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Nude Erections
Rachel Berry has kicked Matt Rutherford from the group chat
5/9/10 5:24 PM
Artie: Damn girl
Mercedes: Didn’t even give him time to breathe
Rachel: It’s not personal, he’s our competition for Nationals now!
Mike: That’s if we make it to Nationals. We’re still down a member.
Tina: I for sure thought our Empire state of mind number would encourage people to sign up
Kurt: Yeah, the only thing it encouraged, was a slushie to my new Kate Spade sweater.
Finn: Don’t worry guys! I totally have this under control
Santana: Yeah I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what you told us minutes before Jesse St Scumbag kicked our assess at regionals
Finn: Trust me on this, there was this blonde dude called Sam and I heard him singing in the shower and it was totally awesome
Puck: Totally gay
Finn: He’s gnna join glee club guys
Kurt: Though I highly doubt that, you’ve been marginally more successful than the rest of us were today, well done Finn.
Finn: :D
Rachel Berry has started a private chat with Quinn Fabray
5/9/10 8:15 PM
Rachel: I need to tell you something.
Quinn: Please tell me you’re not pregnant
Rachel: What? No! I messed up.
Quinn: And you’re sharing this information with me why?
Rachel: Out of everyone in glee club, you’re the least at liberty to judge me for making a mistake after what happened last year.
Quinn: Fair point. Spill, Berry.
Artie Abrams has started a private chat with Tina Cohen Chang
5/9/10 9:00 PM
Artie: Can we talk?
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Glee guys
6/9/10 3:13 PM
Puck: I h8 to admit it, but Finn was right
Artie: Yeah, Sam’s got pipes
Finn: I told you guys! He totally worships me
Kurt: Hold on, you all met Sam?
Artie: Yeah man, we had an impromptu jamming session with the guys
Kurt: I see….
Mike: Oh- sorry Kurt. We all kind of assumed you wouldn’t want to join us.
Kurt: No, you were right. That much testosterone in one room sounds all kind of unappealing.
Finn: srry Kurt
The divas
Mercedes Jones has kicked Rachel Berry from the group chat
Nude Erections
6/9/10 4:44 PM
Santana: Well I have to say Berry, I for one am impressed
Rachel: I didn’t mean to! I was just looking out for the team, I want to make sure we’re all able to shine this year.
Kurt: Your commitment to your delusion is impressive.
Tina: Seriously Rachel, you couldn’t have just sent her to the gym or something?
Finn: Hey, back off Rachel guys
Santana: Omg I just threw up in my mouth a little
Noah Puckerman has started a private chat with Santana Lopez
6/9/10 6:59 PM
Puck: My place in 5?
Santana: Wow Puckerman, I thought you’d never ask
Brittany S Pierce has started a private chat with Santana Lopez
6/9/10 7:27 PM
Brittany: Want 2 cum over?
Santana: Can’t, I’m with Puck
Brittany: I thout u said u didn’t like him
Santana: I don’t. He asked me to get my mac on and I hand my body out like it’s a free sample. First come, first serve
Brittany: oh… cum round tmrw then
Santana: We’ll see.
Kurt Hummel has started a private chat with Finn Hudson
6/9/10 7:34 PM
Kurt: Seriously Finn, the Cheerios?
Finn: Wait, how do u know about that?
Kurt: I’ve been on Sue’s good side ever since my Celine Dion medley secured her another trophy.
Finn: Oh
Kurt: I mean seriously, what were you thinking? Not only will you be hurting Quinn, but I’m pretty sure you haven’t even mastered walking yet, let alone cheer.
Finn: I know okay? But Coach made Sam quarterback. I gotta have smthing
Kurt: Sam is quarterback?
Finn: Yea, even though I’m way better thn him
Kurt: I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I don’t think bringing another meat headed jock into the New Directions is the right idea.
Finn: Y not? He’s good
Kurt: Just… you don’t want your spot as leading man threatened do you?
Finn: Guess not
Kurt: Exactly. Now come down, Carole made lasagna.
Quinn Fabray has started a private chat with Santana Lopez
7/9/10 2:06 PM
Quinn: Slut
Quinn Fabray has blocked Santana Lopez
Finn Hudson has started a private chat with Sam Evans
7/9/10 5:06 PM
Finn: Dude where r u?
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Finn: Sam?
Sam: Srry, I can’t
Finn: What r u talking about?
Sam: U guys are rlly good, good luck with New York
New directions
7/9/10 5:45 PM
Kurt: What an excitingly successful first week
Puck: Yeah, not only did we lose the short chick, but trouty mouth bailed on us too
Mercedes: Trouty mouth?
Mike: Sam.
Santana: Everybody say well done Finchel
Quinn: Hey, at least they tried. What exactly did you contribute this week Santana?
Santana: You want a round two baby momma?
Kurt: Ladies, ladies, you’re both pretty.
Tina: Right. What we need to focus on is finding a twelfth member. As a TEAM
Mike: I could ask Matt to transfer back?
Kurt: Matt has made the wise decision and ran for the hills.
Brittany: I culd ask Lord Tubbington to join, he like 2 sing even tho he’s tone def
Santana: Genius
Rachel Berry has started a private chat with Mercedes Jones
8/9/10 8:24 AM
Rachel: I just want to say that I really am sorry for what I did to Sunshine, and to the rest of glee club by extension.
Mercedes: Save it
Rachel: Mercedes, surely you, as a fellow diva, know how difficult it is to share the spotlight?
Mercedes: That I do, but I have a lot of experience playing back up, you get by Rachel
Rachel: I guess I just don’t know how to do that
Mercedes: Well you better learn, because this year, I’m not settling for second place.
Will Schuester has created a group chat with 12 members
New directions!!
8/9/10 11:12 AM
Will: Hello everybody, welcome back to the glee club! It’s going to be a great second year!
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