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The first time that they'd had sex, Gabriela had promised herself that it would also be the last.
Fucking a patient was beyond unethical. Gabriela had known it, but they'd already crossed several lines; she still remembered the day when Sam had quietly gotten onto her knees on the floor, crawled to her, and laid her head upon Gabriela's lap. Gabriela had stiffened in shock, and rather than pull away as she should have, had threaded a hand through Sam's hair. She'd run her fingers through the other woman's silky tresses and warmth had settled itself low in her belly at the pleased little sighs Sam had let out. As if she were a dog, desperate for affection from its owner.
Over a decade later, Gabriela gulped down a glass of whiskey like a man dying of thirst at the memory.
The first time that they'd had sex was also the third time that Sam had put her head in Gabriela's lap during a session. Except that it'd been different: they'd both been on the couch, and Sam had tilted onto her side and continued talking about how distant she felt from her husband in the wake of their son's death.
About how lonely she had been.
About how her sex drive had started to return, but that the idea of sex with her husband filled her with a revulsion that she didn't know how to unpack.
“It's not uncommon for couples to feel disconnected after losing a child,” Gabriela had responded after she was sure that Sam was done.
“But what if it's not just about Dylan?”
Gabriela had gone very, very still. The rhythm of her hand in Sam's hair had faltered at the implication. She'd swallowed hard as she'd tried to find the right words to skate around the elephant in the room.
“It's also not uncommon,” Gabriela had said carefully, “To make self destructive decisions when you're grieving. Or rather, to want to do that.”
Sam had turned in her lap so that she was looking right up at Gabriela. Gabriela had noted the furrow in the other woman's brow and the almost petulant look on her face. Not for the first time, Gabriela had wanted to kiss her.
She'd known then that she should've pushed Sam away; years later, as Gabriela poured her second drink, she felt the hot knife of regret slice her in half. Not for the ethical violation, but for the personal; for letting herself get so entangled with someone as volatile and entitled as Sam. But then again, the other woman had been fairly good at hiding just how unstable she truly was.
“You've taken such good care of me,” Sam had murmured, reaching up to touch Gabriela's cheek, “I want to take care of you, too.”
Gabriela's breath had hitched. Every instinct had screamed at her to push Sam away; to discharge her with a list of recommendations for other grief therapists. Instead, she had been mesmerized by the determination on Sam's face as she'd shifted in Gabriela's lap to sit up and kiss her.
It was a moment frozen in time; it mocked Gabriela as she finished her second drink years later. Flashes of the rest of that session blurred together like a fucked up film reel–
Sam, on her knees again; Gabriela's skirt rucked up and her panties flung across the room as Sam had eaten her out like she'd been starving. Sam's chin glistening with Gabriela's arousal when she'd looked up at her smugly after she'd made Gabriela come for the first time. The taste of herself on Sam's lips when they'd kissed.
The way Sam had rebuffed Gabriela's offer to return the favor. It had become a pattern: Sam, fucking Gabriela after a session, but refusing to let Gabriela touch her back. And then not just at sessions; at retreats and events and after hours just because, but always, always one sided.
The memories and the whiskey settled themselves between Gabriela's legs. She squeezed her thighs together, and cursed herself for missing Sam. She wondered idly if Sam still watched her; she didn't want to give the other woman the satisfaction of a show.
Two drinks was also enough for Gabriela to formulate a plan. She needed to know more about Alex, and God only knew that Sam was one of the least forthcoming people imaginable.
The walk to Sam's place sobered Gabriela slightly, while also fortifying her for the mission ahead. The fake sun was setting, and Gabriela had found a bottle of wine that she knew Sam would like. As she stood in front of Sam's door, Gabriela took a deep breath and knocked.
Sam answered after a moment. If she was surprised to see Gabriela she didn't show it, though her eyebrows raised as Gabriela presented the bottle to her.
“Peace offering?” Gabriela offered, thrusting the wine bottle out at the other woman and biting her lip.
