Chapter Text
It starts small, it almost always does, a comment made by someone earlier, something you saw online, someone always doing something better, faster, easier. You don’t think much of it at the time, but it sticks.
And then everything else starts to stack on top of it, things you haven’t got round to doing yet, things you should be better at, things you feel like you’re falling behind on, things just piling and piling on top of you, weighing you down in a way that you feel like there is no way out.
By the time you see Song Mingi, youre friend for years, your person, the rock in your life. Its already sitting there heavy in your chest. You are quiet, quieter than normal, youre distracted, more distracted that usual.
You laugh when he says something but its like delayed, he notices this immediatly, of course he does. “why are you thinking so loudly?” You blink, looking almost shocked. “im not’" without missing a beat he argues back “You are” pointing at you like he caught you in the act. “i can hear it from here”. You roll your eyes, looking away.
“youre being dramatic”
a pause.
“youre being suspicious”
That almost gets a smile out of you, almost, he watches you for another second, tilting his head slightly, “Okay, thats it... what is it?”
You hesitate, looking at him, you hear the thoughts running rampant in your mind, realising out loud it sounds stupid. “its nothing” and without missing a single beat mingi speaks, “thats never true” you sigh in reply, picking at your sleeve again. Theres a pause. Then quietly... “Do you ever feel like...everyone else just has it figured out?” you ask.
He doesn’t answer straight away. Which already tells you he’s taking it seriously.
“like they’re doing things right” you continue, words coming out a little quicker now, “and youre just...behind? Or not as good? Or?-” you cut yourself off, shaking your head, “I dont know. Its dumb”
Theres a small silence, and for once Mingi doesn’t jump in with a joke, doesnt brush it off. He just looks at you, not just like a small normal glance now, he really looks at you, like he is piecing something together.
“who are you comparing yourself to?” he asks, You frown, “no one specifically” you reply. “thats worse” he says immediatly. You blink and then look back at him.
“how is that worse?” you breathe out, “because now youre competing with everyone” he says, like its the most obvious thing in the world. “thats unfair” you let out a quiet breath, staring ahead.
“i just feel like i should be more than i am right now” you say, the words sitting heavy on your chest. Mingi moves, shifting beside you and turning slightly so hes facing you more fully. Still quiet, still serious.
“says who?” he asks. You don’t answer, because for once you don’t actually have one. He nods slowly, like that confirms something. Then he leans forward a little, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped, thinking.
... next part coming...