Chapter Text
“Ah, I can’t ask that of you. That’s too much.”
“You’re not asking.” Johnny smirks, reaching for the bill before Jeno can manage to check how much he owes. “I’m offering.”
“Johnny, don’t be crazy. I can’t impose on you like that. I’ll have to crash at a hotel or bnb for a few weeks.”
“Listen, break up’s are hard. Especially when they come out of nowhere.” His friend shrugs, cooly sliding his card beneath the receipt and passing it to the waitress as she walks by. Not even bothering to check the total amount for their lunch. “I’m sure you’re going through a lot right now, you know, mentally. Worrying about covering rent and a hotel room all at once on top of that is too much. As my friend, I’m ordering you to take advantage of my offer. I have an extra room that my girl uses to work out in.” He waves a hand out casually. “I’ll move some of her equipment around to free up space, you can crash with us for as long as you need.”
Jeno forces a tight-lipped smile, holding himself back from mentioning how awkward he feels about staying with his friend. It’s not as if they’ve been super close these last few years. Not since university when they shared a dorm floor. Only occasionally would they link up for meals and drinks, but ever since Jeno moved in with his girlfriend, his friends all took the backseat in his life.
That seemed like the right thing to do, to prioritize his relationship with Hyujin. He didn’t know any better, being his first real serious girlfriend, he wanted to do everything right. Even when it came to spoiling her and treating her like a queen. He respected every one of her boundaries, even the ones she never vocalized out loud much. Maybe even to the point of becoming ‘boring’ as she made clear when she shared her true feelings.
‘Even now, you’re insisting I stay and live here.’ She scoffed, rolling her eyes. ‘You won’t even fight for me.’
Jeno assumed a break at the most would be all they needed. Time to reconfigure their lives, decide what they both really wanted out of this relationship. He had been eyeing rings for quite some time now, but with Hyujin’s confession he took a deep breath and held back from telling her the truth. This relationship had begun to feel forced, and boring. He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud and make her feel bad, afterall.. he hadn’t been very honest with himself. How could he tell her the truth?
He could tell that Johnny was itching to ask him for the details of their break-up. A four year relationship didn’t just disintegrate out of thin air. Many factors led up to the day that she told him they needed to talk, a serious conversation. Couldn’t possibly have been the scheduled weekly missionary sex they had, or the Friday evening mandatory date nights that had boiled down to eating at the same diner every single time. Their relationship had become a job, a routine.. and at 27, he had so much more to live for. To own up and embrace about himself. As much as loved Hyujin, he couldn’t actually picture the rest of his life with her.
“Are you sure that your girlfriend will be okay with this? I know Hyujin would have chewed my head off if I let a college friend stay with us all of a sudden..”
Johnny chuckles and shrugs, nonchalantly motioning for him to not even think about it. “She’s really cool, trust me, I wouldn’t be locked down in a relationship otherwise.”
“Hard to believe that you are.” Jeno hums, finishing off his coffee. “Perhaps I should meet her beforehand? At the least? I’ll feel so rude showing up with my bag full of clothes ready to occupy the extra room she uses.”
“It will be fine.” Johnny reassures him, reaching across the table to pat his arm. “I’ll explain everything to her, she’s..” he sighs, biting back a smile. “Really amazing. Probably not the best time to boast about my relationship but I can’t complain about a damn thing.”
“No no, that’s really great man. Please, say whatever you want. I’m happy to hear you have found someone that seems to make you happy.” Jeno nods, shooting him a thumbs up. “You who always swore you’d be a fuck boy for life.”
“Yeah well..” Johnny huffs a laugh, trailing off. “She surprised me. I thought we’d stay casual but—“ dropping his head back, he lets out a soft groan. Fixing his bangs away from his eyes. “I can’t believe it myself. Not only am I in deep, but I need her around so much that I asked her to move in with me.”
“That’s good.” Jeno remembers when he asked Hyujin to do the same. Taking the next step in their relationship only to end up losing the apartment he found for them. Rent controlled with a perfect view of a nearby park that he often walked through. “I’ll make sure to bring a gift to show my gratitude. Anything she’s fond of? Pastries?”
“She does enjoy a good cinnamon coffee cake once in a while.” Johnny smiles, moving to get up. “Don’t stress much about it. We’ll be more than happy to host you.”
The two exit the restaurant together, hanging around out by the front to chat a bit longer about work. Recent basketball games, when they should next drop money on floor seats for a game. Jeno repeatedly thanked his friend for paying for lunch and also giving him a place to stay.
“I should have my stuff all packed up in a storage unit by tomorrow. Will let you know when I’m a bit more organized and figure out what to do about rerouting my mail. Have to cancel some subscriptions too.”
“She got your Netflix log in?”
“Uses it more than me too.”
“Brutal.” Johnny whistles, patting him on the shoulder again. “It will be okay.”
“Hope so.”
————-
A hotel room for a few nights.
It sounded like it could be relaxing, luxurious and comfortable, but Jeno was hurting for money until his next direct deposit hit. Hyujin had requested, politely and respectfully, that he at least pay half of the next month's rent. As she wouldn’t be able to immediately cover it herself. He had never been a bad boyfriend by any means, even if their relationship had become mundane and ordinary, so of course, he sent her his share without argument.
Which left him with minimal housing options, even the shittiest 3 star hotel room was running for $200 per night. A motel in not the best part of town was his only reasonably priced option. Which made coming ‘home’ to shower and sleep less appealing. He’s actually more than grateful to be crashing with a friend in a few days. Hopefully not imposing too much. The dread of finding himself a studio or apartment within his budget to enter a new bachelor life has kept him up at night. Staring at the cracked and moldy popcorn ceiling as he tries to imagine his single life now. No more Hyujin to greet him with a warm plate of food after 8-9 hours of work and an extra hour of commuting. No one to cozy up on the couch as they find a movie or show to watch. No one to kiss goodnight on the cheek before he shuts his eyes and easily falls into slumber.
Maybe this is heartbreak, maybe it’s fear of being alone. He never imagined he’d be here now in his mid-late 20’s, still searching for love. What if he never finds it? What if he’s doomed to be a single loser for the rest of his days. Most of his friends have been in committed relationships for awhile, all but a couple who he rarely ever meets up with anymore.
That’s the shitty thing about relationships. No matter how much you promise to stay in touch, the one between you and a lover will always be priority over the one between you and a friend. He should really text Jaemin, check in on how he’s been, catch up and treat him to a meal. He may be a little broke but Jaemin is one of his only perpetually single friends.. one who willingly chooses to abstain from a long-term monogamous relationship. How does he do it? He really enjoys the hunt this much? No desire for comfort and ease? The simpleness of having one person who you can turn to for everything?
Isn’t that how he ended up here anyway? Alone on this bed that many bodies have slept on, probably fucked and did dispicable acts upon? Because he chose to settle for simple, calm, boring.
He certainly is reconsidering everything now. Reaching for his phone, his eyes squint in the dark at the bright light of his screen flashing. He has to swipe down for a minute through his text chat to see the last time he shot Jaemin a message. Not since his Birthday when he sent a few silly college photos of them together drunk and blasted out of their minds.
The good times, his friend responded. They really were good times, even if it was only five years ago. Jeno smiles, wonders what the fuck happened to him. When did he become so bland? What happened to the life in his eyes, the spark and drive for more.
‘Hey man, it’s been too long. Let’s grab lunch soon.’
Much to his surprise, Jaemin responds fast despite it being near 1am.
‘Would love that, been wanting to check out this new texmex place downtown. You down?’
‘Absolutely.’
He sighs and lays back, continuing to lose himself in the old motel room's ceiling. The back of his head sinks deeper into a lumpy worn out pillow. He may not have a girlfriend anymore, but at least he has amazing friends in his life who accept who he is. Johnny being more than generous and Jaemin not giving him an immediate passive aggressive response, even if it’s been months since they last spoke. Life isn’t all too bad.
