Work Text:
It had been about 1 year since Jonathan Roller had quit his job as a teacher to work at a millenial burger joint. His last year at the school was when he had the worst class of his entire career. One half of his class were smelly chuds who needed a deep clean and a box of deodorant. Well except one. Zanniebelle Zorsham who wasn't stinky, but still a chud. The other half wasn't much better.
Actually it wasn't all that bad but it had three girls who had caught his eye. Gilligan Jetze, who had a talent for writing to which he judged unrightfully becuase why not. Then adeley Earlobe, he judged her because of her brightly colored hair and was a lesbian. And then Calliope D, she was mixed (White and BLACK) which was enough of a reason to hate on her. These three girls all shared something in common.
They were all
WOKE.
ewwwwwwww.
ewwweughhhhhhhhhh,
ohmygosh ewwww blehhhh weirdddd grosssss.
They were corrupting the rest of their class with their woke idealogies and unnatural hair dyes. He was worried for the rest of his class(except the BLACK ones of course....). He knew he had to introduce this new generation of woke tyrrants to something that would scare the woke straight out of them....
And that's when he got the idea.
The ultimate burger joint.
.......
Johnny's millenial amish antiwoke burger joint(since 1976).
.......
And that's the story of how he was here today with a perfect little hole in the wall burger establishment. Every other friday he would have amish bands come to perform at it, last time the amish folk band "Amish dads for MAGA" played "White supremacy rocks!" ft. Sombr and tally hall.
When he heard the song he almost shed a tear becuase how relatable it was.
His burger joint was going great. His handhelds + truffle fries shareables for only 17.99 were a hit!! His QR codes for menus? Scanned!!!! His recipes? Made with love of course!
But something was missing...
His joint wasn't made with two guys, a grill, and a crazy idea. No. It was made ONE guy, a grill, and a crazy idea.
If only there was two.... If only he would've came. and then he gooned. all day.