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There are two things Kai becomes acutely aware of the moment he wakes up. First, it’s too warm. Comfortably so, he has to reluctantly admit.
But what really sends Kai into an abrupt state of sobriety is really the second discovery – the source of the warmth – because it takes him only ten more seconds to realize that there’s someone pressed against his chest.
His bare chest, to be specific.
Kai feels his muscles tense up involuntarily as he tries to process the situation as quietly as he can. He should be panicking by now, shouldn’t he? He has no idea what the situation is, who this person is, or why they’re waking up in bed together naked.
But his brain refuses to cooperate, his body frozen, and his head pounding harder the more he tries to recall what had happened the previous night.
And then he gets his answer when he registers the dull ache drumming at the back of his skull.
A club party. Flashing lights. Loud music.
His head hurts even more incessantly as he stretches his memory as far as he can. He remembers his best friend coercing him to join him at a club party, remembers being a complete nervous wreck and taking pathetic sips of some lousy beer before slinking to a corner of the club where he hoped to plan his escape without Taehyun noticing, remembers colliding into someone and spilling his drink all over them.
It’s all coming back to him in bits and pieces, but he flushes hotter when he recalls panicking and offering to lend the other guy a set of clothes as an apology since his apartment was quite near.
Kai genuinely doesn’t want to think too deeply about what conspired after, especially not when it’s somewhere along the lines of him being a nervous wreck and his new company teasing him for how shy he was throughout their journey back here, while constantly complimenting how pretty he looked.
Somehow, one of them had snapped first, and before Kai could properly process it, he was falling into bed with that man, shamelessly rushing to keep up with his pace as he licked into his mouth.
Most importantly, he’s increasingly conscious of the fact that that very person wasn’t a complete stranger either. If anything, he was someone that Kai always looked up to with starry eyes. An adorable senior whom he couldn’t help but notice even before this whole… mess.
What had Kai done? First, he’d spilled beer all over the clothes of someone he’d secretly harbored a tiny crush on (great first impression), and then he’d shamelessly invited him over to his incredibly messy apartment (stellar showcase of his disorganized lifestyle habits), and now, god, he’d somehow slept with him.
Kai’s seconds from throwing up from all the embarrassment, but the person stirs, and it takes everything he’s got to keep his eyes shut and even his breathing.
Playing possum. Easy. Kai’s excellent at mimicry, and right now, possum mimicry is saving his ass from humiliation.
There’s a soft chuckle, and no matter how it’s killing him to keep his eyes shut, Kai refuses to open them. Refuses to process the empty coldness when the person pushes himself off.
Kai doesn’t usually do this. He doesn’t know what the aftermath of a one-night stand is supposed to be like. All he wants is for the man to leave and not stare too hard at how messy his room must be, knowing he’s probably got all his plushies swept off his bed from their heated night, and his books all sprawled out because of his terrible habit of studying on the ground.
He just genuinely doesn’t know if it’s normal for his new company to linger for so long.
He sneaks the tiniest glance, his eye barely half-lidded as he peeks around the room, trying to figure out why the other man hasn’t left, after he’d clearly heard the creaking of his closet door and rustling of clothes minutes ago.
Seeing the beautiful man dressed in his super oversized hoodie is one thing, but to say he’s bewildered when he finds the man crouched on his floor is even more of an understatement. Because he’s frankly baffled when he finds him with a plushie in his hand.
He doesn’t seem to have noticed Kai being awake, so Kai allows himself tostare as he smiles softly before crawling across the floor to pick up yet another hastily strewn plushie, and then another.
Kai snaps himself out of his reverie, comically flopping dead again when the man rises to his feet.
The mattress dips slightly, and Kai has to stuff down his curiosity as he hears padded footsteps around the room again.
But before he leaves, Kai registers him coming closer, his breath ghosting his forehead as his lips brush against his skin ever so gently.
It takes everything in him not to hyperventilate from the tender action.
But the coast still isn’t clear even after he’s left his room, and Kai waits another eternity before the electronic chime of his front door resounds again and the apartment is as silent as he’s used to being.
Forcing his bleary eyes open, he sits up dazedly, only to be greeted by the sight of his plushies neatly arranged at the foot of his bed. More importantly, when he looks around his room, his messily strewn books are now organized into neat heaps, safely lining the sides of his room and leaving a clear walking path where he wouldn’t trip on any of his belongings as he always had.
It’s a strange thing for a one-night-stand to do, he supposes, but it’s even stranger how the little gesture has Kai feeling oddly fuzzy inside.
Shaking his head, he tries to ignore everything in favor of heading out to wash his face and properly wake the fuck up.
Except, he’s stopped in his tracks again when he exits his room, only to register the aroma of fried eggs wafting through his small apartment. For a moment, he almost worries that he isn’t actually alone, though he’s left battling the nagging ounce of disappointment when he notices how quiet the apartment is.
He shuffles over to the kitchen island to find a covered plate of fried eggs. A little post-it is stuck to the counter, and Kai takes a deep breath before finally mustering the courage to read it.
Hi Kai, sorry if this is weird, I hope you didn’t mind me using your kitchen just a bit. I didn’t want to wake you up but work calls T-T
Have a good day, pretty. I really hope to see you again :’)
- Choi Beomgyu (010-1314-0308) <3
Kai slams the note down, sprinting back into his room to dive into his bed and scream into his pillow.
He'll have the eggs later.
-
“Had a fun night?”
Kai freezes in his tracks, suddenly hyperaware of the hordes of students milling by as they file in and out of the lecture theatre.
Self-conscious, he zips up his hoodie mindlessly before settling back down in his seat, trying not to break under Taehyun’s watchful gaze. It’s been a day since the fateful event with Beomgyu, and while he’d hoped to forget about everything cleanly, he has a bad feeling his best friend isn’t going to let it slide.
What was meant to be a smooth sailing class, after he intentionally elected to sit far away from Kang Taehyun, completely failed the moment it ended, and his best friend practically tore across the lecture theatre to get to him.
“Uh what?”
Taehyun’s sharp gaze doesn’t relent for a second, though he does sit down beside Kai so they don’t attract any more attention.
“You ignored my texts.”
Kai hadn’t even dared to touch his phone, afraid that his fingers would itch too unbearably when he’d already stared at Beomgyu’s note so many times, he practically had his number committed to memory.
Contacting Beomgyu after such an embarrassing night is a no-go. The man probably doesn’t even want any strings attached, especially when Kai’s the dummy for harboring feelings for a senior he barely knows in the first place.
He’s handsome, he’s perfect, lovely, friendly, amiable – a full personification of all the wonderful qualities Kai couldn’t even dream of having. He’s even in a band, for god’s sake! And he was obviously just being polite with the room cleaning and breakfast. He must have thought Kai lived like an absolute bum and was too kind to ignore it.
“Uhh… I was sleeping all day.”
“With Choi Beomgyu?”
Kai chokes on air, sputtering stupidly. “What? How did you– Uh, I mean, what are you even talking about?”
Taehyun raises an eyebrow, and Kai scans his surroundings frantically, heaving an audible sigh of relief when he’s ascertained that everyone else is busy with their own devices.
But he shrinks into himself the moment he turns back to meet his friend’s scathing stare.
“So?”
“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
Taehyun looks like he’s either about to burst out laughing or perhaps crash out from how stupid Kai’s fibbing is, because he seems to take a full ten seconds to simply stare before gesturing at his own neck.
“Covering those up would help your story a lot more.”
Confused, Kai whips out his phone, flipping to the front camera. Big mistake, he blanches, and he’s certain he’s about to be sick. Because how hadn’t he noticed the numerous love bites littering his neck? Had he actually walked around campus for hours looking like that?
It’s humiliating and damning, but the shudder that runs down his spine when he recalls how Beomgyu had pinned him against the mattress before latching his lips on his skin over and over, is perhaps more incriminating than ever. Kai wishes he wouldn’t burn that hot just from the memories he had effectively been trying his best to stuff to the back of his mind.
Slamming his phone down, he pulls his hood up, tugging at the strings in a flurry.
Taehyun snorts, though the disbelief and mirth plastered across his face unfortunately remain.
“Okay, so?” Taehyun presses for the third time. And if there’s something about Taehyun, it’s that he doesn’t like repeating himself, so Kai slinks down further into his seat, averting eye contact.
“I uh… Yeah. Rough night.”
“I can tell,” Taehyun deadpans. “You were walking with a limp earlier.”
Swallowing his embarrassment really isn’t his strong suit and he’s conscious of how red his face must be at this point.
“Hm.”
Rolling his eyes, Taehyun leans in closer to him. He’s always had a soft spot for Kai, but his nosiness wins on some occasions. Many occasions, actually.
“I’m not gonna play your stupid game anymore. I saw you leave with Choi Beomgyu.”
“Hm.”
“So? Did you hook up with him or something?”
“Hmm.”
There are only so many times Kai can use onomatopoeia to evade Taehyun’s questions before pissing him off and apparently, three is the golden number. The moment the man narrows his eyes, he’s left putting his hands up in defeat.
“Okay, fine! Yes, you’re right. Just– Just don’t tell anyone about it.”
Taehyun blinks as if he’s slightly offended. “Of course I won’t, what do you take me for?”
Shaking his head, Kai lets his forehead tip against Taehyun’s shoulder.
“It was a mistake.”
“What do you mean? Were you drunk or something?”
Ever since The Incident™, Kai had actively tried to delete every memory of that night from his head. Because if he lets his thoughts linger too long, it’s almost as if he can still feel Beomgyu’s breath ghosting his neck each time he groaned, gravel in his voice as if he genuinely felt that good because of Kai.
It’s almost as if he can still feel Beomgyu’s fingertips running across his skin, mapping every curve and dip – even the ones Kai’s always been self-conscious of – as he whispered praises Kai never thought himself to be deserving of.
He slams his head back onto the writing tablet to quell the thoughts, though it doesn’t faze Taehyun, who simply waits for him to pop his head back up after an agonizing minute.
He shakes his head morosely. “Nope, though we did drink a little, which is probably why my guard was down.”
Still too sober. Kai feels a little sick.
Relief graces Taehyun’s features. “Okay, so why was it a mistake? Didn’t you always have a little crush on him ever since you shared that performance module with him? You even took part two of that class for your Bbomgyu hyong.”
Now, Kai certainly wants to throw up just thinking about it.
“First of all, I’ve never called him that. And second, that’s exactly it. He’s perfect, Taehyun. I was just conveniently there. At the right place at the right time.”
He takes in the disbelief slapped across his friend’s face.
“Like in the same club when he was looking for a hook-up, you know?” he elaborates uselessly.
Taehyun scrunches his nose. “That’s totally not what I was asking. Also you’ve called him that several times while drunk. I have video proof somewhere.”
He feels the blood drain from his face. “Never. Breathe a word about that.”
“Whatever. Tell me what happened.”
Sighing, Kai bemoans needing to do a live walkthrough of every embarrassing thing that happened two nights ago.
“Well, I spilled beer all over his pants and panicked, so I asked him to come by my apartment for a change of clothes since it was nearby. But… he kept– I don’t know. Flirting…? Teasing me? I suppose there was some kind of tension there, but before I knew it, we were making out once we reached my apartment and–” he flushes again, picking at his hoodie sleeves and trying to avert Taehyun’s gaze. “Well, you know what.”
“Okay… so you’re telling me that he flirted with you, teased you, and there was tension between the two of you. And yet you believe him banging you was a mistake because he just found you convenient.”
“Well, he was probably annoyed that I ruined his night out and I happened to be there?”
Taehyun stares at him unblinking.
“That’s gotta be some sort of character assassination attempt because you just cooked up a narrative that makes him seem like a complete douche. What did he do to make you feel that way? Was the sex really bad, or did he just ditch you once he was done?”
Neither is true, but Kai doesn’t know how to convey that to Taehyun without inviting another threat to his theory.
“Uhh… Not really. It was strange, but he kind of… stayed for a while and cleaned my room? Then made me breakfast, though he left because he had work and stuff.”
The incredulity etched on Taehyun’s face needs to be studied. It genuinely needs to be studied and given a full dissertation on why it shouldn’t be allowed in Kai’s presence.
“And next, you’re gonna tell me he left his number.”
Kai opens his mouth to argue before shutting up right away with a pout.
“It doesn’t mean anything. Beomgyu’s a nice person. Nice people do nice things. This interrogation is over!”
He hurries to pack his bags to leave, earning a frustrated sigh from Taehyun.
“God, Kai, each sentence of yours contradicts the next. You’re actually delusional, but like in the most unexpected way.”
Kai shushes him with his nastiest scowl, which does nothing to faze Taehyun. But more importantly, he knows the real delusion is believing that one night actually meant anything to Beomgyu.
-
For someone who’d held a crush on Beomgyu for more than a year since he, as Taehyun had unfortunately been right about, attended the same module as him, Kai realizes that he knows little to nothing about his senior.
Sure, they had explored each other’s bodies and maybe chatted a grand total of three times when they were assigned to pair up for some short in-class assignments, but Kai doesn’t think he actually knows Beomgyu.
The guy’s popular, that’s for sure, and that’s hardly surprising considering how gorgeous he is and how beautiful his voice is. In fact, Kai is sure he isn’t alone in his admiration. His band’s videos and solo acoustic covers consistently rake in alarming thousands of views despite his otherwise sparse social media presence. He swears he’s seen six-digit views on one of their original songs.
So, having a crush on such a nice, warm guy is completely normal, but it’s also a little strange when Kai registers how little he really knows about his senior when he finds that exact man staring expectantly at him when he finally reaches the front of the line at a cafe just slightly off-campus.
To be fair, Kai had never claimed to be a Beomgyu connoisseur, and likewise, being a homebody, he was never exactly one to explore. The convenience store and bakery just at the foot of his apartment building had always been sufficient for him.
So accidentally crashing into Beomgyu’s workplace means the way he freezes with his eyes blown wide is completely justified. But he can’t exactly explain the surprised beam that splits across Beomgyu’s face.
“Kai-ya!”
It’s been five days since that fateful night with Beomgyu, and given how he hadn’t reached out after so long, he’d genuinely expected the other man to have forgotten about him by now.
But he’s simply gobsmacked, if he’s being honest, gaping like a blobfish bobblehead as his mind goes fuzzy.
It’s not hope behind the little gleam in Beomgyu’s eyes, Kai tells himself, before he shakes his thoughts away and forces a tight smile.
“Ah, hi Beomgyu hyung. I didn’t know you worked here.”
Kai might not know Beomgyu very well, but if there’s something he’s familiar with about the man, it’s how expressive he is, and the way he visibly deflates after hearing Kai’s words only leaves him confused.
Was he disappointed that Kai wasn’t specifically there to see him? Perhaps. Kai’s also often disappointed with himself as a human being. It’s nothing outlandish and he’s frankly been extremely rude to the nice guy in front of him.
“Oh, I see,” Beomgyu replies, a little softer now, though he smiles again.
“Uhm, the bakery near my apartment is closed, so– Yeah. Uhm, can I get an iced Americano, please?”
Beomgyu purses his lips for a moment, and Kai does all he can to pry his gaze away from the beautiful man, focusing on swiping his phone to make his payment before scooting far away from the counter once he gets his receipt.
He’s thankful for the growing crowd in the cafe, because he’s certain his drink would be ready before Beomgyu even gets through half the line. All he needs to do is get his drink and escape.
In the meantime, he forces himself to look at his phone, the myriad of colors blurring in his head as he soldiers through a losing game of Plants vs Zombies as the seconds tick by excruciatingly slow in stark contrast to the rapid way the zombies are tearing through his sad army of peashooters.
In his attempt to fight the urge to steal more looks at Beomgyu, he grows blissfully unaware of his surroundings, or rather, fatefully unaware of his surroundings, right till he feels someone come up from behind him.