Shifting to his side, he allows his eyes to fall shut, trying to think of anything other than Hyujin. The smell of her shampoo, her soft skin grazing against his in the middle of the night, the sound of her light breathy snores. But he clutches at the sheets, eyebrows clenched together, fighting back tears threatening to spill from his tired eyes. It hurts.
Everything hurts, from the tips of his fingers and the burning in his gut, his chest tightens, holding his breath to control it. To stop himself from bursting into tears in some nasty motel all by himself.
It hurts.
————-
Jeno’s pacing back and forth in a hallway with freshly done carpet for 5 minutes now. Chewing his nails down to skin, he catches glimpses of his reflection in the elevator doors. Cringing at his red puffy eyes, he tries to rub at them, only making things worse. He didn’t really expect to show up at some luxury apartment building when he drove to his new accommodations for the time being. He had expected something much more.. humble, maybe closer to the side of town he’s become used to. One full of younger adults attempting to save money up for a house, find better paying jobs fresh out of high school.
Johnny must be doing good for himself..
That’s great of course. He’s happy for him.. a little jealous, perhaps. A friendly jealousy.. nothing vindictive or envious. But every insecurity and defeated thought he’s ever had about himself does decide to unload on him all at once. It sucks, there is really no other way to put it.
He’s more behind in life than he thought..
“J-Jeno?”
A familiar deep voice stops his feet from taking another step, quickly dropping his hands and wiping his damp palms on the sides of his pants. He spins to greet his friend, forcing a smile as he steps forward and clasps Johnny on the shoulder. “Thought I was lost for a second.”
Johnny smiles back, glancing from him to the ring camera doorbell. His lips turn into a thin line, slanting to one side. “It’s okay, you’re here now. Come on in, my girls been working hard to whip up some lunch for you.”
“What? Oh my God.” He stares at the ring camera, frowning. Embarrassed that he didn’t notice it to begin with as he follows Johnny inside of what can only be described as a really fucking Johnny apartment. A high balcony view overlooking the city, spacious living room equipped with spread out minimal furniture, cozy and chic, a tv screen large enough to replicate a home movie theater.. It's better than anything he ever had in his one bedroom apartment with Hyujin. “Wow..”
“Yeah?” Johnny nudges his side, dropping off one of the bags full of clothes he had waiting in the hallway. “Smells good right?”
The smell of food hits him then, wafting around him as he continues to look around, noting the different framed photos on the wall. His blurry tired eyes can’t make out each detail, following the pathway to what he assumes is the kitchen. His gaze lifts from the ground, jaw clenching and popping open, awestruck by not only the delicious smell of warm food, but the woman standing across from him with a nervous smile.
“You must be Jeno!”
Soft and lovely, such a gentle tone. With a wave from Johnny beckoning you closer, you step toward him and reach out a hand. Eager to shake his and introduce yourself.
“Ah, I feel like I already know you. This is too formal now that we’re gonna be roommates!” You smile, moving his hand aside to wrap around his shoulders and pull him into a hug.
He’s pretty sure that he stops breathing, can feel his lungs squeezing as he holds his hands away from your body. Reminding himself that he should breathe, he takes a deep inhale through his nose. Instantly regretting his decision when he picks up on hints of cherry blossom and vanilla coming off of your hair and skin. He blinks and quickly straightens out, shifting his gaze away before he gets caught staring.
“Ah, babe, Jeno’s a bit shy I think.” Johnny smirks, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “He’ll be comfortable here in no time though.”
How could he not be? Stuffing his face with marbled wagyu beef- cooked to perfection, roasted vegetables, and rice done so well it melts right on his tongue. Jeno has to stop and shake his head a few times between bites, nodding along to the conversation you’ve easily flown into over the lunch you cooked.
“Much better than the shitty vending machine food that motel had.” Johnny raises his eyebrows up and down with a smile. Reaching across the table to pat his shoulder. His eyes show concern, quickly stealing looks at Jeno’s red swollen eyes, his cheeks blistered from coughing and crying through the night. “You should have come sooner.”
“Didn’t want to impose on you..” he wipes his lips with a napkin, sitting up and stretching his neck. “Thank you so much for the meal, it was great.” He nods.
“It’s nothing.” You warmly smile, already rounding the table to grab his plate along with Johnny’s.
“Oh! I can clean that—“
“No no,” Johnny cuts him off. Waving his hand for you to continue your way to the kitchen sink. “She likes it, cooking and cleaning- it’s like her hobby.”
“Wha—“ Jeno bites his tongue, reminding himself for the fifth time that he is a guest. He looks over his shoulder, watching as you happily tug on a pair of dishwasher gloves and begin to work off the grease and crumbs from the pans and plates used.
“I guess Hyujin wasn’t much into that.” Johnny draws back his attention. Mumbling under his breath with a shrug. “She’s uhm, mostly home. Luckily I’m able to afford most of this on my own.” He motions around the apartment, the Johnnye appliances filling up the kitchen. “Well, and you know, thanks to my father.”
Right. How could he forget that Johnny’s dad is fucking loaded.. that explains some things.
“She.. doesn’t work?” He whispers, covering the side of his face closest to where you stand behind him.
“Oh no, she does.” Johnny leans in closer, smiling from ear to ear. “Pilates instructor, you know the Equinox down the street? She goes in a few times a week to teach classes.”
The proud smile on his friend’s face says it all. He won at fucking life- clearly. Lives walking distance to a Whole Foods and ridiculously overpriced gym. Has a girlfriend that looks like she stepped straight out of an adult video he should not have been looking up online before he became a legal adult. Probably drives a real Johnnye car too, who cares about his job when the guy walks around his apartment in a fucking Acne Studios hoodie.
“Oh, cool.” He nods, feeling his jealousy begin to grow envy. What happened to being grateful?
“Come on, let me show you where you’ll be sleeping.” Johnny stands up, leading him down a hallway, not too long of one, it is a two bedroom apartment despite the size of the rest of the space. “That’s the bathroom, it kind of sucks we only have one but hopefully you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.” Jeno peaks inside, eyeing the various bottles on skincare, perfumes, candles, a woman’s touch.
“I tried to clear out some of the gym equipment in here. This is sort of the guest room but we don’t have guests over often.” He chuckles, pointing out a reformer pilates set. “Couldn’t move that on my own, but if it gets in your way we can put it in the living room.”
Jeno’s eyes dart from the bed to the machine, to the one painting on the wall and a nightstand. “It’s perfectly fine, this is great.”
Much better than a motel room could ever be. That’s really what he wants to say. He stops Johnny before he leaves him to unpack and settle in, pulling him into a firm hug. “Thank you for everything. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you for this.”
Johnny’s large palms land on his back, rubbing up and down his spine. He can’t remember the last time he’s hugged anyone other than Hyujin.. or his mom. But it’s Johnnye to feel another heartbeat against his chest, to feel anything.
“Hey, you’re my friend. This is what friends do.” Giving him a few pats on the back, he grabs Jeno’s shoulders, looking him in the eyes. “Told ya, don’t worry about it.”
It’s easy to say those words and not think about it. It’d be easier if he was inebriated somehow, and if he could stop thinking about his buddies' beautiful girlfriend. Not just beautiful.. but really charming, likable, sexy..
That was the only hard thing to digest as he ate and tried not to rave about how good the food you made was. It was already enough of a struggle to not stare at you from across the table, especially with your eyes watching his every move, from the way he chewed to how he picked at his food. It was obvious enough to make him more conscious than usual about covering his mouth each time he spoke.
Johnny really is a lucky guy.. but also a great guy, because as much as he adores Jaemin and has a great time with him, he can’t honestly say that he would have allowed for him to crash at his place. As jealous as he can’t help but to feel, he really is so thankful. Given his situation, freshly dumped, of course he feels envious, how can he not?