“What's the occasion?” Sam asked, crossing her arms across her chest and eyeing Gabriela warily.
Gabriela shrugged, “I've had two drinks already, and I miss my friend.”
Sam softened instantly, nodding as she stepped aside and gestured Gabriela into her home. Gabriela made her way to the living room, settling on Sam's couch. Sam made her way into the kitchen, presumably to get glasses and a corkscrew.
“Where's Tim?” Gabriela asked as Sam returned.
“At the tavern,” Sam answered as she put the glasses down and began opening the bottle.
“Hadley?” Gabriela asked.
“Upstairs, studying,” Sam murmured as she poured.
Sam sat next to her, so close that their hips were touching. They drank in silence; Sam most likely ruminating, and Gabriela calculating how best to go about interrogating Sam and how much she'd need to get the other woman to drink.
Over the next half hour they watched some stupid show Gabriela didn't really know. She'd finished one glass and was sipping slowly on her second; Sam was well into her fourth and leaning against her in a way that suggested that she was drunk.
“What is this even about?” Gabriela asked when Sam pulled away to put her now drained glass onto the coffee table.
“Don't know,” Sam mumbled as she settled on the couch again, nosing into Gabriela's shoulder, “I'm horny.”
Gabriela stiffened. She hadn't intended for it, but she'd known that wine made Sam horny more often than not. And maybe she could use that; it wasn't the first ethical violation she'd committed with Sam, and far from the worst thing that Sam had done, after all.
“Hadley’s home,” Gabriela reminded her.
“Then we'll just have to be quiet,” Sam told her, scraping her teeth against Gabriela's shoulder.
Slowly, Gabriela pulled away. She nodded, settling her mostly full glass back on the coffee table. The bottle of wine was almost done. It would be reckless, with Hadley home and Tim due to return eventually. But she could use this, and arousal was already throbbing between her legs.
She'd learned about how wine made Sam feel on a retreat slightly over a decade ago. Sam still hadn't let Gabriela touch her back, but Gabriela had heard the muffled sounds coming from the bathroom as Sam fucked herself after she'd finished Gabriela off. Being wine drunk was the only time Sam ever let herself lose control enough to get herself off after– but never to lose enough control for Gabriela to return the favor, Gabriela remembered bitterly.
Gabriela was fully brought back to the present by Sam thrusting a hand out at her. Gabriela looked up at the other woman, a bit startled by the fact that Sam had already stood. Nonetheless she took the proferred hand, and let Sam lead her to her bedroom upstairs.
The ache between Gabriela's thighs only strengthened at the thought of fucking Sam in the bed that she shared with her husband. It crossed a line they'd never crossed before: the only times they'd fucked outside of sessions and retreats had been in Sam's office or Gabriela's apartment. Sam's house had been forbidden– a rule so common sense that they'd never had to officially define it. But then the world had ended, and they'd fallen out, and now Gabriela was teetering on the tightrope between tipsy and drunk while Sam had fallen firmly into the drunk category. All Gabriela could hope for was that Hadley wouldn't hear them.
Sam quietly maneuvered to close the door behind Gabriela, locking it. Gabriela swallowed hard at the intensity on Sam's face as the taller woman leaned in and kissed her. It was slow and sloppy and Gabriela melted, quivering with desire already.
Gabriela pulled away and batted aside Sam's hands when Sam went for the buttons on Gabriela's blouse. The look on Sam's face was adorably put out and confused; Gabriela gave into the urge to kiss the furrow on the other woman's brow.
“Let me take care of you for once, Sam,” Gabriela murmured, “Please.”
Sam stiffened. Gabriela waited her out. They stared at one another. Gabriela kept her facial expression and body language open, vulnerable; Sam's face was unreadable. Sam gulped visibly, and nodded slowly.
“Okay,” she finally agreed.
“Okay,” Gabriela repeated, smiling.
For the half baked plan Gabriela had come up with when Sam had declared she was horny to work, Gabriela would need to be in charge. It was a relief that Sam wasn't fighting her on it– though it did speak to Sam's mental state that she was willing to allow Gabriela such a show of vulnerability and trust. Guilt stabbed at Gabriela for the knowledge that she was going to have to abuse it.
