Work Text:
-One-
Again.
"Myungho-ya, you're coming tomorrow, right?"
"Of course, kyeomie! It's the opening night! I'd never miss it."
Again.
At first, it’s just a feeling.
A faint itch at the back of his mind. Like he was forgetting something important, or remembering something that hasn’t happened yet.
The same morning. Same route. Same traffic. Same thought.
Then, he knows, knows with the certainty of having seen this a hundred times, the same school girl forgets to get off at her stop.
"This is your stop." It slips out, and he's meet with an equally thankful and disgusted look at the same time.
The school girl gets off on her stop for the first time and Minghao is drowning in his own head. The realization lands quietly.
A single, hollow thought louder than the others:
This has happened before. I've been here before.
Bark! Bark!
The same puppy runs off his leash and towards Minghao's leg.
Around his fifth time here, he had learned to stop tripping on Snowy.
Myungho!
"Could you please makes some copies of this? I really need to use the washroom!" Minghao already has the priontouts ready.
Crash!
Minghao watches the underclassmen drop the stage prop again and that one senior berate them very loudly. On his earlier cycles, he had tried to stop the crash from happening and save the underclassmen from getting shouted at over such a fixable mistake. But, turns out, it only makes them get twice the amount of insults thrown at them.
After Xu Minghao lived this same day some hundreds of times, he has noticed a few things.
Firstly, only he seems to be aware they are stuck in a loop.
Secondly, he cannot carry things into the next day!
And third and the most jarring, Xu Minghao always dies at the end of the day.
Oh, and the fourth one, whether once or three hundred and eight times, dying always hurt.
He has, of course, tried to escape his unevietable death every single time, but evidently, he has yet to succeed.
He always dies.
He had reason to believe that if he escaped his untimely death, he might make it out of the loop, but it was easier said than done.
If not by the car like it was destined, then it was a stray bullet from the policeman's gun, stabbed by a burglar, caught in the crossfire of a random gang fight, his gas line exploding and taking down the entire house, or well another car.
If you looked at the brighter‐ a little less world shattering side of things, Minghao was essentially immortal!
When the days were in the double digits, he had naively thought that if he escaped his death he could escape this time loop as well. But, having died trying three hundred and nine times, he's sure there is no way out of here. He will have to die for eternity.
The realisation had somehow made him appreciate the same, old, unending day, a little more.
By now, he had watched Seokmin's 'final' rehearsal and got scolded for cutting class way too many times. He helped the girl get off at the right stop a hundred times and stopped helping her the other remainder of times. Not tripped, then fed and patted Snowy's head every single time. (Snowy's favorite, Minghao had found after a lot of experimenting, was the yak cheese treat he had found in a hidden corner of the asian market.)
But he still found joy it in. He has memorized the lectures word for word and won the lottery about a hundred times, too.
But he also wonders, how would Seokmin's musical would look in a room filled with people? Or if Snowy would ever warm up to him or recognise him?
Or if he could ever use the money he'd win from the lottery? If his parents would ever be back from their overnight trip?
On his four hundred and first day, he figures why struggle trying to stay alive if he would die anyway. He sees the car loose control, Mr. Kim's face behind the wheel white as a sheet as he tries to steer it the other way. He sees in slow motion, the giggling group of elementary girls chatting amongst themselves across the road; Granny Bo sitting on the bench talking to his grandson; and the face of Old Man Ku, the policeman, as he sees the unevietable unfold before his eyes.
Minghao makes no move.
This time, let's just die without a fight? I'm a little tired.
But suddenly, he's being pulled– yanked, very roughly, by another arm.
He crashes into this person, their combined bodies hits the pavement hard.
Now that was new.
He opens his eyes to the man underneath him.
.
.
.
"...Kim Mingyu?"
-Two-
It must be divine intervention! Kim Mingyu decides. 'Tomorrow' was supposed to be the most important day of his life. But for some reason, he was stuck in endless todays.