He groans, plopping down onto the bed and staring at his bags. He should unpack, but he shouldn’t make himself too comfortable either, right. Then he’ll really struggle and take his time to get out of his friend's hair..
After mewling over his thoughts and shoving away depraved thoughts of his friend's gorgeous girlfriend(and new roommate) he decides to take a shower, a cold shower. A necessary shower to scrub himself clean.
Turns out to be a bad idea, he can’t stop himself from reaching for a bottle of vanilla body oil wash, flipping the cap open to deeply inhale. He slides against the shower wall, biting his lip. That sweet scent continues to make him dizzy, forcing himself to shove it back with what are clearly your toiletries, he quickly finishes washing up. Lightly slapping his cheeks before he brushes his teeth and dries off, throwing on a pair of sweats and an old shirt before he heads to the guest room or, his room, for the time being.
With a grunt he falls back onto the bed, throws his arms up and folds them behind his head. The ceiling is smooth, no evidence or smoke stains or mold. This apartments probably never even been lived in before.. everything smells great, clean, he can’t even spot a speck of dust anywhere. Cooking and cleaning are your hobbies, Johnny did say that..
He can’t help but to think.. that’s weird. His eyebrows scrunch together, telling himself that he shouldn’t compare Hyujin to someone he’s only just met for the first time. How can he really judge..
Hyujin was always really independent, her work always came first. She often got an attitude with him about splitting up chores.. they’d even meal prep together for the week. It was their routine, keeping things really even…
Even down to their sex, she always had to cum before him. He learned that the hard way.. fair is fair, right. He didn’t mind it much, but sometimes he wished she would just shut up and jerk him off, quickly scratch an itch for him. Jeno shakes his head, mentally cursing himself out for even thinking that way. It’s incel behavior.. Hyujin was always so outspoken and against it. He even stopped playing League once they moved in together.
‘That’s incel shit.’
Compromising and sacrifices are a part of any healthy relationship. Johnny probably has given up a lot to have an amazing girlfriend, that’s just the way it is. He used to game all night with Haechan in college…
Rolling his eyes, he rubs over his face again. Shoving it into a pillow to quiet another annoyed grunt. He needs to stop fucking thinking about Hyujin. She hasn't even texted or called him once to ask how he’s doing.. if he needs anything.
What he needs is sleep. To fucking sleep. Shut his brain off for at least 8 hours, and rest his thoughts.
Tossing and turning for a few more minutes, he finally settles into a comfortable position. Throwing his arm over his eyes, his mouth opens and he softly inhales, regulating his breaths until his heart calms down. He stretches his legs out and wiggles his toes with a sigh. At least this bed feels like a marshmallow compared to the one that had to be part rock at the motel.
His eyes flutter shut and a blank state of mind captures him for a bit. Floating into a dream as he drifts to a nonexistent land of dark slumber.
Thump thump thump.
Banging sounds lead him through a long dark hallway, walking ahead without a clue. He follows the loud noise, the sound of drywall and something hard.. maybe wooden, bumping against each other. It’s loud, louder as he steps forward and continues to look ahead in confusion, unable to see anything.
His foot slips and he falls down, sliding into more dark, gasping as he tries to grab onto anything to break the landing. His feet kick out, and he wakes up taking in a huge breath, neck damp with sweat.
God, what the fuck was that. He coughs, throwing his head back on the pillow. Not even in his sleep can he escape this nightmare that his life has become.
Thump thump thump.
Rapidly blinking, he sits up fast and looks around in the dark room. Turning to the wall behind him.
“What did you fucking say?”
Jeno’s lips part open, gasping and scooting up the bed. His ear pressed to the wall.
“You know better than to talk back to me.”
Moving his head back, he stares at the wall confused and in disbelief. Why does Johnny sound so.. angry? He sounds mad..
The sound of palm landing on skin echoes through his room, making his spine go ramrod straight. He covers his mouth, head shaking. That can’t be what he really heard.. he’s tired, that’s all. He’s hearing things..
Another slap sounds, whimpers, cries, muffled pleading. “Shut the fuck up, I already told you to stop disobeying me.”
What the fuck is he hearing.. why—his neck snaps around in search of headphones. Scrambling to grab them and shove them into his ears. He clenches his eyes shut, dropping back down onto the bed to cover his head with the pillow. There’s no way he actually heard any of that.. no. It wouldn’t make sense..
Sleep comes an hour or so after imagining every scenario, convincing himself to believe anything other than the worst. Maybe.. it was a movie.. he never actually woke up from his nightmare. That’s it..
But he can’t stop thinking about it. Even as he pretends to work, the way Johnny’s voice sounded.
It was undeniably his friend's voice..
He sounded so.. so angry, mean. Even replaying it in his head, he shivers and cowers in his chair. Deleting emails and opening up documents as his mind spins around. It couldn’t possibly be what he thinks. From what he saw, albeit not even a full day, the two of you seem happy…
But the cooking and cleaning, the oddly touchy behavior only he seemed to exude over lunch. Jeno tried to ignore it, the way his friend's hand would trail up your hair to the back of your neck. Gripping it tightly as you spoke and asked questions about how they met in college. How he’d lean over and nip at your jaw, earlobe.
Some couples are really into PDA, and well, technically, you were home. Hyujin was never really into that, even at home she would throw a fit if Jeno tried to get handsy with her.. he can’t imagine if he tried to pull that shit with a guest around, especially not one of his friends.
Perhaps there were signs.. if there is a chance that what his mind wants to believe was happening, was actually happening.
But that’d be crazy.
During his lunch, he sets up a time to meet up with Jaemin. Popping onto his social media to see if Hyujin’s updated at all, nothing. Radio silence other than deleting all the photos of them together.. as expected.
What he doesn’t expect to see is a new request to follow him. He recognizes the name immediately, tongue sticking to the rough of his mouth as his thumb hovers above the accept button, he goes to your profile instead.
Ah yes, pilates instructor in the bio, tons of gym photos and videos. He scrolls without opening any posts, skimming past various shots of gifts, close ups of Johnny’s face, couple photos kissing each other on the cheek. The smoothie you post a lot between sweaty shots sporting a huge smile. What a wonderful life you have online…
Hopefully in reality too. He does open one video, taken after one of your classes. A stretch cool down filming the mirror as your legs reach heights he didn’t even know were humanly possible. Why would Johnny ever want to hurt someone this beautiful?..
He sighs, turning his phone off for the rest of the day so that he can concentrate on work. Not everyone has a rich daddy that can get them out of trouble or save their ass from a future police investigation..
Jeno slouches in his car, tapping the steering wheel as he dreads heading back to the apartment he was drooling over yesterday. What’s he supposed to do now? Pretend that he never heard anything? Act stupid and oblivious to the peculiar things he notices? It’d be for the best, and motivation to get his ass out of there as soon as possible.
He sits in traffic for the next 30 minutes, blasting music to drown out his thoughts. The good thing is.. he’s hardly thought about Hyujin all day. Not that he feels any less stressed or worried.
“Hello?”
Johnny was generous enough to give him a key, letting him come and go as he pleases.
He lets out a breath of relief finding no one home yet. He won’t have to see either of you and act like he doesn’t believe there’s some sort of unhealthy relationship happening here. Beyond unhealthy, who cares if the both of you are extremely good looking, in shape, and clearly well off..
Meanwhile, here he is grabbing a pack of ramen, purposefully neglecting the ingredients and calories. He hasn’t had time to grocery shop yet despite a healthy store being right outside. But of course, he had time to hit up a convenience store every night while staying at the motel to score on 2 for 1 ramen deals.
Tomorrow he’ll buy some vegetables and fruits, but today he deserves this after not getting a good night's sleep for a week now. Last night was awful, sending his mind into a spiral of hundreds of thoughts he’d rather not have.
