Chapter Text
+447971355512
Hey, I’m home now
Just so you know, I’m dealing with the consequences
So no worries x
Who is this?
+447971355512
Honestly, there won’t be any consequences
so you can drop that
I genuinely don’t know what you mean
+447971355512
Seriously?
Were you that drunk?
I only had one margarita?
Okay, maybe two
+447971355512
Lol it was definitely more than two margaritas
don’t even try it
+447971355512
Did you even drink margaritas?
Can’t remember… maybe before
+447971355512
Anyway I’m not gonna keep texting you
Wasn’t the plan, sticking to that
Just letting you know you don’t need to worry
about child support or anything
+447971355512
That was bad. Sorry. Hungover.
Have a nice life
Wait—hang on
Who do you think I am?
+447971355512
That was worse
Go on then, who do you think I am?
+447971355512
Why though
I already know enough about you
not really interested in more
Alright then, this is Cress
Ring any bells?
+447971355512
Nope
+447971355512
…or?
+447971355512
Was I that drunk last night 🤣
I don’t think I’m linked to
any child support drama tbh
but just to clear it up in case
there was something
dodgy in the margaritas
what were you up to last night?
+447971355512
So we’re doing this then
+447971355512
Me and Pen were at Found
Were gonna go home but changed our minds
Then Old Blue Last. You tell me the rest
Yeah that definitely wasn’t me
Had my margaritas at Jin Bo Law
+447971355512
So you’re not Phillip?
Not last time I checked
+447971355512
Ffs
+447971355512
I got ghosted?
Looks like it
Sorry
+447971355512
That’s actually peak
didn’t even like him that much
Guess that makes it mutual
+447971355512
That’s rough
+447971355512
Oh well, at least neither of us has
anything to stress about now
Morning-after pill?
+447971355512
Yep
Very convenient
+447971355512
I’m practical like that
basically a girl scout but for chaos
Love that
+447971355512
Gotta keep essentials stocked
Mum drilled it into us
Your mum taught you to keep
the morning-after pill at home!?
+447971355512
Not in those exact words but… yeah
You don’t?
Don’t need them
+447971355512
Gay?
+447971355512
Or a nun?
The former
+447971355512
Congrats
If only you knew how
overused that line is
+447971355512
??
Straight girls saying they
wish they were lesbians
+447971355512
Fair. I’m boring
+447971355512
But I’m not completely straight
Is this where I’m meant to say congrats?
+447971355512
Yeah, I think you are actually
Congrats
And also on not being knocked up
+447971355512
Thanks 😂
+447971355512
Worth celebrating?
It is
+447971355512
What’s the weirdest thing
you’ve celebrated?
When my dad died
+447971355512
Jesus 😳
You’re a savage
+447971355512
Did not see that coming
Neither did he
+447971355512
I honestly don’t know whether
to be scared or impressed
That’s my party trick
Making people scared and impressed
But yeah, I don’t usually say that out loud
bit unhinged today, probably
+447971355512
Being a bit unhinged clears the air
:)
+447971355512
He wasn’t nice to you then?
Let me guess, misogynistic homophobe?
Yep. Really original
Low-hanging fruit
But I’ve done therapy
+447971355512
Therapy’s good stuff
I almost became a therapist
But you became?
+447971355512
Not to change the subject
It’s fine, I’d rather you did
+447971355512
Narrative strategist analyst
for some MP.
Interested in storytelling?
+447971355512
Morbid fascination, more like.
What about you?
How do you even get into that?
+447971355512
Nepo baby
Gotta respect that honesty
Famous dad? Or mom?
I attend premieres, make appearances
in standout outfits, and do some PR.
+447971355512
And you can make a living from that?
Dad’s money.
The rest are for fun
+447971355512
That’s brutally honest
+447971355512
I like that.
Well… maybe more like a nepo sister.
My siblings are the famous ones.
Who was your dad?
Straight to the trauma
I like that
+447971355512
So, who was he?
I’m genuinely dying to know now
Some insanely rich lord who controlled my mum and me
and showed up in the Epstein files
Owned a few companies
That’s how I got in
+447971355512
It’s not Prince Andrew is it?
HAHA no
He’s not dead
And I’m called Cress
your siblings are?
+447971355512
Fair point
+447971355512
Missed that detail
So you didn’t take over the companies?
Not clever enough
And I like clothes
And hair
+447971355512
Fair enough
That matters more than people think
Are you being sarcastic?
