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r/relationship_advice
Posted by u/coffee_and_chaos 4hours ago
[Help] My crush with insomnia fell asleep while on the phone with me, is my voice that boring?
I (21M) recently had a bit of a...life realization? I’ve figured out I’m bi. As in, the last few weeks have been a whole speedrun of oh fuck, that explains so much. And it’s mostly because of my friend. Let’s call him H. He’s incredible. He's pretty much the only person who really listens to what I have to say.
Context: I talk. A lot. My whole life, people have told me I’m too much or that I need a volume knob. But H? He never gets tired of my rambling. He listens, asks questions. He makes me feel like everything I say is interesting.
It’s...a lot. In the best way.
Here’s the problem: H has suffered from insomnia for years. He usually can’t get more than three hours of sleep a night. But lately, during our late night calls, he’s been falling asleep while I’m talking. I can hear the little shifts when he settles deeper into his pillow. And I keep talking like an idiot because I don’t want to wake him.
I’m starting to panic. He’s a really nice guy, you know? The kind who’d never tell you to shut up even if you’re boring him to tears. I’m worried that he’s been bored out of his mind this whole time and was just humoring me because he’s too kind to tell me. What if my voice is actually putting him to sleep and he’s too sweet to say anything?
Is it possible that my voice is literally curing his insomnia? Is my voice a sedative? I feel like I’m accidentally gas-lighting him into a coma. Should I stop calling him? Or am I overthinking because I’m so gone on him and this is my brain trying to sabotage before I even do anything about it?
I’m spiraling.
↑ 2.8k ↓ 47 💬 312
u/letudown
Oh, honey
u/user_meowmeow
Is the kitten making a sound again?
u/goodbarista
My crush smiles every time they see me, are they mocking me?
u/disasterbi_13
My crush keeps holding my hand and looking into my eyes, is he trying to check my pulse because he thinks I’m having a heart attack?
u/vibe_checker
My crush keeps blushing and stuttering when I compliment him, is he having an allergic reaction to my perfume? Should I switch brands?
u/anothergirl
Help, my friend keeps closing his eyes and breathing deeply when I'm around. Is he losing consciousness? Does he have a vitamin deficiency?
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
…??
u/cat_owner
"My crush keeps buying me coffee exactly how I like it without me asking. Do they think I’m too poor to afford caffeine? Are they worried about my energy levels? Is this a medical intervention?"
That’s how you sound right now. The man is literally sleeping on your voice like it’s a $5,000 mattress.
u/neuralnexus
Look at these replies. Do you see a pattern?
u/catlover_tay
Honestly, this is peak The kitten keeps making a sound.
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
Wait, are you making fun of me? I'm genuinely asking!
u/meme_lord
Have you ever heard of the "Kitten Making a Sound" meme?
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
No? Is that about pets? H doesn't have a cat.
u/meme_lord
No, it's about you. It's about a guy who buys a kitten and thinks it's sick because it's vibrating, not realizing the cat is purring because it's happy. In your case, H is the kitten. He's purring.
u/waifuwarrior
You are the human embodiment of the Why does the kitten keep making that noise meme.
u/sheepdetective_ng
Cat: Purrs.
Owner: Is he dying? Does he have a motor in his chest? Should I call a priest?
You are the owner. H is the cat. The sound he is making is Peace. He is mocking you with the sound of his snoring because he feels safe enough to stop being an insomniac for twenty minutes.
u/user856
Imagine being so oblivious that you think curing someone's lifelong insomnia with the power of boredom is more likely than him being so comfortable with you that he lets his guard down.
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
I'm starting to feel a little attacked by these analogies lol. But seriously, if I tell him and it turns out he was tired because he's a busy person and I'm a convenient white noise machine, I will have to move to a different planet.
u/sarcasticscholar
If you move to a different planet, H will probably follow you there just to find a place quiet to nap while you explain the planetary atmosphere to him.
Update us when you finally realize the cat isn't sick.
u/nofeelings
Dude. He has insomnia and he’s falling asleep to the sound of your voice. That’s “Your voice is the only thing that calms my brain down to shut the fuck up.”
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
…shit. That one made my chest do something weird.
u/lomltaytay
My crush wrote a 5 page letter about how much they value my presence in their life; are they practicing their penmanship? Is it a literacy test?
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
I hate all of you.
Okay, I get it! The mocking is loud and clear! But you guys don't know H. What if he’s so polite that he’d rather fall asleep than hurt my feelings by saying he’s tired of hearing about my day?
u/lomltaytay
Seriously, if he was bored, he would hang up. Insomniacs don't humor people by staying on the phone until 3 AM. We hang up so we can go back to staring at the ceiling in silence. The fact that he’s drifting off means your voice is the only thing that makes him feel at ease.
u/logic_police
Please. At this point, H could propose to you and you’d ask if he’s trying out a new ring-fitting technique. Is the cat sick, or are you refusing to hear the purr?
u/throwaway
Can we talk about the bi awakening part? Does H know? Because if H knows you're into guys now, and he's still falling asleep on the phone with you, he is basically a vibrating kitten at this point.
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
He doesn't know yet! That's why I'm overthinking. What if I tell him I'm bi, and he thinks I was only boring him to sleep because I had a crush on him? It would make the whole thing so much more awkward.
u/usernamenotfound
"Is my voice a sedative?" No, Jared. You're his safe space. Now go tell the man you're bi so he can fall asleep on your chest instead of a Discord call.
u/confusedretriever
I am officially starting a GoFundMe to buy OP a clue.
