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“There Is No Sweeter Innocence Than Our Gentle Sin.”

Summary:

Mapicc and Zam Are deeply in love. But Zam is trans and Mapicc can’t be caught loving someone like that.

Notes:

TW This has very heavy religious themes and definitely includes slight transphobia please read tags oh my god please

This also most definitely isn’t the most accurate religious fic if ur looking for accurate please don’t come here

Not beta read btw have fun

TITLE FROM Take Me To Church, Hozier!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Mapicc holds Zam's hand in his, lifting it up slightly in order to let her twirl. The stars fill the night sky, twinkling brightly against the inky darkness. All that can be heard is the shuffling of feet against grass and two voices laughing occasionally. 

 

The night is cool and the grass keeps tickling her ankles. To her, the world has stopped in order to allow them more time together. Any night spent like this, spent with Mapicc is a night worth repeating.  

 

Zam finishes her spin, ending slightly dipped in Mapicc's arms. Her breath catches at the sight of Mapicc's love struck eyes. 

 

So filled with desire it never fails to make her heart flutter. Just his eyes have made her tear up on multiple occasions. Not for any bad reason, just for the utter shock that comes with how much he adores her. 

 

It's moments like these that make her feel like they're soulmates, meant to be. Like the world had put them together as two lives destined to connect. She’d do anything for him and in moments like this she believes he would too. 

 

Zam's eyes wander across Mapicc's features. From his parted lips, to his freckles, to the way his breath fans across her face. The uneven puffs of air that remind her just how close they are, how much of him is intertwined with her. 

 

She leans in slowly, glossy pink lips headed straight for chapped red ones. She misses him far too much, misses the feel of his skin and wants to memorize the softness of his lips on hers. Zam wants him and she wants him now. 

 

Unfortunately, he pauses. Mapicc pulls away suddenly and the sound of beads clacking together fills the silence with a sense of dread. Zam was so happy she nearly forgot the most important part. 

 

Mapicc reaches up and grabs the rosary draped over his neck, a look of guilt on his face replacing the devotion previously there. 

 

He opens his mouth to say something. Maybe an excuse, maybe an insult, maybe the same apology she'd heard from him far too many times before. Zam didn't care, not anymore. 

 

Instead she wraps her hand around the rosary, gently prying it from his hands and pushing it against his lips to shush him. A kiss that was meant to be hers. 

 

For a moment she'd almost thought that Mapicc might choose her. That Mapicc might put her first for once. Zam shouldn't have such big dreams. Not with how full of sin she is. 

 

It’s not like she can blame him, she isn’t a real girl after all. Mapicc has made it more than clear where he stands in all this. Zam has given him chance after chance, prompting him to choose her just once. She still hasn’t received the kiss she’s waited so patiently for. 

 

Zam squirms out of Mapicc’s hold, straightening out her dress. Tears threaten to spill from her eyes and she’s sure that Mapicc knows it. His hand reaches out for her but his feet remain planted. He won’t run after her, she knows this. 

 

His love will always return to his God, never to the girl full of sin in front of him. Zam blows him a kiss before turning to walk back to the trail they’d taken together. She walks and walks, waiting for the sound of footsteps to follow. 

 

The sun rises overhead, a gentle reminder that the day has started. Zam’s head turns to look over her shoulder, hoping— praying to see him behind her. 

 

The quiet path is more telling than words will ever be. So Zam continues, step after step until she reaches her front door. 

 

She’ll probably see Mapicc tomorrow night, shrouded in darkness that makes it impossible for his God to catch him like this. She’ll see him when the stars whisper secrets and she’ll leave so the clouds can cover up their crimes. 

 

She isn’t his eternity but she is a vice he’ll indulge in. 

Notes:

This wasn’t based off a personal experience or anything and I didn’t even grow up catholic but I grew up in the Christian church so I know somewhat abt how bad it can be

I would love kudos and comments and all of the above thanks ok