Gabriela shoved those thoughts aside in favor of pulling Sam's sweater over her head. She rid the taller woman of her bra next, and absorbed the sight of her bare chest.
She'd seen glimpses of Sam in varying stages of nudity over the years, but never in a sexual context. A thrill zipped down her spine at the knowledge that she'd soon see all of Sam laid bare to her after so long.
It was just too bad that it was coming too late, when Gabriela finally saw who Sam really was.
Gabriela placed a hand in the middle of Sam's chest and pushed her backwards, until Sam's legs hit the bed. Sam’s breath hitched as Gabriela shoved her down. Gabriela watched Sam, from the intense look on her face to the way her breasts bounced as she fell back onto the bed.
Gabriela absorbed the sight of Sam from the waist up in the waning light in the room. The other woman's breasts, sagging slightly with age and after two pregnancies, were perfect in Gabriela's eyes. Her gaze wandered lower, to the faded marks she could just barely make out and the skin of Sam's abdomen that was still loose and soft all these years after she'd been pregnant. Gabriela met Sam's eyes again, and swallowed at the vulnerability that she found there. Sam had been having sex with Gabriela for well over a decade, but here was the first time that she was allowing Gabriela to reciprocate. To see all of her laid bare, trusting Gabriela with her pleasure.
Gabriela knelt down to shimmy off Sam's pants and underwear. Once she was naked Gabriela took in the sight of Sam's arousal glistening against the soft thatch of hair between her legs.
“Are you just going to stare?” Sam asked after a moment.
“Lie back against the pillows,” Gabriela answered.
Sam did as told. Gabriela debated undressing herself, ultimately deciding against it. Sam could live without seeing her when she'd already seen Gabriela nude countless times without returning the favor. Gabriela climbed onto the other woman, latching her mouth onto the side of her neck. Sam let out a sound between a whine and a sigh as Gabriela applied the barest hint of suction and teeth; she might be pissed at the other woman, but Gabriela wouldn't ruin Sam's marriage over it. Gabriela moved on quickly, moving lower.
“Harder,” Sam gasped, twisting her fingers into Gabriela's hair as Gabriela nipped at her collarbone, just above her breast.
She took care to avoid the angry looking scar on Sam's chest, and resisted the urge to kiss it.
Gabriela looked up, “Does he see you naked anymore?”
“Not closely,” Sam murmured.
Gabriela nodded. However, she had ideas of better locations to take advantage of that knowledge, and moved lower. She swung a leg over Sam's thigh, giving the other woman something to grind against. It drove Gabriela a little crazy to know her pants might be stained with Sam's arousal by the end of it. Gabriela moved to suckle at one of Sam's nipples, cupping the other breast in her palm. Sam writhed and keened below her as Gabriela rolled her nipple in her mouth. Gabriela let go with a wet pop, moving to repeat the action on the other breast. Sam gasped and groaned, fingers holding onto Gabriela's hair so tightly that Gabriela's eyes watered.
Gabriela lost track of time and her goal as she kissed lower on Sam's body, paying special attention to the well faded marks on the skin of her belly. Sam squirmed away as she realized Gabriela's intent, but a hand across her abdomen stopped her from getting very far. Nevertheless Gabriela moved on, sucking a mark onto Sam's left hip. Then she sat up so that she could watch as she wrenched Sam's legs apart. Their eyes locked; Sam looked wrecked in a way that shot heat straight between Gabriela's legs. Gabriela tore her gaze away to suck marks on the inside of Sam's thighs. She wanted Sam to look in the mirror and remember this; wanted the other woman to shy away from her husband for the next week while the bruises faded.
