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It, in all honesty, was just meant to be a movie marathon. That was the issue here.
No, actually. Eky wouldn't call this an issue. In fact, this was the furthest thing from an issue. It was just—he didn't quite expect for this to happen. He was just too out of it to think of anything but Collin Graf.
Now that had been an issue. Lately it was like Graf was all his brain could find itself caring about these days, and Eky couldn't even tell you the start of it all. He had just been noticing Graf noticing others, and then he was making moves to befriend the guy so Graf didn't isolate himself all the time, and then Graf got so comfortable around him that it was fucking with Eky's head.
Graffer wasn't like anyone Eky had ever met. He rarely spoke when he wasn't spoken to first, but it wasn't because he was at a lack of words. He was just quiet. Observing. And by God did he observe. The first time Eky had turned that power around on him, pointed out something he'd learned about Graf, it was like Eky had been speaking to him in Swedish. He'd liked the feeling of catching Graf by surprise like that. He kept doing it over and over again from that point after.
Graf was funny too, which Eky didn't think many other people knew. He was so privately hilarious, and Eky was always grateful when he was able to see the side of Graf that joked around. Graf wasn't constantly hyper like the younger guys, and he wasn't the serious and withdrawn dude he appeared to be. He was kind of the perfect person to hang around. It always felt good to be with him—Eky never got exhausted or lost in his lesser-than thoughts.
And if Graf wasn't the most intelligent yet oblivious man Eky had ever met. It was crazy how his mind worked. Seriously. He knew so much about everyone, could predict their moves with how much he'd studied them. He was level-headed and so well-spoken. But the moment it came time to think about himself for one second—bless his soul, but he was a goner.
Or, he did think about himself, but it wasn't in the right way. He wasn't smart about it. He could never comprehend why Eky was spending time with him, could never register himself as a person outside of being a team player for the Sharks. He was always so determined to be a hard worker who never stopped—always had to be his entire life—that it was hard for him to focus on anything else sometimes. It felt good to see that surprised, pleased grin on Graf's face when Eky caught him off guard, but it came with the realization that Graf was so shocked because it hadn't occurred to him to think about being seen.
So that was how, Eky supposed, it had become his challenge to get close to Graf. Every moment where he became less withdrawn was another personal victory.
It was why the whole aforementioned movie thing got suggested—Graf liked movies, had mentioned once they brought him comfort. Eky assumed it was another way for Graf to be quiet yet socialize (there were many times where he liked to sit in comfortable silence with company and enjoy the moment), and it made sense that one of Graf's favorite things to do outside of hockey was silently watching movies.
Except he'd forgotten: when Graf was truly comfortable, he wasn't silent.
Graf started making little jokes and funny comments, and so Eky pitched in too. They ended up making stupid commentary together. Eky understood why Graf loved doing this so much, because now he did too.
It was just nice seeing and being with Graf like this. These were one of those few times where Graf was letting loose and getting comfortable. He looked so relaxed on Eky's couch. He was reclined back, grinning, and occasionally glancing over at Eky, his eyes bright.
So, imagine you were in Eky's position. Having to be in the same vicinity as a content Collin Graf was intolerable. It was arguably impossible for Eky not to have climbed onto his lap and kissed the shit out of him.
Eky didn't think Graf minded. He was gripping onto Eky's thighs as Eky straddled him, kissing him back enthusiastically. They were two people who'd been wandering alone for so long, starving from this kind of human connection, that their hunger was consuming them whole.
Eky hadn't realized how much he was craving this until now. It wasn't just the proximity, the heat, the closeness. It was Graf—his sudden inability to hide the expression of his emotions, his hands digging into Eky's thighs, his eagerness to follow Eky's lead, him.
It was driving Eky insane to have Graf under him.
He wanted to memorize the way Graf tasted. He licked again into his mouth, sloppy, tongue against tongue, and he basked in the muffled noise that sounded from Graf in response. He felt Graf leaning closer.
Eky hadn't ever expected it to go like this. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. Graf was so desperate here. He was going the extra mile like always, trying to work for it and earn what he so clearly wanted. He always thought he had to win something to be recognized.
But something inside of Eky hated it. He hated when Graf still thought he had to do anything to earn Eky's attention. There was no "work" he had to put in to be wanted here. He didn't have to put in any effort, and Eky wanted to prove that. He wanted to show that just Graf existing alone was enough to be chosen. He wanted Graf, fully having let go and put his guard down, forgetting to try so hard. There was nothing for Graf to achieve if Eky was going to give it to him anyway.
He indulged himself, feeling Graf's arms and squeezing. Graf's hands twitched where they were on Eky's thighs, pushing up Eky's shorts. Eky inhaled sharply.
Graf pulled back, barely.
"Is this okay?" he asked.
Eky grinned. He shouldn't have, because Graf was being genuine, but that was the entire reason it made Eky smile. It wasn't like he decided to stradle Graf's lap because he wasn't okay with this.
"I kissed you," he pointed out.
