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“Just go!”
“Excuse me, but no,” Michael said cheerfully.
“What?” Tori glared at him. “Michael, we just had a serious fight and broke up!”
“No, you mean, you had a serious fight, and you broke up,” he explained calmly, a grin on his face.
“Your point being?”
“My point, oh Angry One, love of my life and Dark Queen of my heart, is that I am not accepting your proposal to break up.”
Slurp. “You are disrespecting my wishes, invalidating my feelings,” she stated coldly.
“Not invalidating your feelings, never that. I’d just like to point out that I don’t think you really want me to go. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.”
Tori rolled her eyes. “Jesus, why do you know me so well?”
“Ah, there it is!” Michael replied brightly. “So, now that we’ve established that you don’t actually want me to go can we maybe discuss why you are so angry? If I’ve done something wrong I’d like to know so I can apologise and not do it again.”
Tori shook her head in exasperation when she saw the genuine curiosity in his eyes. “It’s not about what you have done as such, more about what you want,” she explained.
“And what might that be, oh Furious One?”
“Could you just stop that? Please?”
“Sorry.”
Tori groaned in frustration. “Look, Michael, you want someone you can have a real relationship with. Someone who loves you and has sex with you.”
“And you don’t love me?” Michael didn’t sound hurt, merely curious.
“That’s not what I said!”
“Then what did you say?”
“What I’ve been saying for months! You should go and find some pretty person that you can have lots of sex and sappy love confessions with. Because that will never be me.”
“And because of that I should go? Why?”
“I swear, sometimes I think you’re playing dumb just to aggravate me.”
“Okay, maybe I am dumb, but I honestly don’t understand.”
“You. Want. Love.”
“Yes. I do. And again I ask: Don’t you love me?”
“Not as I should.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.”
“So, how do you love me?”
“I don’t know how to explain. In a Tori way.”
“Remind me again why you think that isn’t exactly the kind of love I want?”
Slurp. “Right, but what about the sex?”
“What about it?”
“You’re not asexual. You need sex.”
“Bold statement.”
“Isn’t it true, though?”
“Tori, have I ever told you what I need?”
Tori looked at the floor. Michael stepped closer.
“I take your silence as a yes, just so you know. Remind me, what did I tell you again that I needed?”
“For me to completely be myself. For you to be with me.” she mumbled quietly.
“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,” Michael beamed.
Tori sighed deeply and lifted her head. “Okay, okay, so you told me you just needed to be with me, exactly as I am. Happy now?”
“Delighted!”
“Grrrr, I just don’t understand why? I can be pretty mean to you sometimes.”
“And don’t I know it,” Michael grinned good-naturedly, almost threatening to put a miniscule smile on Tori’s face.
“But what about the sex? Won’t you miss it? I mean, on a regular basis?”
“Who knows? I’ll make sure to tell you if I do, then we can figure something out.”
“But what about the other part? You know, the pretty-person-part?”
At that Michael put both hands on his heart and started singing. “You are soooo beauuuutifuuuul - to meeee …”
Slurp. “Careful now, or I might really turn into a dark queen and eat your brains.”