving.” She awkwardly laughed, the bell ringing and the students all rushing the class.
Damn it, I’m such an asshole. “Yeah! Yeah, I-I’m sorry, I forgot that it wasn’t just a prop…” He blushed, closing the lid and handing it back to her. “Enjoy your lunch! It looks really good, Mizi!”
She grinned, sliding it back into her lunchbox. “Thanks! Have a great day, Till!” She waved bye, rushing to class along with Hyuna and Luka.
Till just stared at the back of her head, an unfinished drawing sitting in front of him. His source of motivation leaving him and having to be stuck with disappointment. It wasn’t even that good, for it to take 30 minutes to make is a shame and an embarrassment on his part.
“Can I see?” Ivan repeated, peering over Till’s shoulder. He nodded, handing him the sketchbook and allowing him to examine closely. “It looks really good, Till.” He grinned, his eyes closed in pride. “You’re so talented.”
Till blushed, taking a step away from him. “It’s not even that good…It’s just food, Ivan.”
“You made it, You took the time to make it, and poured love into it. Sure, is it realistic and museum material? Maybe not.” Ivan handed it back, their finger tips slightly touching. A small electric shock shocked him, but continued. “But it’s still good. Your art holds a special place in my heart, because it’s made with love and passion.”
Till blinked. “Woah, I didn’t expect that from you.”
“Expect what?” He asked with a smile, his tail wagging back and forth.
“...nevermind. Let’s go to class before we’re late.” Pulling everything back into his backpack and noticing Ivan still hovering over him, he said. “See ya.”
But Ivan still followed behind him even after the goodbye. He was silent as always, not saying a peep as they rushed to class. A habit that has not left their friendship since elementary school, where he first met Till in the lunch line.
“You’re gonna be late to your own class, Ivan.” Till reminded him, speeding up his pace. “Isn’t your class on the other side of the hallway? Go!”
“But I wanna walk you to class.” Ivan wrapped his arm around his waist pulling flush against his side. “We’re a duo, we stick together!” He chirped.
“We don’t have this class together, so go!” He shooed him off. “If you’re late again, you’re gonna get in trouble!”
Ivan smirked, leaning in close, whispering in Till’s ear, “Awwe, you care about me, don’t you?”
“You fucking dipshit, get off me!!” He yelled, covering his ear and yanking himself off him. “Go to class before–” He stammered, trying to find the right words. “Just go to class!!”
“Bye Till!!” He waved, running down the hall to class.
~°☆•~
With a loud and heavy sigh, Till sits down in his seat quietly, hoping the teacher doesn’t notice he was almost late. Thank God the door was open, or else he would’ve had to go get a pass from the front office, just to be even more late.
Why is this school so fucking big…
“Hi baby~!!” A girl exclaimed loudly beside him, startling him awake once more. “Look! I brought you cookies, I know they’re your favorite.” She giggled, plopping the ziploc bag of cookies in front of her supposed boyfriend. Supposed because it looked like he couldn’t give two shits about the poor girl, rolling his eyes at her.
“I don’t like cookies.”
She gasped, snatching them back. “R-right! Of course, I’m sorry I didn’t…”
He shrugged. “It’s fine. Go sit down, class is about to start.”
She rushed over to her seat, which was just wonderfully next to Till. She tried sneakily sneering at him under her hand, scooting her chair away from him. Just when Till was feeling pity for the girl, she had to ruin it.
He focused on class, the teacher droning on about how Shakespeare was a great poet and what he meant in Hamlet.
How boring.
The girl next to him scribbled something on a sheet of paper trying to pass it onto her boyfriend who sat in front of Till, blocking his view. The girl persisted though, throwing the folded paper onto his desk. Till couldn’t see his face but could feel his annoyance from his own seat.
He crumbled the paper and threw it away, glaring at the girl who pouted, forming a cordiform heart in front of her own heart. He sighed, looking back to the front of the class and ignoring her every gesture to get his attention.
How annoying… He thought to himself as she stared at the back of the guy’s neck, her gaze unwavering and determined. Imagine I did that to Ivan, he would run away in a heart beat.
Till’s eyes widened slightly, looking down at his blank worksheet.
What if he did do that? Anyone with common sense would find it annoying and immediately want to avoid it! He could finally get Ivan off his tail and go back to his simple quiet life without him or anyone else!
Because that is exactly what I want.
“Perfect.” he muttered to himself, doodling on the margins of his worksheet and pushing the teacher’s lecture out of his mind. Not that would do him any good anyway, he couldn’t give less of a shit for Shakespeare and his stupid plays. We all know he loves his fancy words, what else is there to learn about the guy?
“What did you say?” She hissed at him, looking down at his worksheet as if he was writing demonic witchcraft in front of her. “Weirdo.”
“Annoying ass bitch.” She gasped, turning away from him. His heart sank, feeling the guilt of his words on him in an instant. He hated being picked on for being different, so he retaliated. Not the best way to respond, but it was the only way to immediately get attention off him.
The bell rang after a long, grueling and boring class of Shakespearean words. The students ran into the hallway, crowding and blocking every exit imaginable.
“Why do you always ignore me!?” The girl yelled at her boyfriend, tears running down her cheeks. Both stood in the hallway, most passing by them to get to class on time. “We’re dating! It’s what we do!”
“You’re so fucking loud and annoying, what else do you want me to do? Can you chill out for 5 seconds and let me breathe?? You’re so unbearable to be around!” He yelled back.
Till rolled his eyes at them again. Couples fighting in the middle of the hallway, blocking everyone else' s path? What else is new around here…
Till made his way to his next class, pulling his phone out to see a text from Ivan.
Ivan: Can you go to the football field for lunch tmrw??
Ivan: I wanna hang out with you again :3
What a pain. Having to go outside in the cold just to see Ivan practice with a bunch of other guys. Those same ‘other guys’ who point and stare at him because of his depressing style.
Ivan just had to be friends with the worst kids in school.
But Till agreed to spend his lunch with Ivan, in hopes to start his plan of smothering him with affection and attentiveness. How would he even start it? Would he be overly touchy and clingy with Ivan, hoping it grosses Ivan out? Or should he buy him gifts…though he can’t really do that with an empty wallet. Homemade gifts are Till’s strong suit anyway.
Tills whistles to himself, shoving his phone in his back pocket and walking to class. A little pep in his step as he walked to his utmost favorite class, Art. The only class in the whole school where you can have your headphones during class.
He grabbed his headphones out his backpack and played some Ado, peacefully zoning out.
~°☆•~
Till: yeah sure >:)
Ivan stared at his phone blankly, shock rippling through him. “Mizi!” He exclaimed, spinning towards her and pointing to his phone. “Come look at this!”
She turned to him, leaning close to his phone and gasping. “He totally likes you!! He never ever texts you like this, it has to be mutual love!!” She squealed, wrapping her arms tight around Ivan’s and squeezing. “Oh, I’m so happy for you!! You two are gonna live happily ever after and kiss under the willow tree and get married!!”
Ivan laughed, his lips turning up in amusement. “You’re delusional. He doesn’t like me, come on…”
“Even if he totally doesn’t like you, you still have a chance! Anyone with eyes can tell that guy likes…well, guys.”
“He said he’s straight though?” Ivan tilted his head. “You think he’s lying?”
“Totally!! He is hiding his true feelings for you by hiding under his heterosexual facade. Trust me, one day that guy is gonna be pining for you and you’ll be happy together. Mark my words, Ivan!!”
Despite his head telling him otherwise, that no one would ever love him the way he does with others…he wanted to believe Mizi’s words. He was capable of love like everyone else, right? It would be impossible if he was the only one in this school that couldn’t be loved.
Even trash can be loved and treasured.
Ivan smiled, leaning against Mizi’s shoulder for support. “Whatever you say, Miz.” They both giggled, silly little smiles spread across their faces. Unfortunately for this couple of goofballs, the teacher sees them horsing around and scolds them.
“You young kids are gonna be the death of me…” He muttered to himself, slapping worksheets on their desks as punishment.
Mizi and Ivan groaned, taking their worksheets begrudgingly. While one works hard on it, the other slides the paper off to the side, completely ignoring it. His mind wanders off to a certain gray haired boy with clothes so dark he’s invisible in the night.
A small pathetic smile appeared on Ivan’s face, memorizing Till’s face of utter annoyance. The only face that Till gives him, yet he will cherish it for as long as humanly possible. If it’s all he can have, it will be all he will need.
~°☆•~
Till rushed outside, a bit breathless and sweaty from running from the other side of the school to the football field.
All of this for some brainless guy…
Till checked both lunches he held in his hands, one Ivan’s and the other his. That morning, he had made sure to make them food that he could easily make without burning down the kitchen. He made them both sandwiches, added chips and a cookie on the side. A boring lunch, but it would have to do.
“Till!!” Ivan exclaimed happily, waving his arm in the air. Till rolled his eyes at him, a reluctant little smile pulling his lips. “Over here!!” He pointed to the seat next to him on the bleachers.
Till walked over, panting from running around the school trying to find the correct exit to the football field. He’s never had to come out here before, so you could say it was a bit difficult to try.
“Hey!” Ivan chirped, patting the seat next to him. “Don’t mind my sister, she’s here for Mizi.”
Till sat down, placing the two lunches between each other to keep them apart. Any excuse to keep them separated and distant the better. “I made you lunch.” He offered the bagged lunches, dropping one of them onto his lap. “I know it’s not much, but I made you a sandwich.”
“You made me a sandwich?”
“Yeah.” Till nodded. He awkwardly shifted in his seat, not knowing what to say but still wanting this plan to work. “All for you! Plus a cookie and chips.” He grinned toothly, internally clawing at his skin to not squirm away in embarrassment.
“...why?” Ivan asked while opening the brown bag and inspecting the food. “Is it poisoned?”
Till blushed, snatching the bag back. “No! I just wanted to make you food because I care about you.” He grumbled. “I saw you didn’t eat lunch yesterday.”
Ivan paused. “You noticed that?”
“Just because I don’t talk doesn’t mean I’m blind.” He rolled his eyes. “I care about you a lot, okay? I don’t want you not eating, and I don’t mind making you food.”
If this guy likes it when Till’s mean to him, then he’ll make sure to drown him with an overwhelming amount of sweetness and affection, he’ll be begging to be left alone. Then Till will finally get to go back to his normal life without an annoying puppy chasing him around and nipping at his heels. Who in the world would want a puppy anyway?
