Work Text:
It was a wonderful day in the Vanilla Kingdom. The blueberry birds were chirping, the sun beamed down on the landscape, no clouds perused the skies. None of the Vanillin civilians raised a single complaint about the falling architecture. It was truly a beautiful, wonderful day.
Shadow Milk Cookie wanted to burn it all down. Better yet! Create a giant maelstrom of a paper to cut up all of the new waffle buildings. He was not happy, therefore no one else should be.
Why, oh why, you ask? Why was the great Shadow Milk Cookie in such a sour mood? Glad you asked.
Oh, it was that dastardly, subpar, antithetical other half of his. Pure Vanilla Cookie. And his inability to stick around him for longer than a day. Especially after they had a lovely, spectacular night out with each other.
No matter who scripted the rendezvous, it would always leave Pure Vanilla Cookie incapable to even enjoy the greatness that is Shadow Milk Cookie afterwards. Always with the stomach aches and he can’t leave his little room of his. Even spellbound it so that Shadow Milk can’t break in!
Couldn’t even make a better excuse to avoid cherishing him. Now here thought Shadow Milk taught him better than that.
Shadow Milk spent so much time on those escapades, even went so far to make those filthy cream sheep he loves so much. And he being left ignored? Shadow Milk deserves better treatment than this!
So that is why when Shadow Milk Cookie saw Pure Vanilla chaperoning those crumbs he called friends, especially that rotten raisin of a baked good, he couldn’t help but transform into his giant animatronic puppet form. He has the perfect audience, afterall.
Paper mache puppets danced around the Dark Moon Magic rune he casted, encasing Pure Vanilla and his underlings. Beautiful accordions sifted into the air, the sounds killing the gasp of terror those puny cookies shouted. Blue eyes opened up around them; they blinked all over, but they narrowed down on the one golden frosted ex-king in the center of it.
“Well, well, well,” Shadow Milk said within the darkness of the spell he casted, “lookie what we have here.” His marionette self appeared above the self-righteous cookies.
“Shadow Milk Cookie?” Pure Vanilla so stupidly asked.
The strings snapped on his puppet form, dissolving to the superior it was based off. “Who else would it be?”
That coward had the audacity to smile at him. “How are you this day, my bluebird?”
His smile widen, “Oh, just lovely,” his puppets danced faster, Shadow Milk holding back a snarl as the scent of raisins and coffee whipped up into the air, “though, it would definitely be better with more eyes over there,” a scepter assembled into his hand as he pointed it at the local bakery, making eyeballs appear in the raisin bun breads newly abandoned by two screaming cookies, “and pawn pieces over here,” he pointed at the giant chess piece that so conveniently replace a statue of Pure Vanilla, “and those clocks are just so predictable,” the clock tower he gestured at had the numbers melted off as the arrow hand twitch and twisted into his souljam emblem, “Don’t you think?”
Pure Vanilla shifted his staff around, a disgruntled look on his face. “Although I love your creativity, I prefer if you leave my friends alone in your renovations.” He positioned his staff at Shadow Milk, “They aren’t quite used to your tricks yet.”
The crumbs that were with him agreed, not that Shadow Milk cared. “Is that so?” He cackled, “Perhaps they would if they chose to stick around every time I show up!”
“What are you-”
“Or maybe,” Shadow Milk interrupted, “they prefer if I ramp up my act!” With a flick of his scepter, the sun’s light dulled. His hair took over the skies as he and Pure Vanilla Cookie became the only ones left in the world.
Pure Vanilla stumbled around, trying to get his bearings. “Shadow Milk Cookie! What is the meaning of this?”
“Can’t a court jester set the scene?” The eyes in the atmosphere narrowed as Shadow Milk grinned his marvelous smile.
Having stabilized as natural as one can while floating, Pure Vanilla turned his staff to look at Shadow Milk. “And the jester must set the scene in the middle of the kingdom?”
“When the stage calls.” Shadow Milk began to circle around Pure Vanilla, trailing his hands on his hat. What an egregious thing that is. “But you know all about that with your disappearing act.”
The fool ex-king pursed his mouth, picking apart his statement like a critic. “Disappearing act…” he opened his eyes in realization as he turned his head to meet Shadow Milk eyes. “Oh.”
The jester’s grin grew vicious as his silly, silly little Nilly found his heinous crime, “Come on, you may be old, but I know that you are not a fool.”
Shadow Milk expected him to grovel. To fall onto his feet a beg for his mercy. Apologising so fervently that he would give up his soul jam for his grievances.
Instead, he laughed.
Laughed and laughed, like he just heard the greatest joke in his life! Now Shadow Milk absolutely loved being the cause of giggles, but what was the point if he was the one who’s left out of the joke. Especially if he was the butt of said joke.
The air tightened around Pure Vanilla as Shadow Milk dropped his facade for the briefest moment. “What is so funny, Pure Vanilla Cookie?”
Pure Vanilla finally settled down enough to genuinely look at Shadow Milk. The look on his face sobered him up. “Shadow Milk Cookie,” he called out to him, “What do you know about allergies?”
