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“What the actual fuck?”
“Language, Nasir,” Naevia hissed.
“There aren’t even any customers yet, Nae. Have you seen what he’s done?”
Nasir dragged Naevia across the coffee shop and out to the street. The board that advertised what was on offer at Gaul’s Café had a very different message scrawled on it in Crixus’ handwriting.
TODAY YOUR BARISTA IS
- Hella fucking gay.
- Desperately single.
FOR YOUR DRINK TODAY I RECOMMEND:
You give me your number.
“Well, you have been moping about recently. You are hella gay and desperately single too. Seems like a good plan to me.”
Nasir shook his head angrily. He had not been moping. Just because he had been single for the last hundred years didn’t mean he was a moper. Desperately also seemed a bit strong.
“Your husband is basically pimping me out. Tell him to take it down.”
“My café, my rules, Nasir,” Crixus called from inside the café.
“This is violating my human rights,” Nasir pouted and stomped back into the cafe. “Take it down or… I’ll quit.”
Naevia gasped dramatically and threw Nasir his apron.
“You need this job and you need to get laid. I don’t see what you’re complaining about?”
Nasir frowned and tied the apron around his waist.
“Good boy,” Crixus smirked and ducked just in time to avoid being hit in the head with a blueberry muffin.
***
Hell.
Nasir was in hell.
Tuesday mornings were always quiet. They just were. But, because he was now being sold like a pain au chocolate there seemed to be a whole load of new and very weird customers coming in to view the goods.
Nasir was a polite man (although Crixus and Naevia were off his list of people to be nice to now) so he accepted the numbers with a quiet grace and a smile. He wasn’t a total dick. Even when the man wearing a string vest, shorts, socks and sandals blew him a kiss as he left with a skinny latte he had bitten the inside of his cheek and forced a nod and a wave.
He was going to kill Crixus.
“I’m going to kill you,” he told Crixus. “I’m going on my lunch break.”
“It’s eleven thirty,” Naevia said, but snapped her mouth shut at the icy glare from Nasir.
“This could have been a mistake,” she continued, looking at Crixus who had taken over behind the counter. The breakfast crowd had calmed down and they had about an hour until the lunch rush.
“Trust me, Naevia. I had to do something to put a smile on his face. He was giving me a hernia.”
Naevia shook her head and smiled. She hoped Crixus was right.
***
“This is fucking ridiculous. Get off me, man. I hate you and I hate coffee… let’s go to the cupcake place instead.”
Gannicus tightened his grip on Agron’s arm and dragged him into Gaul’s Café.
“No way. You are gonna die of blue balls if you don’t get a fuck buddy soon. This is an intervention.”
Agron ducked his head, trying to make himself as small as was possible for a giant skyscraper of a man. He did a quick scan of the surroundings and scowled.
“No way, dude. He is NOT my type.”
Gannicus glanced at the man behind the counter and frowned. He wasn’t Agron’s type, not even a little, but he was a desperate man.
“Go give him your number. No one who advertises themselves like that is looking for more than a good ploughing and you love to plough, farm boy. Even if it’s one meaningless, angry, notyourtype fuck it will cheer you up and give me a break from your face.”
No,” Agron grumped. He did want a fuck, like really wanted to pound someone into the mattress and scratch an itch that had been bugging him for… months? Fuck the gods it had been months. But, he wanted more too. A relationship. A friend. A lover. A love. And that dude was not it.
“Fine, I’ll do it then.”
Before Agron could protest, or maybe smother Gannicus, the little long haired fuck was leaning against the counter, turning to Agron and pointing, pointing, at him like a cow being auctioned off. He hated his life.
Agron could feel his face going red so he looked away. There was a glass cabinet on the opposite end of the counter filled with the most amazing looking cakes he had ever seen. He stood and avoided looking at Gannicus and nothistype guy and arched his back so he could inspect the delicious looking cream cakes of sin better. There was one at the bottom that looked like lemon and chocolate. Agron’s mouth watered. The next shelf up had a dark chocolate cake with frosting that he would probably enjoy drowning in. His eyes roamed higher, seeking out the next delicacy, but instead of a fruit cake or red velvet there were… eyes. Large, brown, curious eyes, framed in eyelashes that Cleopatra would kill for.
“Um, can I help you?”
Fucking hot eyes had a voice. Fuck the gods it was like warm butter and honey and… oh fuck, he was staring. Preeeetty sure his mouth is wide open.
“Yeah, um… these cakes! I want them. They look amazing.”
“Oh,” brown eyes said. He sounded a little disappointed. “Which one did you want?”
“All of them. I, um, love cake and I have friends. I mean, they like eating so…”
Sexy man chuckled and Agron wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
“Could you tell your friends that I made them? If they like them, maybe they could give me some good word of mouth?”
Agron watched amazing raven black hair guy as he started to box up the cakes. Did he even have his wallet?
“Wait, you made these? Fuck, you have talent, man.”
The little man chuckled again and Agron felt hot all over.
“Here you go. Was there anything else I could help you with today?”
Those big brown eyes got larger somehow. Fuck it, Agron thought.
“Yeah… could I get your number? I know that guy over there was looking for a date but…”
“What?”
Nasir looked towards the end of the bar and Agron followed his gaze. Gannicus was standing with nothistype guy and a woman. They were all staring and laughing and the dude who wanted a date was kissing the woman. Wait… wait one fucking minute.
“The cakes are on the house, boys,” Gannicus called, slapping the other guy on the back. “Me and Crixus deserve fucking medals, but cake will work just as well.”
Agron looked back at his ‘I just know you are my future husband’ guy and smiled.
“Are you hella gay and desperately single?”
“That was really not my idea… but yes.”
Agron leaned in close and tucked a strand of loose hair behind the guy’s ear.
“I’m Agron. Pleased to meet you.”
“Nasir. Would you like to get some coffee with me?”
“Yeah… I love coffee.”