Till grabbed his hand, taking it gently from Ivan’s lap and to his chest. He pressed Ivan’s hand against him, his heartbeat racing faster than when he was running around the school. “You’re really important to me, Ivan!” He exclaimed, his voice stiff. “I care about you so much, I go to sleep worrying about you and thinking something happened to you. You not eating hurts me inside, even if I don’t show it.” Till paused, letting the silence fill the space for a second before continuing. “You’re one of the most important people in my life…so take my lunch, please?” Till passed the lunch back to Ivan, whose eyes lit up.
“You did this…for me?”
Till’s eye twitched. What is this guy not getting?? I made him lunch and gave him a sappy speech! How more obvious could I make myself? “Yeah, of course.” Till scooched closer. “Like I said, I thought of you.”
“Yeah, okay.” Sua interrupted their moment with a snort. “You guys are so fucking gay, it hurts me physically.” She shook her head, scooting away from their lovey-dovey awkwardness.
“Hey! Don’t interrupt us, this isn’t your business, Sua.” Till hissed, gesturing Ivan to scoot closer with him and away from his sister, which he obliged happily.
“Do you have anything else to tell me?” Ivan asked, a small smirk on his face. He leaned in closer and lent him his ear. “I’m listening, for you, Till.”
Till rolled his eyes, pushing his face away with one single finger. “No, I think I’ve said enough.”
Ivan hummed, unwrapping his sandwich and taking a bite out of it. “...thanks though. It’s really sweet of you to do something like that.” He munched on his food, looking out on the field. “I don’t have time to make my own lunch, so I usually don’t even try.”
“Even though I tell you to make lunch or you’ll starve…” Sua muttered under her breath. She stretched her arms behind her neck slowly, like a cat awakening from a nap. She stood up and slid her phone in her back pocket. “I’m gonna go with Mizi.” She stated before hopping off the bleachers and walking onto the football field in silence. Not a single goodbye towards her brother.
Ivan wrapped an arm around Till, pulling him against his side and trapping him in an awkward side hug. “So, now that she’s gone, tell me why you made me lunch?” He asked, unconvinced by his previous answer. “I really doubt you took the time to make me something this nice.”
“Is it that hard to believe I would do something like that??” Till snapped, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah it is! You never want to sit with me during lunch, so why would you make me lunch??”
“Because I wanted to! Do I need a perfect logical reason to?? Other than the fact that I care about you and want you to eat?”
“...well no.” Ivan took another bite of his food, his arm still slung over Till’s shoulders. “It’s good though. Thanks for making it, I appreciate it a lot.”
Till unwrapped his own sandwich and chips, taking a bite out of his food. “Anytime.” He placed his head on Ivan’s shoulder, both of them peacefully eating in silence. Comfortable long silence as other players from other sports in the school practice with their teams. It was nice, the two of them not having to speak and enjoying each other’s company while eating. The one person Till doesn’t get socially exhausted talking to likes being quiet for once.
“Hey Ivan?” Till whispered, wanting to keep the stillness going but wanting to talk to him at the same time. Their moment broken by just two words, that will probably never come back if Till’s plan works.
Mission one: give Ivan his lunch and hope he finds it annoying or confusing?
Completed.
“Yeah, Till?”
“...can we do this again tomorrow?” Then it will be a lot easier to execute my annoying clinginess plan.
Ivan straightened, his eyes narrowing. “...if you want to?”
Till shifted back, his eyes on Ivan’s forehead. “Duh. That’s why I’m asking.” He reached up and flicked his head. “Why wouldn’t I?”
~°☆•~
“Fuck.” Till hissed, wincing when other kids in the classroom glared back at him. “Sorry…” he mumbled, skimming over the paper his homeroom teacher handed to him. Embarrassment hit his cheeks, reddening his face and shamefulness hitting him straight to the heart.
“I checked your grades, Till.” The teacher sighed in disappointment, shaking her head. “I know you can do better. You’re just not trying.”
“But I am…” He mumbled, chipping away at his black nail polish he just painted the other day. A waste of time, he always chips away at the polish until it’s his bare nail again. He groaned internally, not wanting to get attention again from the other students in his class. This sucks…
No matter how hard he tried, he could never surpass sixty percent on his work. Was he doing something wrong? Was it his fault that he was an idiot? Maybe he wasn’t built to be…smart. Not like Luka, not like Mizi, not like anyone. He was stupid, through and through. Nothing more than just a bum who couldn’t even pass his History class.
“Psst!!” Mizi hissed behind him, startling him. “PSSSSTT–”
Till spun around, glaring at her. “What??” He hissed back, looking over at their history teacher, who was currently helping another student out with their assignment.
“Did you tell Ivan you loved him??”
Till almost fell back on his butt from the question, his face turning red as an apple from the grocery store. “What??” He repeated, though this time he knew what Mizi was talking about. Just another embarrassment to the pile of shit in the corner.
While he was groggy that morning of starting his clinginess plan, barely half awake while making Ivan’s lunch, he snuck a little note in there with something corny like, “hope you have a wonderful day!!!” But after he set them on the counter on his way out the house, he thought he forgot to make the note. So he quickly scribbled an “I love you” on a napkin and shoved it in there and rushed for the morning bus. Leaving the original note in the kitchen.
“...so how do I explain this?” Till sucked in a quick breath through his teeth.
“That you love him?” She squealed, practically kicking her legs up in joy. “Oh this is so cute!! A yaoi folding out right in front of me!!” Mizi glanced down at Till’s hands, slightly wincing. “Oof, those nails are looking rough, Tilly.”
He blushed, fisting his hands to hide them from her gaze. “Bad habit, I know.”
“You know, you should paint Ivan’s nails too!!” Mizi chirped. “He always asks me to do it but I never have the time. I’m sure you do though, since you’re not in any clubs!” She smiled, not realizing that she basically called him a loner loser.
“...right.” He turned back to his own desk, pulling the paper from under his notebook where he kept it hidden from curious onlookers. So basically everyone in his class. Instead of doing his History assignment, he read through the paper properly.
“To the parents of Till xxxx,
We are writing to you to inform you that your student, Till xxxx, has to take tutoring lessons after school. They are mandatory and are NOT optional for your student to take. We highly recommend going to tutoring for the well being of your child’s grades.
Tutoring will begin every day after school EXCEPT Fridays. Any student who is available to go is allowed to.
Math tutoring begins at 3:30 through 4:30
English tutoring begins 4:30 through 5:30
Math and English tutoring will be through Monday – Thursday
Any science tutoring (chemistery, biology, environmental, etc…) will begin 3:30 through 4:30, ONLY on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
The page went on and on about tutoring schedules, which Till forgot half of them. The ones circled on the page, probably from his homeroom teacher, were Math and science. English was the only core subject that he did well on that semester, and that’s generous considering he’s barely passing the class.
His one favorite subject, Art, was of course the only A he had in the gradebook.
“This sucks…” He repeated to himself, folding the paper up and shoving it in his back pocket. He can handle it, he just has to make sure to lock in during final exams and if he gets a decent grade, everything will go well!
All he has to do is hide it from his mom, Io, and life would be great.
~°☆•~
“Hi Till!!” Ivan chirped, wrapping an arm around Till’s shoulders. School finally ended after a day of dragging himself around to every class, his mind wandering off every lecture. “So, going home?”
“Yeah.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair and pushing back his sweaty bangs. “I was thinking of going to some restaurant nearby but I’m broke as hell.” He smiled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “So bus for me.”
“Oh, you’re…you’re going on bus?” Ivan blinked.
“Yeah, I don’t have a car.” Till crossed his arms, shifting on his feet. Before Ivan could say anything though, an idea sparked in his head. “Can you take me home?” He asked. “I know you have a car. You should take me! You know where I live anyway.” A chance to continue my plan.
“Yeah, I live right beside your house.” Ivan mumbled. “Sure I’ll take you home!”
“Great!” Till grinned, scanning through his backpack. “You’re amazing, Ivan! So thoughtful.”
“...thank you?” Ivan looked away.
He’s uncomfortable! Till thought to himself, pulling up his fist and doing a quick celebration behind Ivan’s back.
Mission two: make Ivan uncomfortable by complimenting him over nothing?
Completed.
“Aren’t you gonna go to football practice though?” Till realized.
He shrugged. “It’s whatever. I can miss one practice.”
“You’re literally the football captain, what are you talking about? Aren’t you the most important on the team??”
“I can miss it for you.”
Till looked away, covering his face with the back of his hand, turning slightly redder than usual. Making Till feel guilty, what a jerk! “Slacker.” He called out.
“I’m giving you a ride, Till, and you’re treating me like this?” He shook his hand. “You’re wounding me with your insults.”
“You should care about your players.”
Ivan sighed. “They can survive one practice without me for one day.”
Ivan and Till both walked to the parking lot, where most students had long left after the bell rang. They were one of the last ones there, other than Mizi’s car, who sat perched on top of her front trunk. She waved hello, her signature smile spreading across their face, who soon infected the two.
“Hi guys!! Going home so soon, Ivan.” She grinned, poking his shoulder with a finger. “I thought you had practice, mister skipper!”
“I’m taking Till home. Plus, it’s only one time. It can’t be that bad.” Ivan shrugged again, acting like everything was just fine and dandy.
“Oh?” Mizi smirked. Till had a bad feeling suddenly washing over him. “Well, you two have fun then! And Ivan, don't scare him away with your intense pheromones, mkay? And don’t forget protection is the most important part.” She giggled, hopping off her car.
Ivan and Till froze, one of them with a horrified expression on his face while the other was unreadable.
“Mizi!” Till shouted, his hand to his heart. “I–”
Ivan laughed, spinning Till around and pushing him towards his car. Ivan must have not realized, but Till certainly noticed, was his grip on him tightening ever so slightly. “Yeah, yeah, so funny, girl. Bye Mizi!” And soon, they were both sitting in his car.
“You know she’s joking, right?” Ivan turned to him, his hand twitching to reach for him. But he restrained, a reassuring smile on his lips. “She’s just being silly, that’s all.”
“Yeah, of course.” Till nodded, deciding that giving in to the lie and being delusional is better than…well, actually having to use protection.
“I mean, why would we even do that? It’s not like you’re gay or anything, right?”
“Yeah!” Till nodded again, this time more doubtful.
“Right!” Ivan nodded as well. “So, I’ll take you home.”
