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Despite being a noble, you had never spent much time at the fire court. Your father, a great friend of general Iroh, had shown hesitation to accept that Fire Lord Azulon had chosen Ozai as his heir, especially so close to his untimely death. It was a miracle your family wasn’t completely stripped of its titles, maybe even executed, but that meant staying out of the Fire Lord’s way, in one of the villages on your family’s land, never making the mistake of being late with taxes, conscripted men, or anything the royal family might require.
Once the war ended and the new Fire Lord rose to power, he made it a point to keep his allies, and those neglected by Ozai, close. Your father was honoured with a position in the royal council, which meant moving to the capital, but you were hesitant to move with him and your mother, and abandoning your beloved home. The new Fire Lord, Zuko, was someone you had seen only in childhood, in the very few times you had been to the palace. He was a sweet boy, unlike his sister, and you were saddened to hear of his banishment, especially after your father received a letter from Iroh explaining why it had occurred.
When you first saw him upon arriving to the capital, you saw a trace of that childhood sweetness in his features, marred by the cruelty of his father. Nonetheless, the embers of his goodness seemed to persist, and he had grown into a beautiful man. He caught your eye immediately, much to your dismay, for you had no intention of remaining in the capital for too long. Unbeknownst to you, you had also caught his eye, and a friendship between you quickly formed, something that brought both your father and his uncle happiness, because neither of you had ever had many friends. For Zuko, that had only changed when he joined the Avatar and his friends, but they, too, had duties, and those could keep them apart for long periods of time. Spending time with the Fire Lord was one of the few pleasures of being at court. You had no interest in idle gossip, and the ladies didn’t seem too interested in getting to know the forgotten village noble, which meant much of your time was spent alone.
Eventually, you tried returning home, but when you did, there was a hollow feeling within you, left by the space you had created for Zuko. You maintained contact, and you decided to spend your life between court and your village, moving from one to the other when the longing for either peace and comfort or the Fire Lord’s company got too intense.
Despite being so aware you loved him; you never made your feelings known; unsure whether he reciprocated them. After a few years, however, the talks of finding a wife for the Fire Lord started getting more frequent, and when the time to make a decision came, Zuko knew exactly who he wanted by his side. He went to your father, first. Not because he thought he should be the one to make that decision, but because he wanted to be sure when he asked you, you wouldn’t say yes because you felt you had to. He was as oblivious to your feelings as you were to his. Your father’s answer to him was that while it would of course be an honour for him to have his daughter join the royal family, he had not raised you to put the family’s honour above your own; as long as you honoured yourself and your convictions, you would never dishonour the family. This was something far removed from the way Zuko had been raised, but after so many years learning from his uncle, he had come to that same conclusion.
The knowledge that your answer to his proposal would always be honest brought him some comfort, but it didn’t quell the fear and anxiety attached to the possibility of a rejection, maybe even an end to your friendship. He knew you enough by now to understand you liked your privacy, especially when it came to vulnerable moments, so he decided to visit your village while you were staying there. You had never been so happy. To have him come to you to the place you felt most at peace filled your heart.
It was a warm summer night. The moon was full, and there were fireflies all around your garden; their light shining over the flowers and bushes and reflecting off the koi pond. He had asked you to go on a walk, which wasn’t uncommon, but you could tell he was nervous about something.
“Zuko, are you alright?” The two of you had just sat on a stone bench under a willow. “You barely ate at dinner, and your hands are shaking.” You took his hand into yours, its soft tremors stilling at your touch.
“I – yes – I mean – maybe – I mean – I need to tell you something.” His stuttering was worrying you, it seemed like he was about to give you horrible news.
“So – um – you know how the council has been insisting that I find a wife?” There was an intense flush to his cheeks, as if he was burning up.
“Yes.” You replied calmly, still holding his hand and rubbing small circles to it. The time had come, he had chosen a wife and he was about to tell you who, and you would never be able to be this close again.
“Well, I don’t want to marry someone I don’t know; someone I don’t – love.” He gulped. The amber in his eyes was like a thin ring around his blown pupils. “And – I want you to know I value your friendship, and that I wouldn’t want to lose it.”
“Ok…” You whispered.
“I-I – I was wondering if – I wanted to ask – what I’m trying to say is –“ He took a deep breath. “I like you. I have for quite some time, and, if you feel the same – only if you feel the same – I would like to ask if you would honour me by becoming my wife.” The movement of your thumb over the back of his hand stopped, and you were frozen looking at him. The red of his cheeks spread down his neck to his chest at your silence.
“Zuko – I –“ Your chest was rising and falling quickly. You genuinely weren’t expecting him to tell you he felt the same way you did.
“It’s ok if you don’t want to! I mean I don’t want you to –“ His nervous rambling was interrupted when you pulled him by his robes into a kiss. At first, he was surprised, but his soft lips quickly melted into yours.
“I’d love to.” You blinked slowly at him through your eyelashes, and he could have sworn he was about to combust. Zuko held your face in his hands and looked at you as if he couldn’t believe you were real, before pulling you in for another slow, sweet kiss.
