Chapter Text
1.0: Departure
I still remember the day we left.
Not the drive, not the boxes, not my parents arguing quietly like they always did. I remember standing in my room, looking at the walls like they might remember me after I was gone.
I miss him.
Evan.
I loved him. I don't know when it started, only that one day it was already there, heavy and impossible, like something I'd been carrying my whole life without realizing it. I never told him. I never even let myself imagine that I could.
They all said it wasn't how it worked. Two boys didn't get to be together. Not here. Not anywhere that mattered. That's what adults said, what church said, what laws said. They said it like it was fact, like gravity.
So what was I supposed to do with the feelings anyway. Pretend they weren't real. Hold onto them quietly. Wait for them to rot.
How do you get rid of fourteen years of knowing someone. Of loving someone who could never love you back.
Sometimes I think if I were a girl, he would have loved me. Or if the law were different. Or if I were anything else but what I am.
I tell myself this is a fresh start. That no one knows me. That I can become someone easier. Someone less.
But when I close my eyes at night, it's still his name I hear.....
"Luke. Get your shoes on."
"I have them on."
"No you don't."
Lucas looked down at his feet, then back up at his mother. "I do. They're just... slip-ons."
She sighed like he'd personally disappointed her. "You need real shoes for the drive."
"It's just a drive."
"It's a long drive."
"How long."
She didn't answer that. She turned back to the kitchen counter, wiping at a spot that was already clean.
Luke stood there for a second longer. "Mom."
"What."
"How long."
She exhaled through her nose. "Just get your shoes."
He went back down the hall, past his room, past the doorframe where his height had been marked in pencil years ago. He paused there, thumb brushing over one of the lines.
"You coming or not." His dad's voice carried from the front door.
"I'm coming."
The house felt wrong already. Too empty. Like it knew.
When he got outside, the car was already running. The trunk was full. His dad stood with one hand on the open driver's side door, phone in the other.
"You ready." His dad didn't look up.
Luke shrugged. "I guess."
"That's not an answer."
"It's the only one I have."
His dad finally glanced at him. "You don't have to like it."
"I know."
"But you do have to get in the car."
Luke did.
They didn't talk for the first twenty minutes. His mom stared straight ahead. His dad drove like he always did, hands steady, radio low.
Luke pressed his forehead to the window.
"You hungry." His dad asked.
"No."
"You sure."
"Yes."
His mom shifted in her seat. "You didn't eat breakfast."
"I wasn't hungry then either."
"You're always hungry later."
"I'll be fine."
Silence again.
Luke watched the road blur. Trees. Signs. The farther they went, the lighter his chest felt and the worse it got at the same time.
"Dad."
"Yeah."
"Where are we going."
His dad hesitated. Just long enough for Luke to notice.
"Austin."
Luke blinked. "Like... Austin."
"Yes."
"That's in Texas right."
His dad nodded. "Yeah."
"Oh."
His mom finally spoke. "It's a good city."
Luke swallowed. "I've never been."
"Well now you will be."
"That's kind of how moving works." His dad said it like a joke.
Luke didn't laugh.
They drove another mile before Luke spoke again. "Am I going to a new school."
"Yes."
"When."
"Fall."
"So I won't see anyone I know."
"No."
Luke nodded slowly. "Okay."
His mom reached back, touched his knee. "You'll make friends."
He stared at her hand. "I had friends."
She pulled her hand away. "You'll have new ones."
Luke turned back to the window.
"Can I text Evan." The words slipped out before he could stop them.
His mom stiffened. "Didn't you say goodbye already."
"Not really."
"You had all week."
"I didn't know what to say."
His dad glanced at him in the mirror. "You can text him later."
"Later when."
"When we stop."
"Why can't I now."
"Because I'm driving."
"You're not texting."
"I don't want distractions."
Luke clenched his jaw. "Okay."
He didn't text Evan at all.
They stopped for gas somewhere Luke didn't recognize. His dad got out. His mom went inside. Luke stayed in the car.
A group of kids about his age walked past, laughing. One of them bumped into the car door on accident.
"Sorry." The kid said, barely looking.
"It's fine." Luke's voice came out quieter than he expected.
The kid was already gone.
When his mom came back, she handed him a bottle of water. "Drink."
"I'm not thirsty."
"Drink anyway."
He did.
Back on the road, his dad turned the radio off completely.
"Your room won't be ready yet." His mom said. "We'll set it up together."
"Okay."
"You can pick new paint."
"I don't care."
"You should care."
"I don't."
She frowned. "You used to care about things."
Luke's hands curled in his lap. "I still do."
"Then act like it."
He didn't answer.
The sky got bigger. The roads got flatter. Everything felt stretched thin.
Evan
Online
Evan
did you leave yet
Evan
my mom says I can come over
Evan
luke
Luke
we're on the road
Luke
i'm sorry
Evan
where are you going
Evan
luke
Luke
somewhere far
Evan
like how far
Luke
texas
Evan
oh
Evan
that's... far
Luke
yeah
Evan
will you come back
Luke
i don't know
Evan
okay
Luke stared at the screen until it locked itself.
"You want to stop." His mom asked.
"No."
"You sure."
"Yes."
They drove until the sun started to set.
Luke rested his head against the window again.
"I'm tired." He said.
"We'll be there soon." His dad said.
"How soon."
"Soon."
Luke closed his eyes.
In the dark behind them, Evan stayed where he was.
And Lucas kept moving.