Work Text:
Something big was coming. Brambleclaw couldn't figure out what but he felt it in his gut, so he carried on as normal. Planning patrols, making sure there is enough prey for everyone. Checking up on the dens and the queens. He chatted with his clanmates about everyday stuff and their worries about the next leaf-bare, with Squirrelflight always by his side. And yet, something was coming. And it scared him
────────────────────
There was blood on his muzzle. It was fresh, it's warmth filling Brambleclaw's body to the tip of his tail. There was a dark red shape under him, it was cat like but he couldn't recognize the cat. It was too blurry, as if he was looking at the lake while the wind blew behind him. Was it a rogue, trying to harm his clan? It must have been, he wouldn't have killed a clan cat.
"Good job Brambleclaw!" - a voice purred behind him and Brambleclaw jumped and turned around to see the enemy. He raised his paw ready to strike as his fur bristled and a growl started coming out if his chest- Hawkfrost? Oh, it's just his brother. Why was he complimenting him?
"What..?" - Brambleclaw's voice felt hoarse, as if he has spent the whole day screaming.
"You did it, you killed Firestar" - a thorn lodged itself inside Brambleclaw's chest- "It's okay to be squeamish after your first kill, but you'll get used to it."
"What- No, I- I wouldn't kill Firestar!" - Не denied. He was a loyal warrior and deputy! He wouldn't have killed his leader and old mentor.
"No?" - Hawkfrost purred, his icy-blue eyes sparkling mischievously - "Then... what do you call this?" - he pointed lazily at the featureless shape.
Brambleclaw looked down and suddenly he could see the dark red shape clearly. It was Firestar, dead and mauled. His usually bright red fur was soaked in blood- his blood painting it red, almost black. His bright green eyes, full of pride and love towards his clan were now empty, forever opened in fear and pain. In betrayal.
Brambleclaw took a step back - "No- no, no NO. What have you done?!" - he shouted, his claws unsheated and he looked at his brother with anger.
Hawkfrost flickered his ear dismissively, his tail swished behind him in a lazy pattern - "Me..? Nothing, you're the one that killed him. Or can you not feel his blood on your muzzle?" - he mocked.
The tabby warrior quickly touched his cheek, his muzzle. The blood cooled off and clung to his fur and skin. The pigeon Brambleclaw ate earlier left his stomach woth a loud wheeze.
────────────────────
Brambleclaw woke up violently. He looked around the den, his body shaking, feeling both too hot and too cold.
"Bramble..? Are you okay..?" - a worried voice laced with sleepiness rang next to him. He looked down and looked straight into the worried gaze of Squirrelflight, his mate.
"I- yes, just a nightmare. Don't worry, go back to sleep" - he stood up. He knew he wouldn't be going back to sleeр.
"Do you want to talk about it? I'm here for you" - Squirrelflight's warm tone felt like claws on his pelt. He didin't deserve her.
"No. I need some fresh air, go back to sleep" - he answered still shaking. His limbs felt weak, his body weighted too much.
"If you're sure... Just know that I'm here for you, okay?" - the red molly still sounded worried. Brambleclaw didin't answer, he just licked her between her ears and left the den.
The camp felt incredibly cold despite leaffall still being days away. Brambleclaw looked up, the moon was right above him. It was so quiet.. too quiet for his liking. Не shuddered and laid down next to the entrance to the warrior's den. He tucked his paws to keep them from shaking, his striped tail went around his body.
Brambleclaw looked at his tail, at the shades of brown and black, so similar to Hawkfrost and Tigerstar. A dam suddenly opened and everything that has happened since they came to the new territories fell out. His cruel treatment of Squirrelflight despite knowing she was right about Hawkfrost. Him putting words in her mouth despite her never treating him worse for his blood.
And oh, how he ignored Tawnypelt's warning. How he ignored her despite knowing she was right. And what for? Tо train with Tigerstar? To feel close to the cat that has caused so much harm? That killed cats left and right, that caused death of so many more? The reason why his and Tawny's kithoods and apprenticeships were so lonely. Why his sister left him...