There’s barely any time for him to process his new company till the person actually speaks.
“You know, they say people who plant the sunflowers at the back are absolute green flags?”
Kai lets out a yelp, nearly stumbling as he spins around so quickly, black dots fill his vision momentarily.
Meanwhile, Beomgyu seems amused by his response, letting out a chuckle as he holds up a cup of iced americano.
“Special delivery,” he quips, smiling prettily.
“Uhm, thanks. You didn’t have to.”
“Well, I wanted to,” Beomgyu says, almost brightly, though he draws his hand back abruptly when Kai reaches out to grab the cup, his smile faltering.
“I– I’m sorry, I wanted to talk to you too. Just for a quick second, I promise. Is that okay?”
Kai feels bad. Had he been too unfriendly? He knows he’s emotionally stunted, but that aside, he can’t quite figure out what Beomgyu wants from him. They hooked up, and that’s about it. Beomgyu can have anyone he wants. Kai just happened to conveniently be there after his night out got ruined. There’s no reason for Beomgyu to keep being this nice.
But he softens as he watches Beomgyu bite his lip unsurely.
“What is it?” he squeaks, though it comes out a little colder than he expected with how nervous he is.
“Uhm, I don’t mean to be pushy, but you didn’t contact me.” Beomgyu’s voice is soft, small, and even though Kai doesn’t have a lot to go by, he’s certain he’s never seen his senior this unsure or hesitant.
Meanwhile, Kai genuinely has no idea how to respond. What would he even say? Why would someone as perfect as Beomgyu even want to waste his time on him?
Static fills his brain in lieu of actual functioning braincells, and for a long drawn out moment, he’s simply frozen, staring stupidly at Beomgyu as if his beautiful boba eyes would give him any answers.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bother you or anything. I just had a really nice time with you and I… I wanted to see you again. So, I just wanted to hear it from you if you don’t feel the same, or if there was any reason you didn’t contact me– ah sorry, I just wanted to give it another shot.”
Well, to be honest, Beomgyu did say that explicitly in his note, but Kai’s still puzzled. Mostly about why someone as perfect as Beomgyu would even be interested in him. And the gears in his brain spin until they finally land on the glaring hints he’d missed.
I just had a really nice time with you.
I really hope to see you again.
The words ring in his head and it finally clicks. Was that what Beomgyu was referring to?
“You… wanted to see me again because we had a nice time that night.”
Beomgyu smiles curiously, though it’s nothing unkind. He doesn’t think that angel could ever be mean, honestly. “Yeah, that’s what I said, no?”
“So like–” Kai gestures awkwardly between them, earning himself a head tilt too adorable for the not-so-decent topic at hand. “Am I reading this correctly?”
There’s a little too much hope in Beomgyu’s pretty eyes for Kai to deal with.
“Yeah…? I hope so I mean.” He laughs breezily. Prettily. “I enjoyed my time with you, you’re really cute, and I’ve noticed you for a long time since we shared the same classes,” Beomgyu attempts to explain himself again as if Kai were a toddler, though the confidence in his voice seems to be dimming the longer he tries. “So if you’re interested too, I thought maybe we could—”
He’s interrupted before he can finish his sentence, and they both jolt when someone yells for Beomgyu from the counter.
With an apologetic grimace, Beomgyu finally hands his iced americano over before ducking his head quickly.
“I’m sorry, I’ve gotta run, but think about it, please?”
With that, he dashes back to the counter, easily slipping into his customer service mode as he takes over the counter again.
Meanwhile, Kai’s left rooted to the ground, his thoughts running a mile a minute.
-
Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Nutty buddies.
The proposition only sinks in properly after he’s run through the rest of his classes on autopilot before marching right back to his apartment to scream into his pillow again. Even that had taken him a great deal of nonchalance not to freak out because he’s instantly reminded that just days ago, Beomgyu had fucked him right into this very mattress.
If he’s being serious, he can’t wrap his head around the fact that Beomgyu actually wants something to do with him after that one heated night.
When he truly weighs the proposition, there’s a nagging worry that it’s a dangerous line for him to cross. He already likes Beomgyu. Could he really do something like that with no strings attached? How bad would it hurt?
But just as quickly as his worries hit him, he calms down just as soon, forcing himself to think about it hard.
Frankly, what does he have to lose? Sure, he has an unrequited crush on Beomgyu, but it’s what it says on the tin – unrequited. It’s not as if this silly crush is ever going to go anywhere. And now, that very man has basically offered him a thread of connection which he could never even ask for. Hell, even that one night they spent together had already been far beyond anything Kai’s imagination could even conjure.
Kai knows deep down that an opportunity like this wouldn’t come again, and perhaps this is his calling to do something crazy for once.
So with every ounce of courage left in him, he pulls out his phone, saving Beomgyu’s contact as quickly as he can, and before he can hesitate, he types out a hasty string of messages, flinging his phone away once he’s done.
Now all he has to do is make sure he doesn’t fall any deeper for Choi Beomgyu.
-
hi hyung
this is kai
about what you asked in the cafe
yes
Sent 8.59pm
beomgyu hyung
omg hi
wait
oh my god. really??
nvm i take that back, don’t answer that 🥲
thank you for considering it and saying yes
it’s a little early to say, but I’ll make you happy, i promise 🥹🩷
Received 9.02pm
-
“You agreed to be Beomgyu's Bang Bro?”
Kai’s starting to think that Taehyun’s either intentionally dropping banger lines in public at full volume just to embarrass him, or he’s simply in that much disbelief. That makes more sense with how his wide eyes are growing even wider as he scans the short exchange of messages with Beomgyu.
Meanwhile, Kai’s extremely conscious of the worryingly short distance between their table and the nearest group of students devouring their lunches.
“Please never fucking say that again.”
Trying to shush Taehyun only earns him a blank stare, and he can only count his blessings and stay grateful that everyone around them seems to be engaged in their own conversations.
“No, actually. You’re saying he asked to be fuck buddies and then promised to make you happy.”
Blinking slowly, Kai stares at the text again. “Maybe he’s just that confident in his dick game.”
The ensuing silence is deafening.
“You’re sure he asked you to be fuck buddies and nothing else. You’re absolutely sure about that.” Taehyun’s tone is so flat, it sounds more like a statement than a question.
“Uhm yeah? I’m also sure his dick would make me really happy… Well, at least, I suppose.”
“That’s fucking disgusting. I sure hope that's not his actual thought process.”
Kai pouts.
“It just feels… unlike him. Maybe I just don’t know him well enough, but if he seriously thinks his dick can bring you happiness, well…”
Kai knows he must look really sulky, because Taehyun trails off, putting his hands up in defeat.
“Well, I mean, who am I to yuck your yum? I just want to know you’re sure of this. Everything aside, you like him, Kai. I don’t want you to be hurt by this arrangement. If it hurts you, I’d rather you go back to being the Kai who would just make grabby hands for your ‘Bbomgyu hyong’ when you’re drunk,”
Well, Taehyun does have a point, but Kai had also spent hours groveling over this exact same question and then decided that this opportunity wouldn’t come knocking twice.
“I’m a big boy, I can take it,” he laughs, though it comes out dry and certainly unconvincing, if Taehyun’s scrutinizing stare is anything to go by.
“I can’t tell you what to do, but if you feel yourself getting too invested, please pull back.” Taehyun ruffles his hair, though he offers another scathing look at the text messages before shaking his head.
Kai knows he is a big boy. He can take it.
-
Kai would like to think he’s a big boy who can handle his emotions well. Emphasis on would. Except, his belief comes into question when he hears from Beomgyu again, the same afternoon after his fruitless ‘pep talk’ with Taehyun.
It’s way too soon, and Kai never bagged Beomgyu to be someone this enthusiastic about getting his dick wet with no strings attached. He can’t find it in himself to complain about it, though.
But it gets a little strange when Beomgyu asks if he can take him out somewhere. It’s not important that he didn’t specify exactly where, but the phrase ‘take him out’ kills Kai a little inside because Beomgyu shouldn’t be that nice, he even makes a hookup sound just like some sort of date.
Still, it gets Kai a little antsy and nervous as he tries to decide on his outfit after Beomgyu gives close to no hints about how he should dress, apart from asking him to be comfortable.
So he settles for throwing on his nicest, fluffiest sweater, though he opts for a pair of bell-bottom jeans he got on a whim months ago and never found the occasion to wear.
For some strange reason, Beomgyu had insisted on picking him up from his apartment, which was already weird. But nothing weirder than the fact that he wanted to hang out first instead of just going straight to what he’d asked Kai for.
The suspense has him more high-strung than usual as he waits at the foot of his building, and he jolts in alarm when a car pulls up right in front of him. Stepping back on instinct, he’s taken even more by surprise when Beomgyu of all people stumbles out of the car, hurrying towards him with a sheepish smile.
Kai tries not to choke at the mere fact that Beomgyu has somehow decided to drive and is also looking like a ten-course meal in a silky blue blouse and pants that hug his waist perfectly. Taking in his intentionally tousled hair, Kai instantly feels underdressed.
What are the chances he could spin around and dash right up to change into something else his meager wardrobe could offer, before leaping back down again?
The thought is immediately shoved to the back of his head when Beomgyu breaks into a dazzling grin as if he were genuinely happy just to see Kai.
“Kai-ya, you’re early,” he greets, sticking a hand out. It takes Kai a few moments to realize that Beomgyu might have wanted to hold his hand, though his realization comes a little too late, and the other man has already drawn away with an awkward laugh to put his arms behind his back.
He may or may not have stumbled out of his apartment 30 minutes early out of nervousness, but Beomgyu doesn’t need to know that.
“Uh– Yeah. Hi Beomgyu hyung..” What a great conversationalist he must be. “I didn’t know you had a car.”
At that, Beomgyu scratches his head, the crimson tips of his ears throwing Kai off.
“Well uhm, about that… I borrowed my cousin’s car.” He lets out a nervous giggle as if he’s embarrassed about not having a car. Meanwhile, Kai doesn’t even know how to drive.
“What? Why?”
Kai genuinely doesn’t think meeting one’s fuck buddy is that important an occasion, but his flat response seems to send even more heat rushing to Beomgyu’s cheeks.
“Oh, well I– I don’t own a car, but I wanted to bring you to a couple of places so I thought it'd be easier?”
The flustered response takes Kai by surprise.
“Oh, okay. Should I change? You're dressed a lot more…” he trails off, gesturing at Beomgyu awkwardly. He's painfully gorgeous and Kai thinks he probably wouldn't even be able to feel enough even if he’s decked in a whole suit.
“What? No! You look perfect like that. Always, I mean,” he trails off, his cheeks still rosy.
Kai tries his best to keep his brain from short-circuiting as he nods silently, allowing Beomgyu to open the door for him.
By the time the other man slides into the driver's seat, Kai's as stiff as a board, nearly forgetting to put his seatbelt on till Beomgyu reaches over to help him with it. Their fingers collide just as Kai grabs his seatbelt at the same moment, and he tries to shake off the way his heart had jumped from the contact.
They're fuck buddies, for goodness sake. Fuck buddies who had already explored each other’s bodies once, and he has no idea why such a simple exchange would leave him this flustered.
To his credit, Beomgyu tries to alleviate the tension with a chuckle, though he reaches behind, only to pull out a bouquet.
If the whole idea of Beomgyu borrowing a car to take his fuck buddy out to “a couple of places” wasn't bewildering enough, the purple daisies presented in front of him certainly baffled him even more.
“What?”
“These are for you! I wasn't sure if you had a favorite color, but I remember you wearing a purple hoodie to class once, and you looked so cute in it… So I thought purple daisies would be a good choice,” Beomgyu rattles off.
Kai feels his heart pounding in his ribcage, threatening to shatter his bones any moment. Beomgyu’s always been a sweet guy, he’s aware, but this might be a little too much for a fuck buddy, though Kai can’t exactly blame him. He’s the one who caught feelings after all. Beomgyu shouldn’t need to be responsible for his mismanaged feelings.
“Beomgyu hyung,” he whispers, and the other man’s face falls comically.
“What’s wrong? Do you not like flowers? Or are you allergic? I’m so sorry, I didn't think this through.”
Before he registers it, he’s already wrapped his fingers around the bouquet, pulling it to himself, and thankfully stopping Beomgyu from his endless spiral of worries.
“No hyung, they’re pretty. Thank you. But you don’t have to do this.”
Beomgyu’s momentary relief morphs quickly into confusion. “Why not?” he asks, voice falling a little quieter than Kai’s used to.
Because I’ll fall even deeper for you.
Kai cringes at the lovelorn voice in his head,
“You just don’t have to trouble yourself like this. I didn’t get you anything either.”
Harder cringe. God, Kai is so embarrassing.
“Huh? It's no trouble at all, Kai-ya. I just wanted today to be special and perfect. And you being here means everything. I don’t need anything in return.”
Beomgyu rubs his neck sheepishly, and Kai doesn't quite understand what he means. What was so special about today? Their first official day as fuckbuddies? Did people have anniversaries for those? Maybe Beomgyu's just absurdly sentimental, and it's simply unfortunate that Kai is super attracted to men who are in touch with their emotions.
Opposites attract, probably, except that's just Kai towards Beomgyu, and on the flip side, Beomgyu probably thinks Kai’s painfully stiff and strange.
“Okay,” he replies eventually, because there’s nothing else he can really think of saying.
Shooting him a warm smile, Beomgyu begins their drive and despite him trying to act as nonchalant as he can, he can’t help but grow curious about where the other man plans to take him.
Well, they had a blast that night, and Beomgyu’s sure quite the demon in bed, if the numerous love bites still littering his skin are anything to go by. Perhaps Beomgyu planned to spice things up and take him sex toy shopping. Did he have to dress this gorgeously, though? Jury’s still out.
His mind wanders as he processes the various possibilities as they turn down an unfamiliar street, each guess more ridiculous than the previous one.
He’s only conscious of how his knee has begun to bounce in his jittery state when he feels a warm palm on his thigh. Jolting, he turns sharply to find Beomgyu with his eyes still on the road as he whizzes past the passing cars.
Now, if Kai had already found Beomgyu devastatingly gorgeous, he’s now simply gobsmacked because a man concentrated on driving shouldn’t look that lethal.
But then Beomgyu spares him a quick glance, his serious expression dissolving into a gentle smile when they hit a red light, and Kai knows he’s a goner.
“Sorry, I’m just trying to keep it a small surprise, but don’t worry, I’m not taking you anywhere crazy.” He lets out a soft chuckle, which makes Kai feel a little embarrassed for being worked up over something so trivial.
“Mmh.” Humming, he turns his gaze back out the window, trying not to miss the warmth on his thigh too much when Beomgyu retracts his hand to continue their journey.
-
Beomgyu finally pulls up at their destination another fifteen minutes later, and after an awkward attempt to place the bouquet as carefully as he can in the backseat, he’s ushered to a store he’s frankly never heard of.
Meanwhile, Beomgyu’s radiating so much nervous energy, he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, and Kai can’t stop himself from feeling endeared despite the curiosity.
It only hits him when Beomgyu pushes the door open for him, and they’re greeted by rows of bottles neatly lining the little store.
Beomgyu turns to him with a bright grin, one so lovely, it’s disarming. “I noticed you always wear a different scent when the weather is different, or even when the seasons change, then I saw your perfume and cologne collection in your room. I thought maybe we could craft our own scents since you always smell so good.”
It takes Kai a few moments to process the words, and when he takes in the compliment that Beomgyu had so casually thrown in, he can’t stop the heat from rising to his ears. But it’s true. He liked to play around with his scents, swapping perfumes suited to the seasons and sometimes the weather. He’s just completely thrown off by how the other man had actually noticed that.
“Oh uhm, okay.”