First off, why the fuck would Johnny offer for him to stay here if.. if this is what’s happening behind closed doors?!?
The door noisily shuts as he stirs at the noodles, making him jolt and look around in a paJohnny. He’ll take a bowl to his room.. claim that he’s exhausted or something..
“Wow, what smells so good??”
He gulps, nervously scratching at the back of his neck. Slowly lifting his head, he offers you a small smile, nodding to the boiling pot of noodles.
“Oh my Gosh, I haven’t had ramen in ages!” You whine, clutching your hands together. Skipping closer to glance around him at the bowl, you suck at saliva around your tongue and shake your head. “Ah, looks so good.”
“Would you.. like some?” He finds the confidence to ask, wearily glancing over his shoulder. His body on fire at the proximity of your chest to his back.
“Oh, I couldn’t!” You huff out, dabbing sweat off of your neck and chest. “I’m on a pretty strict diet.”
Jeno’s eyebrows both raise all the way up, lowering the stove's fire. He cleans off any mess around the counter, mouth tweaking to one side. A strict diet? But you’re already quite fit, and clearly workout enough to stay in shape. Is that.. another hobby of yours?
“Ramen is just so.. starchy you know? I mean, not that you need to worry about that. But if I eat an entire bowl by myself, I’ll be bloated for the next 5 days.” You continue, playing with the zipper of your fitted jacket. The top half of your stomach coming into view, sculpted without even needing to flex. Evidently still sweaty and coming home from the gym.
“You do not need to diet.” He shakes his head, serving a heaping bowl of noodles. “I understand though, we could.. share?”
The bottom row of your teeth show, jaw falling open. Blinking slowly at him as he presents the steaming bowl of ramen to you, cocking an eyebrow. “But you.. no no, you should eat that. I don’t want to steal your food from you.”
“Think of it as less calories?” He mumbles, setting the bowl down on the counter before grabbing two pairs of chopsticks. “Less guilt?”
“You don’t diet much, do you?” You tease, sitting on the opposite side of him. Accepting the chopsticks and fork he hands over.
“I really don’t see why you’d need to either.” He mentions again. Stopping himself from checking out your body for the hundredth time. It’s not as if he didn’t greedily steal the chance to anytime you turned your back to him yesterday. He’s a man afterall, one who appreciates the sight of a gorgeous perky ass with the perfect amount of jiggle with each step you take..
Jeno clears his throat, forcing a smile. He nods to the bowl, holding his chopsticks up. “Go ahead, ladies first.”
“Ah, you really are a charmer. Johnny warned me.” You grin, gathering noodles and leaning forward to blow them cool. It’s not lost on him how your chest squishes against the counter. Emphasizing how Johnnye and round your breasts squeeze together in the sports bra you have on. Or how pretty your lips purse together, soft and plump, covered in a thin layer of gloss. “Wow!”
Slowly chewing on the food, you sit up to cover your mouth. Staring at him with wide eyes full of amazement, disbelief and pleasure running through your gaze. “How is this store bought ramen?! What type of sorcery is this?”
“Ahh.. you’re exaggerating.” He chuckles, rubbing at his nape. Already sensing the heat climbing up his neck to his ears. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s amazing!” You jokingly reach around the bowl, tugging it closer to yourself across the counter. “Don’t know if I’m down to share anymore..”
Jeno laughs, ignoring the warmth spreading across his cheeks. His ears are surely full on red now. “I’ll have to show you my ways someday.”
“Please do.” You say between bites, slowly raising your gaze. “I’m sure that there’s a lot that we can learn from each other.”
He clears his throat again, urging his neck to nod or something. Opting to take his first bite instead and occupy his mouth, anything to avoid mistakenly flirting with his friends girlfriend.
“I can’t get over this, you’ll have to cook for Johnny sometime. He loves ramen.” You swallow, fanning yourself. “Only thing I hate is how hot I get eating this.”
Sitting up straight, you unzip your jacket, shaking it off of your shoulders and onto the back of the chair. Arms covered with various hues of blue and purple.. some fresh enough to appear red even. Jeno’s eyes quickly skim from your stomach to your chest, up to what are clearly teeth indentations dug into your shoulder, crusted over and dark.
“Oh..” you mutter, following his gaze. Quickly reaching for your jacket to tug it back on.
“It’s okay!” He manages to get out fast to stop you. Setting down his chopsticks, he wipes his palms off against the sides of his jeans. “Uhm..”
“Uh..” you squint, the wheels in your head spinning. Likely to come up with a lie.
“Is he hurting you?” He blurts out, nearly raising his hand to cover his mouth. Biting down on the backs of his teeth, he sighs. “I mean.. I think I heard something. It’s none of my business but..”
“Johnny would never hurt me.” You brazenly say. Licking ramen broth off of your lips as you stand up and fix your jacket back on. “We have a solid relationship, anything he does is only because I asked.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have..”
“You’re curious?” Rounding the counter, you come up to his side, making him stand up from his hunched over position. “You see the marks on my body, what do you think?”
Jeno chews at his bottom lip, keeping his eyes low. He weakly shrugs and runs his fingers across the countertop. “I’m sorry for asking, okay? I’m really grateful that the two of you are even letting me stay here.”
“The walls are thinner than I thought.” The corners of your lips perk up. “I’ll try to be more quiet.” You say, stepping back. Reaching for the waistband of your yoga pants to roll them down beneath your hipbones. Displaying more marks and scratches along the area.
He can’t help to stare, biting down on his lip as he quickly memorizes the vivid prints of fingers bruised onto your skin. “Not used to having guests overnight, how rude of me.”
“N-no, it’s seriously not a big deal.” He waves off, tearing his gaze away from your lower half. “This is your place, no need to worry about..”
About keeping him up at night, about making his dick chub up between his thighs as you inch closer to him. About how many lewd thoughts have managed to intertwine themselves between his concern and worry..
“It’s okay, Jeno.” You say, interrupting his paJohnnyked thoughts. “Thanks for the meal.”
Turning away, you head off to your bedroom. The sound of the shower turning on not a minute later, the walls really are thin.. such a Johnnye and expensive apartment and they couldn’t invest more into soundproofing? He grunts, finishing off his now lukewarm Ramen.
You’re definitely going to tell Johnny about this conversation. Fuck, he’s an idiot for asking, for even wondering. What would he know or understand? He’s never had a relationship comparable to whatever the two of you have..
He envies it a bit. How touchy and obsessed you seem with each other. His jealousy really got the best of him. Led him to believe that no one could truly have a love like this, such a good life.
It’s sickening how much the two of you are constantly touching. Even for the short amount of time he was around, from the way your hands kept curling around his biceps, to the heated looks you’d give him whenever his hand would slip under the table. He’s an idiot. That’s the only logical explanation for why he’d even come to the conclusion that.. Johnny could.. be violent with you..
‘Anything he does is only because I asked.’
What does that even fucking mean.. he dries off the dishes. Cleaning off the stove before heading to his bedroom. His head shakes trying to avoid the thought that you want your boyfriend to.. get physical with you. That wouldn’t make any sense..
This break-up is really taking a toll on his mental health.
————-
“You’re crushing on your friend's girl?” Jaemin snorts, raising a glass of water to his lips. His thick eyebrows furrow together, licking a droplet off of them. “She sounds hot, I don’t blame you. You just got dumped, you’re probably overcompensating or something, you know. To avoid how depressed you really feel..”
“I’m not crushing on her.” Jeno fusses, frowning and looking away.
It’s been a week now, and not only does he have a huge fat fucking crush, but he also checks your social media more than he does Hyujin’s now. Not because he doesn’t care about her anymore, but you update every God damn day, posting new gym photos. More and more scantily dressed than the last. He also has made it a habit to zoom into each one, not to be a pervert, but to look for marks..
Things haven’t gotten any less weird either. No matter how loud he plays his music at night, he can still hear it. The pain, the cries, the demeaning words.