────────────────────
Brambleclaw was so caught up in his head that the first rays of the sun startled him. Sunrise... has he really spent the whole night thinking? He sat up, his body felt even more weighted down compared to when he woke up.
"Morning Brambleclaw!" - he felt Squirrelflight bump her head into his side affectionately. It burned. He looked down at the shorted molly. The worry was still in her eyes but she hid it well with a smile - "Are you hungry? There is still some prey on the pile, we could share a bird!"
"I-" - before the tabby tom could answer, movement caught his eye. He looked up, Sandstorm was coming down from the Highledge while Firestar sat on top of it, looking down at his slowly waking up clan.
I. I know what I have to do, he thought.
"I need to speak with Firestar" - he told Squirrelflight and left her standing. Sandstorm thrilled in greeting but Brambleclaw didin't answer. Being on good terms with his clanmates meant nothing when... on top of the Highledge, Brambleclaw hesitated. Is it the right choice..? He shook his head.
"Firestar? May we speak? I need to talk to you about my deputyship" - he said, trying hard to mask the fear in his voice.
Firestar look at him, assessing him. His bright green eyes, dead, dead they were dead-
"Of course, let's go inside" - Brambleclaw's spiral was interrupted by Firestar's words. The leader went inside his den, Brambleclaw following closely behind. They sat down in front of each other, Firestar looking at him while Brambleclaw couldn't force himself to look into his leader's eyes.
"What did you-"
"I want to step down as a deputy. My behaviour with the fox trap was... disgusting. I don't deserve this position" Brambleclaw interrupted. A silence came over the two. The tabby warrior still couldn't look at the orange leader. His striped tail started twitching.
"If you are worried I don't trust you anymore, you don't have to worry about it. I trust you and I know it was just fear locking you from acting swiftly" - Firestar's voice was meant to calm Brambleclaw down but it did no such a thing. Instead, Brambleclaw felt his fur stand up.
"But I don't! I don't trust myself! I'm scared that if a similar situation were to happen, would- I would..." - he couldn't finish his sentence. Bile rose to his throat just at the thought - "I... I don't deserve this position. A deputy is supposed to support their leader not- not plan to kill them to take over. I don't deserve it. I... I don't deserve to call myself a Thunderclan warrior" - the last few words were said in a whisper.
More silence. Brambleclaw knew what Firestar was thinking now. That he was right. That Firestar was always right about him. That Goldenflower- that his mother never should have protected him. He was a monster.
"I don't believe you would hurt me again, but I understand you're fear" - Firestar answered after a long pause - "If you're really so set on stepping down... I won't stop you. But I'm not going to kick you out. You don't deserve that"
Brambleclaw flicked his tail. Firestar was too kind to him...
"Thank you"
"What do you want me to tell the clan? I don't want them to know what has truly happened."
"I don't care, you can tell them the truth, I deserve their anger and distrust" - Brambleclaw's answer seemed to displease Firestar.
"... I'll tell them you felt you weren't supposed to be a deputy yet. Not experienced enough and without a fully trained apprentice to secure your place. Leafpool might have said Starclan approved of your position but... they never said when you were supposed to become the deputy" - Firestar voice was calm but he could feel he wasn't allowed to fight on this topic. He nodded and stood up. He felt so very tired.
Walking out of the leader's den, the tabby warrior heard the clan in full motion. He saw small groups forming, some to leave the camp for patrols, some sharing tongues and eating. He jumped down, almost falling on his face.
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting" - Firestar's voice rang clearly over the noise of the clan. Every cat still in camp quickly gathered under the Highledge, and even cats that just left, quickly came back.
"Today, Brambleclaw asked me to allow him to step down from his position as the deputy..." - Brambleclaw slowly tuned out the noise around him, Firestar's voice, his clanmates questions and shouts all merging into nothing.
Brambleclaw only came back to his senses when he felt something touch his shoulder. His fur prickled and he looked down. A white paw touched his shoulder, further down, it turned deep red. Fluffy chest, big squirrel-like tail and green eyes. Green eyes that looked up to him, trying to see his eyes. Her muzzle moved forming words.