+447971355512
No I’m not!
+447971355512
Actually let me check if I am
+447971355512
I’m not
Hair and clothes are more important than people think
+447971355512
I studied anthropology before this
You should’ve come studied us
Fieldwork
+447971355512
You’re actually hilarious
+447971355512
I’m insanely hungover
forgot about that
+447971355512
Just remembered
need to throw up
then pizza
Good luck
+447971355512
At Jin bo Law
Are you here by any chance?
Feeling better now?
Having dinner with a group from a media house
+447971355512
Even I’m not hungover for 2 weeks
Who eats dinner at 9:30!?
Me. And people who are jetlagged
There’s a Phillip here. Wondering if he’s yours
+447971355512
He’s not my Phillip
Curly hair. Talks about his workouts.
American accent. Flexing under his shirt
+447971355512
Not him. My “my Phillip” is sandy blond and talks about flowers
Where are you?
Sushisamba
+447971355512
That’s really close!
Come by later?
+447971355512
With your group, of course
My phone died yesterday.
I came to Jin Bo after
Chaos Scout x
You did? When?
23ish
Chaos Scout x
I was still there then, keeping away from the edge
Chaos Scout x
That’s a shame
Did you have fun?
It was alright. I like that place
Not afraid of heights
But the company was dull
Left around 1
Chaos Scout x
Charge your phone next time!
Not as practical as you
I’ll try to remember that
Chaos Scout x
Out tonight?
Or are you still being mysterious and unavailable
Chaos Scout x
Was thinking maybe you’d show up somewhere
make this evening less… anthropologically depressing
Chaos Scout x
Anyway
getting ghosted by you too apparently
Chaos Scout x
What is actually wrong with me
And now they’re at it.which
is just. great. for me personally
Was home sick yesterday
Definitely not ghosting you
Chaos Scout x
I was so confused when I saw your message
Then I read mine
Chaos Scout x
Don’t even remember sending them
Sorry
I’m tragic
You’re not.
I would’ve replied if I’d been out
Chaos Scout x
Would you though?
Or are you saying that now to be nice.
Or because it’s a bit of a trap and “yes” is the only safe answer
You’re right, there isn’t really a safe answer there
But I mean it anyway
And I don’t even know your name
Chaos Scout x
…that was annoyingly well handled
Chaos Scout x:
I was fully expecting you to fail that
Chaos Scout x:
slightly disappointed now
it would’ve been more fun
You prefer controlling the narrative, don’t you?
Even when it’s clearly gone off the rails?
Chaos Scout x:
Yes, particularly when my dignity is at stake.
I’ll try to disappoint you more next time then
Chaos Scout x:
Please do
I have a reputation to maintain
Chaos Scout x:
…of making people uncomfortable and then judging them for it
Nothing quite like other people’s obliviousness for the ego
Good luck managing that ego.
What was that about them being “at it”?
Chaos Scout x
I think my brother hooked up with my best friend
In a cab
What makes you think that?
Did you see them?
Chaos Scout x
Thank god no
But Pen was drunk and my brother was heading that way
so I told them to go home, and my brother wanted to bike with her on the back
so I booked them a ride
Chaos Scout x
Now I’ve got a complaint and a £1000 cleaning fee
Jesus
Maybe they threw up?
Chaos Scout x
They never throw up
That’s kind of their thing
Never really clocked that they have that in common
until now
And now I’m re-evaluating quite a few things
There’s some philosopher who said
we live life forwards but understand it backwards
Feels applicable
Chaos Scout x
Exactly
Not quite sure how I feel about it yet though
How are you?
Do you need anything?
Just a cold
Got soup and everything, don’t worry
Chaos Scout x
Going to Sunday dinner now
Family tradition
Pray for me
Brother and best friend coming?
Chaos Scout x
Yes
It’s going to be… awkward
Think of it as fieldwork
Chaos Scout x
I will :)
Get well soon
How was dinner?
Did you figure out what happened in the cab?
Chaos Scout x
Unfortunately I was right about the cab
Trying not to picture it too vividly
But… why do I feel betrayed?
I’m not even the jealous type
It’s hurtful when two people you love
have had something going on you didn’t know about?
If it happens in front of you, that’s different
Chaos scout x
Yeah… you’re right
Thank you
How are you?
Just a bit bored being sick
Watching the game
Chaos Scout x
Which one?