At his lukewarm response, Beomgyu seems to grow nervous, his smile falling again. “We can do something else if you prefer! I have a few backups. We could go for an early lunch. I made a reservation for a little bit later, but I’m sure they can work something out. It has the best wood-fired pizzas around, I promise. Otherwise, there’s an aquarium nearby, we could hop by! There were still tickets when I checked this morning.”
Beomgyu’s panic is evident, but what Kai can’t grapple with is why any of this is such a big deal. Was this all part of Beomgyu’s elaborate foreplay? If so, this might be even more dangerous than Kai simply getting dicked down. How was he supposed to stop himself from catching feelings like this?
“N-No hyung, you’re right. I do like perfumes. I’ve just never been to a craft atelier, thank you for thinking of this.”
Beomgyu lets out an audible sigh of relief. “Oh thank god!” And then his smile turns softer as he looks back at Kai again. “If there’s ever anything that you’re not happy with, please let me know. My friends tell me I tend to get ahead of myself when I’m excited.”
Kai doesn’t know what he means, but he nods anyway, letting Beomgyu tug him in until they take their seats around the workshop table. Thankfully, there’s no time for small talk as the instructor launches into an explanation of the various categories of scents before them.
It’s honestly a little too much information for him to take in while he’s hyperaware of Beomgyu’s knee bumping into his every few seconds. But he manages to register enough information to start sniffing the various vials while trying to formulate his scent.
Concentrated in his task, he only grows aware of their ‘audience’ when he rises and reaches across the table to grab a vial from another rack.
Well damn.
There are a few other pairs seated around the table, and it is suddenly brought to his attention that two pairs of girls are unabashedly staring in their direction, whispering between them and giggling. It doesn’t take a genius to know that they’re blatantly checking Beomgyu out. And honestly, Kai totally understands them.
Felt, he thinks, and he tries not to let his expression sour. It’s already plenty that Beomgyu’s taking precious time out of his day to hang out with him. He has no right to get upset that people are checking a handsome man out. It makes total sense, right?
Just because he has a one-sided crush on Beomgyu doesn’t mean he’s allowed to feel possessive over him.
But his thoughts are interrupted when Beomgyu clears his throat beside him. And before he can react, he feels a warm palm on his thigh tugging him down. Now Kai’s a simple man, and that simple action obviously sends him shuddering and turning sharply to the other man, who is now sporting a smile way too innocent and oblivious for whatever he’d just done.
“Kai-ya, how’s your perfume going? Are you satisfied with the scent yet?”
It’s subtle, maybe even just a figment of his imagination. But for a moment, it feels almost intentional when Beomgyu leans in to press himself closer to Kai’s side while squeezing his thigh.
“Y-Yeah, uhm– almost,” he stutters eloquently, but not before he takes 10 whole seconds to regain his composure. And obviously, after those valiant 10 seconds, his composure is anything but regained.
He tries to stop his hands from trembling as he tries to pipette a couple of drops of ylang ylang into his vial as best as he can. But Beomgyu’s unrelenting gaze and grip on him is a one-way ticket to failure, and a small curse leaves his lips when he misses, the liquid falling to the table with an unceremonious splat.
“Oh no, let me help,” Beomgyu whispers, gentlemanly as ever, and before Kai can protest, he’s circling one arm around Kai and taking his hand to pipette another drop of the liquid into the vial.
Meanwhile, Kai’s positive he’s about to explode because what normal person does that? Does Beomgyu know what he’s doing?
“Is this enough?”
Kai chokes on air, finally snapping into awareness as he tries shrinking into himself in dumb hope of attracting less attention. But with the way he's coughing dryly every 0.2 seconds, it’s probably not working out great.
In fact, it's definitely not working at all, especially not when Beomgyu grows concerned and begins rubbing his back and chest.
“Are you okay?”
“Hyung,” he whispers weakly. “I’m okay just–”
Beomgyu has the gall to blink innocently, or perhaps, he genuinely has no clue that his effect on Kai is pretty crazy. But he keeps his act up for two seconds before letting out a chuckle.
“Ah, sorry.”
Kai highly suspects Beomgyu doesn’t actually mean his apology, but for his sanity, he shakes his head meekly before taking a light whiff of his vial. From there, it’s easy for him to distract himself with fine-tuning his scent and scribbling down each tweak to the formulation.
In fact, he’s so concentrated on his task, he doesn’t notice Beomgyu staring at him till he’s mostly satisfied with the final product.
The other man’s lips twitch into a warm smile when their eyes meet.
“How’s it going?”
A little thrown off, Kai can only nod. “Yeah, I think this is it. It’s nice for spring. We're in the middle of spring, but I still haven't gotten a new scent, so this is good. Are you done too?”
Beomgyu nods exuberantly, shaking his little vial. “I think it’s kinda plain though?” He twists open his vial, applying the scent to his wrist before bringing it closer to Kai, who doesn’t think too much before leaning in to take a whiff.
It’s a subtle scent built on distinct floral and fruity notes, and Kai can’t help but find it incredibly Beomgyu. Bright, welcoming while never being overbearing – that’s how he’d always been, and Kai finds his lips curling into a tiny grin as the thought graces his mind.
“Is it bad? Are you laughing at me?” There’s a little pout playing on Beomgyu’s lips as he frowns.
“Of course not! I like it,” he assures quickly, meaning every word. Reaching out mindlessly, he holds Beomgyu’s wrist close to his nose, inhaling again. “It smells very much like you, hyung.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s subtle but… crisp…? Like lying on a meadow of slowly blooming flowers under the comfortably warm sun in early spring.”
Beomgyu doesn’t retract his hand, letting Kai continue to take in the scent of his perfume lingering on his skin. “And that smells like me?”
“Ah yeah. It’s just like you, hyung. Because you’re always a bright presence in everyone’s lives, but not in a loud way, if it makes sense. More in a quietly pleasant way, where you’re always making sure everyone is comfortable around you, but still trying to lift their spirits just by being yourself.”
Kai doesn’t realize how much he’s said until he notices Beomgyu going quiet for a good ten seconds. Did he say too much?
Before he can overthink, Beomgyu cuts in. “O-Oh! That’s– That’s good, right? You like that?”
“Of course, it isn’t plain, I think. It’s lovely and comforting, I like it.” He lets go of Beomgyu’s arm slowly, worrying that he’s held on too long for it to be socially acceptable.
“I mean what you said about me,” Beomgyu clarifies in a softer voice, it’s almost inaudible. “About me being a bright presence. Is that a good thing?”
Kai contemplates his words, slightly taken aback that Beomgyu would be concerned about how Kai saw him. It was almost as if it’s a given that he’s head over heels for Beomgyu, and he never considered how it would look to anyone outside, especially the man himself.
“Of course,” he replies simply, going quiet when he realizes how close he is to waxing more poetry about Beomgyu.
He tries to convince himself that Beomgyu’s smile isn’t one of relief and genuine joy.
“I’m glad then. Can I smell yours?”
“Oh sure.” Fumbling with his vial, he barely manages to unscrew the cap before he’s stopped by Beomgyu’s finger wrapped around his hand again.
“I want to smell it on you,” Beomgyu whispers with an impish grin.
“What? Uh, okay–”
All his mental preparation for Beomgyu to apply it to his wrist goes straight to naught when the man leans in instead to bring the vial to Kai’s neck.
He jumps back into awareness when the cool metal touches his skin, Beomgyu’s eyes on his face as he drags the applicator across a small patch of his skin.
Kai swears his heart is pounding so hard in his ribcage, Beomgyu can probably feel his racing pulse right through that stupid mini bottle of perfume.
“Hyu–”
He’s interrupted when Beomgyu moves the applicator away, only to lean in and inhale deeply.
Every hair on his body stands when he feels the tip of Beomgyu’s nose brush against his skin ever so briefly.
Kai freezes completely, every muscle in his body going taut as Beomgyu’s breath fans his skin, sending his mind going blank.
His skin won’t stop buzzing, the shudder running through his body almost incessant because Beomgyu just won’t move away.
What the hell is going on?
Kai has no idea whether he wishes for Beomgyu to stay put so he can keep relishing the addictive high of being close to him, or if he should pray for him to pull away before he dies of cardiac arrest or something.
Alas, the decision is made for him when a squeal resounds from across the table.
Kai looks up sharply, his gaze landing right on the two pairs of girls who had been shamelessly checking Beomgyu out just minutes ago. Except, this time, they’re even more excited than before, with one of the girls even slapping her friend on the shoulder to shush her.
Heat rushes to Kai’s cheeks. He isn’t sure if they’re making fun of him for being a bumbling mess or just swooning over how suave Beomgyu must have looked. Or perhaps, they were just as perplexed over how someone like Kai had the full attention of someone completely out of his league.
But the reaction does prompt Beomgyu to draw away with a soft laugh, and for a moment, Kai doesn’t know whether he should mourn the close proximity they were in, or if he should be relieved.
“Ah, so they did get the message.”
Turning to Beomgyu, Kai lets out a confused noise, only earning himself a cheek poke and an amused smile.
“What?”
“Nothing, I said you smell good. The scent suits you very well, and the season too.”
That was totally not what Beomgyu said.
“Oh uhm, thank you.”
Kai must be on edge, because the increased whispers and giggles from the other workshop students leave him slinking further into his seat, the cool plastic suddenly too sticky and stiff for his comfort.
“Let’s label the scents, and we can leave soon,” Beomgyu smiles, squeezing his thigh gently to catch his attention.
“O-Okay.” Beomgyu moves away to speak to the staff, and Kai tries his best to look busy even though he finishes naming his perfume in just a single word.
The staff member comes over after a moment, smiling pleasantly as she scuttles around to replicate their formula into a bigger vial.
Meanwhile, Beomgyu helps him pack up, taking his vial in his hand to survey it.
“Bbom?”
Oh. Well, fuck. Kai had forgotten about that. Somewhere in his head, Taehyun’s sharp, squeaky voice as he imitates him while drunk echoes with no regard for his embarrassment.
“Uh yeah,” – Kai scratches his nape hesitantly – “since I made it for spring.”
“Oh.” For some reason, Beomgyu looks a little disappointed, though he smiles again just as quickly. “So you do have an intentionally cute side to you too.”
Kai swats his arm lightly, narrowing his eyes. Maybe in some alternate universe, he’d be full of aegyo and clinging to Beomgyu proudly. In this universe, though, he’s far too shy to do any of that.
“It just sounds cute.”
Beomgyu’s laughter trails off as they get their items from the staff member before leaving.
There’s a brief moment of silence between them and for once, it makes Kai itch a little, almost as if there’s something else hanging heavily in the air.
Eventually, it’s Beomgyu who breaks the silence a few minutes into their journey to the beach house he swore had ‘the best wood-fired pizzas’.
“You know, a random thing. That night… You called me something kinda cute. I’m not sure if you remember.”
Kai’s cheeks burn hot. He’d shoved most memories of that night to the furthest depths of his mind with the initial intention of forgetting about Beomgyu. But then it clicks. Had Beomgyu figured out the double meaning behind the name of his scent? Was that why he seemed a little sulky after Kai’s lie that it was only referring to the season?
“Wait. Is that why you’re sulking?” Kai blurts, no filter in his voice with how surprised he is that Beomgyu cares about something that trivial.
Now this seems to send Beomgyu into a flurry as he rushes to argue that he’s ‘totally not sulking’.
For once, Kai feels a bit of his tension melting away as he lets out an amused giggle, throwing his head back to laugh harder the longer the realization sinks in.
He’d never expected Beomgyu to be this adorable while sulking over something he’d never imagined would bother him.
Meanwhile, Beomgyu stares at him for a while before refocusing on the road.
“I’m not sulking! It was a random question, oh my god!”
“Fine fine, ‘bbom’ also meant Bbomgyu hyong since we were there together. Happy?” His guard must be fatally down, because never in his life had he imagined he would ever call Beomgyu that to his face without any amount of liquid courage.
“Hmph, keep making fun of me and we’ll pull over at a convenience store and have instant ramen for lunch instead.”
Kai laughs lightly again at how Beomgyu seems to be unable to hide his smile despite his words. It tears him apart a little to look away, but eventually, he turns to his side, slowly watching the stream of cars and trees whiz by him. His laughter tapers off as the soft hum of the radio fills the air between them again. Except this time, it isn’t as awkward as it had been earlier on.
It’s comfortable, if he has to admit.
“I wouldn’t mind that,” he mumbles.
He doesn’t turn to check if Beomgyu caught his quiet words.
-
Lunch goes a lot more smoothly than Kai imagined. Somehow, after the admittedly embarrassing Bbomgyu Hyong Incident, Kai had found himself less on edge, and Beomgyu had quickly taken the chance to start some sort of conversation.
It seems that Beomgyu genuinely wants to get to know him better, asking a wide range of questions about everything under the sun. It’s almost as if he’s playing a one-sided game of 21 questions and Kai tries his best to answer him without clamming up again.
But unfortunately, composure remains something hard-earned for Kai, and the moment they’re on their way back to Kai’s apartment, he begins to grow fidgety and less relaxed than he had been during their meal.
What next? This was what Beomgyu had been here for in the first place, no? It isn’t as if Kai doesn’t want it, but just thinking about what is to come has him all jittery. Does he still look okay? They’ve been out for a while. What if he looked too wind-swept for Beomgyu’s liking now? They took a rather long walk along the beach after lunch earlier, he must have been a little sweaty from it all.
And the pizza! God, he almost forgot about that! Beomgyu had somehow figured out he really liked Hawaiian pizzas, and the one he ordered had been so delicious, Kai ate the whole pizza alone. His breath must smell like pizza now. Would Beomgyu find it weird if he asked for a minute just to take a shower and brush his teeth?
Also, do they just go into it? How would it work? Kai remembers snapping first the other time. Would Beomgyu expect him to take the lead this time? Or would that make him seem too desperate?
“Kai?”
At the call of his name, Kai literally jumps, earning an instant apology from Beomgyu.
“I’m so sorry. I was just asking if it’s okay for me to walk you up?”
This must be some sort of euphemism, and Kai thinks Beomgyu’s certainly too gentlemanly to be real. Not trusting his voice, he nods stiffly, watching as a smile blooms across the other man’s gorgeous features before he pulls into the parking lot.
The walk from the parking lot and up to Kai’s apartment is quiet, and Kai grows hyperaware of the way their knuckles brush against each other’s way too often for his sanity, till Beomgyu finally takes his hand to intertwine their fingers the moment the lift doors close.
Looking up in surprise, Kai finds Beomgyu staring at him with his lip caught between his teeth.
“Uhm, is this okay?” Beomgyu laughs nervously when he gets no response. “I wanted to do this earlier but I kept missing the right timing.”
It’s crazy, because they’re literally heading up to his apartment to fuck, yet Beomgyu’s right here, bumbling and nervous while asking him if it’s okay if they hold hands…?
“You don’t have to ask,” is all he can manage, as if his heart isn’t about to burst right out of his chest over something so trivial. But what’s truly unfair is the smile that Beomgyu clearly tries and fails to hide.
“I should’ve tried earlier,” he jokes. “Could’ve held your hand a little longer, huh?”
Huh?
The confused noise pried from the back of Kai’s throat is fully justified, especially when Beomgyu squeezes his hand a final time before letting go. By now, they’re right outside his apartment.
Uncertain and puzzled, Kai opens his door, turning around to find that Beomgyu hasn’t made any move to come in.
Is he some sort of vampire waiting for an invitation?
“Uhm, do you want to come in?”
His question seems to fluster Beomgyu, whose eyes widen. “Oh no! No, I just wanted to look at you longer,” he replies, almost sheepish.
“I’ll get going now.” He hesitates for a moment, eventually reaching up to pat Kai’s head lightly.
Meanwhile, Kai’s frankly baffled, even more so when Beomgyu actually turns to walk away.
Had he done something wrong? Why was Beomgyu leaving just like that? Did he somehow forget about the ‘benefits’ part of ‘friends-with-benefits’?
