Chapter Text
“L.L.”, the dead man living said. “That’s my name, L.L.” Lelouch, told him. The blank look in his violet eyes telling. His eyes had become violet once more. The strange symbols that once were engraved and glowed in them are gone. The geass is gone. And so it seems, was Lelouch himself.
“Lelouch, what do you remember? How are you still alive?!?” Suzaku shouted, panicked and confused.
The apartment he was standing in was being rented by C.C., in fact that was why Suzaku had gone there to begin with. He had been looking for the pizza loving woman, trying to get her to help him with the seemingly geass related problems being caused in the newly created peaceful world. The world created by Lelouch. By Lelouch’s death.
Yet he stood in front of him, alive even after Suzaku ran him through with a sword. Even though Suzaku watched him bleed out and die in his sister's arms.
“One, that’s not my name and two, what are you talking about? I'm sorry but I don't know who you are.” The monotone voice echoed in Suzaku’s head. Lelouch never spoke like that, like he was empty, devoid of a soul. Even when he was being used as a puppet by his father, even when he was living a false life at Ashford Academy without his sister. There had always been a fire in Lelouch’s eyes ever since Suzaku met him and yet his eyes remained blank, not a hint of recognition. Lelouch’s words hurt, just as they always did, except this time it wasn't on purpose. He didn't remember him, he didn't remember the Zero Requiem and he didn't remember himself.
Suzaku paused, trying to shove the hurt down just like he had every other time they had hurt each other, every time they betrayed each other. The big question finally sunk in though, had Lelouch known he would wake back up? Was this another betrayal? Or did he go to his death believing it would truly be his end? Suzaku didn’t know which was worse.
The door behind Suzaku opened, revealing the immortal witch he had come to see, C.C. She looked surprised for a moment, her eyes flickering between Suzaku and Lelouch.
“L.L., would you go set the table like I taught you but for three people this time?” The witch asked. The empty husk that once was his best friend -crush- enemy got up and headed to one of the adjoining rooms, presumably to follow C.C. 's request. The way the shell of a boy moved was so unlike him, crouched over slightly, shorter strides, and none of the dramatic movements Suzaku knew he did even for the simplest task.
“What the fuck happened to him?” Suzaku questioned, the rage and anger in his voice barely concealed in the words.
“Come sit with me in the living room, I’ll explain there.” The witch replied, faint sorrow showing in her voice.
Suzaku did just that, following her as she turned into a different room. They sat down on the couch. Suzaku noticed a weird pile of blankets and pillows sort of in the shape of a nest, with Cheese-kun in the center, squished and tortured as the poor plushie was.
“That’s his,” C.C. said, having noticed his bewildered gaze on the ‘nest’. “He lays there curled up in the center covered in the blankets, and he always holds Cheese-kun to his stomach. I think it brings him some level of comfort.” Her voice was only slightly tinged in regret, but her eyes were saddened, something Suzaku had never seen before from the green haired girl.
“What the fuck happened to him.” Suzaku repeated, putting emphasis on each word. After all, why would Lelouch of all people need blankets, pillows and a plushie to comfort him? He despised comfort, always thinking that it was pity.
“Charles gave him his code when he died.” C.C. answered bluntly for once.
“WHAT! That’s…how? I was there.” Suzaku shook his head.
“I know, I was too. I don’t understand it either but somehow since Lelouch ‘killed’ Charles the code was transferred to him. It activated after the requiem.” Another blunt explanation came from the green haired witch.
“Did he know?” Suzaku asked, what he was really asking though was Did he betray me again?
“He didn’t know, I spoke to him the day before asking him if he was prepared to die. He said yes. I asked him why not fake it, I was certain he could find a way to do so. He told me it was his penance, so he wouldn’t dare defy it and live after he killed others.” The witch told him, sadness obvious in how she talked about him.
“He really didn’t know...” Suzaku trailed off, trying to process everything that he just learned.
Lelouch is still alive. Lelouch himself was dead. His body is now immortal, he has a code. His body doesn’t have his soul. ‘Lelouch’ has been alive since after the Requiem. How did C.C. get his body? And none of that explains why his body doesn’t have a soul.
“Why is he like this? Why is he not Lelouch but instead...”
“L.L.? That’s because his soul is trapped in C’s World.” C.C. finished, casually ruining all of Suzaku’s attempts to stay calm.
“What?” Suzaku asked weakly, already overwhelmed and failing to keep it together.
“That’s the working theory anyways. My guess is that since his code wasn’t given to him by a contract his soul went to C’s World where it would’ve gone if he was dead, but the code activated after, waking his body up but not bringing back his soul. Which is why he’s now like this--like an infant--he doesn’t take care of himself unless told to do so and he doesn’t like talking. And I would’ve said like a child but you and I both know how Lelouch was as a child and it was nothing like this.” The green haired girl explained, finally taking a breath after her long explanation.