“You can come inside, you know.” Till looked out the window, his arm against the car door. Trying to feign nonchalance as an alternative loser kid, he whispered gently, as soft as a pillow and light as a feather, “We can bake together.”
Till blushed, shaking his head and waving his hands frantically in front of him. “Not like that!” He yelled, his stomach churning and twisting inside him. “I just started baking recently so it would be cool, well, as cool as baking gets, for us to bake some–I don't know–cookies together? If you want, it just kinda popped out of nowhere with it.”
Till sighed, covering his face with both hands in embarrassment. “You know what? Nevermind, it’s stupid.” His cheeks flushed red. What a stupid thing to ask. Baking? Who even bakes?? Only straight couples bake together and take pictures of them to post on pinterest for everyone to save.
Not that Till was dating Ivan, because of course he isn’t gay. He’s not gay, at all. Not in the slightest bit. He’s heterosexual.
“Sure!” Ivan revved up the car, turning the car into drive and slowly backing out his parking spot. “Do you know how to bake?” He asked with genuine curiosity. Just like his drawing hobby, he actually cared about what he was interested in again.
“Kind of. Mom taught me how to…well not really, she just mostly let me do the decorating.” He glanced at him, noticing the faint pink of his cheeks. He smiled, relaxing into the passenger seat. He wasn’t the only awkward person in that car at that moment.
It was nice.
He wasn’t utterly alone like he thought he was.
“Decorating? T-that’s nice.” Ivan gripped the steering wheel tighter, tapping his finger against the wheel as they waited at the red light. Awkwardness flooded the car, leaving little to no oxygen for the both of them to breathe.
Thanks a lot, Mizi… Till thought to himself, sinking into the chair even further, with muscles tensed up.
~°☆•~
“Mom, I’m home!” Till announced, slipping off his shoes in the front of the door, scooting them in the shoe caddy.
“Hi, honey! I’m just washing the dishes, you can come in–” Till’s mom cut off her sentence and stared at the black haired boy beside her son. She gasped, hands in front of open mouth, staring back at them in shock. “Oh, Till, is that…?”
“Hi–” Ivan began, slipping off his shoes before being pounced on, Io squeezing her arms around her other son and hugging him tightly.
“Ivan, my baby, it’s been so long!!” She sighed, refusing to let him go. “Where have you been? Have you been eating?” She waved all her questions away, kissing both his cheeks. “Come in, don’t be shy! Mi casa es su casa!” She giggled, patting his shoulder with a genuine smile on her lips, small smile lines on the edges of her cheeks. “I’ll be upstairs while you guys finish the dishes.”
“What? Oh come on!” Till rolled his eyes as Io dropped her duty in his hands and walked upstairs. “Alright, let’s go. The kitchen’s empty.” He snuck quietly to the kitchen, making sure not to make any footsteps as he entered the kitchen, turning on the faucet. “We’re making cookies, right?” Till asked as he scrubbed the plate in the sink clean. The water trickled down the edge of the sink and onto his shirt, clinging onto his skin.
Ivan eyed this for a second before blushing and looking away.
“Yeah, uhm.” Ivan coughed into his hand. “Cookies.” The one dessert he isn’t interested in. But that wasn’t a problem to Ivan, as long as Till’s smile was still displayed on his face.
“You haven’t baked before, right?” Till dried his hands, looking slightly up for Ivan’s answer. He wasn’t always taller than Till, not back in the day. And even now, Ivan is just slightly taller by two or three inches. Barely noticeable.
“I tried with Sua…” Ivan sucked a breath through gritted teeth. “But she got pissed and told me to stop.”
Till snorted. “She’s a perfectionist.”
“What ingredients do you need?” Ivan asked.
“We need butter, brown sugar, white sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, flour, baking powder, chocolate chips, and just a little bit of salt..” Till listed out, counting them out on each finger from the top of his head. “Do you know where they are–”
Till turned around, his eyes widening when he noticed all the ingredients neatly placed on the granite counter. “Oh. Thanks.”
Ivan smiled, his stupid little snaggletooth sticking out as well as a dimple. “Anytime.”
Till eyed his dimple on the side of his check, the urge to reach out and poke it bubbling up inside him, almost forcing him to lurch forward and give in to his desire. Which was ridiculous, it’s just a dimple. A lot of people have dimples, so why was his–which only had one dimple instead of two–so important?
He shook his head, snapping out of his trance as soon as Ivan’s smile dropped.
“I’ll get a bowl, you get the measuring cups in the dishwasher.”
“You guys still don’t use the dishwasher?” Ivan asked, crouching down and rummaging through the dishwasher, pulling out plastic tupperware stained with mysterious orange leftovers they never bothered to clean.
“You still remember that?” He laughed, reaching to the top cabinets to find his mom’s recipe book. They made it when he was a young kid, the both of them talking as she stirred the batter with chocolate chips, mixing in a good dose of vanilla beforehand. Till was always allowed the first taste. “Mom likes to say it’s better to clean the dishes yourself. ‘More peace of mind’ as she would put it.” He explained, grabbing a stirring wand for their future mixing.
Ivan hummed in response, ripping open a bag of chocolate chips and eating two out of the bag. “Alright, so what’s the first step to baking?” Ivan asked, hopping back up on his feet and clapping his hands together in enthusiasm.
“We should preheat the oven to 350…? I think, mom’s instructions are unclear…” He sighed, ordering Ivan to the oven against the wall. He did what he was told, setting the oven to the right temperature.
They worked on the cookies together, Ivan following Till’s instructions carefully. When Till wasn’t paying attention, Ivan would have the goofiest smile on his face, watching his future husband shape the cookies into balls on the sheet pan they found deep inside one of the cabinets. They tried putting chocolate chip smiles on the cookie dough balls but failed, so only some of the batch had wonky smiley faces.
They worked together efficiently, sliding next to each other in comfortable silence.
“And now we wait!” Till grinned, closing the oven door and brushing off his hands against his thighs. Ivan’s eyes lingered there, staring down so intently with an impassive expression. Till blushed, looking out the kitchen window and spotted the sun setting down. The day was ending, and soon the evening would approach.
“Ivan, you should get home. It’s getting late and I don’t want…I don’t want your parents to get mad at you.” Till awkwardly spoke, sliding out of Ivan’s way and standing in front of the counter.
“...do you want me to leave?” He asked, a flash of hurt appearing in his eyes before dissolving into the void of red mist of his pupil.
“No!” Till shook his head, his hands out in objection. “I don’t want you to be forced to stay here–” with a loser who isn’t anything that would be remotely good enough to be with Ivan. He’s not Mizi. He’s a pathetic loser.
Ivan is perfect. He's got good looks and he’s funny and charming…why would he date a pathetic loser?
Not in a romantic way, of course. He doesn’t like men like that after all.
Well…?
So maybe he finds one guy attractive. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay, it’s just a weird flaw in his brain that can easily be fixed. Avoided until the end of time.
“I’m not being forced to do anything I don’t want to. I want to be here with you. Despite what others think about you, I like you.”
Ivan and Till stared at each other in silence, both frozen in time and unknowingly letting time slip through their fingers. Time that would never come back to them, they could never recover from.
“What?”
Ivan blushed, jumping away from Till. “No! Not like that! I’m saying I wanna be your friend! Not that I like you romantically because of course I don't! I’m a guy, you're a guy, and that's never gonna happen. Unless you want it to–which of course is a joke. I hope you know that’s a joke!”
Till eyebrows frowned, his heart squeezing tightly. Why does it pain him to hear that reassurance? His heart shouldn’t be squeezing in on itself, it’s only supposed to beat. Embarrassment floods his cheeks, almost sending him spiraling into a mess. It’s not that deep, Ivan doesn’t like men just like Till doesn’t either. Simple, normal, and ordinary.
“Yeah.” Till slowly nodded, trying to take back control of himself. Letting emotions take over would end up in a disaster and in tears.
He sighed in relief, his shoulders sagging. “How long until we can take the cookies out?”
“Ten to fifteen minutes, but I like going fifteen. Or when they’re golden brown.”
They sat down at the table, one of them setting a fifteen minute timer on his phone and shoving it back in his jean pocket.
“...can I see your nails?” Ivan asked coyly, pointing to Till’s hands.
He sucked in a breath, rubbing a hand behind his neck and down his collarbone. “They’re in a rough condition. I always chip at them, it’s a poor habit of mine.”
“I still wanna see them. I don’t care how bad it is.” He insisted, hands together in a form of a plea that seemed more like a demand.
“...fine.” He reluctantly showed him his hands, awkwardly holding them out for Ivan to admire. Ivan ran a thumb over the nails, examining closely and chipping some of the leftover nail polish off. Till shivered, trying to pull his hand away but only to be pulled closer.
“I’ve always wanted to paint my nails.” Ivan sighed, letting Till’s hand drop back onto the table. His instinct was to pull back, hide away from Ivan’s piercing gaze. But he didn’t. Instead letting the tips of his fingers touch Ivan's. He didn’t seem to notice though, his gaze solely on Till’s. “It seemed like such a cool teenager thing to do, you know?” He laughed, a hand holding the bottom of his chin and leaning against the table.
He eyed his casualness, Mizi’s words playing in the back of his mind. “I can do them for you.” He offered, reaching out and grabbing Ivan’s hand, examining his nails too. “I wanna fix mine anyway, so it wouldn’t be a hassle.” He shrugged, standing back up and smiling down at Ivan.
He stared at his small smile, his whole face lighting up.“Okay!” Ivan chirped, following behind him and up the stairs he hasn't climbed in so long.
“Anything in particular you want?” Till asked, pulling his pouch of three essential nail polishes he had stolen from his mom.
Red.
Black.
And finally his signature Cadet Blue color that he refuses to use in public.
He spread these colors in front of Ivan, letting them roll onto the carpeting floor. “I know it’s not a lot, but these are the colors I actually like.”
“Aw.” Ivan sighed, grabbing the blood red nail polish and analyzing it closely. “You don’t have dark blue.”
“You wanted dark blue?”
“It’s my favorite color.”
“...” Till looked back to his own nail polish bottle, shaking it in the air to make sure it didn’t come out blotchy and chunky. Guilt over something so small washed over him, but he shook his head. “Do you want red then?”
“Sure!”
“I–” Till coughed into his hand, his cheeks tainted red. “I could go find you a royal blue if you wanted me to. To match your varsity jacket!”