Shadow Milk saw what Pure Vanilla was doing; he was avoiding the consequences of his crimes. But fine. He will play along. “Now what a silly question.” His grin came back at full force. “Allergies are the result when a Cookie’s body rejects horrifically and violently to an incredibly common substance.”
Pure Vanilla held his hand to his mouth as he quietly laughed. “Yes.” Reaching up, he grabbed Shadow Milk’s wrist, “Do you know what some of the things a cookie can have a reaction to?”
“Pollen, wool,” Shadow Milk started to list off, rolling his eyes. The hand on his wrist slid down as Pure Vanilla nodded at his words. “Other miscellaneous things.”
A flash of irritation went through Shadow Milk as Pure Vanilla wasted his time with his games. He was the jester around here, not the other way around! Shadow Milk's grip on Pure Vanilla hardened, “I’m getting quite sick of this act, Nilly.” He brought him closer, “Tell me what you have been hiding.”
His sweet, plain other half opened his useless eyes. “I’m lactose intolerant.”
All the gears spinning in his head stopped as he took in this new little piece of information. Even the eyes in the skies widen, leavening the tightness in the air. “You’re what?”
“I can’t have too much dairy.” Pure Vanilla went on to explain, “It will make my stomach hurt terribly, fevers that keep me up at night, and have the most horrendous migraines.” The gentle smile on his face contradicted the awful statement he just admitted.
Shadow Milk, however, was trying to work with the new script presented to him. “You can’t have dairy,” he said slowly. In all of their time spent together, Shadow Milk had never once made anything that had dairy on any of their outings. Sure, he made Pure Vanilla walk in the Yogurt River back in the Spire of Deceit (which would explain why he was absent for the next day), but he never made him consume anything made of cream. If he would have known beforehand though…
But that was all in the past now. Presently, Shadow Milk Cookie can’t understand why Pure Vanilla would bring up his incapabilities now. He would not talk about it otherwise, not unless it directly affects another cookie. So why would he tell him?
Unless…
A maniacal grin grew on Shadow Milk's face as the script finally made sense. “You’re allergic to me.”
That pleasantly satisfactory feeling poured over him as Pure Vanilla nodded his head. “Unfortunately so.” He closed his eyes once more, but warmth still radiated with his words.
Shadow Milk laughed, loud and obnoxious, as he spun Pure Vanilla around and around. “OH! That is hilarious!” He shouted. “The great Pure Vanilla Cookie being brought down by a pinch of milk.” He slowed them down until they were still, “Yet here he is, fraternizing with his worst allergen.”
Pure Vanilla let out a small huff, “Yes, though I must say that this allergen is particularly captivating.” He brought Shadow Milk’s hand to his face, giving it a gentle peck.
Refusing to be flattered just yet, Shadow Milk removed his hand from Pure Vanilla. “That doesn’t explain why you didn’t just tell me that before you decided to do this whole disappearing act.”
“I must apologise for my behavior,” Pure Vanilla bowed before him, “it never occurred to me that I would be allergic to another cookie, so once I started getting strong reactions, I simply thought it was because I was exposed to some milk.” He laughed slightly, “Which I supposed was true.”
“So when were you going to tell me?”
He opened his eyes once more, “I was going to tell you tonight, actually.” Looking sheepishly, Pure Vanilla began to rummage through his cloak, his eyes closing, “There was something that I commissioned Espresso Cookie to make for me.” He found what he was searching for as he brought out a small container and presented it to him.
Shadow Milk took it, reading the label, Lactaid. What a boring title.
Pure Vanilla continued on. “This is something that is going to help my body tolerate lactose.”
Opening up the container, Shadow Milk inspected the content within. Small, white pills. He screwed the cap back on. From there, he faced Pure Vanilla fully. “Wow. Need to make something to tolerate me now, huh?”
“Only when we kiss.”
Shadow Milk tilted his head to the side, his smile showing off his sharp teeth. He really is such a presumptuous cookie. Letting the quiet prolong, he kept his eyes on Pure Vanilla. Then, he tossed the bottle of Lactaid into a portal he conjured up.
Pure Vanilla staff’s gaze caught the portal closing up. The questioning look on his face made him want to laugh. So he did!
“What a funny cookie you are, Pure Vanilla!” Shadow Milk closed in on him, wrapping his arms around his neck. “You won’t be needing those.”
Disappointment riddled his face despite his poor attempt to cover it. “I won’t?”
“Oh, you definitely will,” he whispered shrewdly, “but you won’t be taking any pills.” Locking his arms, their foreheads pressed harshly against each other, “Think of this as punishment for ignoring me.”
Pure Vanilla opened his eyes once more, his face flushed. “What a tragedy.” Sarcasm! Such a beautiful sentiment coming from him. “Can we at least go on the outing I have planned first? I made sure it was to your liking.”
Shadow Milk hummed as he pretended to ponder. “Fine. I’ll grant you this grace just this once.” Patting his other half’s neck, Shadow Milk pulled back. “Don’t disappoint. This opportunity won’t happen often.”
Pure Vanilla smiled his genuine smile, Shadow Milk being the only cookie to be entitled to see it, as he led them out of the Other Realm and to the breathing world once again.