"Brambleclaw? What happened? Why didin't you tell me you were stepping down? Were you too overwhelmed? I would have helped you!" - Squirrelflight. The brave, feisty warrior he loved oh so much. That cat that in face of danger and uncertainty stood tall. Ready to fight, ready to protect those she loved.
"... we... we should talk" - he whispered. His mate's ears dropped.
"Let's go outside. It's clear it's not something the whole clan needs to know" - her voice was kind. Too kind for someone like him. He would ruin that kindness.
The two left the camp in silence, Brambleclaw practically dragging his tail and paws on the soft grass floor while Squirrelflight held her tail high. She's trying to stay positive he thought. They stopped far away from the camp, small clearing that other warriors rarely came to.
"So... what is it? Are you going to tell me why you stepped down?" - Squirrelflight did not wait for him to gather his bearings. She looked him in the eyes, unafraid, waiting for answers.
"I... I had to. I wasn't- I didin't-" - Brambleclaw couldn't speak, as if he was a kit not knowing enough words to explain his big feelings. For some reason, talking with the red molly felt so much worse than demanding Firestar demote him and kick him out of the clan - "I didin't deserve that position'
"Why? You were a natural! And yes, mayby you are a little inexperienced, but so was my father when he became the deputy and he turned out fine" - Squirrelflight was confused. He could see it in her eyes, how her head subtly tilted to the side.
"It's- it's not because of my experience... I, I feel as If I don't deserve the position because of what have done near the lake" his voice was devoid of emotion yet shaking. He couldn't blow up, he had to stay calm. He couldn't hurt her again.
"I... I understand killing Hawkfrost must have been... hard for you" - Squirrelflight answered. It was clearly she still disliked the dead Riverclan warrior but tried to be kind for Brambleclaw's sake - "he was your brother. And killing... it's, it's not something that will leave you" - she put her smaller white paw on his bigger brown one.
"... I almost killed Firestar"
"Dad did tell us about how he was caught in the fox trap. You had to keep Hawkfrost away, otherwise-"
"I almost killed Firestar with my own paws!" - Brambleclaw half sobbed half shouted - "I almost took the fox trap wrapped around his neck and pulled harder to kill him faster! I thought about iti hesitated."
A silence so thick fell over the two that the tabby warrior could cut it with his claws. Squirrelflight looked at him horrified, her long tufted ears flat on her head, tail puffed out.
"What. Brambleclaw, what do you mean" - she hissed, but her voice wobbled at the start.
"You were right about Hawkfrost-"
"What does he have to do with-?!"
"You were right about him being powerhungry. You were right about telling me to keep away from him. He did help Mudclaw with the coup. He- and I knew. From the very beggining. I knew" - he could barely look at his ma- the red molly. She would never be his after this conversation. Anger and hurt battled in her eyes, thoughts and questions flew inside her head like bees in a beehive, her muzzle opening and closing wordlessly.
"This is not the end, isn't it? Keep talking" she scooted away from him creating space between them. She curled her still puffed out tail around her paws. He could no longer read her expression.
"I... I knew that Hawkfrost was powerhungry, he- he himself told me about his ambitions and at first- I saw nothing wrong with that, I too wanted to become the next leader. It felt like bonding with my brother not..."- he looked away, throat tight. Hе slowly exhaled - "And when he told me he was in contact with our father... I wanted that too. I wanted to know my father for the amazing warrior he was not, not for the cat everyone told he was. And it felt great"
Brambleclaw looked at Squirrelflight once more. Despite being shorter than him, he felt as if she was looming over him, judging him. He deserved that.
"And we trained, he taught me so much. Battle moves I could never come up with myself, so strong and precise they took my breath away. And- and the plans on how to take over the clans- I just ignored them. They could scheme all they wanted, they had no power"
"If you knew I and Leafpool were right, why didn't you stop? Why did you treat me like dirt?" - Squirrelflight's tone was cold, for a moment Brambleclaw felt like a paw, standing with all four clans, ready to fight against Bloodclan.