Ivan shook his head, smiling brightly at Till. “You don’t have to do all that. I’m just glad to paint my nails. With you.”
He stood up, brushing off his lap and holding a finger. He walks into his mom’s room, quietly grabbing her drawer of makeup and pulling a blue polish. He ran back to the room, holding out the glass bottle in front of Ivan.
“Here!” He smiled triumphantly.
“Thanks, Tilly, you really didn’t have to!” Ivan took the bottle in his hand, admiring the color soon to be on his nails. “This color is almost the same as my varsity jacket. I’m sure the other guys will like it too.”
“Don’t you care about what the other football players are gonna think?” Till asked, genuinely puzzled by Ivan’s nonchalant confidence over something many consider feminine.
“...no? I actually know one of the football players who likes to grow his nails long and paint them a light blue, something about honoring his late mother.” Ivan tilted his head at him. “Why would I ever care about what others think of me? There’s no point in it, especially since it’s a miserable one.”
“I live that life!” Till yelled back, his cheeks flushing deeper.
“It’s still a miserable life.”
Till rolled his eyes, grabbing Ivan’s hand and adding a layer of polish onto his index finger. “Shut up. How would you know? You have never lived a day in my life! You don’t know what it’s like to be different from others and be made fun of everyday, people staring at me like I'm some monster that lurks around their school.” In frustration, he closed the nail polish and dropped it onto the floor.
Till pushed him back against the edge of his bed, leaning his close just to prove his point. “Everyone loves you, Ivan. Everyone cares about you. Now, I’m not saying I want to have all the attention on me from everyone in our school, but is it so selfish and awful to want someone to think of me and care about me the way everyone else does to you?”
“You have got to be joking with me…” Ivan muttered under his breath, running a defeated hand over his face.
“This is why I don’t talk to you anymore! You don’t take anything I say seriously, always brushing it off! Always brushing me off!”
“Do you think so poorly of yourself to think that no one person in this world loves you??”
“Well, obviously my mom–”
“And me, you dumbass!” He grabbed onto his shoulders, slightly shaking him back and forth, not enough to hurt him. Not to persuade Till, but convince himself that this was really happening.
What the fuck is this guy talking about?? Till clenched his hands into a fist. “That’s not funny, and you know it isn’t! You can’t just throw that out of nowhere and let it hang in the air, especially when I’m opening up to you about my life and how I feel!”
“Okay, fine, but you are loved and people aren’t going to abandon you out of nowhere. I would never do that to you, not when I have so much to lose. Because you beautiful idiot, I lo–care about you. A lot.” Ivan leaned forward pressing his forehead against Till’s. “I’m glad I get to call you a friend.”
Till gently pushed him back against the bed, crawling away from him and stared back at him with wide eyes. “I–yeah. Friends.” He coughed, grabbing the abandoned bottle of nail polish and continuing to do his nails, holding the palm of his hand in his. He prayed to whatever god that listened that Ivan couldn’t feel the rapid beat of his pulse.
“You’re doing a great job.” Ivan praised, checking the finished set and grinning.
“Thanks. Hopefully Mizi thinks so.” He muttered under his breath, not even realizing he said those words outloud.
Ivan’s smile dropped instantly, his jaw clenching. “Right, of course. I’m sure she will.”
“She’s actually the one who recommended me doing your nails.” Till laughed, taking both of Ivan’s hands and inspecting his nails, making sure the blue liquid wasn’t lumpy or messy. “I’m glad she did.”
Ivan’s eyes widened in realization, a hint of blush appearing on his cheeks. “R-right! Of course, because she’s nice. A nice, good friend.”
“I guess you can call her a friend. Me on the other hand…”
“Oh, come on. You guys are friends, even if she knows other people other than you. Trust me…you’re her friend. As soon as she meets you, you’re forever bound by the trap of being known as her friend.”
“Were you one of these victims?”
“I was.”
Till laughed, covering his smile with a hand. An idea popped in his head though, so he started rummaging through his drawers and pulled out a bracelet. A loom bracelet, handmade by Till’s hands and forged with colorful rainbow looms. “Here, take it.” He insisted, grabbing Ivan’s hand and shoving it into his palm. “It’s for you.”
“...why?” Ivan asked incredulously. “And why so randomly?”
“Well, I’m obviously not gonna use it.” He rolled his eyes, gesturing to his outfit and makeup. “And I know you like wearing bracelets. It’s nothing special, but who knows? Maybe you’d like it.”
Ivan blushed, clutching the bracelet in his hands up to his chest. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
They both stared back at one another again, without the need in their eyes and just the lingering understanding for each other.
An hour passed by before Ivan’s curfew crept closer and closer to them. They said their farewells at the front door, waving bye to each other after so long of not hanging out.
Maybe we could do this again. Till thought to himself, pulling out his folder once he was back at his desk, ready to (not) finish his homework. It wasn’t so bad after all…
Ivan’s smile, his blush, and the way his eyes twinkled when Till spoke. It was all…a familiar feeling. The same feeling he once had with Mizi, when she spoke to him back in their elementary school days. But those feelings were dead, and there was a new focus in his life. A new light he had completely forgotten about until now.
“Till!!!” His mom yelled from downstairs, scaring the living shit out of him, jumping out of his seat and ran down to Lo.
“Y-yeah??” He called out, walking down the final step when he noticed the paper in her hands.
“Tutoring?” She glared down at him, a hand on her hip and his face turning into a scowl. “Till…”
~°☆•~
“So.” Till slid in the seat next to Mizi. “Are you going to tutoring after school?” He asked her, making sure their History teacher was too busy ranting about how great and wonderful this country was to the students. Class barely began yet he decides to be an absolute dickhead to students who give less of a shit about their future.
“Uhhmmm, no?” Mizi giggled, pushing her away off her shoulder. “I’m way too smart to go tutoring. Only dumb kids…” She paused, noticing the red tinting Till’s cheeks. “Are you…?”
“Yes, of course I am!!” He groaned in frustration, running a hand through his hair and slightly tugged. “My mom somehow found out about me going to tutoring and threatened that if she saw me before 5:30 she would end my life.”
“She’s joking,” Mizi waved her hand in the air, shooing off his panic. “She would never hurt her one and only son.”
“That’s not the point! She needs me to go to those stupid tutoring sessions. I don’t even wanna know who’s hosting them, they all probably hate me!” Till hid his face with his hands, slightly rocking back and forth in the chair. “I don't wanna go.” He groaned, drawing out the o to emphasize his pain and suffering.
“You know…I heard Ivan is going as well.” Till almost perked up at his name but looked away before Mizi could notice his sudden interest. “The coach threatened to kick him off the team if he didn’t pull his shit together. Ivan’s words, not mine.” She raised her hands in the air. “Personally, I would never cuss a day in my life.”
Till snorted, leaning an arm against the desk. “That is such a fucking lie and we both know it. I’ve heard you before, you totally have the mouth of a sailor.”
Mizi ignored him, continuing to not back down from her claim of ‘being a perfect innocent angel.’ Another lie, of course. He could feel the fanfiction delusions radiating off of her like intensive pheromones seeping from an alpha trying to assert his dominance. Which is embarrassing on both their ends, considering he even knows what the omegaverse was in the first place.
He tuned her out, looking over at the wall and noticing Ivan walking past his classroom, his face pressed up against the window. His face lights up from envy to glee, waving childishly at Till. He laughed, waving back as his cheeks turned a tinted red once again, staring back at Ivan who just stared back, his face blank and expressionless. One shows all his emotions, unable to lie even in the most urgent of times, while the other has the best poker face out of everyone around.
A match made in heaven.
“Ivan!” The history teacher fumed, stomping over to the door to scold him, who couldn’t care about being lectured for “skipping class~” He was just glad he got to see Till’s bright smile that afternoon, filling his whole day with pure bliss. Probably even skipped through the halls after his whole lecture from the teacher.
“Mind telling me what’s going on with you two?” Mizi asked, a knowing smirk spread across her cheeks. “Because what the hell was that?”
“I thought you didn’t curse?” He dodged the question, leaning against his chair and looking up at the roof.
“This is a once in a lifetime chance of happening. Now tell me what the fuck happened, don’t ignore my question!!” Mizi grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him back and forth. “Oh please, I need this!!”
“You’re so nosy! Get off me!” Till snapped, brushing off his shoulders and glaring at her. “Nothing even happening, so don’t go snooping around for literal air.” He warned her, eyeing her up and down, who slumped down in exaggerated defeat.
“Yes, yes, I won’t do anything to hurt your beautiful gay relationship with my best friend.” She sighed, a hand to her forehead. She does one middle school play and all of sudden she turns into the biggest drama queen. “So…are you going to tutoring?”
“I have to.” Till rolled his eyes, his eyes falling back on the window.
~°☆•~
“You got to be kidding!.” Till stared back at Luka, wearing his ridiculous green flannel shirt like some nerd from an 80’s movie. In a modern day movie set in the 80’s, he would’ve been the gay love interest who probably jerks off to women secretly until his whole life changes when he sees his hot best friend naked. Just look at the guy, who can be that gorgeous and not be evil? “You’re gonna be my tutor? Who’s hosting it?” He asked, looking around. “Isn’t there supposed to be a teacher or something?”
“No, the math teacher that was supposed to be here is out for some reason.” He rolled his eyes, arms crossing in front of him. “She left me to do all the work like the fucking bitch she is.” Till’s eyes widened for a second before trying to hide his emotions behind a blank stare. Which obviously didn’t work, but Luka was too pissed to notice. “And for a week! I hate this stupid public school, I want to go back to private…”
“Ms. Hegarry?” He asked.
“Yeah, because who else is gonna be the local bitch in this damn school?” Luka sighed, pinching his nose bridge. “Anyways, there’s only two students who got forced to come here. I checked the list and it was you and–”
“Ivan.”
Luka eyebrows slightly shot up, barely visible to the naked eye. “...ohhh, is that why you came here? Because I hope you know I take my work very seriously. Teacher recommendations are essential for college registration.” Luka warned him, thinking he was just gonna slack off during their tutoring session. At the very least he would teach the weird kid something. “No flirting with Ivan, you understand?”
Till blushed, shaking his head from the accusation. “I do not flirt with Ivan!"
“Though I wish he did.” Someone wrapped an arm around Till’s shoulders, whispering, “You look good today.” He murmured seductively, the inner siren in Ivan coming out, causing Till to jump away and stare back at him with a flustered, stiff face.
