Chapter Text
February 16, 1965
Darry had thought for the longest time that his… thing with Paul would never end. It was silly. But of course it would end eventually. Even just having sex with a man was considered shameful. Paul wouldn’t want that for his life. Of course he wouldn’t. Who would want to live his life hiding a secret from the world that would put you to shame, even if it meant being with someone you… liked. Not loved, Darry reminded himself. Liked.
I would, he thought bitterly. For him.
Darry shoved thought down as soon as it surfaced.
It didn’t matter. Now, he was here in his bed, crying over a boy who had barely ever even treated him right. So much so, it made him sick to the stomach.
November 5, 1964
Darry and Paul had been hooking up for about a month now. It had been strange at first, the secret times in the locker room or in Darry’s room when no one was home or sometimes even a bathroom at a party if they were both that desperate to blow off some steam. But he had gotten used to it. And he enjoyed it, too. Not just because of how good at it Paul was, but also because he genuinely liked Paul. Hell, Paul was just great. A genuinely nice and funny guy.
One night, Darry had been invited to a party at some Soc’s place. Ever since he had become the captain of the football team, more Socs had started to respect him, and he’d even get invited to more of their parties. It was never something he was really into, always going home almost an hour in, but he still would show up.
Darry sat in his car for a moment longer, preparing himself for the chaos. He could hear the sound of the music blasting from the street. He took one more deep breath before getting out. Darry could already see couples making out against cars or on the front lawn. He couldn't help but let his thoughts wander to the fact that Paul and him could end up like that tonight. Something warm fluttered in his stomach.
“Hey, Curtis!” shouted a boy from across the packed room. He was holding a beer, waving it around wildly in a wave. He clearly had been drinking for a while now. Darry weaved his way through the crowd, stopping in front of the group the kid was with. He recognized some of them from football, but others he had no clue who they were. There was still no sign of Paul.
“Where's Paul?” he shouted over the music. One person pointed to the backyard, where Darry could see a crowd of teens. He nodded and mouthed “Thanks,” before heading through the door. He pushed his way through, trying to spot Paul's blond hair and brown eyes.
His eyes finally found the man he was looking for, and his heart dropped.
Paul had his arms around a pretty brunette's waist, giving that same flashy smile that Darry always was given across the field. Darry heart sank further as Paul pressed a kiss to the girl's lips, something intense and intimate. Darry couldn't help the small sad noise that escaped his lips, and he for once was grateful for the noise around him.
When Paul pulled away, his eyes flickered away and met Darry's. Darry didn't want to look at those brown eyes right now. He turned around, shoving his way through the crowd. He quickly found the fence gate, leaving it swinging as he stormed out of the dark yard.
Why was he getting so worked up? It was silly. Him and Paul weren't a couple. They weren't. Darry knew this. He shouldn't care if they're exclusive or not. Darry had just reached his car when he heard a voice behind him.
“Darry, wait!”
Darry turned around, his gaze softening when he saw Paul running after him. The fact that Paul cared enough to follow Darry made his heart skip a beat, but also made him nauseous.
Darry decided to wait, leaning against his car. “Darry, you're not mad, right?” Paul said as he came to a stop. Darry huffed, crossing his arms. “I'm not mad that you are kissing other people. Of course not.” Paul's frown deepened. “Get in the car,” he muttered. Darry rolled his eyes but listened, sliding into the driver's seat while Paul crossed around the hood to get to the passenger seat.
Darry could feel the tension in the silence after Paul shut the door.
“You can't expect me to not hook up with other girls,” Paul said finally.
Darry wanted to hit his head on the steering wheel, because Paul was right. It'd be suspicious if Paul suddenly stopped flirting with girls. It could give people ideas that Paul didn't want people to have. Darry knew that. He knew that when they started hooking up.
“That doesn't mean I have to like it,” Darry muttered. Paul scowled. “It's bullshit, Darry!” he snapped. “I'm not obligated to stay loyal to my fuck buddy, am I?” Darry flinched.
Paul's face instantly softened. “Darry, I…” His voice trailed off as he swallowed. Darry turned his head away. “Come on, baby…” Paul said gently, taking Darry’s face into his hands. He paused before leaning in to kiss him. Darry pulled away, shaking his head. Darry had learned one thing already; behind every kiss was a jaw that could bite.
Paul's face morphed back into a scowl. “It's bullshit,” Paul muttered again before getting out of the car. The door slamming rattled the whole car, and Darry just sat there. Then his head hit the steering wheel.
He promised himself to not trust himself with Paul Holden. He promised himself not to be the way he had been with Paul; too trusting and loving, depending and kind.
Darry would break it off next chance he got.
Because Paul's love was a threat, and it made Darry nauseous.
It wasn't common sense how he wanted it.