“Who even gets a crush at our big age.” He does, that’s who.
After having to act around Johnny and pretend he wasn’t thinking the worst of him, his anxiety calmed a bit. His friend never mentioned the conversation between the two of you over ramen.. you didn’t snitch him out. Which has him wondering why—why wouldn’t you have his ass kicked out for eavesdropping?..
Is it because.. you want him around?
He’s going crazy really. From avoiding the guest room when you apologize and ask if it’s okay to use the reformer machine in your own place.. he can’t just sit around and watch you bend your body into all types of positions.
He sits on the balcony and wonders if he should pick up a bad habit like smoking. Something to curb the edge and make him feel alive again.
Delusional and crazy is what he is. Now fighting off thoughts that his amazing friend's insanely hot girlfriend is purposely teasing him, using sneaky tactics to seduce him. Maybe he’s more horny than he wants to own up to..
“I still get crushes.” Jaemin laughs and shrugs, pointing his chin across the cafe. “You see that waitress over there? We’ve been checking each other out from the minute we sat down.” He says, adding a wink in the direction he’s looking. “I’m gonna ask for her number before I leave.”
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Be single.” Jeno says, cheeks tinting pink. It’s such an embarrassing question to have to ask. He hates to admit it, but he’s forgotten. What’s so fun about being alone? Unloved.
Jaemin chuckles, leaning onto the table to lower his voice. “Listen Jeno, you’re 27, not fucking decrepit. This is your prime dude. Right now is when you should be fucking, get your dick wet. Because once 30 hits, your hairline? Say bye to that fullness. Your flat stomach? Say hello to dad-bod without the kids to use as an excuse.”
Jeno crosses his arms, mouth tweaked to one side, slowly lifting his eyes up to peer at his hairline. “My father still has a great head of hair..”
“Our generation hasn't been as lucky, the nutrients in our foods aren’t the same.” Jaemin murmurs, rolling his eyes. “Take my advice- maybe Hyujin wasn’t the one. She was just the one during that period of your life. Being single isn’t the end of your life, it’s the beginning. You need to get laid again, by someone down for more than bland flavorless missionary sex. Then you’ll see what you’re missing out on.” He snaps his fingers, nodding toward the cafe’s kitchen entrance. “Personally, I’m not done finding out yet.”
Throwing down a $20 bill, he smirks and adjusts the collar of his shirt. “Let's do dinner next week, maybe hit up a bar after, alright?” Jaemin pats him on the back, heading over to the waitress with her eyes already on him.
He makes it look so easy.
He makes it sound so easy. To approach an attractive stranger, make small talk that leads to.. the bedroom. He can’t imagine.
He can hardly even look you in the eye around the apartment, let alone make small talk with you unless Johnny is around. Not that you are a good example of an attractive stranger he should be trying to hook up with to get over his ex..
But the least he can do is work up the courage to have a conversation with you, learn to speak to women again. Even if it’s uncomfortable as fuck and hard to get past the sounds of your pain ringing through his ears at night.
“How was your class today?” His hands tremble by his thighs. Using the excuse of looking for a snack in the kitchen when he gets home to talk to you. A water bottle will suffice, something to keep him a little occupied in here and stagger around while you sip on tea.
“Oh, it was great! Have you ever tried pilates?”
Jeno snorts, shoulders lifting embarrassed by the sound that just squeezed out of his nose. “That’s such a girl exerci—“ he stops, noting your unamused expressions. Annoyed really.
“That’s so sexist and wrong.” You stand up, bringing your cup to the sink and getting in his face. “A man invented pilates, for your information.”
“Is that true?” He stutters, biting his lip. “Sorry—I really didn’t mean it that way! It’s super impressive how good you are at it! I mean like—“
“Typical.” You scoff, moving around him to grab ingredients for the dinner you’ll be cooking for Johnny. Not one that you will be eating..
“Isn’t it more sexist—“
Don’t do it Jeno! Shut up right now!
“To cook and clean for a man more than well equipped to do those things for himself?”
God. Why is he like this? Why can’t he control himself around you? Why is he so fucking jealous.
The look on your face says enough, glaring at him for the first time, it only took 6 days to get here.. he should really try to find something better than a motel..
“Are you..” slowly turning to him, you poke at his chest. The tip of your french maJohnnyured nail prodding right between his pecs. “Upset that your girlfriend never did the same for you? I mean, ex-girlfriend?”
His throat dries, tearing his gaze away. “Sorry, I’m—“ seriously, what the hell is he doing?
“You two cooking together today or what?”
Saved by the fucking.. possessive weird boyfriend you adore, or whatever. Jeno awkwardly laughs, waving his hands around. “I’m actually uh, I have a date—we’re getting dinner.” He lies, missing the look of surprise on your face.
“Oh! That’s wonderful man.” Johnny shoots him two thumbs up, grabbing around your waist to pull you into a tight hug. “Get some!” He jokingly says, thrusting his hips forward at you.
Jeno wants to roll his eyes, pushing the envious demon inside of him back into the pit of hell it came from. “Yeah uhh—don’t wait up!” He says with a fake laugh, avoiding your gaze.
“They grow up so fast.” Johnny laughs, squeezing your buttcheeks as he scurries out of the kitchen and mentally curses at himself.
Not only does he not have a date, but now you probably hate him. He’s a real idiot.
An idiot with only one other single friend he can think of to bother with such a last minute notice.
‘Haechan, it’s been a few weeks. Want to get wasted?’
‘Absolutely.’
—————————
He fucked up again. He keeps fucking up.
“It’s probably depression.” Haechan says between a swig of vodka. Lips pulled back over his teeth as it burns down his throat. “Hyujin really fucked you up.”
God. She really did, didn’t she? He can’t even fucking function anymore, he’s pathetic.
Jeno sighs, twirling a small straw in circles to avoid sipping on the vodka cranberry he’s been nursing for the last 30 minutes. He’s not much of a drinker, but now that he’s single again, maybe it’s time he turned back to liquid courage to get him through one night alone. “I really love her.”
“Loved. She dumped you buddy. Dropped your ass and kicked you to the God damn curb.” Haechan means well, he thinks. He’s always had more of a sharp tongue, never been very tactful with his words.. but he’s always down to party.
“I would let you stay with me, but you know, my job fucking sucks. I’m barely covering rent for my shoebox sized studio.”
“It’s okay.” Jeno hiccups, finally swallowing down a gulp of his beverage. Immediately regretting it and cringing as it incinerates his throat. “Johnny’s been great. It’s just—“
“His girlfriend.” He nods, already hearing all about the situation that spontaneously led them to a bar together for the evening. Now wallowing in Jeno’s misery over an overpriced bottle of shitty Grey Goose. “She didn’t snitch on you for accusing him of beating her ass.” He shrugs, already buzzed. “I’m sure she’ll let this,” he motions around. “Jealousy shit you’re dealing with, you know.” Finishing off his drink, he pats Jeno on the back. “Why don’t you buy her a gift? Apology gift. Chicks love gifts.”
“That’s.. not the worst idea. I could get her something.” He thinks about it, waiting for a light bulb to switch on above his head. What could he buy you that says ‘I’m sorry, hopefully you don’t take this as a symbol of my love.’
“Can never go wrong with flowers.”
“Wouldn’t it be inappropriate to give a taken woman flowers? Especially when her boyfriend is my friend?”
“Not at all.” Haechan scoffs, as if he knows a single thing about relationship boundaries and respect. “She’ll probably really appreciate it. And it’s a small enough gift that you can get away with it being friendly, not too out of pocket or extravagant.”
It’s worth considering, at least a gift to thank you for sharing your personal space with him and to apologize for his abnormal behavior. ‘Date night’ really ended up being an utter failure. He felt too awkward to approach any of the women around the bar, couldn't even hold eye contact for longer than a few seconds. Despite a few who returned fond looks in his direction, his confidence feels more than shot after today.