Graf's lips pressed together, visibly thinking his response over, like he did with everything else. Eky laughed. God, he was so happy here. He needed to dip forward, and his closeness had Graf automatically relaxing so Eky could kiss him again.
It was Eky who pulled away this time.
"Yes, this is okay," he answered, because Graf needed the assurance.
"Why did you?" Graf whispered. "Kiss me?"
He saw the look in Graf's eyes, could practically hear the thoughts forming. That was the last thing he wanted, so he said, "Because I wanted to." And to be truly honest, "Because I really like you. Is that okay?"
It wasn't something he had precisely known until this moment, but now that he did, he could accept his past behaviors for what they were. There was an inevitability to this moment that had been building up since before Eky was aware of what he'd been doing. Being with Graf felt like the calm in the middle of everything—his loneliness, his struggles, his insecurities, his embarassments. It was hard to register any of that when Graf was around. The constant scrutiny and being left behind could only be replaced by admiration and being wanted. Graf brought with him a rare solace. An openness for Eky to be himself and not feel sorry about it, for once.
He didn't want to push down these feelings or pretend they weren't real. It wasn't fair to Graf, and Eky was happier being honest with him anyway.
Eky saw it in Graf too. His quiet surprise. His small but undeniably pleased smile. His hand left Eky's thigh for the sake of scrubbing his mouth—an obvious attempt to hide his grin.
Eky had been starving for too long to hold himself back. He grabbed Graf's wrist to uncover his smile, and then he kissed it. And then he kissed Graf's scar at the side of his nose. And then he really didn't want to stop, but to hear what Graf had to say was more important.
"Is it?" he asked again. "You have to say, Collin."
With his hand occupied, Graf couldn't cover his genuine smile. But he could still try. He ducked forward to tuck his face into the crook of Eky's neck.
Eky felt him kiss the skin there.
A shiver ran down his spine. He felt high off of this moment.
"It's okay," Graf said into Eky's neck, his lips brushing against it. Eky's hand unconsciously found the expanse of Graf's back and urged him closer. "You can keep… We can keep doing this. If you want—"
Eky jumped at the opportunity. He let go of Graf's wrist, if only so he could tug Graf back by his shoulder and kiss him again, deeper. His hand slid up Graf's back, cupped his neck, ran through the nape of his hair. But it wasn't enough. He wanted to map out Graf's body. He wanted to feel everything—his waist, his chest, his arms again.
Eky had gotten so used to losing the past few years, but this might have been the greatest win. He smiled through the kiss, giddy with it.
One of Graf's hands came up to cup Eky's face, so he could feel at Eky's dimple with his thumb. His other hand found Eky's thigh (again), and his pinkie teased at the seam of his shorts.
"Something you wanna confess, Graffer?" Eky teased.
Graf didn't respond verbally. He slid his hand further up Eky's thigh, to be some sort of smug and greedy piece of shit, Eky guessed. Just the idea of what he was doing alone combined with his confidence made Eky's hips twitch forward.
He surged forward to kiss Graf again, but it was messy at best. His lips began to roam anyway. They found Graf's scar again, and then they got Graf back for the earlier kiss to the neck, although this was much less soft. His hands couldn't help themselves either. They returned to Graf's biceps, before moving up and down his torso. It made Graf's shirt ride up, and they both let out pathetic noises at that.
"God," Eky accidentally said aloud. This man was going to kill him.
And then his tongue was back in Graf's mouth, hot and insistent, and Graf just kept letting him in—kept letting him take and want and crave and desire. This was the first kind of hunger Eky had experienced that didn't hurt. He was tasting all of Graf. It had to mean as much to him as it did to Eky. Graf didn't have to stretch himself thin here. He didn't have to carve out a space for himself with his bare hands just to belong. Eky had already wanted to learn every side of Collin Graf, and this was now a new room unlocked.
He took advantage of Graf's shirt riding up to really feel him, to press his hands against Graf's skin. His skin was so cold that it nearly made Eky flinch, but he couldn't bring himself to care about that right now. Graf was all hard muscle that no one else ever seemed to notice and Eky always felt crazy for analyzing. Graf had worked on his build to finally add the strength and size to his game. Eky found himself eternally grateful for it now. He could run his blunt nails over the sides of Graf's waist and bask in the sound that rose from the back of Graf's throat.
"You're," Graf said, and that was all he managed. His hips twitched under Eky.
Eky stilled Graf's hips with his hands on Graf's waist, just to be an asshole. Just to see what would happen. Graf stopped moving, of course, and his compliance made Eky groan. He had to kiss Graf again for it. Graf nodded, dazedly, as if Eky had said something he was agreeing with. This was the most expressive Eky had ever seen him.
Their tongues moved together, as did their heavy panting. Eky's chest would move in and out underneath Graf's hands when he was putting them there. Graf occasionally let out helpless gasps. He was gripping at Eky's thighs so much that they were red.
