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This was a dream, Sunggyu was sure of it. He quickly pinched himself in the thigh hard and yelped, earning an exasperated look from his manager. He thanked God that the figure coming down the stairs had not seen this unfortunate sight, as he rubbed his leg delicately.
Then everything froze.
Time stopped, the world fell silent, he swallowed the lump in his throat, and-
his heart skipped a beat.
There he was, standing before him; his idol, his role model, the one who kept him holding on to his dreams when he felt hopeless and everything was crashing down before him. The owner of the voice that carried the ability to soothe his soul with cold reassurance and bring life to lyrics that jabbed him painfully in the heart.
He could see it all in slow motion. He didn't miss a single detail, from the black beanie on his head to the loose-fitting plaid shirt he had on that allowed him a tantalizing glimpse of the mole in the center of his collarbones. (He also saw the man trip over the ledge as he entered the practice room but even that sight in itself was mesmerizing to him at the time.)
All at once, Sunggyu became much too aware of his own appearance as he saw the man glance at him and take in his sweat-clad training pants and oversized hoodie. His cheeks dusted a light pink, Sunggyu siddled over to his manager and murmured, "Would it be okay if I asked for his autograph now or...?"
"Stay still and quiet if you don't want him to slap you in the face," came the deadpan reply.
Sunggyu swallowed. The man's eyes continued to linger on him, his face tilted with something akin to mild curiosity. Coming to his senses, Sunggyu gathered the rest of the trainees and they all bowed in perfect synchronization, something they would very soon be known for, introducing themselves.
"1, 2, 3, hello we are--"
"Infinite, yes I know." The man spoke with an air of amusement, and yet there was something cold in his voice that sent shivers down their spines. "For mere trainees, you guys are rather confident aren't you?" The man continued, circling them like a hawk waiting to pounce on its prey. "You see, your manager called me and asked me to come in. Said you guys needed a little discipline."
With almost flawless synchronization, all seven turned and narrowed their eyes at their manager, who in turn faced the other way, feigning innocence.
"Now can someone please explain to me why I have to come all this way to tell a bunch of little children to get their shit together, hm?"
Up until now, Sunggyu had thought that a loud shouting rant from his boss or their director was the scariest. Oh how he had been wrong. The way he spoke those harsh words so quietly and calmly had them rooted to their feet, unable to move an inch.
"You."
Sunggyu blinked. They were all facing the floor with their heads lowered so he wasn't quite sure who he was addressing. Until he felt his presence just mere inches from him. The fingers under his chin also made it quite clear.
"Look at me when I'm speaking to you. What's your name?"
"Kim Sunggyu. I'm the leader," he spoke with false confidence, his shaking voice giving it away.
Jongwan shared an amused smile with their manager, as if they both knew some dirty secret--and Sunggyu's eyes widened because he swore, if the director had told Jongwan how he had chosen to sing one of Nell's songs for the audition and completely butchered it then he might as well dash off to the roof and jump off this building right now.
"Well then, Sunggyu," (and Sunggyu never knew his own name could sound so beautiful rolling off Jongwan's tongue in that lovely voice of his) "why don't you sing something for me instead of doing that weird dance you were just practicing, hmm? Your goal is to be a singer, is it not?"
Sunggyu nodded, turning ghostly pale. He cleared his throat. He started singing a verse of one of the ballads on their soon to be released debut album, 'Fixed Star'. Before he could finish it, Jongwan cut him off with a wave of his hand.
"That'll be enough," he said, nodding. Sunggyu couldn't tell what he was thinking, because he had this hint of a smirk on his face and he didn't know if it was from disappointment or that he found his singing to be so subpar that it was funny to him or something. He wanted to burst into tears from embarrassment, but held it together with difficulty, because he was the leader after all.