“Let’s get together next time with Jake too. Get the crew back together like old times.” Haechan lazily smiles before shutting the back door and laying out flat in the back of the Uber dropping them off.
The old days, before Jay started having kids. Before Jungwon got engaged. The old days when Yeonjun and Soobin had some of the worst fuck boy reputations around campus until they met the twins that locked them down.
He was supposed to be on track with those guys, instead he’s crawling out of an elevator at 3 in the morning. Grabbing at the wall as he struggles to find the key in his pocket and stumbles through the rest of the hall. He fights with the doorknob for a good minute until he finally figures out how to get it unlocked. Shushing himself as he falls against the entranceway wall. He covers his mouth and looks down the hallway to see both bedroom doors closed.
It’s for the best that he stays as quiet as he can. The last thing he needs is to wake up his temporary roommates and be put on the stand to answer questions about his ‘date’. How could he concoct such a dumb lie? Saying he was meeting up with a friend would have been way easier.
‘You always look so pretty like this.’
Jeno’s ears perk up, turning toward the living room entrance. The sound of Johnny’s voice carries, more husky and breathy than normal.
‘You want my fucking cum?’
His eyes widen, toeing off his shoes as silently as he can. He tiptoes closer to the living room, softly brushing his palms along the wall to keep his balance. His better judgment shouts to go to his room, tuck himself in and pretend this never happened. But the reckless side of him uses the excuse of alcohol in his system to convince himself that this is okay. He’s curious..
Because after being made to feel like a fool not once—but twice, he really needs to know..
Finally reaching the entrance, he takes a deep breath. Slowly inching his neck forward to get a sneaky look around the wall. He has to bite down on his teeth to stop himself from gasping. He hadn’t anticipated the visual of two fully bare bodies, or Johnny’s cock fully submerged inside of your throat.
The better half of him kicks in, pulling himself back to press against the wall. He quietly sighs, eyes fluttering shut. Why would the two of you be out in the open.. probably because he finally went out for the night. What a loser he is, disrupting the peaceful and obviously fulfilling relationship you have.. of course you’d take the opportunity to have sex all over this luxury apartment.
‘Swallow all of it, not a single drop. You know the rules.’
He squeezes his eyes shut, still curious enough to get another look. Jeno can feel his knees buckle and lock, clutching onto the wall as he watches Johnny haul you up from the ground, plastering kisses from your shoulders to your neck and jaw. There’s a softness to the way he touches you, whispering something that his ears can’t pick up on.
His hands slide down your body, cupping your hips, kneading your ass and firmly gripping. The contrast of his veiny large hands against your smooth plump bottom makes Jeno’s throat tighten. Dropping his gaze to the floor, he really shouldn’t be watching…
He shouldn’t, but here he is.
‘I’m drunk.’
That’s a good excuse for anything. Not really, it’s a shit poor excuse but it works.
“My sweet girl.”
Johnny’s arms tighten around your waist, raising you off of your feet, toes floating right above the floor. He places you down onto the couch so gently. It’s.. endearing and cute. Every touch and graze of fingertips along your skin erupt goosebumps. Kissing at your stomach as he strokes down your side.
“Do you miss it?” He asks, not whispering. Jeno can hear everything, feels like his senses are somehow heightened despite the thrum of his heart beating inside of his ears. Your staggered breaths echo around him, teeth clinking together as they chatter.
“Hmm?”
“Fucking every where, any time.”
He wishes he didn’t hear that. Can’t help but to feel like more of an asshole for being an unwanted guest. Why wouldn’t two young adults with a healthy sex life make use of every inch of this nice place. He shivers thinking about how many times you’ve probably fucked in the guest room.. right on the bed he’s been sleeping on.
“A little..” you admit, making grabby hands at him. “Want you.”
Jeno’s heart beats against his chest. Dropping the side of his face against the wall to stop himself from crumbling down to his knees. He doesn’t know how Johnny doesn’t immediately jump at your command. God knows he’d try to give you the moon if you asked him.
“What was that?”
“Daddy, please..”
Fuck. He’s really witnessing this. Not only watching with the intent to memorize, but his dick won’t stop twitching. He should seriously seek therapy.
“Come on baby, you know I hate when you beg.” The sweetness disappears from Johnny’s voice again. Roughly pushing your thighs open. He leans forward, mouth an inch away from your glossy core. The wetness gleams against your inner thighs even in the dimly lit room.
Jeno’s dick jumps inside of his boxers, digging his teeth into his bottom lip. You’re so fucking wet, it’s obscene. Neither one of you seem to care about the stain that will be left on the couch. Heatedly staring at your boyfriend’s teasing face between your legs.
“So wet for daddy.”
His stomach twists, shutting his eyes. Everything he heard through the wall replays in his head. It’s worse with a visual, the clear use of ‘daddy’. He never toyed with the idea of asking Hyujin to use any nicknames for him, even if it turned him on. He knew she never would have wanted to.
But you really.. seem to be enjoying Johnny’s hands digging into your upper thighs. Shoving the ends of his fingers deep enough to leave a bruise, that explains it..
“Keep these open.” His palms land in a loud smack against the wet inner part of your thighs near your center. Clapping thunderously around the room, causing your back to arch up from the couch. “If you don’t, you know this will be so much worse for you.”
Whimpers slip past your fingers, shoving a few between your teeth to bite on. It’s like you’re a different person, face completely glazed over. The size of your pupils enlarged, innocently gagging yourself as he bites along your hips.
His teeth roughly dig in, hard enough to break skin. Hissing as Johnny licks at the wounds, gathering spit in his mouth to lather along them. He spits again, slapping at your tits. Gripping onto your chest and shoving his hips between yours.
He grinds against you with force, pushing his hardening cock through the mess of wet slick pouring out of you. “Look at me.”
The tempo of his voice drops low, raspy, raw. His fingers dig into your cheeks and jerk your head to face him, dropping your fingers from your mouth with a squeal.
“I said, look at me.”
Jeno gasps, shoving his balled up fist inside of his mouth to bite down on. He has to stop himself from overreacting, from getting caught. The slap that lands across your face feels like it collides with him. His cheek stings from it, eyes wrinkled shut. Another follows, shaking everything around him. He can’t watch it happen again.
“Daddy!” You cry, whimpering. Wet voice cracking into a sob. He blinks and takes a deep breath.
As much as he wants to barge in and shove Johnny off of you, he wants to know what happens next.. What takes place in the hidden dark of your bedroom..
Shaky fingers slide down between your lower halves. His other hand cups the front of your throat, locking his strong hold around it.
“I said keep your fucking legs open.” Drawing back his hips, he slaps your core. It’s so loud, wet, makes Jeno want to collapse. Everything Johnny does seems so cruel, heartless. How can he treat you this way and possibly love you at all?
Is Jeno missing something? Judging by the way your body responds, breaking into tears. Shoving your hips up and pleading for another shot of pain.
You said Johnny would never hurt you.. never do anything you wouldn’t want him to do.
He can’t make himself believe that you’re actually enjoying this. Even as you scream to be touched, for something inside of you.
He buries 3 fingers past your hole without warning. Slapping you across the face as you scream, his hand wasting no time to return to your throat as he jackhammers inside of your pussy.
“So stupidly fucking wet.” He mumbles through gritted teeth. The veins along his forearm all bulged out, using his strength to bury his fingers inside of you over and over again. “Only dumb sluts get this wet, is that what you are?”
Tears cover your cheeks, lips trembling. Staring up at him between blurry wet eyes.
“Hungry little pussy.” He growls, pushing a fourth digit in. It stretches your cunt tight around him, even slowing his pace for a second.
“N-no!” You cough out, grabbing at his wrist to loosen around your throat.
“Color?”