"I. I don't know. You were attacking my brother, I had to protect him! Being compared to Tigerstar-"
"Never once have I compared you or Hawkfrost to Tigerstar. I only told you he was not to be trusted, because my sister interacted with him. Because she saw his cruelty towards his own sister, his clanmates" - she snapped, silencing Brambleclaw's tirade. The fire rousing in his belly got violently snuffed out. He- he was getting angry at her. He shouldn't have, he deserved every insult she threw his way.
"I.. But everyone else-" - he stopped he had no good explanation for that part - "and then you started courting Ashfur- I. I hated that. You shouldn't have been with him. You should have stayed with me.
"I am no piece of territory toms can fight over!" - Squirrelflight hissed out, her puffy tail swishing aggressively - "I can be mates with whoever I want. You had no right to be angry at me, you had no right to treat me like crowfood"
"I know. I was wrong I just- I just couldn't see you with someone else. But- you're not the only cat I loved that I ignored, Tawnypelt- she knew about Tigerstar too. And she told me to stop but I couldn't. I just couldn't" - he whispered with a shaky voice.
Brambleclaw went silent. He had nothing more to add. He wanted to find excuses, he felt the need to put the blame on anyone else but himself. Yet he knew it would do nothing. He was the one who followed Tigerstar and Hawkfrost, he treated Squirrelflight badly on his own accord. He deserved punishment.
He looked at Squirrelgligh, head held low, ears flat. He couldn't read her expression, it was cold, closed off. Unexpectedly, she stood up and slowly walked over to her. Brambleclaw couldn't look at her, he wanted to run away, hide away in a hole and die bit he wouldn't. He will sit here, ready to face his punishment. If Firestar wasn't going to, Squirrelflight was the next best cat.
"You hurt me" - three words said calmly felt like claws on his pelt. Brambleclaw shuddered and curled into a ball, still looking down at the ground.
"You almost killed my father for power, just like your father did" - the comparison, it stung. Not because it was wrong, but because it was right - "and... I don't know what to do" - she sounded- tired?
Brambleclaw looked up in confusion. Squirrelflight sat down not too far from him, barely a mouse tail away. Her ears were dropped, she was looking up at a random tree. She looked almost normal, her feelings only betrayed by the tension in her shoulders. Brambleclaw wanted to comfort her, put their heads together, let her hide in his shoulder or chest. He slowly sat up and looked ahead.
"Neither do I... I feel so, guilty. My whole life, cats compared me to my father. I found it unfair, I did nothing wrong! Yet now.. now I know what everyone saw in me. A monster" - his voice was soft. The self-consuming despair he has felt since he woke up felt lighter. It... felt good, to talk about it.
"I never saw you as Tigerstar. But I know that for a long time our clan did see you as his shadow. I... can't even imagine what it has done to you. Or maybe, now, I do" - she sighed and leaned on him. Brambleclaw shuddered -- "In a weird way, it sounds like what my clan felt towards me and Leafpool, daughters of clan hero Firestar. Any mistake..."- she went silent.
"I never thought about it like that" - he never did but now he could see it clearly. The invisible weight put on his ma- on Squirrelflight and her sister. And on him and his sister.
"... I want to give you a third chance" Brambleclaw's ears perked up - "I can see that everything that has happened to you, took a toll on you."
"You shouldn't-"
"It's my choice. If I get burnt again... I'll just know I can never trust" - she looked up into his eyes, her green gaze full of emotions he couldn't name - "But I hope it won't happen. I hope this experience will make you better, smarter" - she brushed the top of her head under his chin - "And I hope it taught you that you can depend on me."
"What if I start having thoughts about hurting Firestar again? What If I-"
"Then you come to me, and we talk this through" - Squirrelflight interrupted his fearful thoughts - "We are a team now. If you can promise me you'll be truthful with me, I promise to be truthful with you toо"
"I... I would like that. I'll try, I'm going to become a tom you can trust and be proud of" - Brambleclaw felt his voice wobble. He his his muzzle in her back and sighed. All tension left his body.
He was still scared of the future, of his choices, but for the first time in a while, he felt hopeful.