"I'll leave it at this for now, but if I hear another word from anyone about you guys misbehaving--"
They all bowed and shook their heads, swearing they would be obedient. Appearing to be satisfied, Jongwan strolled out of their practice room, leaving behind seven terrified and shaking trainees. What Sunggyu didn't know was that sometime afterwards, Jongwan would casually mention to their boss that 'that Sunggyu kid had some talent and maybe you should consider making him a solo artist?'
And who knew, five years after that, Jongwan would be producing Sunggyu's second solo album. He thought it was hilarious. Sunggyu thought it was great, obviously. And their boss thought it was just fucking adorable.
Jongwan downed another shot of whiskey, ignoring the constant buzzing of his phone. Couldn't a man enjoy a nice, quiet evening at a luxurious bar in Japan? Was a short break from work too much to ask for? (Never mind the fact that this was his fifth sudden self-given vacation, much to the company's displeasure.) He just loved travelling. And alcohol. But mostly just the alcohol.
"I knew I'd find you here."
A low, almost teasing voice reached Jongwan's ears, and he found his quiet time rudely interrupted by a figure who plopped down in the seat beside him without so much as asking for permission.
"Bullshit," he narrowed his eyes at the younger male, nevertheless handing him a glass and pouring him a drink, "you had my manager track me down."
Sunggyu shrugged, sipping on his glass. "Well, yeah." He peered over at Jongwan, who wasn't quite drunk, but he definitely wasn't sober. "I'm so glad you're spending your time productively, hyung, after you told me you were flying to Japan so that you could be inspired to write better lyrics for my album," he said sarcastically.
Jongwan smirked. Cheeky little bastard. Oh how he had grown, from the timid little kid he had met all those years ago. "If you came all the way to Japan to tell me off, then I'm afraid you've wasted your time."
Sunggyu rolled his eyes. "We just finished our arena tour. I'm flying back in the morning."
Jongwan nodded, a twinkle in his eye. "So how's the whole idol thing going for you, huh? Enjoying those tight outfits and those ridiculous dance moves?"
Sunggyu emptied his whole glass. He would always tease him about this, because he knew the kind of music Sunggyu liked and wanted to do, and he knew that it was light years away from what he was doing in Infinite right now. Hell, all of Woollim knew this fact. Which is why, he suspected, his boss was always so willing to let Sunggyu have a say in the production of his solo albums thus far.
"Those tight outfits and so-called ridiculous dance moves are what got me this far in the first place, hyung."
"I know. I'm proud of you," Jongwan added so softly, Sunggyu thought he had misheard.
His cheeks flushed at the sudden sincerity in his voice. "Thanks."
Jongwan stared at Sunggyu intensely, thinking that maybe he hadn't changed so much after all. The more interactions they had, the closer they got, and so Sunggyu had stopped being so intimidated by him and often felt comfortable enough to joke around with him. But Jongwan guessed that having looked up to him for so long, Sunggyu still blushed and stuttered whenever he threw him a compliment like this. And it had taken Sunggyu all of five months to finally muster up the courage to come to him and ask him to sign his Nell CD, now that he thought about it.
"Is..is there something on my face?" Sunggyu asked, subconsciously rubbing at his cheeks.
Jongwan shook his head, pouring himself another glass. After a few minutes of silence, Sunggyu spoke up.
"You know, I don't like it when you disappear like this for days," he said quietly, looking at his hands.
"Oh I'm sorry, I'll make sure to report to you exactly where I am and what I'm doing at all times," Jongwan retorted jokingly. Sunggyu bit his lip. Jongwan sighed and added, "I don't do it that often, really."
"Last time, you got drunk with Shimji hyung and flew to Thailand in the middle of the night," Sunggyu said flatly.
Jongwan blinked. Okay so he had a point. But still, what was it to Sunggyu what he did or where he went? He stared at his face again, still dusted a light pink and his eyes looking everywhere but at him. He glanced down to his neck, where it was starting to get a bit red from the alcohol. Jongwan noticed Sunggyu tended to turn red there first out of all places, from the many times they've had drinks together. Speaking of red, his lips were such a pretty cherry red that he suddenly wondered if they'd taste as good as they looked. Figuring he had just the right amount of alcohol in his system right now to not give a fuck about the consequences, Jongwan leaned forward, closing the space between them, and planted a kiss right on Sunggyu's lips.