But his body seems to act before his brain can properly process anything, his fingers are already wrapped around Beomgyu’s wrist.
“Hyung,” he rasps out, realizing belatedly how desperate he must sound and look when Beomgyu turns back in astonishment, his gaze flitting between Kai's hand on his wrist and his face.
“What's wrong?”
Did I do something wrong? Do you not find me at least appealing enough to fuck me like we were supposed to?
He holds his tongue, swallowing nervously as he recontemplates how not to sound too pushy.
“Are you sure you don't want to come in?”
Beomgyu blinks slowly before something seems to flicker in his eyes ever so briefly.
“Kai-ya, I'd love to, but it's our first day, and I don't want to rush things.” He punctuates his words with a breathless laugh, but his fingers find their way to grip Kai's hand. “Though we already got the order a little wrong.”
For a moment, Kai almost thinks he's trying to shake him off, though he interlaces their fingers loosely instead, swinging their joined hands. And that small action is somehow enough to send Kai’s nerves into overdrive.
“What are you talking about?”
Beomgyu seems taken aback by the response and Kai sinks into his sweater, wishing he could hide.
“I’m sorry. I just thought you wanted it, so I’m a little confused,” he mumbles, feeling a little stupid. Maybe with how awkwardly he behaved, Beomgyu felt like he wasn't ready to be his fuck buddy as he'd promised.
Something in the air shifts, Kai isn’t sure exactly when, but Beomgyu stops swinging their hands, his eyes blown wide as he stares back at him.
“What are you saying?” There’s no hint of amusement in Beomgyu’s expression. “Are you kidding? I’ll always want you, don’t get that twisted.”
His mouth runs dry, heart caught in his throat when Beomgyu steps closer, one hand finding his hip. His grip is firm, almost a statement on its own.
“You don’t know how much I’ve been trying to hold back since I saw you. I’m trying to be gentlemanly here, Kai-ya.”
“Oh–” Kai's as eloquent as he can be. At this point, that's all that's left in him, if he's being honest.
He swallows tightly, heart beginning to pick up its pace.
“You don't have to.”
Kai has hit a number of firsts with Beomgyu in the past few days, but never in his life had he imagined he'd have the courage to say anything like that to Beomgyu without any form of liquid courage. Perhaps that excuses the way it comes out soft and almost bashful.
But Beomgyu tilts his head ever so briefly, his gaze locked on Kai, and it's as if he's entranced – much like the same way Beomgyu had captivated him the first night they slept together, with his teasing words and fleeting touches.
Except this time, he's completely sober.
“Yeah?” Beomgyu doesn't even bother disguising the shift in his tone. Doesn’t bother disguising how heavy his voice has gotten.
“Yeah, you don't have to hold back, hyung. Not around me.”
This time, he's completely lucid as he watches Beomgyu's Adam's apple bob, right before he feels the man's weight on him as he pushes his way in with his body.
One second, Kai's stumbling backwards and into his apartment, his hands scrambling to hug Beomgyu tighter against his body, and the next, he's flipped around and pinned right against the back of his door just as it's slammed shut.
It's happening, and Kai feels every nerve in his body on fire when Beomgyu's lips collide with his with a familiar neediness – a familiarity he'd tried to stuff to the depths of his mind, stubbornly convinced he'd never get to have Beomgyu again the same way he had that very night just a week ago.
It's probably not the best time to be reliving his repressed memories, but he can't help but burn hotter when he processes the way Beomgyu seems to be taking his time, compared to their first time together, which had been a lethal concoction of urgency and desire.
The passion is still there, but there's something numbing in the way Beomgyu takes his time to coax his lips apart before slipping his tongue in as if he wants to taste Kai properly.
As if their last intimate encounter had been so rushed, he wants to savor Kai without hurry, despite how easy he knows he could have him at his mercy.
Meanwhile, Kai has to concede that he is indeed irrevocably at his mercy.
He feels a little stupid, rendered boneless just from kissing, but his brain is filled with mush, his hands falling to his sides, not in surrender or submission, but simply because he’s buzzing with too much want and need, all he can do is take what he’s generously given. All he can do is stay still and pant into Beomgyu’s mouth while the other man’s hands slip under his shirt, calloused fingers dancing across his skin teasingly before he seems to succumb to temptation and simply massages the flesh, as if there’s so much of Kai he wants to feel, he doesn’t know how to stop once he’s given a touch.
Beomgyu groans against his lips, sending a shudder running down Kai’s spine.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking pretty, I missed youso much.”
Kai doesn’t want to dwell too much on the words. Doesn’t want to read too much into the exact words Beomgyu’s using in his lust-filled state, but god does it make him breathless.
“I genuinely wanted to wait, but you’re just too impatient, huh?”
Before he can formulate any sort of coherent response, Beomgyu wraps his arms around his waist, lifting him right up. A yelp escapes his lips and he panics on instinct, not wanting him to hurt himself.
“Hyung, I’m heavy! You’ll hurt yourself!” he whines instead, before shutting up when he realizes how high-pitched his voice had naturally gotten.
All Beomgyu does is chuckle against his chest, carrying him to his bed easily, as if he had already memorized his way around his apartment.
He’s set down, and with clouds for bones, Kai falls onto his back, staring stupidly as Beomgyu moves closer to kneel between his spread thighs.
Maybe Kai’s a fool, letting himself get captivated over and over, despite knowing that his connection with Beomgyu is purely physical. Yet there’s something so enchanting about the way Beomgyu’s impish grin melts into a fond one as he props himself up with his arms, their faces mere inches apart.
“Love, just because I look smaller doesn’t mean I can’t bench two of you.” He thumbs at the hem of Kai’s sweater.
“Can I?”
Kai nods dazedly, momentarily too enthralled to revisit his fear of letting Beomgyu see him bare again.
Meanwhile, the man seems to be determined not to let any of Kai’s fear bubble to the surface again, his gaze hungry as he places his palm flat on Kai’s stomach before dragging his palm up, bunching the fabric in the process.
“Fuck, you’re so pretty, so so pretty everywhere.”
Pretty. Beomgyu’s called Kai that a number of times, and the wonder in his voice is so convincing – almost unadulterated – Kai nearly believes it.
A sharp gasp is pried from his lips when Beomgyu slides off the bed so he can bend down to trace his skin with his lips. Each breath against his sensitive skin is ticklish, almost, but any semblance of laughter is ripped from his throat the moment Beomgyu latches his lips somewhere close to his lower belly. Jolting, Kai closes his legs around the other man’s frame on instinct.
Somehow, Beomgyu doesn’t seem surprised or even undeterred. If anything, he’s way too focused on trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses lower and lower, till Kai can feel him unbuckling his jeans.
He hadn’t noticed how tight his pants had gotten, and he flushes in embarrassment at the groan elicited when Beomgyu tugs his jeans off in one swift motion.
It’s but a second of reprieve, because in the next second, he’s back between Kai’s legs, this time, unabashedly marveling at his thighs.
“You know–” Kai bites back a moan when Beomgyu hikes his leg over his shoulder so he can nip at his inner thigh, inching closer and closer to his semi-hard length, yet never touching. “I really wanted to mark you here the other night, but you were so needy, I couldn’t take my time. Well, it’s my fault too. I couldn’t hold back either when you were begging so sweetly.”
God, Kai doesn’t even have the brainspace to focus on anything other than the man expertly navigating his body as if he were born to kiss every part of him.
“Ah hyung!” He jerks hard when he registers Beomgyu sinking his teeth into his inner thigh and sucking. But Beomgyu’s palms on his legs are firm, commanding him to stay in place even with his body reacting beyond his control. It’s unfair, because Beomgyu swirls his tongue in a way that has him writhing and bucking his hips up into nothing, yet refuses to give his aching length any semblance of relief.
Moans spill from his lips, much to his embarrassment, and he throws an arm over his eyes, the visual experience of Beomgyu watching every shift of his expression intently far too overwhelming. He feels exposed, impossibly so, not just because he’s obviously half-naked while Beomgyu’s still fully clothed, but more importantly, because he can feel the same man’s heated gaze, no matter how he tries to hide.
A cry leaves his lips when Beomgyu lets go of him, but Kai’s far too self-conscious of how loud and lewd he must have behaved to move his arm away. Fortunately, Beomgyu doesn’t seem put off by his strange behavior, and Kai feels the mattress dip again as Beomgyu climbs on top of him.
It takes a few more seconds for Beomgyu to move his arm away gently with nothing more than a soft chuckle.
“You’re so cute. You’re going to kill me like that, Kai-ya.”
Forcing his bleary eyes open, Kai’s just in time to watch Beomgyu tilt his head haughtily while licking his lips, as if he’s simply proud of his effect on Kai.
“Stop calling me that.” He presses his eyes shut and frowns, pretending as if the pits of his stomach aren’t churning from the praise. But cute isn’t a word to describe someone like him… no?
“Guys like me aren’t cute.”
He’s been told his large stature is much more imposing than not, has even been told by an ex-roommate, before he moved out to live alone, that his attachment to his small litter of plush toys didn’t suit a man like him, that he didn’t even seem like the kind who would collect perfumes. He’s been self-conscious enough, all he does is hide under his hoodies and try to pretend he doesn’t exist.
Boys as lovely as Beomgyu shouldn’t find boys like Kai cute or pretty. Boys as lovely as Beomgyu shouldn’t even look at Kai.
There’s a long pause, but he doesn’t hear Beomgyu move an inch till the man runs his thumb along his cheek.
“Oh, but you’re the cutest to me, though? You’re cute when you’re too shy to speak but always voluntarily help any struggling classmates, you’re cute when you laugh so prettily, then look around quickly to see if anyone heard you, you’re cute when you taste something yummy and your eyes sparkle. Ah, did I go off-topic? Oh, and of course, you’re extra cute when you get embarrassed about feeling good. Like now, actually.”
He drags his thumb along Kai’s eyelids, prompting him to open his bleary eyes. There’s so much fondness in Beomgyu’s expression, it hurts. Kai doesn’t know how Beomgyu expects him not to crumble under his gaze and with such honeyed words.
“Your pillow talk’s really something, hyung.”
At this, Beomgyu laughs, carefree and genuine. “You don’t believe me?”
Kai shrugs, unsure how to respond. Unsure what to do with himself when every nerve of his is on fire as he struggles not to lap up every praise as if Beomgyu actually means them.
“Well, I guess I’ll just have to keep on showing you, huh?”
Kai’s about to get fucked, he doesn’t want to have to dwell on Beomgyu’s words and decipher what he means and if he means them, even.
“Just get on with it,” he mumbles, trying to will his blush away.
Beomgyu chuckles. “Like I said, cute.”
He rolls off the mattress, and for a moment, Kai worries he’s somehow pushed Beomgyu’s buttons, but he props himself up to find the other man reaching for his bedside drawer to find his lube.
“Oh how–”
Smiling, Beomgyu climbs back beside him, prompting him to scoot up further onto the mattress so they aren’t dangling off the bed precariously.
“I have an excellent memory, babe.” He pauses to slip Kai’s boxers off him, trailing his fingers along his length just teasingly enough to elicit breathless moans.
‘Shirt– off,” Kai breathes, tugging at Beomgyu’s blouse. Smiling, he does more than he’s told, stripping himself completely bare before pulling Kai’s sweater off too.
“Just lie pretty for me.”
It’s much too intimate, lying completely exposed like this for Beomgyu, but with how soft the smile on his face is, all Kai can do is part his lips and heed his words.
This time, he’s far too overwhelmed to feel embarrassed as he watches Beomgyu coat his fingers before settling between his legs and leaning down so he’s hovering over Kai.
“I also remember you wanting to see my face while I prep you.”
He’s thrown off by the fact that Beomgyu remembers every detail about Kai, and maybe that’s why it makes it all the more overwhelming when he slides the first finger in, his eyes fixated on Kai’s face as if he’s studying every shift in his expression.
A choked moan leaves Kai’s lips, his hands shooting up to brace Beomgyu’s shoulders. Meanwhile, the other man doesn’t seem fazed by it at all, thrusting shallowly and whispering praises in his ear as he leans down to kiss him deeply.
It only prompts Kai to wrap his arms around his frame entirely when he progresses to a second finger, and despite the awkward position, Beomgyu merely shifts himself so he can reach deeper without separating them.
The stretch burns a little, especially for someone like Kai who doesn’t quite get that much action, but with his burning length trapped between their bodies and Beomgyu’s breath tickling his sensitive ear as praises tumble from his lips, all Kai can really feel every ounce of pleasure coursing through his veins. Not just from the action, but from the fact that he’s being held so tenderly and treated as if he were special.
“Ah– Ah, hyung,” he whines helplessly, throat dry from all the sounds elicited from him beyond his control.
Beomgyu nips at his ear.
“Does it hurt?”
He shakes his head, though another moan is ripped from him when the other man slides another finger in. The jolt up his spine sends him scratching down Beomgyu’s back harder than intended
“Sorry! Sorry, hyung!” he pants, and Beomgyu stops thrusting for a while, peeling himself off slightly so he’s able to look at Kai again.
“What’s wrong? Is it uncomfortable? We can stop.”
He shakes his head frantically, guilt flooding his veins when he smooths down Beomgyu’s back to find it a little damp. Had he scratched him so hard he drew blood? Yet Beomgyu doesn’t even flinch, merely staring down at him in concern and worry.
“No no, it feels good, but I scratched you, sorry hyung, I didn’t mean to.”
Beomgyu blinks slowly before letting out a light laugh, relief gracing his features.
“Don’t apologize, love. It doesn’t bother me. Besides, I like it.” He moves his fingers again, punching out another loud moan from Kai. “I like the idea of you leaving marks on me.”
Kai’s positive he must be floating, he must be, with how honeyed Beomgyu’s voice is and how endeared and sincere he sounds while saying words Kai doesn’t think he’d believe when he’s clear-minded, with how far his fingers are reaching inside him, opening him up with that much care and patience.
And he stays on that high, letting himself fall apart moments later when Beomgyu finally rolls on a condom and pushes in, his movements controlled in a way that leaves Kai feeling safe and treasured.
“H-Hyung–”
Beomgyu groans, his restrained demeanor crumbling as Kai clamps down on him. This time, it’s Kai’s turn to force his bleary eyes open despite the pressure between his hips. He drinks it all in – takes in the way beads of sweat line Beomgyu’s forehead as he pants, takes in the way his tongue darts out to wet his lip, takes in the way his gorgeous face is twisted in pleasure, as if Kai’s the sole reason he’s feeling this good.
And as he draws his hips back just to drive in again, Kai’s petulantly convinced that this is special. Perhaps their relationship is purely physical and temporary on a grand scheme of things, but at this very moment – this very second – Kai’s the reason why Beomgyu’s groaning in pleasure. The reason why his eyes are falling half-lidded as he knocks his forehead against Kai’s, bucking his hips as if he’s just as taken by the overwhelming pleasure.
Perhaps, for now, Kai can temporarily convince himself that what they have is something he’s finally allowed to commit to memory.
He wraps his legs around Beomgyu’s hips, yanking him down and forcing out equally overwhelmed groans from both of them.
Flush against each other like this, Kai can feel his neglected length trapped between their bodies, begging for release. Beomgyu seems to feel it too, or perhaps, Kai’s pleasure had always been at the forefront of his priorities, because he begins grinding downwards as if he’s hellbent on making Kai come.
If Kai keeps riding his high, he could convince himself that it’s wonder that’s swimming in the other man’s irises. As if he didn’t want to miss any shift in Kai’s expressions, as if he’s mesmerized by every twist of his features.
Meanwhile, Kai can’t care how shamefully lewd he must look. All he knows is that he has Beomgyu’s eyes on him, and at this very moment, that is all that matters.
