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Religion was a confusing concept for Max. He never used it to secure himself eternal peace in a place he never got to visit beforehand like most do. He used it because he was scared.
He was scared of home, scared of the racing track when it was raining and slippery, he was scared of his fathers cruel words and even crueler hands.
Nobody saved him when he was sopping wet standing alone at a gas station waiting to be picked up. Wondering what he could’ve possibly done wrong this time.
Until he learned what religion was and what it did for people. Some like to say it saved their dying animal, it got them their dream car and some even go as far to say it changed them as a person.
But Max never wanted to be changed, he never wanted good things, he just wanted the things he had already to get better.
Was that too much to ask?
Nobody seemed to be helping him in this life so maybe asking for help from an outer being was the solution.
Maybe praying til his knees bruised and his hands dripped beads of sweat would build his case further. It would prove he wants this just as bad as racing.
The feeling of flying through corners and falling to your knees to pray felt the same to Max. It became his church.
Formula one became lonely after a while, being good never promised secure bonds and sometimes that’s all Max wanted.
His prayers would change throughout the years, it started with protection from his dad then he started praying for his first race win so he could make his dad proud.
He can even remember thanking god in that post race interview. Sometimes he feels sick remembering that.
It was a mildly known thing that Max Verstappen was a believer of christ, his fans would sometimes try and speculate just why but he never let them in.
Things stayed the same for years, brokenly whispered prayers, standing at the top of the podium and praying his father finally saw a man worthy of all his achievements.
Until the 2023 season started and Max got to know one of the rookies.
Oscar was the quietest out of the three, usually keeping to himself and hiding away in his driver's room.
Max wouldn’t have noticed him if it wasn’t for his incredible racing in the lower ranks.
Max saw Oscar and saw someone more impressive than the idea of praying.
He saw someone who could very well be the next him, the rookie who inherited the Max Verstappen gene of success.
He saw someone who he saw himself in. Someone with the same drive and love for every aspect of this sport.
And that was how Max took interest in Oscar.
It started as a simple ‘want to look out for you’ mindset. Watching the younger boy's baby face slowly morph into a man as the seasons went on. He watched closely to see how Mclaren treated him, if he was being treated the way he deserved.
Then Max started including him in his nightly prayer. It was just for protection he told himself, he had done it to other drivers on the grid anyways.
He didn’t like men.
Oscar continued to drive and Max continued to pray and by the time Oscar got his first podium he thanked god on his radio which wasn’t received very well when Oscar found out.
Max was walking out of the media pen, heading towards his driver's room before he was met with a rather flustered, and irritated Oscar Piastri. Max was a little confused because hadn’t he just made it onto the podium? That’s a pretty exciting, not irritating thing.
Oscar moved closer to Max, making them face to face. The closer he got the more angry Max could see he was. Oscar took a deep breath before saying, “Don’t thank God. He did nothing to get me on that podium today. That was all me, my engineers and the car. God did nothing.” He sounded angry, Max honestly felt a little dumbfounded.
He never meant any ill intent by saying what he did, he was just so used to saying it that he didn’t take a second to consider that it could offend.
He didn’t exactly realise Oscar would get that offended but Max is simply too embarrassed to think about it.
Max was desperately trying to find the words to apologise and he could feel the panic rising in his body, Oscar almost looked like he felt bad for a second but that stoic face came back quicker than it left.
“I’m sorry Oscar” Max said softly, “I didn’t realise it would upset you. That was never my intention” Oscar’s face softened for a second again, he looked like he wanted to say something but instead chose to stay silent. “Congratulations on your podium, the first is always the best”
And before Oscar could accept Max’s apology Max walked away with his tail behind his legs.
Lesson learnt.
Max withdrew after that, Oscar didn’t need to explain further because Max got the hint. His acts of affection weren’t welcome nor appreciated and he’s okay with that, really!
He started lingering near the younger man less, instead taking time to hide away in his drivers room at any given moment.
He felt silly for feeling so embarrassed but the look on Oscar’s face solidified that the younger man most likely wouldn’t want him around and Max had accepted that.
He kept going like usual, saying his nightly and morning prayer except he didn’t include Oscar anymore. He felt dirty praying for the first time in over five years.
His knees hurt more than usual when he was kneeling on the hard wooden floor and the words he knew whilst asleep felt like tar on his tongue.
His hands shook due to how hard he clenched them underneath his chin and his eyes felt glassy and hot.
It wasn’t just the shame of the fact he publicly embarrassed himself, it wasn’t even the fact he got a scolding from someone years younger.
It was the fact that what Oscar said made sense.
And that made him feel sick more than anything.
-
Praying for harder after that, he was losing sleep, losing points that were desperately needed to keep the championship within his grasp and he felt like he was losing his mind.
The media were having a field day about it all, headlines with titles Max never thought would be written about him were written and published.
Fan spaces were losing their mind, asking if Max was going to retire, if he was going through a breakup nobody knew about, if he was experiencing a family grievance.
But Max was just going through a religious crisis.
All because Oscar Piastri declared that God wasn’t the one who did this for him. It was himself.
And maybe if it was somebody else saying this to him then he wouldn’t believe them, he’d call them idiots and come to judgment day Max would be there saying ‘I told you so’ but it was Oscar.
Max had never disagreed with anything Oscar had to say until this, and he’s not even sure if he disagrees entirely.