After what seemed like ages to Jongwan, during which he was starting to get a little bored from Sunggyu's lack of a response, Jongwan was about to pull away and try to laugh it off or something when he felt the slightest reciprocation from Sunggyu's lips. It was hesitant, very hesitant, but it was there. And that was enough.
Smiling slightly, Jongwan pushed forward, trapping Sunggyu tightly between himself and the bar table as he deepened the kiss. Immediately, Sunggyu lifted his hands and pushed against Jongwan's chest, but at Jongwan's gentle caress on his cheek, signaling for him to relax, he rested them on Jongwan's waist instead. It was only when they both came up for air that Sunggyu seemed to regain his senses. He pushed Jongwan away, clearing his throat, face a bright red.
"You're drunk, hyung."
Jongwan shrugged. He wasn't wrong.
"Don't worry, I...I'll pretend this didn't happen. I know how you get when you're drunk," Sunggyu continued, forcing a laugh. Jongwan frowned slightly, not liking how he was trying to brush it off. "Didn't Tablo hyung mention something about you trying to kiss him after spraying perfume on his lips when you were both drunk--"
Jongwan rolled his eyes. Yes, but he didn't recall wanting to shove his tongue in Tablo's mouth like what they had just done and he sure as hell knew Tablo wouldn't have reciprocated like Sunggyu had. But he'd let it go.
He downed another glass. Whatever let them both sleep easier tonight.
True to his word, Sunggyu hadn't mentioned the incident at all and a whole month later Jongwan was starting to think maybe he had dreamed it up. Why his drunken fantasy would be kissing the life out of Kim Sunggyu pressed up against him in a bar he had no idea. Maybe all that alcohol was finally starting to take its toll on him. Sunggyu warned him this would happen. Speaking of the devil, his phone beeped and he saw the familiar name on the top of his screen.
hyung I did it I won first place!
Accompanied with his text was a picture of Sunggyu kissing his trophy with his eyes closed. A large grin unknowingly spread across his face as he typed back a quick reply. He licked his lips, reminded again of the feel of Sunggyu's soft lips pressed against his.
good. keep winning.
Sunggyu shook his head at the curt reply. Still, he couldn't stop himself from smiling happily. His first win as solo artist Kim Sunggyu, and with the album that Jongwan hyung had produced. He bit his lip, afraid that he would burst into an unmanly fit of giggles. He signed into his twitter account and thanked his fans, scrolling through all of the congratulatory messages. A few minutes later however, a notification popped up.
Sunggyu grinned like an idiot, reading and re-reading Jongwan's new tweet congratulating Sunggyu. He knew he was proud of him, despite his nonchalant text.
And like a dream, Sunggyu's solo promotions were over before he even knew it, ending on quite a successful note. He knew that he had earned enough recognition and praise to do even better for his next album, and that was all that he needed. As soon as it was over though, he found himself jumping right into promotions for Infinite's new album.
Despite some lighthearted grumbling and whining to Joongyup hyung, Sunggyu came to the conclusion that being busy was better than sitting at home staring idly at the wall. It was a particularly rainy day (and by that it was fucking pouring so much he doubted the fans could even see the stage because he sure as hell couldn't see three feet in front of him). Taking a deep breath, he stepped onto the stage hoping that it wouldn't be too slippery. He could count the number of times they've performed in these conditions on an outdoor stage on one hand. The previous times weren't a total disaster, so he reassured himself once more. Besides, they were pros.