Man United vs Chelsea
Chaos Scout x
I saw that Rytting Kaneryd girl around here the other day
She might live nearby
I’m watching Premier league, not WSL
Chaos Scout x
That into football?
Yep
Don’t be snarky.
Chaos Scout x
Wouldn’t dream of it
It runs in the family
The interest in football?
Chaos Scout x
The football
My sister’s married to a player
I’ll tell you about it some day
Tell me about dinner
What’s your family like?
Chaos Scout x
Big
Loud
Everyone has opinions, and feels the need to express it constantly
Everyone is good at something
which is as exhausting as it sounds
Mum is… deeply involved in all of it
I sometimes wish she’d meet someone new
Not because I mind
just because she deserves to have a life that isn’t entirely us
Divorced? Your dad not around?
Chaos Scout x
He died when I was little
Don’t say you’re sorry
Did you love him?
Chaos Scout x
Yeah. Deeply
He was a musician
My oldest brother was there when he died
he’s been dead serious ever since
Does he talk about it?
Chaos Scout x
Not with me
but I think he talks to another brother
How many of you are there?
It’s just me here
I drop in on my mum sometimes
Chaos Scout x
There are far too many of us
How’s the game going?
You made me miss the Duke’s goal
Chaos Scout x:
Sorry
I might be able to make it up to you though
are you going out this weekend?
If I feel better
I’m going to something that won’t exactly help my reputation
Chaos Scout x:
Some kind of infamous bad girl then.
The mystery deepens.
Get well soon!
Puff sleeves or a braided bun?
Chaos Scout x:
Is that a serious question?
If so, do you mean on you
or just in general?
Both?
Chaos Scout x:
Things like that only ever look really good on very good-looking people
Otherwise it just looks ridiculous
Are you good-looking?
Is that a serious question?
Chaos Scout x:
Yes
and don’t say anything about beauty being in the eye of the beholder
Okay, sometimes, on a good day, I think so, yes
the rest of the time I’m less convinced
I already know you’re handsome though
so I don’t need to ask
Chaos Scout x:
?????
Only very good-looking people talk the way you do
Or you’re not
and just very witty and charming
and that makes you attractive anyway
Chaos Scout x:
Interesting…
there might be something in that
Back to puff sleeves and braided buns
what’s prompted the question?
I’m going to this dinner tonight
with people who aren’t exactly well-disposed towards me
Thought I might make an entrance
Plans for tonight?
Chaos Scout x:
Just changed your name to “Puff Sleeves” in my phone
Have to work on a couple of speeches
so I’ll be at the office for a while
And apparently I need to learn building regulations this weekend
which feels like a personal attack
More speeches next week, in that field
Enjoy your dinner
Home now
Jesus
What was I saved as before?
Chaos Scout x:
Morning!
(Passed out on the sofa, yesterday
So I’m guessing the entrance didn’t go to plan
What happened?
Chaos Scout x:
“Allegedly Not A Ghost”
Haha oh!
Guess what you’re saved as
Sometimes clothes don’t really
protect you from people’s assumptions
Chaos Scout x:
I’m really sorry to hear that.
You deserve better.
‘Funny, witty and ghosted?’
Thanks
I’ll choose to see it that way
Good guess
Chaos Scout X
Chaos Scout x:
CHAOS SCOUT X!
That’s actually brilliant
I want that as a title
I’ll have to run it past my MP
though I doubt he’ll see the humour
Any good takeaway recommendations?
Feel like lying on the sofa, watching football
and forgetting absolutely everyone
Including people I don’t even know
Chaos Scout x:
Not me, I hope?
Joking aside, I’m sorry about your evening
When I’m in that mood I order from Whistle Down
over by Elephant & Castle
best vegan pizza I’ve had
(*link*)
Thanks! Just ordered
A pizza and the Duke’s magic
and the world feels slightly kinder again
Always works
Chaos Scout x:
I just ordered the same
Enjoy your meal
You too
And for the record, you’re not going in the “forget” pile
not yet anyway
Chaos Scout x:
I hope your weekend improved
and that Monday is a bit kinder to you
Plans for the wknd?
Tomorrow — Friday — I’m going to Tate
there’s a retrospective
The artist is still alive though
Chaos Scout x:
Benedict B?
Are you acquainted?
I’ll be there as well
with my MP
Invited by LADbible and Bison
not entirely sure he even wants me there
but I am a bit starstruck, I have to admit.
I think that whole familyof theirs is very impressive
and slightly unavoidable.