Someone tag me when the update drops and they're married. I give it three weeks before H realizes he has to be the one to propose because OP will think the ring is a very high quality friendship circle.
u/lurker_421
I need you to listen to me very carefully. If a man who cannot sleep suddenly finds the off switch only when he's listening to you talk about your day, you aren't a boring podcast. You are his home.
u/cluelesshater
I hope H has the patience of a saint, because you are actively fighting the plot of your own life right now.
u/romantic_anarchist
Imagine being H. After years of exhaustion, find the one person whose voice makes the world quiet enough for you to rest and that person thinks they’re a white noise machine.
u/gintokimeow
I’m crying. H is out there living a romance novel and OP is playing a medical drama.
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
Look, I really don't want to be conceited! Also, I looked up the vibrating kitten thing. The cat is actually happy?
u/meme_lord
YES. THE CAT IS HAPPY. THE CAT IS VERY, VERY HAPPY.
u/tired_student
As a fellow insomniac: if I didn't like you, I would have muted you and gone to sleep an hour ago. The fact that he stays on the line until he finally drifts off is the highest form of intimacy known to man.
u/cupid_is_done
I’ve had enough. Someone find H and send him a link to this thread. It’s the only way.
u/coffee_and_chaos [OP]
PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT. He’s very private! If he saw this, he’d probably be so embarrassed he’d never sleep again, I really WOULD have broken him.
u/realitysucks
we are all H's witnesses. Just tell him. If he falls asleep during your confession, only then will I admit you're a sedative.
u/saltvinegar
Still waiting for that GoFundMe to hit the goal so we can buy this man a map to his own feelings.
Update us. Or don't, and let us all live in this agonizing tension forever.
Henry’s dorm room sits dim under the desk lamp. Alex is sprawled on the edge of the unmade bed, legs bouncing, mouth running at full speed like it always does when his brain won’t shut up. He’s still spiraling from the Reddit thread. Every single comment keeps replaying in his head like a goddamn remix. He needs proof. Concrete, undeniable proof that he’s not putting the guy to sleep out of sheer boredom.
He picks the densest topic he can think of: the entire history of U.S. campaign finance reform since 1971.
“And then Buckley v. Valeo happened, right? And everyone lost their minds because suddenly money was speech, which is insane when you think about it...if you don’t have a massive Super PAC, are you legally mute?”
Henry makes a soft noise of agreement, but he’s already shifting closer on the bed. Their knees brush. Alex’s pulse kicks up so hard he almost stutters.
Here it comes. Any second now he’s going to zone out and I’ll have my answer.
He keeps going anyway. “...McCutcheon v. FEC basically blew the lid off aggregate limits, and now we’re in this whole dark money nightmare where nobody even knows where the, the funding is coming from, and...”
Henry leans in, his shoulder pressing warm against Alex’s until his head tilts and settles heavy on Alex’s shoulder. Soft blond hair tickles the side of Alex’s neck. Alex freezes, lungs locked.
Fuck. I’ve bored him into a stupor. Human melatonin. That’s me.
“Why did you stop?” Henry mumble.
Alex’s heart does something violent. “I...uh. Thought you were falling asleep.”
“Mmm.” Henry’s nose nudges closer. “Just listening.”
Alex swallows hard. His hands are sweating. “Maybe I should stop talking so much. So you can actually rest. I know I talk too much. People get tired of it. You don’t have to pretend...”
Henry lifts his head to look at him. Those stupidly blue eyes are entirely focused on Alex. “What are you talking about?” he says. “I like the way you talk. I like your voice. It makes me feel…relaxed. Like the rest of the world can wait.”
Alex's thoughts short circuit.
“So…you’re a vibrating kitten?”
Henry blinks. “I’m a what?”
Alex feels his face go nuclear. “Shit. Okay. There’s this meme. People post things like ‘My cat starts purring so hard he vibrates whenever I pet him, is my cat broken?’ The thread was full of them. My voice is apparently your version of that. Except you’re not a cat. Obviously. Fuck, I’m ruining this.”
Henry starts laughing. The sound is fond and a little wrecked.
“You absolute disaster,” Henry says, still laughing softly. He shifts until they’re face to face. “A vibrating kitten. That’s what you got from all of that?”
“In my defense,” Alex mutters, “the thread was very convincing. And you did rest your whole head on me like I’m a pillow.”
“Because I like being close to you when you talk,” Henry's gaze drops to Alex’s mouth for a second. “Your voice settles the noise in my head. Nothing works like you do.”
Alex stares. His pulse hammers.
“I’m not boring you?”
“You could never bore me.” Henry’s hand rises, thumb brushing under Alex’s jaw. “Quite the opposite.”
The air thickens. Alex’s stomach flips.
He blurts, “I’m bi. Figured that out recently. You’re the reason.”
Henry’s eyes widen a fraction. “You’re bi?”
Alex nods, throat dry.
Henry exhales. “I wondered if you liked me too. The way you look at me sometimes…I hoped. But I didn’t know about this part.”
Alex’s heart stutters at the admission. Henry’s fingers slide into the hair at Alex’s nape.
“I’ve been waiting for you to say something,” Henry murmurs. “Or do something.”
Alex doesn’t wait anymore. He leans in and kisses him.
Earl Grey and espresso mix on their lips.
EDIT: So...turns out H is the vibrating kitten. We talked, and apparently, my voice was soothing enough for him to finally let his guard down and sleep. I’m going to go cry now, thanks everyone.
Anyway, I’m stuck in his bed because he’s currently asleep on my chest and I’m legally not allowed to move. Mission accomplished.