“What the fuck was that??” He snapped, rubbing his ear up and down, trying to get rid of the heat from his face.
“Aw come on, don’t lie right in front of my friend…” Ivan said for Till’s ear only. “This is normal for us, isn’t that right?” Ivan leaned in close, so close that he could have captured Till’s lips with his own. If Till just leaned a little closer…
Until the moment was shattered by Luka’s obnoxious interjection, warning Ivan of the same thing he did with Till.
Ivan laughed, poking fun at him while Till had a whole crisis right beside him.
He was gonna kiss him. It was an almost kiss, one Till even burned for. He placed a hand over his racing heart, the crummy thing ready to burst out and spill blood all over the yellow-washed tiles of the classroom. An almost kiss is still a kiss right? So basically, Ivan kissed Till. And he didn’t pull away from it, he stayed planted on his feet. For what though? To stand up for himself? To show that he wasn’t scared?
Or did he not want to pull away?
No, that’s ridiculous! Till shook his head, internally ripping his hair out.
I’m not gay or even find men attractive that way! He was just a silly exception, it barely even counts in the universe!
Plus, that’s what guys do all the time. They flirt and touch each other all the time and insist that they’re straight and have girlfriends.
That’s what Till was, straight. He liked Mizi for a long time, right until…until what?
He still likes Mizi, right? A massive crush like that doesn’t leave so easily. Despite it being such a long time since having any fluttery emotions near her, he has to. It’s all Till has ever felt romantically for someone else. It proves he’s straight! She’s a girl and is very lovely, nothing like Ivan. He’s taciturn with other people and an adorable puppy around Till. He cares for Ivan, but only as a friend. For all Till knows, Ivan could be dating Mizi! They are together almost all the time, talking and whispering to each when they have the chance.
That’s right, Mizi and Ivan are dating! Till concluded with a nod of his head. Or at least have a thing for each other. Ivan doesn’t like Till one bit and instead he’s just being the weirdo he’s always been since they were kids. The first time he’s ever been so forward, but it didn’t mean anything to Ivan anyway. That almost kiss was probably incomparable to everything he’s used to as well.
Remember the plan, your missions! He reminded himself, standing up straight again. Forget about the cookies and the stupid bracelet and the nail polish he still has–think of the plan!
“Yeah.” Till called out, wrapping two stiff arms around Ivan’s waist and pulling him into a strong embrace. Till dropped his chin on Ivan’s shoulder and snuggled in close. “It is normal for us.”
Please, universe, come down and strike me with lightning, this shit is embarrassing.
Ivan jumped in surprise, practically trying to fly out of Till’s arms. “I–sorry?”
“Why are you acting like we aren’t fucking each other behind closed doors?” Till purred, rolling his eyes and pouted, trying his very best not to cringe and dissolve into the floor where he belonged.
“What?” Ivan laughed, looking back at Luka for help, who was ready to rip them a new one. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to push it that far–”
So I was right. Ivan was just joking around and didn’t actually like Till. Good, because he doesn’t like Ivan either. They’re barely considered friends anyway, so it shouldn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt.
My heart hurts. Till complained internally, rubbing his chest where his beating heart resided. Probably heartburn…
Mission four: flirt with Ivan until he backs away?
Completed…
“Are you guys done?” Luka asked, tapping a finger on his forearm with impatience. His face was reddened with embarrassment, trying to cover it up by handing each of them a math worksheet. “So fucking horny…”
“Not a very appropriate thing to say in front of your students.” Ivan laughed, his own cheeks still tinted a light red. But at least he looked out of breath, instead of looking like he just got run over with porn. But Till always looks like that normally.
“Neither is slobbering all over each other right in front of your tutor?” Luka rolled his eyes, passing him a pencil. “Do the worksheet and just hand it to me when you’re done. I would like to see at what level both of you are and how much material I need to cover.”
Ivan and Till walked back to their respective desks, both struggling on every question but refusing to ask for help from anyone. Ivan wrote random numbers that weren’t even a part of the equation, making up formulas that don’t exist in the mathematics world. Till on the other hand was drawing doodles on the margins, anime eyes all over his paper as well as different types of stars and sparkles around them. Neither of them understood the work, if it wasn’t obvious.
“Hey.” Ivan whispered to Till, scooting his desk closer despite it scraping against the floor and making one of the worst sounds imaginable.
“Hey!” Luka called out, his eyes narrowing at the both of the boys. “No working together on this worksheet. And you better keep your hands to yourself!”
“I’m not even touching him!” Till snapped back, hands in the air in defense.
“You will, I can feel this stupid tension in the air. It’s suffocating.”
Till ignored him, keeping his own eyes on the paper and working on one of the questions he skipped.
“Aren’t you supposed to teach us?” He muttered his breath.
“You have three weeks of tutoring to get through. By the time this week ends, you’ll know all the material. Guaranteed.”
“He works efficiently.” Ivan commented, flipping over to the back.
There’s a back?? Till bit his lip, looking back at his paper and putting his head down. He couldn’t get five questions right, let alone fifteen!
As Till slumped over his desk in despair, black sorrow dripping down from him on the floor and spilling all around him, Ivan finished his worksheet and turned it into their tutor.
Luka took the paper and scanned over it, marking all the wrong answers and nodded. “Not as bad as your teacher said it would be. 6/15, so as a grade you got…?” Luka trailed off, motion for Ivan to tell him the answer.
“...what?” Ivan squinted his eyes in confusion.
“He got 40%.” Till said outloud, flipping over to the back.
“Good. Are you almost done?” He asked him, reaching over to grab the paper.
“No…”
Luka sighed. “Lemme just review what you have so far and work on more material on you. I’m assuming Ivan doesn’t understand it while Till doesn’t know it at all?” He guessed, scanning the paper by Till’s shoulder, leaning close enough to him that he could smell the cologne he had on.
If you can even call it that. It smelled like a perfume with a hint of woodiness that a normal perfume wouldn’t have. If Till had to guess, Luka only wore it to impress Hyuna.
“Yes…” Ivan said through gritted teeth, glaring at Luka’s slow and silent advances towards his future husband.
Luka smiled, wrapping a light, delicate arm around Till’s shoulders and writing on his paper “100%” on the top where he wrote his name. Till’s eyes widened in shock, realizing he did know what the hell he was doing. It was instinct, writing down the number and solving the equation. So why was he struggling so hard in his actual class? Why was he failing in the first place?
“Good job, you knew how to do the basics. This makes my job a little easier.” He snatched the paper up, patting Till’s head and grinning when Ivan glared at him, warning him with dark, empty eyes;
Stop touching him
“I have another worksheet for you guys to do.” Luka announced, handing them each a piece of paper. “You can work together or ask me for help. This is only the basics, and from what I saw on the paper, you both can do them fairly easily. Ivan only made a simple mistake that can easily be fixed in the long run.” Luka sat back down, working on his own AP homework. “Go ahead.”
Till grabbed his desk and scooted closer to Ivan, making sure to bump shoulders with him and slightly–the daintiest and the lightest–leaned in closer to Ivan. Hopefully he noticed because he wasn’t willing to go any closer than this. He’s already pushing his physical touch limits with Ivan, he doesn’t wanna waste all his social battery.
“Wanna work together?” He asked him, connecting both desks together. Till looked back at Ivan’s head, memorizing the outline of his side profile, the way his lips tugged up when he spoke.
“Sure!” Ivan chirped, grabbing his pencil and trying to solve the first equation. “Do you know how to do this?”
“Huh?” Till blinked, whipping his head back to his paper, realizing he was staring at the side of Ivan’s head. “Oh…yeah. I think.” He picked up his own pencil and scribbled a number, solving it out and double checking his answer on the side.
He peered his head up, noticing Luka staring back at him. “Uhm.” He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Aren’t we supposed to have calculators or something?”
“For that worksheet, you’re supposed to do it without one.” He said plainly. “Your finals will be something similar, no calculators for these types of questions.” He looked back at his own homework. “Tomorrow I’ll ask some math teacher if they’ll let me borrow theirs. We only need two or three afterall.”
“Right.” Till continues onto the next question, noticing Ivan struggling and underlining random words that don’t have to do with the actual math part. A method that Till used to do himself when he actually tried on his work. “You’re supposed to cross multiply, not add them together.” He pointed out, gesturing to his own paper.
“Really??” Ivan groaned, erasing his work and starting over. “Wait…so the variable is 3.05? But that’s a decimal?”
“Yeah, my teacher said it’s okay to have a decimal, as long as it’s not one of those weird long decimals.” He explained, replacing the unknown variable for the number and solving the second part of the equation. “What did you get in the end?”
“54.9 is my answer.” He looked over at Till’s paper and nodded. “Okay, so the next one is easy.”
“I’m not good with geometry.” He grumbled, drawing out a triangle and another one inside.
“Aren’t you an artist?” Luka asked, a bored expression on his face. “Isn’t that your whole thing? Drawing out shapes?”
Till blushed. “That doesn’t have to do with anything! It’s circles and shapes, not solving what the angle is compared to its side!”
Luka shrugged, going back to his homework.
As they quietly worked together, finally getting through the last few questions when they asked Luka for assistance, who was happy to oblige. At least, when Till asked for help. Luka made sure to stay close to Till’s space, making any excuse to lean in close to whisper in his ear and touching his face with smooth moves that would make any other person swoon.
If Luka were to come on to any other person, blushing and with those looks, it’s over. A woman who saw him in this state would easily lose herself. A man would pounce on him in an instant. The teen pregnancy rate would sky rocket into the air if it were up to him.
Luckily for the student body, Luka was in a relationship. Thank God for that, or they would’ve all been screwed in more ways than one.
“Luka.” Ivan smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He clenched his fist and left crescent moon indents in the palms of his hands. “I think we got it from here.”
“What are you talking about?” Till shook his head. “I do not got this on my own, I need his help. That’s why he’s here!!”
“Yeah, don’t pull your fellow students back for wanting to educate themselves. You wouldn’t do that, now would you Ivan?” Luka tilted his head, his smile dropping and leaving a sneer that didn’t have any bite to it. “You’ll never do it, will you?”
I don’t think he’s talking about tutoring anymore… Till shook his head again, trying his hardest to concentrate on the equations and solving each of them quietly.
“I will, you just have to give me time.” Ivan bit out, completely leaving his worksheet to the side as he faced Luka.
“Yes, I’m sure that is what you need. Totally not because you don’t have the balls to do it.”