He tried out a hundred different things, a hundred different ways to break it but with absolutely zero results. He turns to Google, then to shady forums and eventually to time loop mangas and light novels, but still had no luck.
The thing that set apart his 'loop' from the ones in books, was probably the fact that the day reset itself at random moments of the day each time. There was no fixed pattern or apparent reason. Some days he would sleep normally and wake up to the same day; on others, the day reset itself the moment he woke up; and on some others, he'd only blink and the next instant he was opening his eyes to his familiar celling, in his bed again.
He didn't have a single clue as to what was causing it. Nothing he did or did not do effected the time of the reset.
On his three hundred and somethingth– he's not keeping count anymore– day he decides(works up the courage) to go sneak a peek?
Before his cowardly self could talk him out of it, he makes his move. Instead of heading to the college like he did at this time of the day, he makes a run to the train station.
When he does get to his old district, after all his mind's trials and obstacles, he's getting cold feet again. He's not ready to face him just yet.
He manages to get to their old school, but now what? He's not a student here anymore. He couldn't just go in when classes were in session and the campus was devoid of students.
He promptly makes his way to the college building. After pacing around the entrance to one of the buildings for the entirety of the morning session, just when people were starting to finally file out of their classes, he chickens out.
'It didn't have to be today.' He convinces himself. He could always come tomorrow– next today.
But instead, his feet take him to all of their old hangout spots around town. The karaoke place they almost got kicked out of after Seokmin holed himself into one of the rooms and sang the same heartbroken song for hours; the sauna where Mingyu had his gay awakening; the studio whose waiting room was like his second home because Minghao and Vernon frequented there; the little ramen spot that they randomly chanced upon while playing a townwide hide-and-seek tournament; the bridge under which Mingyu and Minghao had spent countless hours after school, drawing, dancing, talking, just being in each other's space.
Mingyu wanted to cry.
Before he knew it, he sun was beginning to set. He should probably head home. He spots a group of friends huddled around laughing in an arcade and decides to visit their arcade one last time. He doesn't know in which one of the future todays he was gonna work up the courage to come here again.
He carelessly walks around town, making his way to the arcade when he sees Minghao standing at the crossing.
His first thought is, of course, to run away and never look back, but Minghao hadn't seen him yet.
So, he lingers.
He watches his back from a safe distance because he didn't have the courage to stand face-to-face with him just yet.
And then it all happens very fast, all at once. A car out of control, a group of kids crossing the road and Minghao unmoving. Mingyu dashes forward. He doesn't waste a second.
Just as his heartbeat begins to calm as he made sure Minghao was safe, it starts picking pace again. They were so close. Minghao was basically on top of him. He looked and smelled amazing. It had been a whole year(and more) since he last saw him. The slightly confused look on his face made him look oh so pretty.
"Kim Mingyu?" He hears Minghao call his name and Mingyu cannot do this.
He's too scared.
So he, of course, runs.
-Three-
Mingyu takes off the moment he makes sure Minghao was okay.
Before Minghao could say another word, before he could get mad at him properly, before he could say his sorrys and thank yous and shake an explanation out of him– a gust of wind blows in the face and the space where Mingyu had previously occupied is empty.
Minghao hesitates only for a single moment before he gets up on his feet and runs after the coward. He has already ran away from him once. He wasn't going to give him another chance.
They run all over the town– past the karaoke place and the sauna and the studio and their little ramen spot and by the bridge and the arcade. They run, bumping into people and pets and toppling over chairs and tables.
"Stop right there Kim Mingyu!" Minghao pants. "Why the hell are you running away from me?"
"Why are you chasing after me? Let me go!" Mingyu shouts back, still running.
"You are stuck in this loop too, aren't you? I have never seen you at the crosswalk before today. Let's figure this out together."
But Mingyu doesn't stop, nor does he reply. Minghao trips on a rock and land flat on his face. "Ow!" He winces louder than necessary.