Eky didn't ever want this feeling to end. It was everything. It was Graf's hands tangling in Eky's curls. It was Eky's fingers toying with Graf's golden chain. It was Graf's arms flexing around Eky. It was Eky letting his legs fall further open, so Graf had more of his thighs. It was Graf tilting his head back when Eky started kissing under his jaw. It was Eky remembering to take advantage of Graf's hair too—it had gotten so long, which had been driving Eky insane for a while now, but he hadn't been able to do anything about it until today. He gave it small tugs when he didn't have enough access to Graf's neck for his liking. Graf was more than eager to let it happen.
Eky grinned into Graf's neck, and then he used his teeth to scrape at Graf's skin. It was worth everything to feel his shudder. Hear the keen reaction he tried to bite back. Eky wanted to tell him to stop. He wanted to know what Collin Graf truly sounded like when he was coming undone, but now he was just being greedy. What Graf was giving him already was enough. Anything with Graf was enough.
Eky kissed his way back up Graf's neck, his jaw, his cheek. He detoured to the scar, which kept getting a significant rise out of Graf the same way it did Eky, and then he finally found Graf's lips. He just couldn't get over how Graf kept opening up for him. He was as pleased to have someone so willing to be with him like this as Graf was to have someone dedicated to having him.
It was a euphoric feeling—this happiness he was experiencing. He was so elated that it broke the kiss, his beaming smile nearly splitting his face in half.
Graf was too focused on kissing Eky to realize at first. He was kissing at the corner of Eky's mouth now, his lips trailing anywhere they could reach.
Eky let out an embarrasingly fond laugh. It captured Graf's attention.
His eyes fluttered open, his brows slightly furrowed in the way they became when Graf was particularly stumped or frustrated. But his features smoothed out when Eky brushed Graf's hair behind his ears before holding the sides of Graf's neck. His thumbs ran along the angle of his jaw, and his pinkies skimmed just under the collar of his messed-up shirt.
Eky just wanted to look.
Graf's lips were slick and kiss-swollen. Every part of him was a perfect mess: his hair had fluffed up marginally, his clothes were twisted and bunched, and there were red spots already blooming along the skin Eky's lips touched. His face was flushed pink in a way Eky had never seen. His eyes were blown wide. He was giving Eky that soul-capturing stare, and Eky was delighted to be on the receiving end of it. He was beautiful—like this and always. He was panting as heavily as Eky, their breathing in tandem. Eky watched the rise and fall of his chest.
Miraculously, he didn't disappear.
There was still that part inside of Eky that had gotten so used to everyone leaving him behind, that had started believing the good parts of his life never stayed. He knew it was impossible for Graf to suddenly vanish into thin air, but it meant so much to him anyway that Graf was still here. He wasn't ephemeral or insubstantial.
Eky must have been staring for too long, because Graf was getting flustered with it. His blush managed to deepen, and he let out a quiet, "Come on."
But he was grinning now. Eky wanted to stare at that too.
Graf didn't give him much of a chance. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against Eky's. It didn't force Eky to look away or anything, but being so close prevented him the privilege of analyzing as much of Graf as he could. Graf still got so shy over being the one observed rather than the one observing.
"Hi," Eky quietly teased.
Graf huffed a laugh. His fingers were absentmindedly skimming over Eky's skin. It was distracting, but not enough so that Eky impulsively jumped Graf with their first kiss in the middle of whatever movie they were watching and changed the condition of their relationship. Again.
Actually, it was Graf who kissed Eky. Except this one was soft and slow. Graf's touches were so cold, but he tasted like the sun. It warmed Eky from the inside out—which said a lot, because he'd already been burning with his desire.
But Graf shaped Eky's desire into something gentler. The roaring wave of his intensity calmed into tender adoration. It was different, but no less intense and all-consuming.
When Graf broke the kiss, he did so to say, "Hi. I really like you too."
Collin Graf was so fucking sweet, and it was going to kill William Eklund when they'd only just begun.
"Yeah?" Eky said, his dimples deep and on full display.
Graf's grin was closed, but just as genuine. "Yeah."
Eky had to kiss again for it. Had to move his hands to squeeze Graf's biceps before settling gently on his waist. Then Eky tilted his forehead back against Graf's, breaking the kiss apart.
"That's good," Eky said, and he really did need to get a grip—he sounded like an overjoyed loser with a schoolboy crush—but it was virtually impossible to whilst on top of Collin Graf's lap with aforementioned Collin Graf under him. "I think we can work with that. Huh?"
"Yeah," Collin said again. He stared at Eky like Eky had been staring at Graf, like he was taking in the fact that this was real. Then, he moved and, catching Eky by surprise, set his chin on Eky's shoulder. "That sounds good to me."
Eky welcomed the gesture. He wrapped his arms around Graf, holding him. He let his hand rub up and down Graf's back. He let himself feel Graf's content breathing. He wanted to let himself do everything. He kind of wanted to stay here forever.
Somehow, despite this being so freshly new, the quiet moment felt like them. Eky still believed there would be more times like this in the future to come. Neither of them were very outspoken individuals, but they didn't have to be here. These shared warm touches and this comfortable silence brought them to a mutual understanding of where they stood. For right now, at least. The rest would fall into place with time.
That sounded good too. Eky didn't feel under any pressure with Graf here.