“Can you go sit back down??” Ivan rolled his eyes, arms crossed in front of his chest. “I’m so tired of your bullshit. And stop bugging us, we got it without your help.” He turned to Till, poking his arm. “Right, Tilly?”
“Sure.”
“See? So go sit down and do your homework, nerd.”
What even is this trio? Till thought to himself, eyeing Ivan’s blue letterman jacket. The jock, the nerd, and the emo. Who would’ve thought they would all come together for a tutoring session?
“I’m done!” He called out after a couple of minutes passed by, handing Luka his paper and shifting on his feet. “Did…did I do good?” He asked as he quietly graded the work, marking off the things he got wrong.
But he didn’t get any marks. He only got one, which was on the final question. Ivan and Luka were arguing while he was working on it, so he blamed it on them.
So technically, he got 100%.
“Are you sure you even need tutoring?” Luka asked with a scoff. “You seem completely fine.”
“Well, you did help me on most of those questions…” He shrugged, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably.
“Guess I did.” Luka nodded over to Ivan, who was on the back of the worksheet and working hard on it. Till smiled at this, his chest swelling with pride. Luka obviously noticed the lovesick smile on Till’s face and smiled. “Are you going to wait for your boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” Till walked back to Ivan, hovering over him and flicking his forehead. “Come on, dumbass, hurry up. I wanna go home.”
Ivan hissed, rubbing his forehead and pouting. “You’re so mean to me.”
“I thought you liked it when I was?” Till snorted, reaching out to pat his head instead. “Is that better?”
Ivan looked up at him, a faint blush emerging on his cheeks. “I–”
“Can you two stop flirting for once?? Just because I’m not in your line of sight doesn’t mean I’m gone!” Luka grumbled, looking over to the door. His eyes widened and straightened his posture, politely waving hello. “Mr. Rafferty! Welcome–”
“What are you kids doing in here??” The teacher yelled, glaring daggers at Ivan and Till, almost like he was foaming at the mouth with hatred and disgust for the two boys. “You kids shouldn’t be in here after school. Not unless you got a pass for tutoring later, and even then, you have to wait in the cafeteria for that!”
Luka shook his head, stepping in front of Ivan and Till. “Oh, no sir, I promise we aren’t here doing anything against the school's policies. I am subbing in for Ms. Hegarry since she will be absent this whole week. She personally asked me to fill in.”
He crossed his arms and eyed him. “How do I know if you ain’t lying to me, son?”
“I have the email and a tutoring pass to prove it. So do my fellow peers.” Luka turned to them. “Can you guys hand me your passes, please.”
“Sure.” Ivan reached for his backpack, digging around for the pass. Meanwhile, Till avoided eye contact with Luka.
“I…I don’t have mine. I lost it during homeroom.”
Luka sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose once again in frustration. “Okay, it’s fine. I’ll handle this outside, you guys just pack up..”
They both nodded, one of them watching in astonishment at how calmly and efficiently Luka handled every situation. If Till were in his shoes, he would babble on and make stupid excuses, even if he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Cornered against a wall when accused of something and immediately panics.
Slumping down in his chair, he pulled out his phone and texted his mom that he was in his math tutoring classes with Ivan. She replied with hearts and stars, indicating that Till was a star. A code of sorts that he’s figured out over time of texting with his dear mother.
“Uhm.” Ivan coughed into his wrist, trying to hide his face from Till’s gaze. “So, I…I kinda wanna say something.”
Till put down his phone and nodded. “Shoot.”
“...it’s really important.”
“Okay.” Till nodded, slowly, confusion dawning on his face. But he proceeded to scoot his chair and give him his full attention.
“Till…”
“Ivan.”
“I really like you!” He blurted out. “I like you, Till!” He repeated, grabbing Till by the shoulders and holding him in place. Till could feel his pulse beating rapidly, his face stricken with such anticipatory grief it hurt to stare.
“So much, and I’m tired of keeping it a secret. I feel so content when you’re around, like I'm about to explode with the amount of joy I get. I really like you, I wish I could be the one around you every day and every time. I’m jealous of others who get to talk to you so casually, and I wish that you could look at me the same. I can’t stomach the fact that you don’t feel the same way I do, and that’s okay. I know you don’t feel the same, because you deserve someone better than me.” Till tried interjecting, begging to defend Ivan and that he wasn’t worthless. He wasn’t useless at all. But Ivan didn’t let him get a word in.
“I like you so much that I want you to lean against me when you need comfort or support. I want to be there at your highs and lows. I want you, I like you, and I would do anything for you, even if it means my own death. I’ll drown in you or for you, as long as it means your happiness.”
Till’s face was overwhelmingly red, confusion written all over his face. Was Ivan playing around, taking the joke way too far?
He couldn’t be. Ivan wouldn’t joke around about liking someone so casually.
“I–” Till began, scrambling to find the right words. Did he like him back? Did he want to feel the same way? It didn’t matter, because he had to find some words for Ivan. He couldn’t just leave him hanging, not after such a confession like that. “Ivan–”
“I’m back.” Luka groaned, stretching out his arm behind his head. “That fucking teacher pisses me off. Did you see the way he was glaring at you two? Apparently he’s some homophobic guy who goes around–” Luka paused, eyeing the two juniors with his eyes squinted. “...why are you two blushing? Other than the obvious sexual tension I’m currently dying in, of course.”
“I have to go!” Till announced, almost tripping on his own two legs, fumbling for his backpack. “English tutoring, don’t wanna miss any of the material! Bye!” He waved, zooming past Luka and into the hallway, running down the hallway with his tail between his legs. He bursted into the bathroom, dropping his backpack on the floor and walking in circles in front of the sinks.
What the hell was that?? He scolded himself, running a hand through his hair. “Are you stupid??” He said outloud, facing himself in the mirror and steadying himself against the sink. “Look at you! You just ran away! What are you fucking doing??” He grumbled, hiding his face under his hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Till repeated, knowing he just kicked a poor puppy while he was at his most vulnerable. Guilt flooded his senses, sending him spiraling in the school’s bathroom all alone.
But that wasn’t the only feeling.
There was one more Till couldn’t put his finger on, even if his whole life depended on labeling that single feeling.
Redamancy.
~°☆•~
Till couldn’t concentrate during his English tutoring, getting yelled at by the teacher who he didn’t even recognize. His heart was too loud, his thoughts too quick to catch up with. His brain felt like mush. Sticky, sloppy mush that was squeezed and tossed around his head.
He begged his mom to pick him up early, but she refused. He was stuck inside that stuffy room with five other students, one of them throwing a paper at the back of his neck and snickered along with the rest. At least his guilty conscience was being silenced into submission, back to the forbidden hollow part of his brain that no one could ever see. Not that anyone could see all of his brain, but his expressions give him away all the time.
“Tan!” The teacher snapped, glaring down at Till. “Pick your head up, don’t make me ask you again.”
“My name isn’t Tan.” He shook his head. I don't even look tan.
Luckily the teacher didn’t hear his ‘disrespectful’ comment and continued teaching with his stupid booming voice as if he held a grudge against life itself.
I wanna go home.
Till pushed his hair back, feeling another wad of chewed up paper stuck to the tips of his hair. A wave of anger and irritation flooded his brain, wishing he could jump up and throw a desk over the kids’ heads.
But he didn’t.
Of course he didn’t because that would mean more insult to himself. The weird kid beat up other kids, the accurate stereotype everyone else painted for him. He refused to let them win, stubbornness taking hold as he crossed his arms and stayed sitting down.
Finally, after a painstakingly long tutor session where all he wanted to do was jump off the highest building nearby, it ended.
He bolted out the door, as far as his scrawny legs and baggy black jeans could take him.
Till slowed his pace when he got outside, noticing his mom’s car in the parking lot. He smiled, waving hello at her as she beamed at him. The infinite patience this woman acquired will never be matched by another.
As Till walked down the sidewalk, he noticed a red car in the back of the parking lot, surrounded by blue leatherman jackets. His heart sank down to his ass, his pace speeding up the slightest bit and accidentally locking eyes with him.
Ivan’s expression was unreadable, not a single fang sticking out for Till’s amusement. The rush of blood gathered at his cheeks and he hurried to open the car door and slammed it shut. His heart raced, ready to zoom back to those cold evening eyes and yell yes until his vocal cords were cut. To let himself for once in his life believe that maybe someone is trustworthy in his life.
That maybe it is okay to like another guy, despite every alert screaming the opposite.
“Is Ivan nearby?” Io asked when she noticed Till’s flurried face, zipping her head around to find her second son.
“Yeah…yeah he is.” He muttered, running both hands down his face like some hot lawyer from an anime. “But he’s busy. See the football team? All surrounding him. Come on, let’s go home.”
She frowned but nodded anyway, starting the engine and driving the car in reverse. “I’m glad you brought him last night. It was really nice to see you with your little boyfriend!”
Till coughed, choking on his own spit. “What??? I—I’m not—h” he cleared his throat, gathering his thoughts in order. “Mom, saying boyfriend is not the same thing as saying a girl is hanging out with her girlfriends.”
“I know, honey.” She smiled, reaching out and squeezing his hand.
~°☆•~
Mizi and Till quietly sit together at the lunch table. Somehow, while avoiding the football captain, he was kidnapped by another type of captain. A cheerleader, to be precise.
“Hi Till!!” Mizi grinned, looping her arm through his. “You’re sitting with us during lunch, right?”
“Y-you know I was actually going to go sit in the library. Gotta catch up on homework, you know how it goes.” He shot a finger gun at her awkwardly, blushing in embarrassment but trying to hurry along before a certain person came in. “Being the star student and all.”
“I wish, but that title rightfully belongs to our beloved king yaoi the third!” Till snorted at the stupid insert name Mizi gave her best friend. “He’s smart, you know!”
“So why is he going to tutoring? Being a star student means you should be the tutor instead.” He crossed his arms.
“A specific boy was busy distracting him from his dreams and passions.”
Till blinked in surprise. “Who?”
Mizi blinked in surprise as well. She snorted, staring back at him for a bit before she frowned. “Wait, you’re being serious?”
“Why wouldn’t I be??” Till exclaimed, pointing to himself. “Does it look like I would know anything about his crush?? You’re his best friend!”
“You’re the crush!”
“Come on, I’m being serious!” He rolled his eyes at her. She was just joking around with him, she had too.