"Ow" He continues holding on to his knee as he watches Mingyu approach him hurriedly.
'It worked,' he thinks to himself. 'That idiot.'
"All you alright? Do we need to go to a hospital?" He kneels down besides Minghao examining his knee, which looked perfectly fine.
Minghao wastes no time in tackling him down. Trapped on either sides by Minghao's arms and the thought of his injured knee, Mingyu doesn't struggle.
Minghao smiles down menacingly at him. "I have a lot of things I need to say but first of all, Why are you running from me?"
Cornered, Mingyu begins, "I was scared you'd be mad."
"And you'd be right. Anyone would be mad if their best frie– so-called 'best friend', suddenly cut all contact and disappeared without a single word. And when they did meet after a year, instead of apologising, the first thing they did was run away again." He takes a deep breath. "Kim Mingyu, do you want to die?"
Mingyu just remains frozen and refuses to meet Minghao's eyes.
"Anyways, for now, it's suspended. I'll get back to you on that matter after we're out of this loop."
"Loop?"
"You still want to play dumb?"
"I'm joking. I'm joking. Can we please get up and go somewhere else though? I promise I won't run away. People are staring."
People were indeed starting at the two 180-something centimeters men rolling around in the middle of the road, not the mention they weren't using their inside voices.
"What! You die at the end of every single day?" Mingyu exclaims, as the owner sets down a warm bowl on ramen infront of Mingyu.
It is dusk. The breeze is cold and they sit on the counter of their favorite ramen truck.
"I think I'm living on borrowed time." Minghao starts again. "In the original timeline, I got into a car accident on my way back home. But when I woke up I was in bed, and then the day just kept on getting weirder because the exact same thing was happening. I thought Kyeom and Vernon had gathered our classmates to pull a practical joke on me. But then my parents never came back from their overnight trip. Anyways, after some trial and lots of error, I managed to not die by the car but just as I was celebrating my not-dying, I got stabbed and bled to death in the alleyway besides my place. And then I just kept on dying one way or another." Minghao takes a sip of the tea he'd been busy brewing. "Very ridiculous ways to die honestly."
"Was it painful? No, sorry for asking. Of course it was." Mingyu shook his head, feeling and looking guilty.
Minghao only nods, "I am just tired of being hyper aware all the time just to stay alive." A pause. "You know, earlier when you pulled me away from the car. I had kind of just given up back then. Don't look so sad, I don't feel like that anymore because I'm finally not the only one stuck. Tell me about yours, your original today. Anything out of the ordinary?"
Mingyu shakes his head, "Not really, it was as ordinary as it could get. I didn't go to college that day because I was nervo- because of some- there's a problem at college. So anyway I stepped out of the house a total of one time the entire day. I walked to the convinience store to clear my head and ended up buying cat treats for a stray I saw on my way to the store." Mingyu is smiling to himself thinking of the cat and then, some parts of his memories start falling into place. He abruptly stands up, "Now that I think about that cat! I've seen it every single cycle! It was with me on the train this morning too! No matter how and when I diverge from the original today, I see him all the same. I also remember him shine.." He drifts off, seemingly not knowing what he was about to say.
And then, as if on cue, a cat meows .
"That! That is the cat!"
A white cat that looks like a small piece of cloud that decided to come alive, stares back at them. Its fur looked soft and plush, it almost looks like it was glowing under the streetlight. The icy blue of its eyes and the baby pink ribbon tied neatly on it's left ear stand out againt that snowy coat.
The cat then, completely ignores the two to continue licking it's paws.
"Grab him!" Minghao says at the same time Mingyu leaps forward. The cat obviously unbothered doesn't even flinch, as if saying they were being dramatic.
Minghao holds him it up under it's front paws and lets the rest of it's body dangle, long and limp. They both examine it for a respectably long while but there's, obviously, nothing out of the ordinary. It got as cat as they came.