It had been just under a year since your marriage, and you were no more used to being a royal than on the day of your wedding. You were hardly ever alone, always surrounded by maids and valets, whatever diplomat or dignitary you had to deal with for the day, or worst of all, the court ladies. They had been raised for life at court and displayed interests and tastes that were befitting to ladies of their station. Beyond that, they were the same ladies that had ignored you before you became Fire Lady, but they knew the game of politics and how important it was to stay on the royal family’s good side; not that you’d ever bother with punishing them.
It all felt like a constant act, a role you had to play in order to fit the role you had married into, but today, it was simply too much. It had been weeks since you had had some proper alone time, with rest from all the pretence of court life. You felt yourself start to crack, your posture begin to wane, and apparently, the court could see it too. Just as you were walking through the garden, you heard a couple of ladies talking about how you were unfit to be married to the Fire Lord, how he deserved someone better, up to the task, more composed, prettier. Most days, you knew better than to listen. Gossip was as much a hobby as a social currency in the palace, and being the Fire Lady, you had pretty much all the chips in your hand, you just needed to know how to play them. That day, though, it was the final arrow to pierce through your carefully laid armour.
You made your way to your bed chamber, trying your best not to cry, because you knew someone would come check on you before you could be at peace. When the maid came in, only a few seconds after you entered, you told her you felt sick and asked not to be disturbed. As soon as you heard the door close behind you, the tears poured out of you, accompanied by the sobs you couldn’t hold back anymore. You spent the day in bed, crying your eyes out until you finally fell asleep. By sunset, you woke up and managed to get up to change into your night gown, before crawling back between the silk sheets. A few moments later, the same maid from before knocked, but didn’t enter. She asked if you would like dinner to be brought to you, and you thanked her, but refused. That was the only sound around your room for the next few hours.
When Zuko noticed you were absent at dinner, one of his attendees told him you felt unwell, and wouldn’t be coming. Alarms immediately rang in his mind. He knew how stressed you had been lately; he could see it in your eyes and feel it in your touch. The Fire Lord ordered a tray of your favourite foods to be brought, so he could deliver it to your chambers himself.
The moon hung high when you heard a soft knock at the door. You were about to ask to be left alone again, when your husband entered, carrying a large tray.
“My love.” He placed the tray on a nearby table and made his way to you. “What’s wrong?” His hand caressed your cheek as he sat beside you. You were leaning against a mountain of pillows, not fully sat, but not lying down either. As soon as you felt his soft, warm skin the tears threatened to come back, leaving your eyes glassy. “Hey, hey. It’s ok. I’m right here.” Zuko laid closer to you, pulling you into his chest. He smelled like violets and smoke, and when you breathed him in you instantly felt calmer.
“I just – I feel like I’ll never fit in here. Why is it so hard for me? I wish I could just take it all in stride, be a good Fire Lady, attend court, but it’s so exhausting.” A sniffling sound came from where your face was against his chest. “I feel like I’ll never be the wife you need. The one you deserve.” Your words made him feel like he was being struck in the chest. He took your face in his hands and tilted your head so you’d face him.
“How can you say that? My love, you are so much more than I deserve. I know how hard it was for you to change your life completely. I know what a struggle it is for you to live in this gilded cage, always being watched and scrutinized. And still, you accepted that fate without a second thought.” His thumbs rubbed small circles on your cheeks. “As for how well you do it. You do do it well. Every visitor you attend to always speaks so highly of you and how you receive them, the council respects you, our people adore you.”
“I’m just so tired.” Your eyes closed slowly with a pinch of your brows.
“I know, sweetheart. I know you are. And still, you allow no one else to see it, you do your duty, carry yourself with dignity and do so much more. What could have possibly made you think there is anyone else for me?”
“It’s just – I heard the ladies-“
“Those rat snakes? Why would you ever listen to anything they gossip about? You know very well they’re just jealous you took the place they wanted for themselves.” The expression on your face showed him you knew what he meant, and that you felt silly for ever falling into their trap. “You’re my sun; the stars in my night sky. I’m the one who has to strive to deserve you.” He laid a gentle kiss to your lips, a show of his love, and a promise. “I’ll always be here to catch you when you fall.”
“I know. Thank you, my love.” You reached for another kiss, filled with love and gratitude. “Even though it’s hard sometimes, I wouldn’t change anything. I could never be without you. I love you.” Your fingers tangled in his smooth raven hair.
“I love you too.” Zuko laid a kiss to your forehead, before speaking again. “Our anniversary is coming up. What do you say we go on another honeymoon? We can visit your village for a week or two, and then spend a few more weeks on Ember Island, away from prying eyes and courtly duties.”
“I’d really like that.” A smile bloomed in your face; one that was reflected in his.
“Good. Now, I brought you your favourite foods. The Fire Lady must eat so she can have all her strength to come up with a way to keep the court ladies in line. If she doesn’t, I will.” You knew he meant it. With that, he got up and fetched the tray to bring it to you. Once you had eaten, he cuddled up next to you, and you spent the night tangled in each other’s embrace.