“B–Beomgyu– Ah!” He doesn’t get to finish his barely coherent sentence before Beomgyu leans down, their lips crashing in a mess of tongue and teeth.
Kai comes undone just like that, spilling messily between their bodies as he clenches down on Beomgyu.
Despite how weak he’s rendered, he gathers his last ounce of energy, pushing Beomgyu’s head to the side so he can bite down on the other man’s shoulder, petulantly marking him as he had claimed to like.
Perhaps, Beomgyu wasn’t lying when he said he liked the idea of Kai leaving marks on him, because that seems to send him straight into a shuddering orgasm as he snaps his hips up with a groan, stilling for a moment as he shakes in Kai’s grasp.
Kai selfishly wishes he could’ve felt the other man fill him up, but he takes all he can get, stroking Beomgyu’s back weakly and relishing the way Beomgyu slumps against him. With how fuzzy his mind is, the other man’s weight is somehow grounding.
Eventually, his bliss comes to an end when Beomgyu pulls away, pecking him on the forehead with a kiss before pulling out with a quiet hiss.
Kai shuts his eyes, letting the muffled sounds of Beomgyu shuffling around to clean them up fill the air.
His heart doesn’t stop racing long after.
-
The next time Kai wakes up, he’s hit by a heavy sense of deja vu when he registers the weight of Beomgyu’s head on his arm. But this time, the other man’s already awake, drawing little circles along his chest.
And this time, Kai can’t find it in him to pretend to be asleep the same way he did the last time they slept together.
He just doesn’t quite know how he should make it known that he’s awake. Should he close his eyes again and pretend to stretch and wake up? Would that be too rehearsed? Kai isn’t exactly the best actor. Would it be too fake?
But Beomgyu makes it challenging for him to focus, his fingers dancing across his chest, trailing up slowly to his chin before he lifts his hand up to tap his nose.
Kai frowns on instinct, scrunching his face, and Beomgyu lets out a giggle, scooting up so they’re facing each other and he doesn’t have to orchestrate a whole act of sleeping then waking up.
“Hello, pretty. Decided not to play dead this time?”
Kai’s really not good at acting, because even without a mirror, he’s sure the gobsmacked expression on his face must be stark.
“Oh I– I’m sorry.”
Beomgyu blinks slowly before huffing. “Why should you be sorry? Morning afters are awkward, I understand. But you’re here now, and I couldn’t be happier.”
Happy.
It isn’t the first time Kai’s heard Beomgyu use that word since he agreed to this arrangement, and it’s honestly mind-boggling. He keeps quiet, not knowing what to say. Thankfully, Beomgyu doesn’t push him to speak, though he doesn’t stop running his fingers through Kai’s hair.
“You kept your books the way I tidied them last time too,” he mumbles, and his voice is so soft, Kai nearly doesn’t catch his words. “Sorry, I moved them without asking. I just didn’t want you to trip on them, then I got carried away with tidying the rest of your room.”
Kai shakes his head, subconsciously leaning into Beomgyu’s touch when the other man starts petting his head instead.
“Don’t be sorry, I’m the one embarrassed you saw me living like this.”
At that, Beomgyu’s hand stills, much to his disappointment, till it evolves into worry that he’s said something to put Beomgyu off.
“Kai-ya, you’re fine. More than fine, actually. Not just how your room looks, but everything about you too. I like it all, so don’t be embarrassed about anything.”
There’s an implicit message here and Kai’s not dense enough to miss it. It’s clear that Beomgyu had picked up on his self-deprecating tendencies, maybe even some of his insecurities, but was trying to be roundabout in his reassurance.
It’s sweet, comforting even, but the words are coming from Beomgyu – the exact man Kai is struggling to keep his feelings in line towards, and he really doesn’t want to cling too tightly onto them.
He hums non-committedly, trying to ignore the way his heart squeezes at the reminder of what they are.
He’s fine. This is good. This is plenty, especially for someone like Kai who had never imagined being this close to someone as lovely as Beomgyu hyung.
And perhaps, all he can do is savor it for as long as he can.
-
Click save to rename contact as bbomgyu hyong.
-
“Oh hey, your bang bro’s here.”
It’s been a couple of days since Kai last met Beomgyu and it takes him a few moments to decipher Taehyun’s sudden words. And the second he does, he nearly spits out his mouthful of fries.
Panicking, he looks around their vicinity and thanks the gods that the food court they’re in is far too crowded and boisterous for anyone to really hear those damning words leaving Taehyun’s lips unceremoniously.
“Shut up! Can you get that shit out of your vocabulary?!”
Unfortunately, his best friend doesn’t even spare him a glance, his line of vision fixated somewhere behind him, where Beomgyu must be.
“Oh, wait, I think he spotted you. He’s smiling brightly like he just won the World Cup. Oh, new update. He’s coming this way.”
Kai tries to shrink into his hoodie. How does Beomgyu even recognize him from the back? Frankly, it’s only been a couple of days since they last met, and they’d somehow started to exchange messages, Beomgyu replying exuberantly despite Kai’s sporadic replies. He’d never been good at texting, but the other man doesn’t seem to mind.
As far as Beomgyu’s last update went, he’d been having band practice all afternoon while Kai stayed miserably locked up in a brutal series of boring lectures that gave him way too much brain space to fantasize about seeing the other man perform.
He knows Beomgyu plays the guitar and has even watched several of their covers online and even a few times during their shared module assessments. There’s just this tiny, curious part of him who wishes to watch him perform on stage with his band – something he’d somehow never had the chance to.
In his last update to Beomgyu, he’d only briefly told him he was heading for dinner on campus after his classes.
“Dude, he’s waving at you. I mean, he’s probably waving at me since I’m staring at him like this, huh? Let me wave back.”
He nearly screams when Taehyun does exactly that with nonchalance.
“Oh. Oh wow, please be prepared. He has a guitar slung around his bare shoulders, please don’t pop a boner.”
The words are extra shocking, and the accusation extra damning, but Taehyun’s also extra right, because he doesn’t even get a second to prepare himself before he feels a hand on his shoulder.
“Kai-ya! I thought it was you.”
Stay calm.
“Hi hyung,” he croaks, though turning around might be his worst mistake ever, because just as Taehyun had warned, Beomgyu does have a guitar slung around his shoulders – his very bare and exposed shoulders actually, given the tight-fitting black singlet he’s currently wearing.
And that means, he has a HD view of the bite mark proudly sitting on his shoulder which has since evolved into a nasty bruise. It doesn’t help that Beomgyu’s toned biceps are also very much on display.
He gulps, peering at Taehyun briefly to find his eyes wider than ever as his gaze flits between Beomgyu’s shoulder and Kai’s mortified face. Now this means everyone has had an HD view of the same bite mark.
Kai actually feels like dying.
“Sorry for interrupting,” Beomgyu continues when Taehyun averts his gaze to look at him. “I’m Beomgyu and uh…”
He trails off, looking at Kai.
“Oh uh– Uh yeah, this is Taehyun, my best friend. And Taehyun, this is Beomgyu.”
The pair looks at him expectantly, as if he’s yet to complete his sentence, which is truly unfair because Taehyun knows exactly how Kai can’t just introduce Beomgyu as his fuck buddy.
“... Choi Beomgyu…?”
Taehyun looks incredulous, meanwhile Beomgyu, being the sweetheart he always is, gives him an out, laughing lightly.
“Yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet you, Taehyun, thanks for calling me over. I’ll be off soon. It’s just that we had dinner at a cafe nearby, and they had a whole range of different egg tarts. I wanted to pass some to Kai.” He hands a paper bag to him, and just from a quick peek, he can see a whole six-tart sitting innocuously in the box.
“I got you the original ones for both crusts, but they had a few flavored variations, and I thought it’d be a waste if you didn’t try them,” he explains softly upon taking in Kai’s baffled expression, seemingly a little worried after he realizes it might look like an overkill.
Kai has questions, several of them, but Taehyun beats him to it.
“How did you find him? Kai’s a terrible texter.”
For a moment, Beomgyu looks a little sheepish as he scratches his nape. “Oh, he said he was having dinner on campus, so I just popped by a few of the food establishments after he didn’t respond.” He turns to Kai, mindlessly patting his head.
“I hope it’s okay. I just wanted to get them to you while they’re fresh.”
“Uh no, it’s alright. Thank you for thinking of me.”
Beomgyu grins easily.
“Do you want to join us? Even though you’ve already eaten,” Taehyun offers, and Kai can’t help the way he turns sharply in horror. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to spend some time with Beomgyu, it’s just mortifying enough that Taehyun’s seeing him interact with his fuckbuddy slash crush like he is socially inept, and he doesn’t know if he can stomach another twenty minutes of that.
But only after Taehyun glares at him does he realize how his reaction might have come across to Beomgyu, whose hesitant gaze falls on Kai’s face for a moment before he shakes his head.
“I’m good, I’m heading to the library to rush an assignment. Thanks for the offer, but maybe next time? See you around, it was nice meeting you, Taehyun.”
“Sure, let’s hang out some other time,” Taehyun replies politely, though Kai feels as if he’s already messed up too much for his friend to help clear up his mess.
Shooting Kai a warm smile, he squeezes his shoulder lightly. “Text me when you’re back safe.”
With that, he wheedles his way out of the food court, and Kai hates the way disappointment and regret worm their way into his chest as he turns to watch Beomgyu disappear from view.
“So… care to explain why he’s acting like he’s your boyfriend?”
Kai sputters, spinning around so quickly, black dots fill his vision.
“He’s not! He’s just nice, I told you that!”
Taehyun’s jaw is comically wide open and he’s sporting an incredulous expression as if he’s offended on behalf of Beomgyu.
“My guy, you’re telling me this man thought of you after seeing your favorite pastry, decided to buy every single variation of it, and combed the different food establishments on campus just to get this to you, simply because he’s nice.”
“Yes!” he snaps, because that’s exactly what’s been driving him insane. Beomgyu has no idea what each gesture of his, each thoughtful action, and each honeyed praise does to Kai. “Did you forget about the ‘friends’ part of friends with benefits? He’s probably just that nice to his friends.”
“Wow. You’re actually delusional. He looks at you like that and you’re convinced all he is is your fuck buddy.”
“Like what?!”
“Like you hung the moon? I mean, that aside, he literally can’t be bothered to hide that nasty bite mark which you definitely left on him.”
Kai groans, burying his face in his hands in frustration. The real delusion is thinking that Beomgyu could possibly like him back the same way, and Taehyun’s feeding into it unnecessarily when Kai’s already about to go crazy.
“Stop it! He didn’t even want to linger.”
This earns a disappointed sigh and head shake from Taehyun, which doesn’t help Kai’s meltdown at all.
“Now you’re pissing me off. He was clearly trying to give you your space since you looked at me like I committed murder just by suggesting he join us for dinner.”
Now Kai genuinely wants to commit murder. He’s conflicted enough, trying not to read into Beomgyu’s actions too much, and Taehyun really isn’t helping with keeping his mind right.
Kai pulls up his hoodie, childishly covering his ears. “Enough! I won’t let you feed my stupid fantasies!”
With another sigh, Taehyun turns his attention back to his food, but not before picking up his spoon and wagging it disapprovingly in Kai’s direction.
“Fine, if he's just being nice, then you definitely did not behave just as nicely.”
Kai removes his hands from his ears slowly, like a child who had just been reprimanded, still frowning.
“He really looked hurt when you didn't seem to like him sticking around.”
-
The whole thing about Beomgyu being crazy nice to him poses two terrible problems. For one, Kai's already established that the key problem lies in how it's only dangerously fueling his one-sided feelings.
That aside, he realizes now that it also means he has no idea where to draw the line. Beomgyu's sweet gestures are certainly not what Kai expected from a conventional friend-with-benefits. Yet, there's also no saying how the same man would read Kai's actions towards him on the flipside.
Reluctantly revisiting their last two steamy encounters, Kai’s pretty much clear how much Beomgyu likes kissing and skinship, or at least, he's considerably excited to indulge in them with Kai.
But it's still extremely impulsive for him to ‘wander’ to the closest library the moment he splits up from Taehyun, only to get disappointed when he doesn't find Beomgyu there after combing the building.
He's seconds from giving up before he recalls how Beomgyu mentioned futilely searching a few food courts for Kai just to hand him some egg tarts.
Chewing on his lip, he revisits his conversation with Beomgyu, finding a string of unread messages he’d missed.
bbomgyu hyong
kaiiii where are you eating?
i got you a little something 🥹 can i come pass it to you?
Received 6.01pm
bbomgyu hyong
hehe sorry for spamming you while you're busy eating 🥺
if you see this, don't leave yet! I'm searching all the food places near your building 🫡
Received 6.27pm
bbomgyu hyong
hehe success!!!
the back of your head is so cute 😁
🫳🫳🫳
omw to you lol even tho you won't see this rn 🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️
Received 6.49pm
bbomgyu hyong
enjoy dinner and the egg tarts babe
if they taste good, tell me which ones you like best!!
and sorry for interrupting you and taehyun 🥺
text me when you're back safe? ❤️
Received 7.00pm
Kai’s heart clenches when he realises how he'd carelessly caused Beomgyu to feel as if he didn't want him around. More importantly, he can't deny the warmth blooming at the pit of his stomach when he sees the lengths the man went to just to get him egg tarts that he got while thinking of him.
With shaky fingers, he types a new message to Beomgyu.
hyung, are you still on campus?
Sent 7.24pm
With how Beomgyu usually starts their conversations, texting first is a little nerve-wracking. Thankfully, he doesn't have to be stressed for long, not when Beomgyu's reply is almost instantaneous.
Was he just chronically on his phone, or did he have special notifications turned on for Kai?
bbomgyu hyong
hey kai ❤️ back safe yet?
and yeah i ammm
my brain's so fried 💀💀💀
save meeeee
Received 7.26pm
wru now?
Sent 7.27pm
-
Kai has never been someone particularly rash or even brave. But with all the determination and courage he can muster, he speedwalks through campus to get to the specific library Beomgyu’s at.
He figures it must be worth it the moment he watches Beomgyu turn around upon hearing his harried footsteps, features morphing into one of astonishment as he stands up with a surprised smile.
“Kai–”
Kai swears he loves to hear him talk, but that can wait for a few more minutes. Before he can chicken out, he places his belongings on Beomgyu's table so he can properly take his hand and tug him further into the library.
At this time, the area’s mostly sparse, most students having left to refuel for their night study sessions later.
It helps Kai a lot, especially when this gives him much more freedom to pull Beomgyu to the back of the library and corner him against a random shelf.
Breathless and mostly shocked by Kai's sudden behavior, Beomgyu stares up at him with his lips parted.
And those beautiful eyes flutter shut the moment Kai leans down to press their lips together.
Every kiss of theirs before this had been charged with unbridled desire. This time, it's no different. He can still feel the hunger in the way Beomgyu's trying to mold their lips together, even though he parts his lips pliantly so Kai can slip his tongue in.
But there's something much sweeter, much more tender and unhurried in the way they're now basically savoring each other. Or perhaps, it's just something Kai tried to pretend not to notice in the past, for fear of falling even harder for the other man.
Yet, there’s no fight left in him when Beomgyu wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him in till their bodies collide. He swallows down a moan, momentarily conscious of their surroundings.
Anyone could walk in on them anytime, and it’s with reluctance that he pulls away, though he continues to trail tiny kisses along Beomgyu’s jaw, prompting the other man’s grip around his hips to tighten, panting as if it’s tough for him to stay quiet.
“Hyung, someone could walk by and hear you,” he mumbles against Beomgyu’s neck, and it’s mostly meant to rile him up, because Kai never knew how satisfying it would feel to be the reason he’s so strung up.
But there’s only so much he can do to put Beomgyu on the spot, so Kai ends up mouthing the bruise on his shoulder. This time, Beomgyu can’t hold back the groan he lets out, and Kai gathers all his self-control to detach himself from him.
