Chapter Text
Every hour of fear I spend
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly call inside
So I try to say goodbye, my friend
I'd like to leave you with something warm
But never have I been a blue calm sea
I have always been a storm
“Needy baby boy.” That was everything Dennis could think about after his night with Robby.
Robby’s voice was soft, drenched with warmth. He was overwhelmed by the fact that there was no going back from what he said and what he was doing. Overwhelmed with finally facing his feelings for Dennis not long after confessing he wanted to end his life. Not long after saying so much to so many.
Somehow, it looked like love — love coming from someone with so much hate and bitterness toward himself.
Dennis let himself be dragged by it. He let himself feel. And he felt, and felt, and felt, until there was nothing left to feel anymore. Waking up alone was worse than being called a hookup, a boy toy made for passing time. It hurt so deeply. It hurt so bad. Dennis woke up to an empty bed, with no notes or messages. There was no trace of Robby, not even his smell. Dennis woke up from a fever dream. Woke up from something that shouldn’t have happened at all.
He tried contacting Robby. He sent messages. He called. But he was met with nothing but cruel silence.
Three weeks after feeling Robby’s body against his, Dennis found himself in a very messy situation. Sitting inside a hospital bathroom stall with shaking hands, he looked at the three pregnancy tests. Different brands. The same result.
PREGNANT.
Dennis had never thought about carrying a child in his body. He was careful. Always used condoms, because testosterone wasn’t 100% effective at preventing pregnancy.
But not with Robby. No. With Robby, it was crude, raw. He begged. Begged to feel Robby’s skin inside his. Begged Robby to finish inside him. He gave permission.
And it was okay, because he was planning to take his testosterone on time and buy a pill. But waking up abandoned turned him into a wreck.
No testosterone for days. He didn’t even remember to buy the pill. He barely ate properly, because Robby leaving after everything hurt so badly.
Breathing deeply, Dennis threw the pregnancy tests into the trash right after taking a picture and walked out of the bathroom. He had to compose himself — he was still at work. At work with his best friend, who would know something was wrong. With a charge nurse who could smell fear. And dangerously close to facing Robby’s best friend.
It was a fucking nightmare.
But he had to keep going.
Breathing in and out twice, he nodded to himself and went back to work, ignoring every glance and question about his mood.
-
Whitaker was drenched in sweat. Tired. And his cramps were getting worse. He just wanted to go home, lock himself in his room, and ignore everything around him.
In the car on the way home, Trinity really looked at him, waiting for an explanation. She knew something was wrong, but didn’t dare ask out loud.
“Huck,” she murmured.
“Not now. Not today. Please,” Dennis begged, already feeling his throat tighten.
They were already close to the apartment, so they stayed quiet until they got there. As Trinity parked the car and gave Dennis a side-eye, he could no longer keep it together. Whitaker cried and cried, hiccups coming hard.
“I’m pregnant. I’m fucking pregnant,” Dennis blurted out while dragging a hand across his face.
Trinity blinked once, twice, then looked away.
“So, it’s Robby’s?”
She knew what happened between them. She knew everything, because Trinity was his sister, his only family. So Dennis only nodded and hiccuped again, the motion making him gag a little.
“And what do you want to do?” the girl asked, looking at him without judgment, only curiosity.
“I’m keeping it. If everything is okay with them.” Dennis nodded twice, like he was trying to convince himself of the decision. “Even if they only have me.” He gave the girl a tiny smile.
“And me. They’ll have me,” Trinity said while getting out of the car.
—
After making his decision, getting all the right exams done, and finding out the baby was doing well, Dennis started making plans. The baby shower was already being planned by Trinity. He made sure to buy what he needed and what he could afford at the moment. Santos bought some things too, showing Dennis she really would be present for them.
His belly started showing quickly. By the second month, Robby was still away.
His messages still sat unanswered in his phone. His calls were never returned. And people were noticing. Noticing his tiny belly. His sparkly eyes and persistent nausea.
The word got around.
Doctor Sunshine was pregnant.
It didn’t take long for Jack Abbot to pull him aside and ask about it.
“Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”
Somehow, he knew. Maybe because Robby could’ve told him, or maybe he was just really good at noticing things. Military training and shit.
“The baby’s okay.” Dennis gave him a smile and walked away, not giving him any chance to ask anything else.
By the third month of Robby being away, Whitaker didn’t have as much nausea anymore. He was doing lighter work, demanded by Dana Evans, the charge nurse, alongside Dr. Al Hashimi. Everyone was careful with him. Everyone made him feel safe.
They didn’t ask for the father’s name. They didn’t even mention the fact that Dennis was trans, since only Trinity and Robby knew.
They just gave him a safety net.
The end of Robby’s sabbatical came, but he didn’t come back. Still no texts or calls. For anyone.
Dennis didn’t have the courage to go back to Robby’s house after being left behind. So the plants died, the furniture gathered dust, and the mail became a mess.
Four months without seeing or hearing from Robby made Dennis feel sick with stress, because even if Robby wasn’t going to be in the baby’s life, Whitaker still cared about Michael Robinavitch’s life. He still worried without knowing if Michael was alive. And if he had managed to be free and happy on the road.
While Whitaker was stressed, Jack was furious.
Furious at Robby for taking the sabbatical, for not asking for help — professional help too — for leaving someone who loved him, for leaving behind a baby who hadn’t even had the chance to meet him.
Dana, always able to see the bigger picture, asked Jack to control his anger.
“Just help the boy with whatever he needs. That’s all we can do.”
—
Almost five months after Robby left, Abbot went to talk to Whitaker again. They were in the peds room.
“Look, I’m sorry. I was mad. I didn’t know. I really didn’t know you never told him.” The older man looked angry and sad. He dragged a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m really sorry.”
“What?” Dennis frowned. “What are you talking about?”
Dennis watched, painfully, as Jack Abbot pulled out his phone and showed him the screen. It was open on Robby’s private chat.
Jack: You’re a fucking idiot. I just can’t believe you’re doing this to him. To us. To yourself.
Jack: Leaving the boy you love here alone and pregnant just because you’re a coward. A coward who doesn’t want to stay for his family.
Robby: What?
Robby: What the actual fuck are you talking about?
Dennis started sweating. He looked between Jack’s face and the screen. Read the messages again and again. Took the phone from Jack’s hand, stared at the screen once more, and started laughing, because of course.
Of course Robby would reply to that.
And of course Dennis would have to deal with this after finally making peace with the fact that Michael “Robby” Robinavitch didn’t want him — and wouldn’t have him — in his life.