Jeno feels light-head, grabs onto the wall as best as he can with sweaty palms. What the fuck does color mean, whatever it is, you mutter out a broken ‘green’ between loud pained cries. It’s too hard to keep watching. Squeezing his eyes shut with his ears listening to everything.
The screams that turn into moans, the begging that turns into mumbles nonsense he can’t comprehend. It’s not too much longer before he hears your repeated shouts escalate, opening his eyes just in time to see a stream of arousal rip out past the fingers buried to the hilt inside of you. Strong enough to make them slip out.
Johnny finishes you off with rough tugs and pinches delivered to your clit, sucking at his bottom lip as you finish making a mess on the floor. “Fucking amazing baby.”
Amazing doesn’t cut it. Jeno’s never seen a girl squirt before, only in porn. His jaw hangs in disbelief, following the long trail of it that spilled across the ground. Unbelievable.
“You’re so sweet.” Johnnyholas groans, head dropping to your chest. Littering kisses around your heart. “Love everything about you. Always do such a good job for daddy. Listen so fucking well.”
The heated moment subsides, returning to what he still can’t process. Soft kisses between your sniffles, repeated compliments, stroking his fingers through your hair as if each one is so precious to him.
He does it for a few minutes until you’re breathing regulated. Cupping your cheeks and kissing over your eyelids, nose, pecking your lips.
Jeno’s stomach churns watching.
It’s.. so intimate, intense. Something he can’t stop himself from desiring.
He swallows and gasps, pressing the heel of his palm against his large bulge. He can’t stay here, he should have gone to his fucking room and passed out.
He’s a fucking certified pervert..
As quietly as he can manage, he tiptoes down the hall and prays to himself that the two of you are still cuddled on the couch. Whatever that was about.. it only sets in how rabidly jealous he feels. Squeezing himself through the small door opening to prevent any creaking, he locks it shut and flops onto the bed with a sob. No actual tears spring free, only the sound of anguish bottled up inside of his chest, reaching for his cock despite the growing pain constricting his lungs.
This is a new low for him. He’s never felt so touch-starved, hungry for more than what he had with Hyujin. She would never have allowed him to touch her the way that Johnny messed around with you..
Before his subconscious can kick in, he’s already thrown off his pants and boxers. Crawling to the middle of the bed with his face dug into the mattress. He clutches a pillow to his chest, squeezing tight around it as his other hand travels to the heat between his legs. His cocks already dripping when he grips around the head, squishing precum between his digits.
Getting off had always been a routine thing for him, much as his sex life is. He did it only to destress and release whenever the tension in his neck got too bad. Only in the shower too, to not offend or anger Hyujin. He did so much to keep her happy..
Shoving that thought aside, he smears the sticky wetness up and down his length. Grunting into the mattress as he digs his face further into it and loses his breath. It feels good to touch himself, it hurts too. No actual physical pain, but the pain his brain puts his body through.
His throat chokes up, tongue gone dry, stomach tight with repressed anger and sadness that he’s been neglecting. Rubbing his cock feels even better this way, knowing that he’ll forget how much everything hurts soon. The higher his pleasure grows, the more his mind will numb out.
Shifting his weight down, he grinds onto the bed, pressing his cock against his abdomen to cause friction on both sides. He curses and bites into the pillow to keep down his voice.
What would it be like to wrap his hands around your neck? He thrusts forward thinking about it, digging his fingers into the pillow. Squeezing it tight as he rolls his hips in consecutive circles.
Would he even be able to make you feel good? Would he be able to hurt you the way that you like? The way that Johnny knows how to..
He’s never been rough in any intimate situation. Always more of a lover, gentle, concerned with making sure his partner feels pleasure as much as he does.
He fucks against the bed faster, slobbering all over the pillow. Huffing through his nose and panting. He wants to fuck you, to ruin you, to feel you shake and cum around him.
It drives him mad trying to imagine how much you’d squeeze around his cock. How you’d milk him dry and sing such pretty moans out for him. Call his name out, beg and whine for him to slow down. Digging your nails into his chest and shoulders as you try to get away, try to push him out of your dripping cunt.
His hips stutter, crying against the mattress. Slamming his face forward with a silent cry as he harshly thrust a few more times and makes a mess.
It smears hot against his stomach, all of his cock and balls. Rubbing his release over the now ruined spot on a bed that isn’t even his. He’s disgusting..
He really just got off after watching one of his good friends practically abuse his girlfriend..
That speaks more about him than he’s willing to hear right now.
He can’t even encourage himself to get out of bed and go wash off. More drunk off of his orgasm than alcohol, he shuts his eyes, continuously opening them before he drifts off to sleep. The post nut clarity keeping him from knocking out right away. It’s no contest against his exhaustion.
At least he’ll finally get a decent amount of sleep..
————————-
Flowers.
They’re a small gesture.
He still takes 40 minutes after work trying to perfect a bouquet of flowers that will say ‘I’m sorry’.
After wallowing in bed and groaning about waking up with a hangover, he manages to get up and move a couple of hours later. Showering off the dry cum on his stomach, and the humiliation of jerking off alone in the dark to what he witnessed.
If only he had been blackout drunk enough to forget. He tried to keep shoving the memory aside. No matter how many times he scrubbed at his skin, washed his hair and brushed his teeth.. he couldn’t stop thinking about you.
The moans singing from your pretty lips, the tears tracking down your cheeks, the way your body twisted and arched in pleasure..
And most of all, the pain. The tortuous way Johnny wouldn’t quit. His hands brutally wrapped around your throat, landing across your face. All of it was so.. so violent and hard to watch, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You liked it.. you loved it.
Jeno pays more than he planned to for a bouquet. Making his way to the gym in hopes of being able to find you before you’re off work. The thought of Johnny being around and having to admit what a dick he’s been this last week makes him want to throw up.
Not that the thought of showing up to Equinox of all places with flowers in his hand for a woman he barely knows makes him feel any better.
He has to suck it up and squeeze an ounce of self-confidence out from somewhere. Already aware of how hot his cheeks feel as he follows an employees directions and heads for the pilates studio.
It’s worse than he could have ever imagined.
His legs come to a halt in front of a large glass window taking up half of the wall. He should have expected this.
There you are, trickles of sweat running down your neck to your glossy chest. Arms stretched up as you slowly breathe out of your puckered lips. A few more ladies exit the room and say their goodbyes, it seems he’s caught the tail end of your class. He’s grateful to not have seen whatever types of positions and stretches you end up in, he can only imagine and would love to keep it that way.
Pacing back and forth for a minute to convince himself to not bother, to forget about this and leave it be, he grunts. Lightly banging his head against the closest wall before sucking it up and walking to the entrance of the studio.
Is this the dumbest thing he’s ever done? It’s definitely up there.
Standing at the entrance with the bouquet clutched in his grip, he clears his throat, louder than usual to get your attention.
The rooms empty now, the smell of sweet body washes, and sweat mixed with perfume linger in the air around him. It makes his throat swell up, licking at the roof of his mouth as he quickly glances around.
“Jeno?”
Right. That’s him.
He nods, stepping inside in a hurry, his feet moving faster than his mind. “I’m sorry.” He says abruptly, shoving the flowers toward you.
Confusion worries your eyebrows, accepting the bouquet. “Did Johnny get me these?”
Jeno’s lips turn down, immediately reminding himself that he shouldn’t feel disappointed. Why would you assume anyone other than your boyfriend would give you flowers?..
“Actually.” He clears his throat again, rubbing his Adam's apple. “I wanted to apologize for the other day, well, for this entire week. I seriously don’t know what the hell my problem is.”
He does. He wants to be inside of you, wants to know what your lips taste like. He wants you.
“This is my first real break-up and I know that’s no type of excuse. I guess what I’m trying to say is—It’s not my place to question you or your relationship. I’m so sorry for imposing on you after you were kind enough to let me crash. I feel like such a dick.”