He’s instantly greeted by Beomgyu’s dazed expression, his lips bitten red while his jaw falls lax as if he’s simply awestruck.
It is satisfying, gratifying even, Kai’s sure of it now.
“Wow,” he utters eventually, still visibly breathless, and Kai knows he isn’t faring that well either. Still, he knows just kissing Beomgyu wouldn’t cut it, so he clears his throat awkwardly, hands finding the other man’s shoulders.
Kai titters for a moment, and Beomgyu seems to figure out that he has something to say, though he doesn’t rush him at all.
“So I… I’m sorry for earlier.”
“What? No, I brought you the egg tarts because I wanted to. And I’m the one who should be sorry, I dropped by unannounced.”
Shaking his head, Kai thumbs at his bite mark mindlessly. “No, that’s not it. I’m sorry for how I acted. If I came across as unappreciative and cold. It’s not like that. I’m happy, really. I just don’t really know how to act around you, and with Taehyun there, I got even more flustered.”
“And– And Taehyun, he knows about our…” His heart sinks a little at the reminder, and he feels a little awkward mentioning their fuckbuddy relationship. “Uhm, about what we are, I mean. And that made me a bit nervous.”
He looks at his feet, not daring to meet Beomgyu’s eyes.
“I don’t know if this sounds too much, but I like being around you. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea because I’m thankful for everything you do for me.”
Beomgyu stays silent throughout his little speech, and when Kai finally musters enough courage to look up, he’s greeted by the other man’s contemplative expression.
“So all this,” – Beomgyu gestures between them – “it’s because you feel bad?”
Kai shakes his head, face growing hot. “You seem to like kissing so– So I thought, this would be the best way to convey to you how I feel.”
Kai knows he’s dangerously teetering into confession territory, but frankly, since the day he woke up to Beomgyu tidying his room with a smile on his face, the lines had already been blurring dangerously to the point he has no idea where the parameters of their relationship lie.
But the other man doesn’t correct him or stop him, and Kai supposes this is somehow still allowed. If anything, Beomgyu seems to grow bashful, his ears turning redder than they already had been as he smiles slowly. This time, he can’t seem to meet Kai’s eyes, playing with his fingers instead.
“I… I was afraid I was doing too much,” he confesses eventually. “I’m new to this, so I tend to get ahead of myself. I’m sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable or pressured.”
Kai shakes his head frantically. “You’re perfectly fine, Beomgyu hyung.”
Maybe too perfect. Far too perfect. Kai just doesn’t want to kick open that can of worms right now.
“But me too.. I– I’m new to this too. I don’t know what’s okay and what’s not, or how to act either. So don’t apologize again. If there’s something I’m not comfortable with, I’ll let you know. And if I cross any boundaries or make you upset, you can tell me too.”
Honestly, Kai has never pictured himself actually saying so much to Beomgyu. It’s a level of honesty he hardly establishes with anyone, and the thought that he’s actually telling all these to his fuckbuddy and one-sided crush fucks with his mind a little.
As always, Beomgyu nods, his smile impossibly wide, and Kai’s beginning to understand that this man’s patience with him seems to know no bounds.
“Thank you for telling me all that. You don’t know how much it means to me.”
“And uhm…” Kai hesitates, turning a bit bashful. “I haven’t tried the egg tarts yet. If you want to, we could try them together. Well uhm, if you’re free, that is.”
Beomgyu’s face lights up even more, his beautiful whisker dimples showing with how brightly he’s beaming.
He squeezes Kai’s hands, his eyes shining.
“I’d love to.”
-
Despite how vehemently he had denied Taehyun’s preposterous claims that Beomgyu was behaving like his boyfriend, Kai begins to notice the slivers of truth to Taehyun’s words as more time passes.
For starters, Kai slowly realizes that they’re going on way too many outings and hanging out at each other’s places way too often. The crux of this is that many of these outings don’t end in sex. Which, well, takes the ‘fuck’ out of the ‘fuckbuddies’. Yet, it also seems as if they’re behaving less and less like buddies and more like… lovers – as much as Kai hates to delude himself. It's just hard not to grow enamored when Beomgyu plans each date meticulously and looks genuinely joyful to be around Kai.
And Kai, being Kai, simply takes it. Being able to have Beomgyu's fond gaze on him over and over is something he had never dared to imagine, and he wants to cherish it before he eventually has to let it go.
But the awareness of how Beomgyu slipped into his life easily only sinks in properly when the man invites Kai to their college’s summer musical festival to watch his band play.
By now, their strange arrangement has gone on for slightly over a month, and till now, neither of them has addressed the elephant in the room. Perhaps Kai’s also too afraid to entertain the thought of putting another name to their relationship.
For some reason, the invitation has Kai nervous and antsy, mostly because up till then, their time together has mostly been spent in private. Kai’s never met any of Beomgyu’s friends, and he’s even seen the man shoo his friends away a couple of times before greeting him. It doesn’t seem as if Beomgyu’s hiding the fact that they’re close, so Kai guesses he’s just being cautious, knowing how socially inept Kai is.
Despite the nervousness, he can’t deny that he’d been itching to watch Beomgyu perform live. He’s heard Beomgyu chatter exuberantly about the things his band’s been working on a few times, and it’s regrettable that he’s only managed to watch videos of their performances online.
Besides, the invitation felt personal to Beomgyu, with how he’d shyly brought it up one night after their attempt at watching a movie at Kai’s dorm embarrassingly ended with him on top of the other man, riding him needily instead.
Kai had considered it to be an episode of post-orgasm pillow talk, but his flimsy theory was quickly disproved the next day when Beomgyu followed up with a text on the details of the festival and when his band would be on.
With how important Beomgyu sees music, Kai wasn’t going to treat it flippantly, no matter how uncertain he felt. So, putting on his big boy pants, he shows up for the festival, thankfully flanked by Taehyun on his side.
He isn’t sure if it’s out of character, but he’d also spent the past few days deliberating on a congratulatory gift before deciding on a bouquet of green and purple hydrangeas.
As they pass throngs of students, Kai can’t help but feel out of place as someone who’s not used to attending events like that.
Someone pushes past him to join the crowd in front of the stage, and Kai ends up scooting closer to Taehyun, clinging to his arm while shielding his precious bouquet.
Some other band is performing right now and Kai knows Beomgyu’s band will only go on at the end. The venue’s packed, and he wonders how many people are here to see Beomgyu’s band perform.
Taehyun tugs him to the side. They’re thankfully much taller than most of their schoolmates, so arriving late hasn’t affected their view. Still, the number of bodies brushing past him is getting him antsy.
Being the sweetheart he is, Taehyun swaps their positions so Kai can lean against the makeshift barricade on the side.
“Your boyfriend’s popular,” Taehyun yells over the music, prompting Kai to squirm and slap him on the shoulder.
Quickly scanning their surroundings and making sure everyone around is occupied, Kai loops his arm around Taehyun’s again.
“He’s not my boyfriend!”
They’ve revisited this topic several times by now, and he still remembers the nasty side-eye Taehyun just gave him just a couple of days ago when he dropped by to hang out at Kai’s place, only to be greeted by a mini-pinup board with a collage of their polaroids together.
For some reason, Beomgyu had put this together and decorated it before gifting it to Kai. Kai genuinely has no idea what compelled the other man to do this, but he’d put it up on his wall anyway. It wasn’t that big, in Kai’s humble opinion, so he supposes it could’ve been the fairy lights that made it look a little flashy to Taehyun, who made yet another age-old comment about that being a textbook couple’s gift.
As a professional deflector, Kai had easily fended off his chiding.
And now, Taehyun’s casting him the exact same side-eye, which only leaves Kai sulking. He knows things between Beomgyu and him are ambiguous, but he’s also deathly afraid that addressing the glaring problem would only burst his bubble if he finds out that somehow, Beomgyu doesn’t feel the same way about him.
He loves Beomgyu as much as he hates admitting it, and he can’t imagine everything they have now being taken away from him just because he’s greedy.
But minus the ‘boyfriend’ part, Taehyun’s right. He knows Beomgyu and his band are fairly popular in their university, but now that he looks around, there are actually a hefty number of people holding towels with his band’s name on them. If he cranes his neck to survey the crowd, a few of them are even holding handmade signs with Beomgyu’s name on them.
It’s quite a lot of support for a college student band and Kai can’t help but feel proud of him, even though he has zero part in his success.
Taehyun leans against his shoulder, gently rocking to the music while Kai slides his phone out.
He’d gotten better at texting in the past month with his conscious effort to reply to Beomgyu’s messages more frequently when they’re not together. It isn’t bad at all, and Kai genuinely likes hearing from the other man about his day. He supposes Beomgyu must be busy preparing for their set, so it somehow warms his heart to find an unread message sitting in their chat.
bbomgyu hyong
kaikaiii ❤️
you’re coming right?
it’s really hot out today, stay hydrated if you’re coming <3
Received 7.16pm
Kai can’t help but smile at the message.
of course
I’m already here with taehyun
stay hydrated too hyung
Sent 7.28pm
He snaps a blurry photo of himself and Taehyun before sending it to the chat.
bbomgyu hyong
kaikaiiii ❤️🥹
you’re so cute with your hair all fluffy, i’m energized now
thank you for coming down 🥹🥹🥹
a little nervous but I’ll work my hardest not to embarrass you 🫡🫡
and hi taehyun!
Received 7.30pm
why would you embarrass me hyung?
you’ll do great, don’t be nervous
I’ve seen so many of your videos, you guys are great
and I’ve heard hyung sing and listened to all the music you’ve made
you are amazing, I’m happy I finally get to see you perform live
also, so many people are here just for you guys
Sent 7.34pm
bbomgyu hyong
oh
oh wow 🥺🥺🥺
I’m gonna print your messages and paste them on my guitar 🥺
crappp I gtg but find me at our tent after our set? I’ve told the festival staff to let you through 🥺
Received 7.36pm
Beomgyu doesn’t respond for a while after, so Kai figures they’ll be on soon.
He ends up a bit distracted while waiting for Beomgyu’s set, but he’s thankful that Taehyun seems super taken by the soloist going before Beomgyu’s band, the man busting out some sort of hip-hop song with a full shirt-ripping choreography that has the whole crowd screaming “YJ” over and over like they’re possessed. Meanwhile, Taehyun looks a whole different level of possessed, his jaw lax and eyes transfixed.
It’s the first time Kai’s seeing Taehyun that mesmerized and he makes a mental note to tease him about it next time.
But any stray thoughts of making fun of his friend fly out the window after the emcee emerges to introduce the final act of the night, and the band begins to set up at the back.
Taehyun nudges him while the crowd turns boisterous, but everything dulls into white noise when Beomgyu steps out last, plugging his guitar and playing a few stray notes as they run some sort of quick soundcheck.
And then he’s tapping the mic, a boyish smile gracing his beautiful features as he greets the crowd.
Kai feels his heart stop. Down here, he feels incredibly small. He doubts Beomgyu can see him, given how he’s standing far to the side, even though he’s towering over several students around him.
Down here, he can see Beomgyu sparkle and shine, looking impossibly ethereal as he visibly scans the crowd, yet remains unfazed by the huge audience he’s faced with.
“Thanks for coming down in this heat. We should make it even hotter here, shouldn’t we?”
The crowd roaring alive jolts Kai out of his stupor, and he feels like a teenage girl, his heart throbbing and racing just from watching a hot singer on stage.
But if he had been starry-eyed just watching Beomgyu talk, he’s truly starstruck the moment the music really starts. And of course, Beomgyu starts their opening song with his clear vocals before sliding straight into a guitar solo that has everyone swooning.
Kai’s heard this song before. It’s one of the few original releases their band put out recently, and Beomgyu had apparently produced it from start to finish despite their limited resources. He stands still for a long while, simply wonderstruck.
The Beomgyu on stage is different – he’s wild, free, and the smile on his face never leaves with each word leaving his lips and each strum of his electric guitar. Kai feels breathless just watching him bloom.
He can feel Taehyun jostle his body as he jumps along with the rest of the crowd, but Beomgyu’s simply so hypnotic, Kai’s completely sucked in, only gaining a little bit more of his composure after the first song ends.
The drummer starts the next song with a sharp four-count stick clip, and as soon as the rest of the band joins in, Kai’s ecstatic to realize that he recognizes this one too. It’s also another one of their band’s originals, a song full of hope that Kai truly adores.
He startles Taehyun slightly when he begins bouncing on his feet along with the music, though he’s still pretty new to the mechanics of concert-going, so his movement and cheering end up a bit awkward. But everyone around him seems so enthralled by the performance, he begins to shed his self-consciousness as the band goes through another couple of upbeat songs that have everyone’s spirits soaring.
After their fourth song, the band takes a short break as Beomgyu addresses the crowd again with a short talking segment.
“It’s so great to see everyone having fun. Your energy’s really infectious, I hope you’re all having as much fun as we are! Unfortunately, we’re coming to the end of our set soon with just two more songs.” Beomgyu pauses for a moment, looking down at the ground briefly before his smile turns a little bashful.
Kai’s familiar with the look. He’s familiar with the small sliver of quiet happiness that often graces Beomgyu’s face when he’s around Kai.
Like the first morning after Kai found Beomgyu rearranging his plushies with a tender smile on his face, or the time Kai pulled him to the corner of the library just to tell him that he appreciated his gestures and liked spending time with him, or most recently, when he prepared that collage of their polaroids just to present them to Kai.
Kai knows that smile, but he doesn’t know what to feel with Beomgyu’s words that come right after.
“The next song is something we’re showing to everyone for the first time. It’s a little different from our usual music, just something I’ve been working on recently so…” – he turns to offer his bandmates a mock salute before turning back – “thanks to the rest of the boys for arranging this into something we can perform today too. You see, a bit of a TMI, but this one was written for someone special and… I hope they’re listening too.”
The crowd breaks into a cacophony of hoots and teasing whoops, and even Taehyun turns to Kai with his eyes wider than ever.
“No way… Is he–”
Kai freezes, unable to respond. His mind is blank and he’s sure he looks extremely stupid. Even more so if he’d completely misinterpreted what he thinks Beomgyu meant.
He genuinely wants to curb the hope bubbling in his chest, genuinely wants to tell Taehyun, and then himself, that Beomgyu isn’t referring to him. It could literally be anyone. Maybe a parent, maybe a close friend he wants to commemorate, maybe even someone else special.
Because they’re friends with benefits, aren’t they? And Kai knows their relationship is something conditional, something that comes without strings. Even if they’ve been acting like lovers, it doesn’t mean they are actually lovers.
Kai just doesn’t know why the thought of Beomgyu dedicating a song to someone else stings just as much as his futile attempts to curb the hope bubbling in his chest.
“It could be for someone else,” he mutters, and Taehyun clicks his tongue.
“You’re gone case. Just listen to it first,” he shakes his head, though Kai is more focused on trying to regulate his breath as the stage lights dim again and Beomgyu’s washed in a calmer, greenish hue.
The song’s slower, or at least, not as upbeat as the band’s earlier setlist, and Kai feels a little like crying when Beomgyu sets his guitar aside to focus only on singing.
“‘Let everyone but me fail’. That was the immature wish I once made.”
Kai’s always found Beomgyu’s voice warm and comforting, and the song being slower and utilizing his lower register has him completely gripped, each word clear and sincere as they leave his lips.
He takes in every lyric, every phrase, piecing them together in his head.
“These small shoulders that used to cower, will now be a dam to hold your tears.”
Kai feels his sinuses burning, his heart clenching, and no matter how hard he tries to stop himself from falling into a pit of delusions, the sincerity in Beomgyu’s voice feels so real, it’s almost tangible.
“Now, even the smallest things, I’ll leave half of them for you. Fill my heart, the deep scars carved into my soul begin to heal.”