Mizi also rolled her eyes at him, placing a hand on his shoulders. “I promise you, sweet pea, you’ll get it when you stop being so stupid and oblivious.” His face reddened further, heating up to his neck. “In the meantime, we are going to lunch together.” She grinned, tightening her hold on him and skipping to the cafeteria gleefully.
“Oh, you also make lunch?” Mizi asked as Till dropped his bag of food, her eyes widening in surprise.
“Yeah, but I always forget. I’m no cook, so nothing like Sua’s.” He scratched his head, pulling out his lunch and showing it to her. Chicken and rice, already heated up and ready to eat.
“Ooooo it looks so good!” She squealed, stabbing a chicken with her own fork and munching it down in one bite. “And tasty too!!”
“Thanks.” He muttered, chewing on his food quietly, leaning his cheek against his hand. “Is Ivan gonna sit with us…?”
“Yes, yes, of course he is.” She rolled her eyes at him. “Sorry, I’m not as good as your boyfriend.” She raised both hands up, loving the way his cheeks flushed a deep red when she brought up the idea of them already being a couple.
“Mizi—“
“Okay, fine.” She sighed, grumbling under her breath, whipping her head around to see if there were any witnesses around. “Hey. I have a really important question, so important that it needs to be answered urgently.”
“I doubt it, but go on.”
“Do…do you like Ivan?” She asked, with the purest honesty and seriousness Mizi had ever shown to Till. “Like the way I like Ivan or the way I like Sua?” She mumbled the final words, a hint of blush reddening her own cheeks.
“…you like Ivan???” Till yelled, jumping up in front of her and slamming the table with shaky hands. Genuine fear and resentment rolled down his body, unknowingly seeming…jealous of Mizi.
It would make sense, wouldn’t it?
The captain cheerleader and the football captain, ready to date and show off their relationship in front of their friends.
They would look cute together too. More than Till and Ivan could ever be, especially the main reason being they are both the opposite gender.
“What??” Mizi shouted back, horror dawning on her face. “Baby, no! No, no, no, no, not one bit–”
“It’s fine!” It's not, what hell are you saying— “I’m sure he likes you back as well!! You two would look great together. You already color coordinate, so might as well go all in. I’m sure he will ask you out and then you’ll go on with your dream.” He smiled, keeping up the facade so he go crumble in the school bathroom later.
The confession…it was probably fake then.
Maybe he was practicing to tell Mizi how he felt? See the worst reaction and make sure it doesn’t happen with her?
Or some stupid prank he pulled out his ass to crack a joke.
It doesn’t matter.
Till liked Ivan.
Ivan didn’t.
“Till.” Mizi said solemnly, reaching out to hold his hand. “I’m a lesbian.”
Till’s eyes widened, realization striking him in the back of the head. “...so you don’t like Ivan?” He asked for clarification, even though it was a stupid question. The definition of being a lesbian is liking women, so of course Mizi wouldn’t like Ivan.
But what about Ivan liking Mizi? That could still be a possibility. A big one too. Ivan is always around her, grows stiff when Till brings her up in the conversation, and overall it would make sense. Does Mizi know this?
“I’m going to let you in on a little secret.” Mizi whispered, waving a hand to urge him closer. He did as he was told, leaning closer to Mizi in confusion. “I’m dating his sister.” She confessed, a mushy smile on her lips. Not the bright ones she gives, but one that shows her true inner feelings. To be vulnerable in front of someone and only hope for the best.
“Sua?”
“Yeah.” She giggled, covering her smile in embarrassment. “We haven’t told Ivan because it’s his sister, and I’m sure he would be supportive, but…I'm scared. You never know if he’s gonna jump up and attack me!”
“I really doubt he would do that to you.” Till snorted.
She sighed, running a hand down her face. “Time sucks, it refuses to stop despite everyone’s protests. If only I could be with Sua forever and never have to worry about the future.”
“Time might be a pain in the ass, but it’s always in limited supply. We should just live before it slips by and we completely forget why we were fighting it in the first place.” He muttered, scooping up some rice and taking a bite. “You’ll be fine though, I promise. If Ivan doesn’t, I’ll smack some sense into him.”
She giggled, grinning at the thought of Till doing any actual harm to his Ivan. “You two always argue like some old couple. It’s adorable.”
“We’re not a couple…” Till hissed, catching the sight of Ivan and Hyuna walking up to the lunch line with Sua quietly following behind them, texting away at her phone as always. Like an ipad kid glued to their screen, unable to look away.
Mizi looked down at her phone as well, giggling and texting back to the person. “Sua is so funny.”
“...are you sure we’re talking about the same person?”
She glared at him, raising her phone and taking a picture of Till offguard, grinning mischievously. “Don’t talk bad about my girlfriend.”
He rolled his eyes, taking another bite of his chicken.
The same sense of guilt from last night reached up to Till. He couldn't just let Mizi admit something so vulnerable to him and not at least give her something in return.
“I like Ivan.” He blurted out, staring down at his food as his cheeks flooded red.
“WHAT?!” She yelled, causing a few heads to turn to her direction. “You like Ivan—!?“ she gasped, covering her mouth in shock.
Till flinched at her scream, shrinking back into his own seat. But the damage was done, and Till realized the boy they were talking about heard Mizi’s scream from across the cafeteria. Hyuna and Luka had their heads turned as well, one more enthralled than the other.
At least the whole cafeteria line wasn’t too interested in what was going on, they just wanted some stale pizza for lunch.
“Mizi…” he groaned, covering his face in embarrassment.
She shook her head, shame written all over her face. “I’m sorry Till, I didn’t mean to out you like that...” She put her head down, pouting slightly for being a “bad” friend.
“Till.” Someone said from behind him, causing Till to jump up in surprise. He twirled in his seat, turning to the familiar face. “We—“
“We need to talk.” Till agreed, grabbing Ivan’s hand and hauling him out the cafeteria doors and into the cloudy day, not a single ray of sunshine beaming onto them.
Till thought to himself in silence, his own mind racing nonstop, beating himself up for admitting something so ridiculous. Not when everyone heard Mizi’s scream–which wasn’t even the main problem! The problem was that this stupid jock heard her. Of course he did, he’s always hearing everything. Everything he isn’t supposed to be listening to.
They stepped on the beady wet grass under their feet, both walking into the soft bushes where trees hung low with vines and leaves. A nice secluded area for a serious talk.
And for other…interactions the students seemed to enjoy.
But that wasn't important, at least not this moment.
Not that would ever happen with them. Till straightened his horrible shrimp posture. The horrible perk of being an artist, whether digitally or not.
Now all he had to do was talk to the same childhood best friend he had until they fell off, and suddenly they're back together! Just talking, a very mature and adult thing to do. He should feel proud of himself for doing something so grown up.
But it was hard to open his mouth when that same boy kept looking down at him, not a single hint of emotion that Till longed to see again.
Even harder when Ivan stared down into his soul, too close but not close enough. The air around them wrapping them up like a gift box ribbon, a perfect bow right on their heads. The way his eyes dropped down to his lips and back to his eyes…
Fuck. Till internally kicked himself in the shins.
A poorly executed plan, but Till would have to make due.
“Ivan.” He shook his head and groaned. “We…we have to talk. About yesterday.”
“You’re not very good at talking.” He teased, poking his side. He scowled at this, waving Ivan’s hand away. “Right, this is a serious matter.” Ivan coughed awkwardly, looking up at the sky only to be hit with a rain drop from the sky on the forehead.
Probably nothing important.
“I’m sorry!” Till proclaimed randomly, reaching up and clenching his own shirt into his fist. “I shouldn’t have ran away like that, not from you. Not from us. Not from your…confession.”
He shook his head though. “I get it, Till.” Ivan smiled, acceptance and anguish displayed on his beautifully sculpted face. Finally, some emotion in this expression. Something Till has been silently striving for, but in the worst way possible. If it only wasn’t like this. Not with such hurt. “You don't like me back.”
Till gawked at him, absolutely appalled that he could even think that. Sure, maybe he deflected every single move Ivan made on him, but to conclude it himself? “No!” He shouted, grabbing his shirt and clenching it into his fist. “You don’t get to make that decision yourself!” He snapped. Was he supposed to be apologizing for his own actions? Yes. But he refused to let Ivan even consider for a second that he didn’t reciprocate feelings for him. “I do like you, actually. Don't go around making assumptions about me when you know they’re not true!”
“I thought you weren’t into guys?” Ivan frowned.
“Well, I’ll figure that out as we go.” He waved his question away, trying to get back to the topic at hand. The actual reason they even came outside.
“We?”
“Yeah. Because…because we’re together!” He declared unexpectedly with full confidence, leaving no room for question.. “We’re dating.” Till took his hand, lacing his fingers through his and smiling proudly.
“Okay!” Ivan chirped, squeezing his hand slightly.
They both stood there for a couple of seconds, the rain starting to slowly come down, small drops of water staining their clothes and clinging onto them. Till’s eyes shut for a few seconds, taking in the small drizzle dripping down his forehead and nose. Realizing that Ivan was staring down at him, he stared back up at him and smiled, a slow and gentle one to match their environment. Ivan reached up for Till’s cheeks, cupping both of them in his hands and craving so intently, holding him so lightly. So scared that this will all fade away.
That perhaps this moment was never meant to happen in the first place.
“Don’t disappear.” Ivan whispered, leaning in closer. And were those tears forming at the edge of his eyelids? Or the rain starting to pour a little harder than usual?
“I won’t.” Till promised, pressing his forehead against his and keeping his eyes closed. Finally allowing him to relax next to Ivan, his shoulders sagging and leaning into each other with the smallest steps of hesitation.
They don't say anything again, letting the rain communicate for them. The company of each other being more than enough.
A small, formed relationship.
It's new.
It's imperfect.
It’s exactly what they need.
“I love you.” Ivan confessed, a small whisper barely audible in the pouring rain. This small confession of love washed down at Till’s feet with the water puddling at their feet, ready to be picked up and cared over. But he knew better to think that it could be reciprocated so easily, might even be forgotten. Life was still, neverending existence that was suffocated by the love of someone else. It was unreal.
Till blinked, his smile dropping as his heart raced. Love? But that was such a big word, an important one that Till couldn’t even understand himself.
“I think…” He trailed off, flinching when lightning struck the ground. They both jumped in surprise, backing into the school wall filled with carvings of people’s name or inside jokes.