Suzaku couldn’t even process anything, doing his best to try and make sense of her words.
“....So….Lelouch’s soul is trapped and we can’t get him back. Ever??” The panic started to set in. Suzaku had been in C’s World and it seemed like a nasty place to be trapped in.
“No, not forever. I’m working on getting him out. Besides, at least this time there’s a way to get him out that doesn’t involve trying to use a blown up Thought Elevator.” The witch deadpanned.
“Getting him out, how? And what the hell are you talking about, involving a blown up Thought Elevator?” Suzaku asked.
“You are aware that when we showed up in C’s World to stop Charles that Lelouch was the one to have caused the explosion on the outside. He was trying to trap himself and Charles in there so Charles couldn’t cause the Ragnarok Connection.”
“HE WHAT?!” That was it, Suzaku was officially beating Lelouch up once they got him back. Which reminded him, “You didn’t answer my first question. Getting him out how?”
“...” The pizza loving girl remained silent.
Suddenly, Suzaku heard the blankets on the floor rustling. When he looked over, L.L. was curled up, wrapped in the blankets, holding Cheese-kun to his stomach and laying his head on the pillows. Just like C.C. had said. Suzaku felt uncomfortable with how silent the boy had been, even with all his military training L.L. had just…slipped by him. It was so unlike him, he always had to make some kind of grand entrance or he would throw a fit. He would’ve never let his presence go unacknowledged.
While Suzaku was reminiscing, C.C. had moved to the floor to shake the boy awake.
“L.L., go sit at the table, we’ll be there too, okay?” She said gently, as if talking to a child. Lelouch would’ve hated every second of it, always having felt the need to be independent and to do things himself. Well, maybe not always but it would’ve been before Suzaku met him and he doubts Lelouch ever let anyone have that much control over him no matter how young he might’ve been.
L.L. got up, his hollow eyes causing a shiver down Suzaku’s spine. The raven-haired boy walked back the way he came, footsteps never even making a sound. Though that might’ve been because he was wearing socks and the floor in the living room was carpeted.
“Why L.L.?” Suzaku asked, the rage slowly coming back. How dare C.C. change his name and decide what he should go by. As far as Suzaku could tell, Lelouch actually loved his name. After all, he had kept it even when in hiding at Ashford, and the only time he could remember him going by a different name was when Shirley called him Lulu. Well, that and him going by Zero, but using his own name would’ve made it horribly obvious as to who he was. Suzaku doubted there was ever or will ever be another person named Lelouch. So, how dare C.C. take it, change it, and make him go by a name similar to hers.
“I chose it because like me, he is no longer human.” C.C.’s reply came. “He now bears a code, the final stage of geass. He will live forever, until he passes the power onto another and gets them to end him. Besides, it could stand for Lelouch Lamperouge.” C.C. finished mockingly.
Suzaku didn’t have a response. He had thought about what it meant that Lelouch was alive but not about how long he would live. He would outlive Gino, Anya, Rivalz, Milly, Nina, Kallen, even Suzaku and Nunnally. He would outlive anyone he loved now or would ever love, except for C.C. and that is if she doesn’t make another contract.
“I know what you're thinking, and you're right. He will not be himself ever again once you all pass on, after all, Lelouch is a boy who lives for love. He only lives for those whom he loves and once you all are gone…” C.C. trailed off understanding in her eyes as she stared at the entryway to the kitchen. “He too, shall disappear." She finished, a finality in her tone that causes Suzaku to feel a wave of sympathy. For her and Lelouch.
And as much as he wishes he could deny it, he can’t, Lelouch loves so deeply he does horrible things. He killed people and planned his own death for Nunnally to have her peaceful world. He cursed Suzaku with geass--and this is something he hates to admit, doesn’t want to admit, but it’s true--to keep him alive. He didn’t do it to be malicious or out of spite, he did it because he cared for Suzaku. Even now, that panicked command takes control when he’s in danger of dying, the words from over a year ago echoing in his head telling him to “LIVE!” And now Lelouch couldn’t care less, not because of the betrayals, but because he’s trapped, possibly for eternity if they fail.
“Come on, let’s go have some dinner.” C.C. told him, an empathetic look on her typically emotionless face. She had gotten up off the ground by then and was walking towards the kitchen.
Suzaku got up to follow her, planning how he would get the answer to save Lelouch and maybe then they could talk. Talk without all the hatred and death, talk about the things they never got to before. Talk about the hatred and-love-care they have for each other. An opportunity to tell the truth for once.
They will get that talk, Suzaku will make it so.