The taste of Sam was heady when Gabriela finally licked her for the first time. Sam arched off the bed with a loud moan. Gabriela pinned her by the hips and took her time cataloguing reactions. From the way Sam panted and squirmed, Gabriela had the feeling that Sam was close. She pulled away then. Sam whined in protest. Gabriela looked down at her; Sam’s hair was a mess and she was flushed from the root of her hair to the tips of her breasts. Gabriela was helpless to do anything besides kiss her, over and over again, until they were both gasping for air.
Gabriela slid a hand between Sam's legs, tracing lazy circles around her clit with just enough pressure to tease, but not enough to push her past the edge.
“Who's Alex?” Gabriela murmured, tilting her head to the side.
Sam stilled beneath her, eyes narrowing, “How do you know that name?”
“Answer my question,” Gabriela growled as she pressed her thumb against Sam's clit in a way that had Sam swearing.
“Is this what this was about?” Sam asked, voice trembling slightly.
“I'll ask again,” Gabriela said slowly as she slid two fingers inside of Sam, “Who's Alex?”
“Fuck you,” Sam hissed.
Gabriela worked her up again before slowing down, fingers barely moving. Tears leaked out of the corner of Sam's eyes; Gabriela leaned down to lick one away.
“Did you touch yourself?” Gabriela mused, “When you watched me and Xavier fuck?”
“Please,” Sam sobbed.
“Can't even answer that question,” Gabriela sighed airily.
Sam whimpered as Gabriela withdrew her fingers. Gabriela switched to tracing one finger lightly up and down Sam's slit, watching as more tears escaped her eyes.
“If you won't let me come until I answer you, then leave,” Sam growled, “I'd rather spend the entire night on the edge than tell you anything.”
Gabriela tilted her head to the side and smiled, “We'll see about that.”
The only sounds in the room came from between Sam's legs as Gabriela slid two fingers into her cunt once more. She changed her angle to rub her palm against Sam's clit with every stroke. Pinned beneath her by Gabriela's weight, Sam was helpless as Gabriela brought her to the edge, stopped, and asked her question again. Sam refused to answer; the pattern repeated itself twice more before Sam had one of her hands on Gabriela's wrist. Gabriela stilled.
She'd known her control was an illusion; Sam could've easily thrown her off, but the fact that she hadn't was a testament to how desperate and lonely she must've been. It tugged at something inside of Gabriela then; some part of Gabriela that still cared deeply for Sam.
“Please,” Sam whispered.
Gabriela laughed bitterly, speeding up her movements inside the other woman again, “Just how fucking lonely are you, Samantha, that you haven't thrown me off of you yet?”
She’d barely finished her sentence before Sam’s face screwed up and her body arched up towards her. Gabriela realized too late what was happening as Sam’s cunt clenched around fingers: Sam was coming, and Gabriela hastily withdrew her fingers in a futile attempt at stopping it. Still, Gabriela couldn’t peel her eyes away from Sam’s face as Sam orgasmed, the other woman’s body trembling and twitching like she’d been electrocuted.
Gabriela clambered off of her as Sam came down, panting as she looked at Gabriela between half open eyes.
“Get out,” Sam hissed.
Gabriela swallowed, nodded, and climbed off the bed. She went to the closet to make herself as presentable as possible. Sam was still lying on the bed, forearm pressed across her eyes, when Gabriela returned.
They said nothing as Gabriela left. The arousal throbbing between her legs had dimmed somewhat in the rather anticlimactic wake of their tryst. She absently ran her still wet fingers against her pants to clean them.
She opened the front door at the same time Tim did. They both startled. He recovered quicker with a smile at Gabriela that she returned nervously.
“Nice to see you, Dr. Torabi,” he said.
Gabriela nodded, “Nice to see you, too. If you'll excuse me, I'm on my way out. Client emergency on the other side of town. You understand.”
Tim nodded sympathetically, stepping aside, “Of course. Have a good night, Dr. Torabi.”
“You, too,” Gabriela muttered under her breath as she walked away.
She sent a silent prayer to a God she didn't really believe in that Sam managed to put herself back together before Tim found her, lest their affair be discovered.
After all, it would be ironic if he found out about their more than decade long relationship after they'd just had breakup sex.