“What the fu–no one said it was gonna storm today!” Till realized the rain started coming down harder and more extreme, practically drowning both of the boys. Thunder shook around them, Till anxiously chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. “I…”
“Do you wanna go inside?” Ivan asked, noticing the small tremble in Till’s posture. He clenched his jaw, taking off his varsity jacket and wrapping it around his shoulders.
He rolled his eyes at Ivan’s kind gesture. “I’m not wearing this, I’m fine–” Another lightning bolt struck, startling Till once again and gasping loudly. “Ah, fuck…” He shook his head, pulling the sleeves on and zipping it up. “Thank you.” He muttered, his face started to bloom red.
“Of course.” Ivan winced, thunder booming. “Let’s wrap this up, okay?”
“Yes, duh.” He shoved his hands deep inside the varsity jacket’s sleeves, finding a balled up piece of paper. He pulled it out, not bothering to look inside it and handed it to Ivan, who smiled.
“What?” Till asked, puzzled. “...do you want me to read it?”
He nodded.
He unraveled the paper, reading the tiny words written with a sharpie, almost bleeding away thanks to the pounding rain.
“I never want to leave you but I’m scared. I love you so much. You’re the sweetest boy I’ve ever met. Thank you, for being here with me.”
He blinked in confusion, turning the paper over and shaking his head. “What is this?”
“An appreciation for being here with me.”
“I always will be, Ivan. You worry too much.” He laughed, another lightning striking and shining a flash of light over them. But he didn’t seem to notice this time, despite its close proximity.
Ivan continued smiling, though it didn't reach his eyes, leaving an emotionless void that set Till in discomfort. An uneasy feeling set over him, confused why Ivan even wrote this in the first place. Did he know that Till would confess?
Or was it something else?
“You were gonna say something before–” Thunder shook, surprising Ivan again but he continued. “Before the storm interrupted you?”
“The moment’s over.” Till waved his hand in the air, dismissing his prior thought.
“But I wanna know!” Ivan persisted, pinching the jacket and lightly shaking him.
“Ivan.”
“Till.”
“There’s nothing important or special about me, so why, out of all the people on this earth, did you choose me? What’s so great about me that made you fall for me?”
“Everything, Till. There’s not a single flaw in you that I don’t love and admire. You couldn’t make me choose a single one, not when there’s so much life to you.” Ivan smoothed back Till’s wet hair from his eyes, mapping out each sharp feature on his face. “I love all of you.”
“...I think I can love you too.” He shook his head lightly. “Maybe not right now, and it might take forever, but–”
Ivan takes Till’s lips in his own, kissing him softly and gently, refusing to scare Till away. Not after he’s admitted more than he had to. Their hands go still, not daring to move in case they slip in the wet mud, awkwardly holding onto Till’s cheeks while the other keeps his hands down by his sides.
He worked up the courage though, wrapping his arms around Ivan’s neck and leaning closer, opening his mouth slightly and tilting his head. His lips tasted like rain, water slipping into their mouth from the storm still raging around them. But not even a little rain can deter them from having this moment, gripping it tightly in their hands and refusing to let go.
Tears fell down Till’s cheeks, slowing down the kiss and leaning back, a soft sob ripping out his throat. Ivan’s eyes open and takes a second to realize that he was crying, confusing tears with raindrops.
“Till??” Ivan asked, concerned that kissing him was too far. That he would lose him forever.
“I’m fine!” He laughed, a smile turning his lips. “I’m just glad…thank you, for being here with you.” Ivan’s eyes lit up at the reminder and laughed as well.
~°☆•~
They both run inside, Ivan dragging Till behind him as the storm was too intense for them to be outside. A genuine safety concern, but Till wasn’t worried about whether he would survive or not. He was busy focusing on the kiss. On the confession.
His heart pounded in his chest, refusing to slow down despite the moment being over. Something about the way Ivan was…it was different. A good different, one he wasn’t used to.
“Damn it, we’re soaked.” Ivan sighed, shaking his head and trying to dry his hair with a hand. “Better not let the others see us like this, or they’ll definitely give us a scolding for being reckless.”
Till thought for a moment, wondering if his sudden idea was a good one. And if Ivan would even agree to it “Do you…wanna skip?” He asked, pointing at the exit.
Ivan’s eyes widened in surprise before raising an eyebrow. “You? Skipping?”
“Just a suggestion.” Till huffed, crossing his arms and soaking his arms once again with Ivan’s varsity jacket he still had on. “You don't have to take it.”
“Let’s get our stuff from the cafeteria and head out.” Ivan whispered in Till’s ear, racing down the stairs to head to the cafeteria, hoping Till would chase after him.
And he did, both the boys running in the empty hallways as classes began in session once again. Not a single student left hanging in the cafeteria, nor any teachers to scold them for being out in the storm. They grabbed their stuff where they left them and headed out in a hurry.
Ivan opened the exit door for Till, looking behind him as they were ready to walk outside. Making sure no one was watching the two.
But he noticed Mizi’s pink head heading down the hallway, who was grinning ear to ear.
She opened her mouth to greet them, but thought otherwise. She waved instead, slipping into the bathroom as she dangled her hallpass between her fingers.
“Come on, or we’re gonna get caught!” Till hissed, grabbing the back of Ivan’s collar and dragging him into the street.
They both snuck in a convenience store without being caught, bought a few snacks for them to enjoy out and walked back to the school’s parking lot. They quietly made their way to Ivan’s car, sitting down as they watched the rain beat down on the car’s windows.
Till ripped open his bag of chips in front of Ivan, handing him a chip and biting into his own. “Thanks…for coming with me.” He mumbled, nibbling on his potato chip.
“I would go anywhere you want me to.” Ivan smiled, reassuring him. “I’m not going to leave so easily, you know. I’ll latch onto you like a parasite!”
“Yeah, yeah.” Till rolled his eyes, his eyes falling down to Ivan’s lips. He shook his head, looking back at his eyes instead. “Have you ever done this before?”
“Done what? Skip?” Till nodded. “...I have…? On accident, but I suppose it still counts as skipping.”
He snorted, letting his arm drop down to his lap. “How the hell do you do that on accident?"
Ivan hummed in response, wondering if he should tell him the silly story. “One time, I was outside with the football team during lunch. They dragged me along to get food with them at some restaurant and only noticed too late that classes began. We were all locked out and spent the rest of the day at the same restaurant.”
“Didn’t your parents care??” Till laughed, hiding his grin with the back of his hand. “At all?”
“I don't think they even notice the call about me being absent.” Ivan grinned, reaching over and taking a chip from Till. He slapped his hand away, but evidently gave him the bag of chips in exchange for another juice, which he sipped on slowly to savor the flavor.
“Hey.” Ivan called out to Till, not realizing he said it out loud until Till turned his head towards him, crunching the bag of chips in his hands from embarrassment. “Till…”
“Yes?” He asked, tilting his head slightly.
“Can we try that again?”
“Try what again?” He asked, pulling out a bottle of water from thin air right in front of Ivan’s eyes and taking a long deserved sip.
He pointed a finger to his lips. “Kiss.”
Till choked on his water, hunching over and coughing down at his lap. “Okay–” he hacked, wiping the edges of his mouth off, “Way to be so blunt about it!”
“Can I kiss you? Again?”
He pondered over the question, not wanting to reject Ivan so harshly but also didn’t want to kiss him. Not when his mouth tasted like potato chips and juice.
“Fine.” He concluded, turning his head only for Ivan to be already reaching for him, his hands wandering to the back of his neck and playing with the hem of his shirt. Till shifted uncomfortably, trying to find his footing again only to be pushed back against the seat, Ivan scrambling to get on him. He reached his hand down to the side of the car’s seat, pushing the chair down with a button.
“Hey!” Till snapped, trapped under Ivan and his stupid seatbelt. While he tried to push him off and struggling to unfasten his entanglement, Ivan stared down at him with endearment.
Dragging a slow finger around his face, memorizing every angle of his face and movement with such sharp precision, he stunned Till into compliance. With newfound confidence, Ivan leaned down and peppered soft kisses all over his face, keeping both his legs firm on either side of Till’s hips.
“What are you doing…?” Till murmured, trying to pull his head away from him, only for Ivan to bite down on his neck. “Ah!” Till exclaimed, his eyes widening, question marks appearing all over his face. “Wha–”
But Ivan didn’t let him continue, instead, licking the small lovebite and tilting his head higher up, kissing his neck softly. Till’s mind still lingered on the bite though, his back slightly arching for more. Uncomfortably shifting around, he wrapped his arms around Ivan’s neck, only to find discomfort.
He lowered his hands to the inside of Ivan’s shirt, feeling his bare back and shivers as he ran a hand over him. Till smiled, kissing Ivan and letting him take the lead, the taste of him lingering on his tongue as Ivan pulled away.
“Don’t…” Till shook his head. “Nevermind.”
“What?” Ivan asked, unbuttoning his varsity jacket from Till’s shoulders.
“Don’t stop.”
Ivan’s eyes crinkled at the corners, leaning down and whispering in his ear about how needy he was. Till rolled his eyes at him, refusing to admit to the truth. Ivan’s teasing words fell short though, unable to stop himself from kissing him again.
Till didn’t mind though, following along and kissing him back, growing more comfortable in his position. He grew even bolder, his hands slipping into his hair and tugging lightly, teasing him for his earlier whispers. Ivan smiled through their kiss, biting down on his bottom lip. Till’s pulse quickened, unable to fight the small noises coming out of his mouth as Ivan continued to tease him relentlessly.
“Ivan…” He whined, trying to get him to stop ‘accidently’ grinding himself against Till. Ivan hummed in response, pulling Till’s head back with a quick tug on his hair and biting down on his open shoulder.
Till whimpered, melting into his arms and pulling him closer, quiet whines and whimpers escaping his throat as Ivan continued his assault on his collarbone, hands slowly running down his torso and at the hem of his pants. Pulling down at them, Ivan smirked and kissed Till’s cheek, holding his cheek with his other hand.
“I love you” He whispered, a sacred secret he refused to stop admitting to him.
He clicked his tongue, glaring up at Ivan. “Yeah, yeah, I know!”
“I should’ve told you sooner. I could’ve had you sooner.”
“I’m glad I get to enjoy this with you. Better now than later.” He cupped his cheek, cocking his head to the side and brushing his thumb over Ivan’s bottom lip. “We still have more life to live together.”
“Good, because I never want to let you go.”
“You never have to.”
~°☆•~