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We lost again. Again. Will we loose again?
Gumayusi is laying in his bed. The appartement is silent. His dog was at his parent since he wasn’t sure when he would come home. He tries to get comfortable, but it doesn’t work. His brain doesn’t want to rest. He rethinks every movement he did. He worked so hard for weeks. He grinded for hours daily alone or sometimes with other members. The HLE training room was always full since either Zeus, Zeka, Kanavi or Delight was there too. Everyone worked so much on their performance. They had a long break after their early lost at first LCK rounds this year. Only a few minutes deleted them out of the tournament. And now the LCK cup starts with a 1-1. Which wouldn’t be bad, but they won against BRO but lost against T1. Again. Zeus, Zeka and Delight played already together for a year. Now Kanavi and him got in last season end. Gumayusi still wasn’t set yet. It feels different. He stayed in LCK, but the team change had a lot of impact on him. He thought he is over after the long break and all the trainings, but no.
Am I the problem? Did I train not enough? What could I have done to be better? Was it wrong to… No! I changed and I am now a member of HLE. I wanted it and I need to step up! My performance was so weak… again… but I train over and over again… I played with Delight for hours but… I miss something… It is not the same… I need to work on my performance with Delight! I can’t wait that a random change will happen…. Lost… Lost against T1. 0-2 for us. It was not even close… Looks like Keria and Peyz… matching well on the botlane…
Gumayusi grabs his phone. He wanted to take a look at social media but decided to check is messages first. Everyone went home after their meeting. The vibe was really down and you could see that they need a break for a night. In the group chat was only a few messages from Zeka, nothing important. He looks further through the chats. His parents wrote him too. They sent him a message to think positive and to focus on the next games instead of being down, because it is just the season start. He thanked them for the message and put down his phone for a second.
I shouldn’t think so badly about me… it wasn’t a good match… if I train more I can improve! I just need to stay positive like my parents say. Maybe more games with Delight could help with our performance or with Kanavi to get more Jungle and ADC time… maybe the coaches have an idea… I can’t loose again against T1… We will face them again… I need to show who I am and that I can be a great ADC without T1... without…. Without Keria…
With out noticing immediately he put up his phone again and scrolled brain dead through is chat until Keria’s name is in front of him. He opened the chat. They wrote a few days ago, because Keria wanted a picture of his dog. They are still in contact but not on the same level like before. They are friends but not more anymore. Gumayusi sees that Keria is online right now.
Are they in the T1 training room? Are they out celebrating? Is he in his dorm? Is he at home? Is he alone? Is he… he is obviously not sleeping. Should I write him? Should I congratulate him to their win? Would that be weird? Maybe… we played against each other… Seeing him on the other side of the arena, is something I am still not used. Seeing him every time he gets up since we are on the opposite side of my pc… He isn’t the one anymore I hug when I celebrate a win… a hug… his smile… Keria… Wait? Why do I think about him so much? What should I do? Write him? What if he is out with the others drinking and celebrating?
Suddenly a POP-message pops up. Keria. He posted on the T1 pop account. Gumayusi still follows all the POP-accounts from T1 as well as the one from his new team obviously. He opens the message and sees a picture of Keria in front of the mirror in his T1 dorm with a message. He wrote that they won and that he can’t to face the next team. Gumayusi does know now that Keria is in his dorms and it also looks like he is alone.
Normally I was sitting with him and we were celebrating every win together. We would enjoy every moment. We grabbed so many titles together with Doran, Zeus, Faker and Oner… We did so well… but I decided to go… I need to get over it! I can’t cry after something that’s over… but I still wish I could be with him again… it is hard… the change was more difficult than I thought… will I ever be that close with Delight like with Keria?... how long will it take until I am back to my level… I can’t rely on everyone. I need to be the carry… the ADC for HLE…. I am more than T1 adc before Pezy. I am more than DOFGK. I am more than ZOFGK. I am more than GuKe. I can be more also without T1. I need to step up and show the LCK who I am. The ADC with three world champion titles! I am Gumayusi.