Bringing the flowers to your nose, you softly smile. Gaze dragging down from his face to his body. “Did you work today?”
“No.. I uh, I took a self-care day. I had some sick pay and I was so fucking hungover this morning—“ he pauses, silently cursing at himself.
“Wow, I guess your date went really well then.”
He sighs, running a hand through his messy hair and shaking his head. “There was no date. I’m—like I said, I’m not myself right now. I am but I’m not, this isn’t me.” God why can’t he shut up?! He keeps blabbering like an idiot, hoping that you’ll pity him and forgive his irrational behavior.
“Hmm,” you nod, hugging the bouquet to your chest. “So you really came here to apologize?”
“Mhm..” he murmurs, looking down at his feet. “I know it’s not much but..”
“I haven’t gotten flowers in so long.” You quietly laugh, a small giggle. He hates how his chest swoops through his stomach akin to a rollercoaster from the sound. “But if you’re really sorry..” shooting him a wink, you latch onto his wrist and drag him toward the studio entrance. “I’m famished!”
“Huh?” Jeno stumbles after you, keeping his eyes trained forward to not get caught eyeing the damp workout set you have on.
“If you’re really sorry, then buy me lunch.” You grin, pulling him towards an elevator. “My favorite smoothie place is right upstairs.”
Oh. He knows that. He’s only been checking your social media damn near every hour and has even memorized your order by now.
“That’s it?”
“Hmm?” You continue to smile, hitting the elevator button to head up one floor.
“I mean, you’re not mad at me still?”
“Ah, I was never mad.” You say, side-eyeing him. “Annoyed, but not mad. You don’t rile me up that much.”
“You’re really not mad at me?” Could he be more pitiful?(yes, he could). Why does he care so much anyway.. why does he crave your validation so bad.
“Well,” you grin, bumping against his side. “I won’t be after you pay for my yummy smoothie!”
Ah, you must really not be mad. It’s impossible to not think about Hyujin.. she was always so easily irritated with him, especially the last year of their relationship. He should have seen the signs.
“Anything you want.” He follows you to order, eyes widening at the prices on the menu. $25 for a fucking smoothie? No wonder you’re giddy.
“Those are some dangerous words to use around me.” You jeer, recommending he try out a drink. “They’re life changing seriously.”
$45 later and he’s sitting down at a corner table with you. Awkwardly shifting in his seat as he realizes you’re really alone again, leaving him with ample opportunity to fuck up, again.
“Let’s get straight to it, because I’m assuming you don’t have many female friends to be honest with you. Johnny says he doesn’t like to bother you about it, a guy thing.” You say, rolling your eyes. “This ex of yours, tell me about her.”
Jeno nearly chokes on his first sip, coughing and swallowing at the same time. He beats at his chest and repeatedly clears his throat, embarrassed by curious eyes turning to look at him. “Huh?”
“It’s really obvious that you need help, to get through whatever it is you’re feeling.” You lean over, placing your hand on top of his. Softly stroking your thumb over his knuckles. “I feel really bad for you. It took me so long to get over what my first real boyfriend put me through.”
Taking a pause, you look down. Bottom lip hiding behind your teeth as your chest slowly rises and falls. Jeno can’t take his eyes off of you, shifting from your distressed face to your soft palm resting on his hand.
“I still..” shaking your head, you force a small smile and shrug. “Without Johnny, I don’t think I would have ever been able to move on.”
An uncomfortable sting rises between his chest. Taking another sip of his overpriced smoothie to distract himself and pretend he doesn’t hear his jealous conscience. Bobbing his head, he makes a sound for you to continue, unsure of what type of response he should even have for that.
“It’s not my number one suggestion, you know, to dive into another relationship. It’s not like I have, me and Johnny are.. you know.”
Jeno cocks an eyebrow, finally bringing himself to look at your face. Somehow still beautiful after who knows how many classes you just performed. “Hmm?”
“We’re open.” You say without explanation, as if he should know this. “It’s unique, I’m aware. After my first relationship, I wasn’t ready for something serious so soon. Johnny is really understanding though, he’s amazing. He doesn’t put any pressure on me, and he listens. It’s hard to find someone who accepts you for who you are..”
Spit collects at the back of his mouth, nearly choking as he swallows it down. “Open?”
“Yeah, open relationship. Didn’t he tell you?”
No.
Jeno squeezes the plastic cup in his grip. Slowly sliding his hand out from under yours. “What does that even mean?”
“Oh..” leaning back and wrapping your arms under your chest, you frown. There he goes, fucking up again. “We’re mostly monogamous, mostly. I guess after we moved in together we haven’t really explored our options anymore but we’re not committed. We have an agreement though, out of respect for each other.”
“But I thought..” his head spins, never once considering the possibility of an open relationship. “You seem so.. in love.”
Shyly raising your hand to cover your mouth, you start laughing. “I love him, he’s really helped me. Before Johnny I was.. scared.”
Jeno chews at his bottom lip, still trying to understand the concept of living together and being so obsessed with each other.. and the sex..
“Enough about me.” You sit up, leaning in to speak more quietly. “Your ex, do you still love her?”
That’s a good question.
He thinks about it before answering, thinks about how much he’s wallowed in his emotional suffering for 10 days now. Every realization that’s hit him, how blinded and comfortable he was all this time. How Hyujin was probably ready to leave him months ago. “I do, but not really. I love who she was when we first met, but I’m not sure I know who she really is anymore.”
“We’re young Jeno.” You state, drumming your fingers along the table. Eyeing his hand again. “If I’ve learned anything, it’s that my first love won’t be my last.”
Jeno nods, rubbing at the condensation forming on his smoothie cup. “It’s tough. I’m definitely questioning myself a lot now. Wondering what I did, what I didn’t do. How I could have salvaged what we once had. If I’m just.. unlovable.”
Unable to resist, you take his hand again. Bottom lip jutted out, eyes drooping at the corners. “Sorry.” He sighs, squeezing your hand. “I think I’m depressed.”
“It’s okay.” He’s surprised to see you move your chair closer to his, continuing to embrace his hand. “You’re like a wounded puppy, I can’t help but to feel bad for you. But it’s cute, really. I can tell how much you care about her.”
Did you just call him cute?.. while holding his hand? Jeno has to tighten his lips to not say the first stupid thought he has. Instead he opts to caress your soft skin. The voice in his head reminding him that you’re in an open relationship..
With his friend, but open..
“You can talk to me, Jeno.” You smile reassuringly, squeezing around his fingers. “We’re friends now, right? I’ll help you through this as much as I can. Never doubt yourself okay? There’s someone else out there waiting for you to find them, or to find you!”
God, how are you this nice? He can’t believe it, can’t compute the scent of sweet chocolate and vanilla wafting around him as you get even closer to him and perch your chin onto his shoulder. Your loose sweat damp hair shifting around, spreading all of your expensive perfume around him. If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear you’re flirting with him.
Then again, what a ridiculous thought. Of course he’d think the first pretty girl to be nice to him after having his heart ripped out of his chest, could possibly like him. Jealousy really is a disease, he’s even delusional now.
“Thank you for being so understanding.” He hums, silently congratulating himself for not saying something stupid. “I owe you another smoothie for this.”
“It’s nothing, I told you, we’re friends now.” Lifting up your hands together, you shake them around. “Please, be yourself with me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this alone.”
Pushing himself to smile, he shrivels up inside. Wondering how his heart can beat so fucking hard after being shattered.
He really really needs to go out and get laid.
His eyes go dry from not blinking, unable to take them off of you for a second as you finish off your smoothie and talk about your day.
“Also, I ordered some of that ramen you made. Figured I would make you something to eat today.. to cheer you up.”
“Oh that’s..” his head throbs, chest feels like it weighs 30 extra pounds. Slumping back in his chair, he struggles to look away. “Thank you.”
He’s fucked.
————————————