Minghao swears he saw the cat roll its eyes when Mingyu tried to meow to it, in case he understood him if he meowed.
Deonnu, they've named him, sits on Minghao's lap and he pets him softly, "Does anything else come to mind? Did you have a epiphany when you first picked Deonnu? The moment you touched it?" He continues to speak to Deonnu because Mingyu doesn't speak. "I was probably meant to die, huh? Deonnu~ did you do this? Did you save me from dying?" Deonnu only continues to purr, rubbing himself against Minghao's petting hand.
Mingyu, on the other hand was having his own revelation.
-Zero-
deekayy⁹⁷
tomorrow is the day!!
my guy!!!
pls make up so we can hang out like the old days again. You got this!!!!!!
text me when you get here, bye gtg
Mingyu doesn't reply. He's nervous all over again after reading the texts. He has been nothing but nerves the entirety of the week. He even skipped college today, because he just could not trust himself to be a functional and rational human being.
He screams into the pillow and begins his ninth round of prep talk. "You can do this, Mingyu-yaa! The worst thing he can say is no! And if course! Hao will for sure!! forgive me! Yes! Yes! You can do this!"
Another one and a half screaming session into this pillow later, he sits up abruptly.
'This won't do. I need to clear my head.'
So, he makes his way to the convinience store, which turns out to be the best idea ever because he runs into the cutest ball of cotton.
"Pspspspspsh hellow there~ aigoo aren't you the prettiest cat everrr? Want a treat I got it especially for you~ Aww good kitty~ What a good eater!" He's almost forgotten his nerves but then, the kitty leans into his hand and it reminds him of Minghao leaning into his touch when he patted his head or rubbed under his chin.
The world should be glad he didn't combust on the spot.
"Kitty-ya!!! I love my hao so much." He starts rambling, "I want to confess to him by all and any means tomorrow, but I'm scared!! So nervous!! What should I do? What if he rejects me? I mean, that much is already pretty much confirmed because he already has somebody small and petite and pretty he loves. And even if he didn't! He probably already hates me for saying nothing and disappearing for a whole year!! But I still love him! Kittyyy what do I do?" The kitten of course, doesn't reply.
"Meow"
"..."
"Do u want more treats?" He mumbles to himself as he opens another packet, "This one has salmon," sighs to himself, "What the hell am I even doing? Ranting to a cat? I'm so pathetic."
Then he stands up all of a sudden, "No, no wait! Ancient egyptians worshipped cats, no? I'm not being weird." He sits down just as quickly because the kitten was meowing to get his attention, clearly wondering why the human had stopped feeding it. "God of kittens! Please! Against all odds, may my confession go well tomorrow. May we kiss, kiss fall in love!" He frantically rubs his hands together.
Unbeknown to him, the clock behind him strikes 3:08pm. Somewhere else, Minghao is hit by a car.
'Huh? What's going on?' is Mingyu’s last thought as everything suddenly goes white.
Bright. Too bright! And then he's waking up in his room. Unaware.
-***-
The puzzle pieces begin falling into place inside Mingyu’s head.
He looks at the Deonnu purring in Minghao's arms, looking absolutely at home.
'Deonnu, did you loop this day because I couldn't confess if Minghao died?' The weight of situation hits him in full force.
Minghao almost died. Actually died. Like, for real. Like, never to awaken. He is so, so grateful to Deonnu. But at the same time, so incredibly sorry to Minghao. Because of his wish, Minghao has been enduring dying everyday for months.
Minghao who is walking a step behind Mingyu is suddenly captured into a bone shattering hug, Deonnu struggling between them.
"Ow! What's up all of a sudden? I haven't forgiven you yet, you know?" He hears Mingyu hiccup, "Hey! What's wrong? Are you crying? What happened? Did you remember something?"
"I love you." Mingyu says, and its the truest thing he's ever said. He doesn't know why he was so nervous. It came so easy.