Fucking shit, pro my ass he thought, midway through the performance, as he felt the floor slide out from beneath him. His arm shot out under him to lessen the impact, but all he felt was a searing pain in his elbow. His body colliding with the ground had made such a loud noise that even Myungsoo and Woohyun, who were closest to him where he fell, could hear it over the rain and the music and glanced worriedly at him. His embarrassment clouded his initial pain and he felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He got up quickly and got into position, twisting his wrists to check if it was broken. Thankfully, it didn't seem like he had sprained or broken anything. Grinning foolishly at Woohyun to reassure him, he finished the rest of their songs, pushing the pain to the back of his head.
As soon as they got down from the stage, Sunggyu was met with his manager making disapproving noises, looking very amused. "Come here, how bad is it?" he motioned at Sunggyu's arm which he was cradling. Sunggyu hadn't been able to get a good look at it either, so he suddenly got anxious when his manager stiffened. Taking a look himself, he saw a fair amount of blood gushing out from a long gash that was kept hidden under his huge sleeves. "A few stitches and it'll be fine," he laughed, waving it off.
A couple of days later, he spotted Jongwan coming out of the Woollim office, and instinctively thought to hide. He ended up turning way too abruptly however, and smashed his entire right side of his body into the wall.
"Sunggyu? Are you okay?"
Shit. Fuck. Fucking shit. Play it cool, Sunggyu, play it cool, he thought. He glanced up at Jongwan with a smile, rubbing his arm. It stung quite a bit, and he suspected the stitches had torn.
"Hyung, what brings you here?"
"Just talking to Joongyup hyung about the christmas concert." He eyed Sunggyu's arm warily. "Shit, are you bleeding?!"
Sunggyu shrugged sheepishly, trying to hide his arm behind his back. "It appears so."
Jongwan grabbed his arm and pulled up Sunggyu's sleeve, shaking his head in disbelief. "How hard did you slam into the wall?"
Turning red, Sunggyu explained how he had injured it when he slipped on stage. With much urging from Jongwan, Sunggyu was dragged to the nearest hospital and stitched up again.
"Thanks," Sunggyu murmured, not really looking him in the eye. They were back at Woollim headquarters now, and Jongwan couldn't believe they had actually spent the entire trip in dead silence. He opened his mouth, about to say something, when Sunggyu nearly sprinted out of his sight into one of the rooms.
Jongwan pursed his lips in annoyance, not used to being ignored, especially by him of all people. This was Sunggyu, the boy who had stayed on the phone with him for four hours while Jongwan talked about Sunggyu's new album concept until he realized Sunggyu was overseas and it was the middle of the night there and Infinite had a concert the next day. Why did you pick up then, he had berated him, but Sunggyu had just laughed that laugh of his, tiredness laced in his voice, 'how can I not, when it's you, hyung?'
Sunggyu never let Jongwan's calls ring more than three times. Which is why days later, when Jongwan finally decided to call him to ask why he was being a little asshole, he was surprised to hear it go to voicemail. Was he really that mad over what happened at the bar that time? He had apologized the next day and he seemed fine then. He sighed, dialing Infinite's manager.
"Where's Sunggyu," he gritted out, not even letting their manager greet him. On the other line, he could hear frantic whispers, before their manager replied hastily, "I...have no idea." Jongwan took a deep breath, trying his best not to take it out on the poor guy.
"Don't give me that bullshit, text me the address now, " he said as calmly as possible before hanging up. If he was smart, he would do as he said. Right on cue, his phone beeped, and he smirked in victory.
Jongwan groaned, realizing Sunggyu was waiting to go on stage for a music show. He made his way past all the curious glances of the young idols in the hallway, until he found Infinite's waiting room. He raised his eyebrow at the other Infinite members and their manager, who were all standing outside the room.
Their manager saw him first, and pulled him aside before he could walk into the room. "Can you just wait for five minutes before going in? Someone is in there now with Sunggyu," he said, laughing nervously. Jongwan glared at him; he did not come waltzing to this place just to be put on hold. Brushing him off, Jongwan pushed the slightly open door with his foot and saw a young girl dressed way too provocatively looking up at Sunggyu expectantly, who was running his hands through his hair, a habit Jongwan knew he did when he was flustered. He paused, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. They hadn't noticed him yet.