One of his sisters married “the Duke”
I voted for Anthony last time
Chaos Scout x:
So you’re going?
I am
Chaos Scout x:
Benedict B might very well have suggested inviting you then
he does like to use social media as a medium
We can sit in a corner and quietly judge everyone
That actually sounds quite appealing :)
Do you know him?
Chaos Scout x:
Very well
You voted for Anthony Bridgerton?
Yes, he’s done a lot of good for London
You don’t like him?
Chaos Scout x:
I voted the same
What do you like about him?
The seriousness
there’s no nonsense
I’ve missed politicians who dare to be dry
But so different from his brother!?
Chaos Scout x:
Yes, it’s remarkable how different they are
So you’re going to the opening of the exhibition
there must be something rather interesting about you
Honestly, I’m pretty sure I’m only there to give
the tabloids something extra to write about.
Chaos Scout x:
Wait a second…
Chaos Scout x:
You’re invited to Benedict B’s retrospective
not to post about it — but for them to post about you?
He does love to provoke
You’re called Cress
Chaos Scout x:
You’re not Cressida Cowper… are you? 😳
Would you be disappointed if I were?
Chaos Scout x:
I think I’d be fascinated
which might be worse
Chaos Scout x:
Right
I just need a moment to… wrap my head around this
and connect the version of you I’ve been talking to
with the one I’ve read about
STRANGEST POSH CLAN SINCE THE MITFORDS
BLUE BLOOD, DIRTY MONEY
GUNNED DOWN LORD – SILENT WITNESS OR SOMETHING MORE?
HEIRESS LINKED TO ‘AUNT JO’ GANG?
£200M HEIRESS IN PEDO PAYOUT SCANDAL
DRUG QUEEN AUNT & DEAD LORD FATHER
– BRITAIN’S STRANGEST ARISTOCRATIC FAMILY?
Which one?
Chaos Scout x:
Well… all of it
I’m sorry for reacting like everyone else
it’s just been such surreal headlines
And you’re so funny and… bright
which I should have assumed, to be fair
Fair enough
it is all quite mad
Chaos Scout x:
I won’t ask
How is your mother?
Visited her a couple of weeks ago
they seem decent to her
Not many aristocratic women in prison, to be fair
And she is a bit of a snob… by birth and habit
But she’s doing well, considering
I think she’s relieved
Chaos Scout x:
I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through
and again, I’m sorry for my reaction
It’s alright
I make a living off it, so
Chaos Scout x:
We all have our reasons
Better to control the narrative than be subject to it?
I’ve never quite put it like that
even to myself
Thank you
Maybe that’s exactly it
Chaos Scout x:
I do work with that sort of thing, remember?
So we’ll see each other on Friday?
Chaos Scout x:
I’m looking forward to it
Me too
Now you’ve made me miss the key moments
Chaos Scout x:
Game again?
Sorry. Again. I’ll make it up to you
Sleep well later
I’ll rewatch it, no worries
I usually analyse it afterwards anyway
Good night
Chaos Scout x:
You’re such a football nerd.
wouldn’t have guessed that
You, who know Benedict B (how comes?)
or at least are used to this sort of thing (I assume)
what does one wear to a Tate opening?
Chaos Scout x:
I’d say your least attention-grabbing dress
artsy people love to show that they don’t care
and Benedict hates that
so do the opposite and wear whatever
you feel your most beautiful and striking in
Perfect. Thanks!
See you later
Chaos Scout x:
My MP and I will be there early
it’s going to be so nice to finally meet you
just wanted to say that
:)
It will be
Feels a bit exposing that you know who I am
and I don’t even know your name
But exciting too
Just thought of something!
You are a woman, right?
Chaos Scout x:
Haha! I am
and I think we’re about the same age
Now I have to put my phone away
but I’ll see you there
Wait, how will I recognise you?
Chaos Scout x:
I’ll come find you
Promise you’ll tell me who you are straight away
Chaos Scout x:
Promise
The paintings are more striking than my dress, thankfully
going to take a closer look
Are you on your way?
Mostly journalists here so far
apart from the Bridgertons,
who seem to interest them more than me
which is a relief
There’s quite a few of them here.
I am starstrucked a f
The Duke with Daphne! Anthony!
Even that lesser-known sister
Elise, I think
She’s actually… unexpectedly cute.
Blue suit, white stripes.
You’ll see
Come rescue me
I think she’s about to walk over