Too real, Kai so badly wants to believe the words he are singing are for him.
“When I give you my half, the empty space now overflows with happiness.”
He’s standing far off to the side, but he swears Beomgyu’s gaze flickers over in his direction for a short moment before his eyes flutter shut again.
“You can take my half.”
The song comes to an end, the final notes ringing in the still air. Yet Kai’s heart is still pounding harder than ever, his eyes shining with overwhelmed, unshed tears.
He feels Taehyun nudge him just as Beomgyu thanks the crowd and prepares them for the final song of their set.
“Dude, I think it was for you. He looked over at you so many times, I swear.”
Kai’s heart is still racing, his gaze still fixated on Beomgyu while his muscles refuse to react.
This time, he can’t formulate a retort to shut Taehyun down.
This time, he thinks he’s sure he wants it to be true – wants Beomgyu to really feel the same for him.
Wants Beomgyu to actually love him the same way.
-
Grass crunches under the soles of his shoes, the chattering of throngs of students fading in the distance as he heads to the performers’ tents.
Taehyun had apparently received a text from someone that completely took his attention, and it'd seemed urgent enough, Kai let him rush off first with the promise of updating each other the next day.
Consequently, Kai's left inching toward the performers’ tents alone. For once, the mess of emotions in his head is so boisterous, it triumphs his self-consciousness as he plods his way to the tents.
There, he's greeted by a new wave of chattering, and when he looks up, he can see the previous performers snapping photos and some chatting away with other students.
He titters at the edge of the cordoned area hesitantly, till someone jogs up to him. It's a familiar face, and Kai recognizes the man to be one of Beomgyu's bandmates.
“Kai, right?” the man questions brightly without any preamble. He flashes a grin when Kai nods meekly.
“I'm Soobin, Beomgyu’s bandmate, in case you didn't already know. Beomgyu couldn't shut up about you coming by after our set, so I thought I'd come check if you were here so he'd stop nagging.”
Kai feels his ears tinge red. Maybe Taehyun was right. With all the Beomgyu's done for him, all the gestures, all the time they spent together, all the kisses and tender words – maybe he meant all of them, and maybe the song had really been dedicated to him.
“Ah, I'm so sorry for the trouble.”
Soobin laughs, tugging up the belt of the queue pole and beckoning Kai to enter. Kai does, crouching a little so he can crawl through quickly.
“Not at all, we should be thanking you for giving us the happiest Beomgyu we've ever seen.” He eyes Kai’s bouquet for a moment. “Oh wow. He’d love that. For real. It’s gorgeous.”
The words only add to Kai's turmoil, his stomach churning in a mix of anticipation and nervousness.
“Thank you, I’m relieved.”
“I’m sure he’d be kicking his feet even if you just brought him a handful of soil. Ah but I've gotta run off. Beomgyu's in the last tent down this row. Is it alright if you head there yourself?”
“Yeah, of course. Thanks Soobin, it was nice meeting you.”
With that, Kai’s left trudging the rest of his way through the tents. He spots Beomgyu a distance away, but he stops himself before he can wave at the other man, finding him occupied in conversation with someone else.
He freezes, taking an instinctive step back as he takes in the scene.
Beomgyu’s talking to a girl Kai doesn’t quite recognize, the girl reaching out to squeeze his arm as they laugh over something.
Kai has no idea why his stomach sinks just like that.
Maybe he’s just unnecessarily possessive, maybe he’s just being childish, or maybe he’s just been reminded that his relationship with Beomgyu has no strings attached, and at any point, he could simply decide that he’s done with it all.
Then all of it would come to an end – his fond smiles, his tender kisses, his constant reassurance.
Meanwhile, Kai feels like he’s been doused in ice water, watching the gorgeous girl giggle daintily, her forehead tipping forward as she gets closer to Beomgyu with each laugh.
It’s picture perfect – she’s beautiful, he’s gorgeous, and they even have the textbook heart-fluttering height difference straight out of a K-drama. Kai doesn’t mean to, he genuinely doesn’t mean to, but he feels his mind sobering up as he looks down at himself.
Who was he to think he could even be worthy of being Beomgyu’s significant other?
Look at him and look at me. What was I even thinking?
He stays quiet, not daring to make a sound as he simply waits. He considers just turning around to leave, but he can’t bear to break a promise he’d already made to Beomgyu.
After all, Beomgyu hadn’t done anything wrong, even if they were actually dating, he’s just talking to someone else like a normal person and Kai’s the one who let it trigger his spiral.
More importantly, they aren’t even dating. It had been Kai who let his imagination and delusions run wild, and perhaps this was a much-needed reminder for him to wake up before he did something stupid like confess to Beomgyu and ruin everything they had.
So he struggles to keep himself afloat as he stays a distance away. Suddenly, with the various performers and their friends milling about, he feels incredibly out of place. This is Beomgyu’s world. It was never meant for someone like him – someone who never even felt confident in his own skin.
Someone bumps into him, and with how distracted he is, he stumbles, the bouquet falling to the ground with a pathetic thud.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”
He shakes his head, his face growing hot from shame as he steadies himself before rushing to pick up the bouquet. There’s damp soil sticking to the pastel-coloured paper, and he feels his eyes burn petulantly as he stays cowered in humiliation, struggling to pat the clumps of soil from the bouquet.
But all it does is leave his hands feeling grainy and dirty and it makes him even more embarrassed. Some of the flowers are out of place too, and the fall had caused a bunch of petals to scatter, the humid weather not helping it stay fresh at all.
“Kai?”
The voice is familiar. Of course it is. He just can’t bring himself to look up as he remains crouched over the bouquet, his knees digging into the soil.
“Babe? What’s wrong?”
Beomgyu’s voice is much nearer, and Kai wishes he’d disappear right this instant.
“Kai-ya.” Beomgyu wraps his hands around his gently, firmly, and for a moment, the other man’s touch is painfully grounding, till his awareness sets in and he flinches, jerking his hands away.
He looks up sharply, in time to watch shock mar Beomgyu’s features.
“Kai…?”
A moment passes just like that, with him staring at Beomgyu as the din in his head refuses to quieten down. Blinking slowly, he looks up to find Beomgyu’s friend from earlier standing a distance behind, concern written on her face.
For the hundredth time in the past ten minutes, shame floods him again.
He feels someone else touch his shoulder, and he flinches on instinct. He’s far too sensitive for anyone to be touching him like this.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to bump into you. Are you okay?”
Before he can formulate and answer, Beomgyu looks up at whoever’s towering over them, his stare a lot colder and harder than Kai’s used to.
“I’ve got it from here.”
The stranger apologizes again, leaving them alone.
“Love, are you okay? Did you get hurt?” Beomgyu doesn’t touch him this time, though his tone is soft, almost as if he’s aware that Kai’s in a strange headspace.
But Kai forces himself to be mature. The least he could ruin Beomgyu’s important night. He tries to laugh, but it comes out all high-pitched and wrong.
“I’m okay! Sorry hyung, I just got startled.”
“Don’t be sorry. As long as you’re not hurt. Sorry, I didn’t notice you were already here,” Beomgyu reassures him, his voice honeyed and patient as always. “Can you get up?”
Kai averts the concerned gaze he’s offered, staring hard at the ruined bouquet in his hands instead.
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks hyung.” He stands up, trying not to stumble and embarrass himself again. Once he’s up on his feet, he hides the bouquet behind his back, terribly humiliated. Till now, he can’t bring himself to look at Beomgyu’s face again.
“Should we leave? I’m done here. Soobin’s arranged for our equipment to be brought back later.” Kai cringes at himself. Here he is, being a mess, and there Beomgyu is again, being kind and sweet as always when he’s hardly deserving of it.
“Anything is fine.” He forces a smile.
Beomgyu doesn’t say anything for a while, forcing Kai to finally look up to find him clearly pensive.
“If you need to stay to talk to anyone else, it’s fine too,” he adds lamely.
Blinking slowly, Beomgyu smiles abruptly. “Of course not, I was just waiting for you. Let’s go. I’ll call a taxi.”
He tries not to pay too much mind when Beomgyu bids his friend goodbye and she does the same to both of them, smiling stiffly as they pass her.
Everything’s buzzing in his ear, but he’s stopped when he tries to discreetly chuck the flowers into the first bin they pass.
Beomgyu hadn’t touched him since his overreaction earlier, but this time, he seems to have broken that unspoken caution, his hand on Kai’s arm as he stares at him with wide eyes.
“W-Why are you throwing it?”
Kai swears he’s never heard Beomgyu sound so unsure and he grows even more embarrassed, tears prickling his eyes.
“I mean,” – Beomgyu laughs awkwardly – “I thought they were for me. It’s okay if they’re not, I just…”
Yet again, he’s behaving thoughtlessly, and Beomgyu’s hesitance makes Kai feel bad all over again. Even if Beomgyu doesn’t love him the same way, it doesn’t negate any of the kindness and care he’s bestowed on Kai. He clears his mind, trying to stay rational despite the conflicting emotions in his head.
“They’re damaged, and I don’t want you to receive something damaged,” he explains softly. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t careful enough.”
“Is that why–” At that, something akin to relief flits across Beomgyu’s face and he laughs, this time lighter and more genuine than before.
“Kai-ya, I’m already so thankful and happy that you came and this?” He takes the bouquet from Kai, smiling as he looks at it. “This is beautiful and they’re even my favorite colours too. I could never ask for anything better.”
Nodding stiffly, Kai forces a smile. “I’m relieved then, sorry, I should have been more careful.”
“Love, I told you to stop apologizing around me. This is more than anything I could ask for.”
Beomgyu seems at ease now and Kai’s grateful for it. He’d acted strangely earlier, and he decides here and now that all he can do is treasure what they have now. He doesn’t want Beomgyu to leave him, and even though it’s inevitable, he’ll do his best to make him stay for as long as he can.
“I’ll call a taxi now. We can go to your place if you’re up for it?”
It stings, Kai’ll admit. It hurts so fucking bad, but every second with Beomgyu is unearned, and he wants it to last as long as it can.
“Of course, hyung.”
-
The ride and short walk back are quiet, and the more Kai stews, the more desperate he feels. Beomgyu had sought him out first for sex. That’s a blatant fact. Everything else that came with it was just a bonus for a very, very lucky Kai.
He’s already established it in his head – he doesn’t want it to end.
“Hyung, you looked so cool up there,” he interrupts the silence abruptly after Beomgyu closes the door behind them and heads straight to Kai’s kitchen to search for something to store the flowers.
He’s really too perfect, Kai swears as Beomgyu looks up, a soft smile playing on his lips. It’s a smile so genuine, it’s as if he cares what Kai feels about his performance.
“Did you enjoy it?” He places the flowers carefully into a jar before stepping forward, taking Kai’s hands in his.
“Of course I did, hyung. You were shining so brightly.”
Even in this space, which Kai had already begun to see as their sanctuary, he feels like he’s suffocating. It’s hard to breathe, desperation clawing its way out of his stomach, which churns disconcertingly.
“Did you–” He doesn’t let Beomgyu finish his sentence, urgency getting the better of him and prompting him to lean forward abruptly to kiss him instead.
He wants Beomgyu to stay with him.
Despite the surprise, Beomgyu melts into the kiss quickly, letting go of his hands to brace his hips instead.
Several voices in his head are buzzing away, each one less coherent than the next, and he lets the insidious desperation take control of him as he pulls Beomgyu backwards with him, not breaking their kiss as he moves them to his room.
“Wait–” Beomgyu tries to interrupt, though Kai’s mind is so set, he can’t process the other man trying to speak against his lips.
In his clumsy haste, they end up stumbling, collapsing onto Kai’s mattress in a mess of limbs.
But Beomgyu presses both hands against his shoulders, peeling himself away firmly.
Kai’s eyes fly wide open, meeting the other man’s searching ones.
He hovers on top of him, breathless but clearly contemplative.
“Kai, love, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Something inside Kai snaps.
He can’t really process it, simply feels the roaring of blood in his ears come to an abrupt halt. Simply feels everything go deathly quiet while his stomach flips so hard he thinks it’s impossible for him to come back to shore again.
He vaguely feels his limbs going numb, vaguely registers everything go numb, his body refusing to respond.
He hears Beomgyu talking, but it’s faraway, as if he’s truly underwater, sees his lips moving, but his brain isn’t responding, isn’t processing a single thing being said to him.
He barely registers Beomgyu’s expression turning into one of panic, barely registers his name being called with more urgency than before.
“... Kai, breathe please…”
He’s hyperventilating, he realizes, and he coughs on instinct, though he’s not exactly consignant of what’s going on – not with him, not with his body, not with anything, he supposes.
With clouds for bones, he lets Beomgyu pull him upright and prop him against a pillow.
Another cough is pried out of his throat amidst his frantic gasps and he realizes his body’s struggling to breathe, realizes that his cheeks are wet and his eyes are stinging. Yet, it feels as if he’s detached from it all. Feels as if he’s watching himself break down from the looking glass, his body only responding on autopilot.
“... Kai, do you need an inhaler? Do you have one?”
He tries to count in his head, attempting to get a grip of his consciousness again and it works a little better, he’s able to slowly pace his gasping till they die down into shaky breaths.
It takes him another few moments to take in Beomgyu’s question, and he shakes his head finally.
God, he’s crying. He’d just had a breakdown in front of Beomgyu, but the tears just won’t fucking stop.
He tries to push at Beomgyu’s chest, tries to push him away, hoping he’d take the hint and leave so he can stop bearing witness to yet another weak side of Kai. But his weak attempts are futile and Beomgyu doesn’t relent.
“Kai-ya, what’s wrong? Please tell me what I can do to help. Please tell me what you need.” There’s a terrifying layer of vulnerability underlying Beomgyu’s words, leaking out freely with each crack in his cadence, and Kai feels so guilty.
Feels so fucking guilty.
The tears won’t stop, and he’s pathetically exhausted, mentally, physically, whatever. There’s no energy in him to fight back against Beomgyu’s relentless grip. No energy in him to let him fight against the pressure that has him crumbling.
He completely gives up, letting his tears flow freely as he sobs, every single insecurity and heartbreak channeled into the weak cries that leave his lips trembling.
Beomgyu lunges forward, hugging him, not tight enough to affect his shaky breathing, but just firm enough for Kai to know that he’ll be held through it all.
Just firm enough for him to stop resisting so the other man can support his lifeless frame while he weeps pathetically.
Just firm enough for him to lean against as he lets himself fall.
-
Kai’s certain he’s never felt so exhausted his whole life, and when he pries his sore eyes open again, they’re so puffy, it takes a few blinks for his vision to clear up.
There are arms around his waist, and he can feel how Beomgyu had tucked his hand under his body, as if he were afraid Kai would leave once he woke up.
The events of the previous night flood his head, and regret sets in right away.
What have you done this time?
“Kai?”
He snaps out of his dooming spiral at Beomgyu’s hoarse voice. The man stirs, nuzzling his cheek against Kai’s chest as if he’s subconsciously making sure he’s still there.
Kai’s tired. Exhausted. With himself, he decides. With how terribly cruel his mind is to him, if he’s being honest.
“Kai?” Beomgyu sounds more alert now, pushing himself up so he can look at Kai’s face.
Letting the man he loves see him like this is humiliating, but Beomgyu’s eyes are gentle, impossibly pained, and Kai knows for sure this time, that his care is genuine. It always had been, but Kai was too up in his head to want to believe it extended beyond kindness.
Beomgyu frees his hand to thumb at Kai’s swollen eyes.
“Love, how are you feeling?”
He should be confused, should be irritated even, with how many times Kai has behaved so strangely, yet he remains so tender, so patient, so loving.
His eyelids fall shut again, far too heavy for him to keep them open under Beomgyu’s worried gaze.
There’s a long beat of silence, but he doesn’t register Beomgyu moving away. His hand cradling his cheek is oddly grounding.