The girl twirled her hair around her finger, giving him a shy glance. "You don't need to answer me now, sunbaenim, just think about it, please?" Sunggyu gave her a small smile and nodded, patting her on the arm. Jongwan tilted his head, analyzing his facial expression. Interesting.
Finally, he cleared his throat just loud enough so that they could both hear him. Sunggyu glanced up, surprised, his eyes widening. His hand paused in mid air from where it was on her arm just moments before , and awkwardly made its way down to his side. The girl bowed to both of them and hastily walked out of the room. Letting out a deep breath, Jongwan shut the door closed behind him and walked over to Sunggyu.
"Why have you been ignoring me?" He cut straight to the point, making Sunggyu take a step back.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled, trying to sidestep him and escape. Jongwan pulled him by the wrist and sat him down on the sofa. He took a seat next to him and crossed his legs.
Sunggyu continued to glance down at the floor, examining his shoes. A vein in Jongwan's forehead throbbed. "Fine then, if you don't want to talk about whatever your deal is with me," he leaned back and glanced at him sideways, "why did you do that when you don't like her?"
Sunggyu quickly turned to him, about to say something, but he pursed his lips, frowning.
"You're just giving her false hope, you know," he continued, feeling obligated in a way to have these kinds of talks with him as his sunbae. Settling in his teaching mode, he shifted closer to Sunggyu and was about to deliver his speech when Sunggyu cut him off.
"You don't necessarily need to like someone to do certain things. It could be out of courtesy, or friendship, or something completely platonic. "
Sunggyu faltered, glancing down again. After a while, as Jongwan was running through those words, he spoke again, quieter this time. " No matter the reason, it doesn't have to..mean anything."
Jongwan was confused. It seemed as if he wasn't referring to that girl anymore. "Sunggyu, what are you trying to-"
"Hyung, just," he sighed, biting his lip. "Can you do me a favor?" He looked up at him, and he was close enough to see his eyelashes quiver. "As crazy as it sounds, can you please just let me do one thing? There's something I need to confirm, but I don't know any other way and I don't even really know if what I feel is what I think it is-"
"What is it," he said softly, not liking how distressed the younger male was.
"What happened last time, in Japan," he played with his hands nervously. "Let's do it again."
Jongwan stared at him. What had he just heard? He was just about to reach up and touch his forehead to make sure the boy wasn't spiking a fever and delusional when he continued.
"I know you think I'm crazy, I know you didn't mean anything by it, I know," he let out a shaky breath, "but do this for me?"
After a silent moment, Jongwan finally understood. He knew better than anyone how careful Sunggyu was with his emotions, how calculating and how cautious he was when it came to his feelings, especially concerning another person. He felt an immense wave of guilt wash over him at the realization that his actions had confused him so much. Apologetic, he lightly brushed the hair out of Sunggyu's face and looked him in the eyes.
"Okay. But not here," he glanced around the waiting room, where anyone could barge in at any moment, "come to my place after you're done with your schedule for the day."
Sunggyu finally showed him a small smile, and Jongwan felt oddly glad that this smile was different than the one he'd seen before with the girl.
Sunggyu nervously rang the doorbell, wiping his palms on his jeans. The last few weeks had been driving him crazy, and he was so relieved when Jongwan agreed to his crazy request because he didn't know what he would've done otherwise. Sunggyu had, of course, dated a few people up until now. He was familiar with that heart fluttering and what a kiss felt like, but that time had been different. He wasn't sure what he had felt, and what he was still feeling now, but he knew he had to find out. Maybe it was the admiration that made it somehow feel like the kiss was something more, or maybe along the way the lines had blurred and he really did – he sighed. He'd worry about that later.