Pauses.
"Huh? What? I mean.."
Mingyu let's go the moment Minghao's voice registers in his ears. Suddenly, he's very aware again.
"I'm sorry. I know you don't love me like that." He wipes away his tears roughly. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault. You've been dying everyday because of my selfish wishes."
"What is your fault? Wishes? No, let's slow down for a moment, why were you crying? And.." Minghao hesitates his ears turning red, a little shy to say it outloud. But to Mingyu, who has been cooking up the absolute worst case scenarios in his head for months, it only looks like hesitation. Like awkwardness. Like how to turn somebody down politely.
"..And I lov‐"
Mingyu cuts in before Minghao can complete his words. Just because he already knows what Minghao is about to say, doesn't make it any more less hurtful.
"This time loop, it is my fault. It's because I wished for- nevermind. What I mean is I prayed, I don't know if that counted as prayer but here we are, I prayed to the cat, half out of desparation. But to think it turned out like this." He wants to run away again.
"Mingyu!" Minghao walks up to where he is pacing and grabs his arm. "Why won't you hear me out?"
With nowhere to escape in a world where time continuous only for the two of them, Mingyu admits, "I already know your answer. I overheard your conversation with Hansol. There's no need to say anything outloud." His voice grows quieter with every word.
That explains absolutely nothing to Minghao, "If you know. If you knew, then why do you not look happ– why do you look so sad?"
"I'm saying, I overheard your conversation with Hansol!"
"What conversation are you even talki–"
"You said your type- you said you were in love with somebody pretty, somebody that made you want to protect them!"
"Protec– You heard that? Fuck! How embarrassing!" He hides his face in his hands, ears reddening.
"See.." Mingyu visibly grows more upset, he looked like he was about to cry again.
Minghao catches the hurt in his voice, "What? Do you-" Minghao is sure there was some sort of misunderstanding here but, it still stung a little. "Does the idea of me liking you disgust you that much? So much that you're about to cry? But, don't you like me too? Why can't I be in love with you too?" The absurdity of the situation makes him want to pull his hair.
"Love? You don't love me!"
"Didn't you just admit you eavesdropped me confess that I liked you to Hansol?"
"Huh?"
"Huh??"
"But I'm not pretty at all! I'm big and bulky and muscley– and– and! I'm waaay bigger and stronger than you, how could I ever make YOU want to protect ME??"
"Is that a diss? Are you showing off right now, you bastard?"
The streetlights were fully on now. There were some couples on their nightly walks and a small group of aunties doing their exercises and Deonnu sitting by the park bench with a new black cat grooming him very attentively; and two grown men who had just wasted a year(or two) by being a little dumb and a little too much in love and very, very cowardly.
"Arghhh seriously.." Minghao runs his hand through his hair again. "To me, you're pretty." He begins, "The prettiest. You're handsome and cool and of course I love your muscles and your 'bulk'! And who said anything about physical size? You heart is soft and kind and precious. You could be another metre or so taller than me and I'd STILL find you pretty and would STILL want to protect you and treasure you, because—! Because—"
Mingyu didn't even know it was possible to get that red.
"I LOVE YOU–!!"
"..."
"Don't make me say it, you big oaf. Big fucking idiot."
A beat, and then Mingyu starts straight up bawling, snot and everything, "Myungho-ya! You really love me! You actually love me too, Myungho-ya~"
He pulls him into another hug, a little different this time round. Minghao makes a show of pushing his face away without any real force, "Don't cling onto me. You're still not forgiven! I can't believe we wasted a whole year because you misunderstood eveything on your own and fucking bolted. Fucking idiot."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you too. I love you so much. I actually was planning on coming to see Seokmin's play and confess and beg for your forgiveness."
"..and I'm sorry for calling you an idiot."
"Can I kiss you?"
"..idiot."
"You better not ever run away again, okay? Ever. Not for a year, not even a day."
"I swear it on my life."