But he doesn’t get to think about that much longer before there’s a knock on his driver's door.
Max assumed it was Gp coming to talk about strategies for the upcoming race but when the door opened after he yelled for them to do so, he was not met with Gp.
Oscar was standing there with two stroopwafels and eye bags that were honestly a little impressive.
Oscar was standing there a little helplessly before Max spoke softly, “You can come in, I don’t mind.” And Oscar immediately listened and walked into the room.
It looked like he was debating sitting beside Max but opted for staying standing instead.
Oscar looked at the floor, then max, and then the floor again before quietly saying, “I’m sorry for what I said a couple weeks ago, that was cruel of me. I’m not usually that much of a dick, God is just a touchy subject.”
And of course, how did Max not take a second to consider that could’ve been why. Not everybody found God on their own.
But before Max could continue Oscar kept going. “I’m Gay Max” And Max felt the world tilt.
Gay.
How did Max not notice? How could he have been so foolish? Of course Oscar didn't want to be reminded of a community that the majority hate people like him during the best day of his career.
What if Oscar thought Max was homophobic?
Surely Oscar wouldn’t come to apologise if he thought so but the thought was enough to make the colour leave his face.
Before Oscar can finish Max is frantically standing and rushing over. He feels like if he doesn’t explain himself right this second he might just burst into tears.
“Oscar, I'm so sorry, I had no idea I swear. I’ve just grown so used to using it as a term of affection, I never thought it would upset someone and I'm sorry it upset you most of all.” Max was talking faster than he ever has before.
Oscar looked genuinely shocked, he let Max speak before putting a hand to the older man’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay, yeah? We're totally fine” and Max’s shoulders slumped so hard.
Oscar stayed a little longer after that, which in Max’s mind is where he thinks everything started to change.
-
Max hadn’t prayed in over a week, he wanted to test Oscar’s theory of doing well without any intervention from god.
He didn’t say his prayer before going into the car, he didn’t pray before lights out and he didn’t pray after the first lap. He felt more sick than he’s ever felt.
But he was driving incredibly which probably made him feel worse.
Oscar was right behind him and there was nobody in front of him, if he kept this up he would most likely drive into a win.
And that’s exactly what he did.
50 laps of pure anxiety and some excitement and Max had won his first grand prix without praying beforehand.
It was a beautiful drive start to finish, nothing went wrong whatsoever. It was the first time Max cried in over a year.
He really needed this win, he really needed Oscar.
-
Oscar stood beside him on the podium, freshly drenched in champagne and his smile was so ridiculously wide. Max had to give it to him, he had an amazing drive.
Right before they walked off Max walked over to Oscar. He took his hand and pulled him in close before whispering, “I didn’t pray this time. I did it all by myself” And Oscar looked so proud his eyes went a little glassy.
He pulled Max into a hug and said exactly that.
-
Praying became less of a thing in Max’s life. Instead it became dinner with Oscar, or video games in either of their hotel rooms. It became less of a chore to exist without being tied down to a man who he never saw.
Feelings started blooming in Max’s chest that he didn’t know how to process. It felt like love but he spent so long telling himself that a man couldn’t love another man.
But Oscar just came and changed everything he ever felt. He showed him what happiness felt like without bruising your knees on the wooden floor holding a book too heavy for your shaky hands.
Oscar showed Max what it felt like to love for the first time. And now Max realised that he didn’t know what to say or do.
-
It all came to a head at Abu Dhabi, Max was going to win the championship, it was almost promised. Oscar was with him more times than he wasn’t and he came to terms with the fact that maybe it was love, the romantic kind that included kissing and late night talks about goals and maybe one day kids.
He had a relatively good feeling Oscar felt the same, if the look in his eyes gave any indication at least.
Max hadn’t prayed since that night Oscar scolded him. He didn’t need God anymore, He didn't want to live a life lying to himself so he could fit the mould of a perfect christian.
He wanted to be Max.
He wanted to be Max who loved Oscar, racing, and happiness.
He didn’t want to be the Max who prayed every night and morning to be happy but still feel anxiety, he didn’t want to be the Max who never learned who he was.
He wanted to be Max, not a christian.
And that’s the mindset he went into for the final race. Oscar looked over at him and nodded before he got into the car and Max could feel anxiety flowing through his veins. It was the good kind, the kind that got him out of bed rather than leave him in it.
He closed his eyes right before lights out and took a deep breath and then it was go go go.
Every single lap was perfect, every corner and every turn went exactly how he wanted to. He didn’t need to overtake once and kept a nice distance from whoever was in P2.
It was all white noise until he crossed the finish line.
World champion.
Max did the most important drive of the season without the blanket of religion holding him.
Max did that all on his own with the help of his engineers and his beautiful fucking car.
God never helped him, he was suffocating him this whole time.
All Max needed was a push and he got one.
He needed to find Oscar.
-
Oscar came in p3 which meant they’d share the podium once together again. The younger man’s eyes were gleaming with excitement, he had his whole family here and he got a podium on the final race.
Max was so proud of him he couldn’t help himself.
The confetti went off and Max pulled Oscar onto the top step with him. He didn’t even think before asking, “Kiss me?” And Oscar didn’t even think before doing so.
Everyone went insane but Max didn’t care, he couldn’t when he had the most perfect being in his arms.
When he pulled away he didn’t thank god, he looked into Oscar’s eyes and said with tears in his own eyes. “Thank you, Oscar”