The door opened, and Jongwan couldn't help but to laugh at Sunggyu's pale face. "Would you lighten up? This was your idea you know, you're acting like I called you here to harass you."
Sunggyu lightly pushed him aside, rolling his eyes, and made himself at home on the living room couch. They met here sporadically, when they both wanted to drink and talk together without anyone recognizing them. Sunggyu eyed the modern interior and instruments and recording devices neatly organized throughout the apartment. It was always a cozy and welcoming place to Sunggyu.
"Do you want something to drink? I should have some cans of beer in the fridge."
Sunggyu shook his head. He needed this to be real and he needed them to be sober. He wiped his palms again on his shirt, glancing over at Jongwan who made his way next to him on the couch. He could feel his heartbeat ring loudly in his ears just from the sudden proximity and subtle scent of him.
"Sunggyu, look at me," Jongwan reached out and caressed his cheek softly with his thumb, tilting his head up to face him. He peered closely at the boy in front of him who was a light shade of pink and warm to the touch. He had agreed to do this partly because he was curious as well. He wanted to know why he thought of that kiss sometimes when he drank alone late at night, why Sunggyu ignoring him had frustrated him so much recently, and why, holding him so close now, all he wanted to do was have him pressed up against him again, gasping for breath.
They both swallowed, feeling the air around them suddenly feel heavier.
Still holding Sunggyu close to him, Jongwan spoke in a low voice, "you don't have to do this if you don't want to, this is your last chance," he leaned closer until they were a hair's breadth away.
Embarrassed of himself, since he had been the one to start this after all, Sunggyu gathered his courage and closed the distance between them. Just like last time, it started with a simple touch of the lips. He felt the warmth radiating off both of their bodies, connected by the soft kiss. Almost instinctively, Sunggyu wrapped his arms around Jongwan's neck and closed his eyes. Jongwan responded by gently placing his hands on Sunggyu's waist, and immediately Sunggyu could feel the difference from their previous time in Japan. He was sober this time, and so Jongwan's actions were careful; Sunggyu could tell he was trying to be as gentle and slow as possible for his sake. Grateful, Sunggyu tentatively parted his lips and tasted Jongwan's lower lip with his tongue. Jongwan parted his lips as well and let their tongues mingle, gradually pushing into Sunggyu's mouth until his breaths became short and his thoughts incoherent.
Sunggyu remembered the way his own face flushed every time he saw Jongwan, he remembered that time they were drinking together on this same couch and in his drunken state had felt a pang of jealousy as Jongwan told him of his previous relationships, thinking how lucky those girls were, and he had passed it off as admiration the next day but what if it wasn't, he thought, as his hands slid down to the collar of Jongwan's shirt and pulled him closer until they were both lying down with Jongwan on top of him.
He let out a small gasp between their still interlocked lips as he felt the weight of Jongwan's body pleasantly settle against his, and without thinking, his hands reached around him and felt the muscles of Jongwan's back moving against his palms; he remembered the time he had rushed over to Jongwan's house after he had called him saying he was done with the recent Nell album and Sunggyu could come over to listen but obviously didn't mean now, Jongwan said surprised, when he opened the door for him fresh out of the shower, laughing. That time, Jongwan was wearing a thin, white v-neck shirt and had drops of water rolling down his chest, and Sunggyu was a little too fixated on the way his skin showed through the tightly clinging shirt as he had turned around to let him in. He had passed it off as curiosity over Jongwan's abnormally pale and smooth skin.
He hadn't realized he was shaking until he saw Jongwan pull back and look at him, concerned.
He remembered that time when things were rough for him and rumors were spreading over the internet and he found himself silently crying, a few tears falling on the table full of soju, with Jongwan giving him that same look. In the small, almost empty restaurant in the middle of the night, Jongwan had sat next to him and lent him his shoulder, whispering 'it's okay to cry in front of me' as his shirt gradually got soaked with tears.