He opens his eyes, staring back at Beomgyu.
“I love you, Beomgyu hyung.”
There’s an odd sense of clarity when the words leave Kai’s lips. As if a weight has been lifted from his chest, even if the fear of Beomgyu not feeling the same cripples him just as quickly.
The man’s lips part silently, his eyes widening as if he’d never expected Kai to say those words.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, skin buzzing and his limbs turning numb the longer he looks at Beomgyu. “I didn’t mean to. I know we’re not meant to be anything, but how could I not fall in love with you?”
His eyes are so tired, and just as he thought his tear ducts would’ve been out of commission for the next few days, his body defies him, tears petulantly welling in his eyes.
He’d never tried to think really hard about how Beomgyu would react if he ever confessed, and right now, trepidation constricts his throat as he watches the other man slowly furrow his eyebrows.
No matter how hard he tries to control his emotions, his body’s fight or flight response still threatens to kick in.
“I’m sorry, hyung, I tried not to. I really did.”
Beomgyu snaps into attention, clearly taken aback as he quickly thumbs at Kai’s eyes. “No no, you’ve got it wrong. Shh, I’m sorry, calm down, love. I’m just confused, I promise, it’s nothing bad.”
Kai takes a shaky breath, staring back at Beomgyu and trying to commit every feature to his memory, in fear that this would be the last time he’s allowed to be so close to him.
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m just trying to understand what you just said.”
Only then does he realize his nails are digging into Beomgyu’s sides. He feels like a child, a petulant one at that, and he forces himself to loosen his grip.
“I–” Beomgyu seems genuinely baffled, and Kai can’t stop himself from spiraling the longer the other man takes to find his words. “First, I couldn’t be happier to hear you say that. I love you so much, my angel. I’m sorry, I was afraid of making you feel pressured, so I didn’t want to rush into telling you that. Please know that, as corny as it sounds, I love you so much.”
“I just– I wanted to convey it to you without being too direct, and last night when you started acting distant when we met after the show, I thought I’d still ended up scaring you anyway.” Beomgyu’s brows are knitted into a frown as he hesitates.
“But you’re here telling me you love me, as if you don’t think I feel the same, and I– I think my message was missed.”
“What?”
Beomgyu looks genuinely stressed and confused, but Kai’s just as busy trying to comprehend the situation himself.
“Last night, the song I performed and said it was for someone special. It was my letter to you. It wasn’t as direct because I didn’t want to pressure you. I just wanted to convey how much you meant to me. So when you started acting distant, I panicked and thought maybe you found it too much.”
He takes a deep breath. “But it seems like that wasn’t the case and I– I don’t get it. Why are you apologizing now for telling me you love me? Why are you saying we aren’t meant to be anything? What exactly happened last night? Is there something I’m not doing right?”
Kai’s mind is running a mile a minute, trying to take in all of Beomgyu’s words. Meanwhile, the man pauses, clearly trying to stop himself from rattling off.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to overwhelm you. I’m just so confused now, and if there’s something I’m doing wrong that makes you feel as if my feelings aren’t sincere, please tell me, so I can fix this. I want us to work. I will always want to be a better boyfriend for you.”
It takes a full ten seconds for the word to sink in.
“Boyfriend?”
Boyfriend?
Beomgyu’s frown deepens. “Sorry, does that word bother you? I suspected you didn’t want labels on our relationship, so I’ve been careful about that, but I’ve always seen you as my boyfriend. If you don’t want that label on our relationship, that’s fine too. Just know that I have always been committed to this. I am committed to you. That won’t change.”
“No I–” Kai’s getting breathless, his heart stopping and brain short-circuiting. “I didn’t know we– That’s not–”
He’s a stuttering mess, but it should be justified, given how he’s clearly missed something. But Beomgyu looks so sincere and determined, and Kai tries to rummage through his head as he pries every memory from their past conversations.
I enjoyed my time with you, you’re really cute, and I’ve noticed you for a long time since we shared the same classes.
It’s a little early to say, but I’ll make you happy, I promise
I'd love to, but it's our first day, and I don't want to rush things. Though we already got the order a little wrong.
The way Beomgyu planned their outings like they were dates, the way he’d surprise him with gifts and letters just because. And god, how could Kai not realize after Beomgyu gave him the handmade photo collage just a few days ago? Had that been their monthsary?
Kai feels his face grow impossibly warm.
“Hyung… Please don’t be shocked.” His voice is small as the embarrassment begins to set in.
“What do you mean?”
He swallows the lump in his throat. “I… had no idea we were dating.”
The way Beomgyu’s eyes widen is completely fair, but it doesn’t stop Kai from sinking further into shame.
“What? What– What was all of this to you then?”
“The first time you asked me to stay in contact, I thought you meant that you wanted to be…” he swallows dryly again, his skin buzzing from the embarrassment.
“Fuck buddies.”
Beomgyu looks both shocked and alarmed. “Did I come across that way? Through the past month too?! No wait. Fuck– I’m so sorry. Was that all you wanted from me too? From us?”
Shaking his head furiously, Kai brings his hands up to circle them around Beomgyu. It’s as if the tables have turned, and now, he’s afraid that Beomgyu would be mad enough to leave.
“No no, please listen to me, I’m sorry, this must sound ridiculous. I’ve always had a crush on you. But you reached out after we had a one-night stand, and I thought that you just enjoyed the sex. I have to confess… all this time, even before we started what we have, I’ve never felt worthy of your attention, so I thought you were proposing we be friends with benefits, and for me? That’s everything. I was sure you would never look at me differently, and the chance to be close to you would never come again, so I said yes.”
He takes a deep breath, realizing he’s laying out all his cards and insecurities in front of the man he loves.
“I thought I could manage my feelings. I was willing to pretend I didn’t like you romantically just to be near you. But you were so sweet, so loving, and I just couldn’t stop myself from falling for you, even though I kept reminding myself that what you’ve given me is already so much more than I deserve. And I started to hate myself for being so hopelessly in love with you and so fearful of the fact that you could just call it quits anytime if you found someone else you really love.”
Beomgyu’s eyes grow glassy as if he’s pained. As if hearing Kai disregard his own hurt actually pains him as well.
“Last night I… I finally let myself be a little optimistic and think the song could have been for me. So I wanted to confess to you that I didn’t just want to be friends with benefits anymore. That I wanted our relationship to be more definite. But I saw you talking to someone else, and I was reminded that I’m just a small part of your world.”
He laughs dryly, his eyes stinging again, and even though it seems like he’d just gone in circles stupidly, the ache is still there. The insecurity, the hollow fear eating up his chest – it’s still very much real.
“She was so beautiful, so bright, so friendly and outgoing, and it made me realize how stupid I was. It was like a wake-up call, you get me? Like it wasn’t just about her. But just in general, that you could fall in love with someone else for real with how many better people there are out there, and we would have to end things. So I got desperate, and I’m sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind last night. I just thought, if all I could offer you was sex, then I had to do my best to make sure it lasted as long as possible.”
“Oh Kai–” Beomgyu knocks their foreheads together, his breath growing wet and labored, and Kai wants to laugh at how ridiculous this situation is. How Beomgyu’s crying for him after he’d been the one to chase tails for no reason.
“Kai no I… I’m sorry, it just hurts me to hear that I’ve caused all of this. I’ve caused you to have to go through all of this alone.”
This time, Kai actually laughs, though it comes out weak and hoarse. It’s just like Beomgyu to always put Kai first.
“Hyung, what are you apologizing for? You never did anything wrong. I was the one who misunderstood everything. You were perfect the past month. Even though it was brief, there had been a moment, last night, that I felt deserving of your love. It’s my mind, it’s not kind to me, whether or not I knew you saw me as a boyfriend, I would have been insecure.”
Beomgyu shakes his head. “I told you, I like everything about you. No, I love everything about you, really. It only grew stronger the more I got to know you. You’re my strength these days, as cringey as that sounds. I just feel like I made you go through all of this insecurities alone while being blissfully unaware, when I could have been much clearer about my intentions. And worse, I’m starting to worry I didn’t make you feel loved enough.”
“Are you kidding, hyung? Taehyun was scolding me for saying all you’ve done for me was because you were kind and not because you were my boyfriend. He… He kinda clocked it the first time you came by with egg tarts. I just refused to believe him.”
Beomgyu shifts so he’s resting his weight all on him.
“Kai-ya, I love you, and I know there are a lot of deeper issues we need to work on, and my love and words will not be enough. But I love you for you. I love every version of you, in the morning when you’re groggy and grumpy, when you’re hard at work and concentrated, when you’re tired and just want to lean on my shoulder without talking but don’t want to ask me to leave.”
“There’s so much more I could list. Every moment spent with you is so precious to me and you are so, so, so beautiful to me. Every feature, every curve, every little beauty mark. You don’t know how beautiful you are to me.”
Kai’s vision grows blurry yet again. He’s never really been a crier, often preferring to bottle up his emotions, but he’s done a concerning load of crying in the past few hours, and he wonders if his body is finally feeling safe enough to let his emotions out – to feel and process everything he’s feeling.
“I love you the way you are, even though we didn’t start off the conventional way. I’m sorry you thought all I wanted from you was sex. That was never the case, and this comes so late, but I want to say it anyway, since I never did it properly. But I want you to be my boyfriend, my lover. Is that okay?”
Kai blinks once, twice, lets yet another tear slide down his cheek. But his vision clears up and he finds himself staring into Beomgyu’s eyes. Finds himself properly seeing the earnesty and sincerity swimming in his irises.
“More than okay,” he whispers, voice cracking a little.
“I want to be yours, Beomgyu hyung.”
-
They spend the rest of the day lazing about, and Beomgyu seems to be extra clingy, refusing to let Kai out of his sight for long.
Everything is surreal. Way too surreal, and Kai belatedly finds it laughable that Beomgyu’s so obviously been treating him like his significant other for that long, yet he simply refused to believe it or even dared to bring it up to him.
Something seems to have been unleashed in Beomgyu, though, and he seems much more affectionate but Kai still opts to be more careful. The hurt remains raw for him, and he’s aware Beomgyu’s also still affected by what had happened.
After lots of whining from Beomgyu, they end up cuddling again. But unlike their usual position, Beomgyu has Kai lying between his legs and against his chest as he cards his fingers through his hair tenderly. He doesn’t bring it up, but he suspects his outburst last night must have scared Beomgyu and caused him a lot of worry.
He breaks the silence after a moment, probably after having had the whole afternoon to process everything.
“Kai-ya, can I ask you something?”
Kai hums in response, nearly lulled to sleep with how comfortable he feels.
“If I had made myself clearer when asking you out back then, would you have said yes to dating me?”
It’s something that had never occurred to Kai. Something he truly believed to be impossible, even more so after he was convinced that Beomgyu would’ve found his terrible lifestyle habits a turn-off from the start.
So he contemplates it seriously.
“It’s hard to explain but I think… I wouldn’t have said yes. Because the same fear would’ve stopped me. I always felt I didn’t have anything I could give you. But something like a friends-with-benefits relationship meant there was something I could offer you. If you asked to date me, I probably wouldn’t have believed you were being genuine. I’d probably have thought you were making fun of me.”
He climbs up, turning to face Beomgyu as he scoots closer till his thighs are caging his lover’s.
“So you don’t have to feel as if it’s your fault. It was an emotional mess for me, but if not for my stupid misunderstanding, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you better. And I wouldn’t have gotten to fall in love with you.”
He cups Beomgyu’s cheeks, inching closer.
“You’ve showed me so much love the past month. Thanks to hyung, I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself and trying to communicate better with you. I’m far from confident and far from good enough, but I will keep trying. It’s not just you. I too, want to be a better boyfriend to you.”
These are words Kai never imagined saying, especially when the fact that he’s actually Beomgyu’s boyfriend is still something he’s grappling with, but he’d like to think he’s changed a bit after the psat month. Hopefully for the better.
“And I’m sorry for ruining your special night yesterday. It should’ve been all about you. It’s late, but your performance was wonderful, you sounded so amazing, you were so perfect, and I was so, so happy to be able to watch you perform live. I was so proud of you, hyung.”
Beomgyu stares up at him, almost as if he’s starstruck. Kai wishes to give him the world. Wishes so badly to. He wraps his hands around Kai’s waist, tugging him down so he can press a gentle kiss to his lips.
“I love you, Kai. Every part of you. Even the parts that aren’t confident, even the parts that you aren’t yet capable of loving. I want to be by your side and grow with you, if that’s okay.”
Kai gazes into Beomgyu’s eyes and he sees it once again – sees the promise he’s sincerely making.
“Yeah,” he breathes.
“I want that too.”
-
“I miss when Kai kept insisting you weren’t his boyfriend, back then he wouldn’t even dare to look you in the eye because he’d end up stuttering and sputtering. Now you’re just glued to each other shamelessly.”
The problem with Taehyun is that he’s always crude and straight to the point, which gives his words a lot of credibility.
The bigger problem with him deciding to spew these stupid words right now, is that Beomgyu’s currently leaning against his shoulder while napping, practically glued against him like a koala while they’re waiting for their next class. Kai really doesn’t want to look like a lovesick fool in front of his extremely cool and perfect lover.
Since they finally wound up on the same page, Kai had slowly grown enough confidence to be comfortable being a little more affectionate with Beomgyu in public, especially on campus. And the first day he walked Beomgyu to his band practice while holding his hand, many eyes had been on them and his bandmates had let out boisterous wolf whistles when he even brought a carton of drinks for them, to thank them for taking care of Beomgyu.
Beomgyu had called it unnecessary because his bandmates often leeched off him for food, but he’d beamed so proudly and widely, Kai figured that he was happy to show his boyfriend off.
A few weeks down, Kai doesn’t think their displays of affection are particularly outlandish, or maybe he’s just a boy in love, but that doesn’t stop Taehyun from being a menace.
So he shoots his best friend his nastiest glare, which goes ignored because Taehyun’s immune to anything he does.
“Bbomhyu hyong,” he whines, jostling Beomgyu and surprising Taehyun who gags openly. Kai’s unfazed though, being with Beomgyu had pulled out some surprising sides of himself, he never knew existed. “Taehyun’s bullying me.”
Popping an eye open, Beomgyu looks over at Taehyun who’s still shaking his head exaggeratedly in disgust.
“Hm. I just heard some news yesterday,” he says instead and Kai pouts at the change in topic.
“You’re supposed to protect me,” Kai mutters under his breath, sulking as he nurses his juice box instead.
“Oh no, it’s 100% relevant. It’s something about Taehyun.”
At that, Taehyun straightens up uncharacteristically, prompting Kai to perk up at his reaction.
“I know your eyes were on me all night during the festival last month, but did you remember the soloist that went before my band? The guy who ripped his shirt and flew across the stage and stuff?”
Taehyun turns beet red which is quite the sight on its own and Kai doesn’t have to think for long, not when he remembers how his friend had watched that guy like he was possessed.
“Uhh… that YJ guy? Taehyun was watching him like he was possessed…”
This time, it’s Taehyun’s turn to glare at him, though it doesn’t bother Beomgyu one bit.
“So a friend of a friend saw that YJ guy doing body shots off someone during a party last weekend and that someone, happened to leave the party with him right after making out with him on that same table…”
Kai feels his face contort into the most scandalized expression when he puts two and two together.
“The streets are saying that the same guy’s was already rumored as YJ’s boyfriend because they were seen together on the night of the festival.”
Kai’s jaw drops, practically unhinging when he recalls how Taehyun said he had something urgent to attend to right after the festival.
He points an accusatory finger at his friend. “How long has this been going on?!”
Taehyun puts his hands up sighing.
“So first of all, he’s not my boyfriend.”
The words are a little too familiar for Kai’s liking.
“Well… You can say we have a bit of a friends-with-benefits situation going on…”