"Sunggyu," Jongwan whispered, pulling him back to the present with a touch on his arm. Sunggyu stared up at Jongwan with his disheveled hair and red, slightly swollen lips and mesmerizing eyes and as if drawn towards him, leaned in for another kiss. Everything came together and the weight of his realization came crashing down on him all at once. He slowly pulled away, his eyes stinging.
"Shit," he whispered, closing his eyes, feeling a single tear disappear down his face. He sat up abruptly, pushing Jongwan away from him.
"What do I do now," he furrowed his brows, looking pained. "Hyung ..."
He stood up, clenching his fists, avoiding Jongwan's penetrating gaze. "I think I'm in love with you."
There was only silence. Sunggyu bit his lip; there was no response. He let out a small "I'm sorry" before heading towards the door.
"Wait, Sunggyu," Jongwan belatedly tried to grab him but he had already dashed out. "Fuck," he collapsed back onto the couch, holding his head.
Sunggyu was..in love with him?
Maybe Sunggyu had come to a realization after what had just happened, but Jongwan was even more confused.
Sure, that kiss was...definitely not platonic, but this was Sunggyu, the boy he had practically watched grow up. He thought back to Sunggyu in that little basement all those years ago, practicing dance moves like his life depended on it, Sunggyu when he first sang in front of him, voice shaking but strong and with such raw potential. Sunggyu finally laughing in front of him, eyes disappearing, Sunggyu with his stunning red hair matching his face shyly handing him his very own signed solo album, Sunggyu in the recording booth singing the lyrics Jongwan himself wrote, about pale skin and brown hair and Sunggyu looking at him curiously when they went over the lyrics together.
Sunggyu.
He grabbed his keys and ran out the door, hoping he hadn't gotten too far.
Luckily, he had only taken a few steps outside when he saw a familiar round head of hair sitting on a bench in the playground right across the street. Exhaling in relief, Jongwan walked over to him.
Sunggyu's eyes widened in panic as he saw Jongwan standing in front of him; he had been too lost in his thoughts and hadn't heard him coming. Without a word, he got up and tried to make a run for it but Jongwan grabbed his wrist this time.
"Hold on Sunggyu, we can-"
"We can what," Sunggyu gritted out, face red, "fix this? Pretend this never happened?" Sunggyu shook his arm free, turning away from him. "How can you look at me again, how can we go back to the way things were before, now that you know I..." He trailed off, biting his lips, dejected.
Jongwan sighed, crossing his arms. "I guess we can't."
Sunggyu finally met his eyes, hurt shining through his expression.
He continued, "things will be a little different, but if it's okay with you," he stepped closer and stroked Sunggyu's cheek, who was frozen in surprise, "I'd like to give this a try." He let out a small laugh. "I mean, there was nothing platonic about what we did, Sunggyu, not then and not now."
Sunggyu let out a choked laugh, "yeah."
Jongwan smiled. "Go home and rest, we'll take it one step at a time." He patted his cheek reassuringly.
Sunggyu, still looking unsure, grabbed onto Jongwan's sleeve. "So you don't hate me?"
Jongwan snorted. "Quite the opposite."
Sunggyu muttered a small "oh," face red again and about to burst.
Jongwan tilted his head, amused. Now that he had come to understand his own feelings, he was seeing everything with a newfound clarity. “Actually, it’s getting kind of late, you’re welcome to stay the night at my place if you want,” he spoke in a low voice, his hands brushing over Sunggyu’s teasingly.
Sunggyu bit his lip, unable to stop his cheeks from curving up in a grin, “are..are you inviting me over for ramyun, hyung?”
Jongwan stifled a laugh. “Oh, we can have ramyun...amongst other things.”
Sunggyu lightly pushed Jongwan away, blushing fiercely again.
“Oh, what am I going to do with you,” Jongwan muttered quietly, shaking his head smiling, as he tugged Sunggyu along by the arm back home.