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Eom Seonghyeon and Ahn Keonho had been friends for as long as both of them could remember. There was almost nothing they hadn’t experienced with each other, ranging from spending all of their stressful school years together to Seonghyeon holding Keonho in his arms when his parents got divorced.
They went through thick and thin, facing all of their hardships together. Seonghyeon was certain that he would never find someone he would trust so deeply, someone he felt so comfortable with. Spending time with Keonho was probably the only time he could properly be himself.
It became clear early on that they were people who despite fitting together as a duo almost perfectly seemed to have glaringly different personalities, making them clash more often than not.
Usually they were able to clear up every disagreement between them, even if it sometimes took days until one of them finally had the guts to apologise. There was no fight they hadn’t resolved, so Seonghyeon was sure that that would be the case now too.
The start of this argument had happened months ago and back then neither of the two had given it much thought. It was Seonghyeon who had started it, his complaint being that Keonho was spending less time with him.
At first it only had been in a teasing manner. They did this all the time, so Seonghyeon didn’t think it would someday escalate like that.
The fear of Keonho replacing him nagged at him more than he would ever admit. He more or less unconsciously brought it up again and again, his real fear hidden behind seemingly harmless jokes.
Keonho played along at first too, teasing Seonghyeon for his jealousy but other times genuinely reassuring him.
Recently though, Keonho had started acting strangely. He wasn’t outright ignoring Seonghyeon, but he was spending less and less time with him. This time it didn’t feel like harmless hangouts with friends Seongyheon didn’t know anymore. It felt like Keonho was doing it on purpose.
It honestly hurt Seonghyeon. He didn’t know what he had done wrong, and his ever growing jealousy didn’t help either.
So in a state of utter confusion he thought that the best way to handle this would be to confront Keonho. Maybe Seonghyeon was just overreacting again, overanalyzing their time spent apart.
The day it had all gone wrong was an ordinary school day. Seonghyeon had thought everything through and was basically prepared for every outcome.
After their classes had ended, Seonghyeon quickly pulled Keonho aside so that he wasn’t able to just pass him by.
“Keonho-yah,” Seonghyeon started, “can we walk home together? I want to talk about something.”
Confusion and a hint of concern spread on Keonho’s face. Hope flared in Seonghyeon’s chest. Maybe this really was just a misunderstanding.
“Yeah, what’s up? Is something wrong?” Keonho asked as they started walking towards the gates of the school.
“Uhm, I don’t really want to make such a big deal out of this, but, uhm, it kind of feels like you’ve been avoiding me or something.”
An uncomfortable silence settled between them. The world around them was still filled with noise, conversations and laughter overlapping each other. It was a weird contrast, and Seonghyeon looked over to maybe guess what Keonho was thinking based on his expression.
But he only had a blank look on his face, a slight pout forming where his usually bright smile sat.
It was quiet for a few more seconds before Keonho finally seemed to have gathered his thoughts.
“Are you for real?” Keonho’s tone was nothing like he had expected.
Usually he would tease Seonghyeon before becoming serious, easing the anxiousness that had been building in him. Now Keonho had neither reacted jokingly nor in a comforting manner. Instead he had straight up sounded monotone, a slight anger hidden behind his words.
Before Seonghyeon was able to respond Keonho continued speaking.
“We’ve talked about this so many times already. Why are you suddenly acting so selfish and like I’m not allowed to have other friends, it never used to bother you like a year ago. And it’s not like you’re my boyfriend or something. I can spend time with whoever I want.”
To say that Seonghyeon was left speechless would probably be an understatement. He couldn’t help the shocked expression that made itself apparent on his face and he was scared to look Keonho in the eye again.
They were still walking side by side, the point where they would usually part their ways becoming clearer and clearer in the distance.
It was like a sudden feeling of nausea spread through Seonghyeon’s body, tears welling up in his eyes. Feeling a little dazed, he abruptly turned away from Keonho, quickly crossing the street so he wouldn’t need to be beside him anymore.
Only once he walked through the door of his house did all of it really sink in. They had said a lot of hurtful things to each other in the past, things which they both regretted. It never happened like this though.
Seonghyeon knew that Keonho was quick to get caught up in his emotions, lashing out as a defence mechanism. He knew this, but still Seonghyeon couldn’t help but replay what he had said.
It felt unfair.
The thing that bothered him the most wasn’t even the accusation that he was selfish. Obviously it hurt to have his own struggles turned against him, but the worst out of all things was that Keonho had been kind of right.
Seonghyeon wasn’t Keonho’s boyfriend, no matter how many times he had fantasized about confessing or being confessed to.
These feelings had lingered before the jealousy issue even began.
It was probably still in elementary school when Seonghyeon had first realised that there was no one he would rather spend the rest of his life with. It had always been Keonho for him, since the very beginning.
Sometimes he even thought that his feelings might be reciprocated, if the way Keonho always seemed to look out for him meant anything. At times Seonghyeon was sure that the bond they had was more special than any other not only for him but for Keonho as well.
Apparently he was foolish for ever thinking so.
Keonho had made it clear that he didn’t think of Seonghyeon like that. Seonghyeon just hoped that they could at least resolve whatever just happened since the last thing he wanted was to fully lose his best friend.
❀𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
The next morning arrived with Seonghyeon barely being able to keep his eyes open. He had cried and cried all night, absentmindedly checking his phone for notifications as if an apology text from Keonho would magically appear.
He knew that they would need to talk it out in person. But he also knew that for now, they needed space. Seonghyeon needed space.
He had half a mind to beg his mom to let him stay home from school, but he neither wanted to worry her nor miss his lectures. He had powered through Keonho’s and his fights before and though they were not often he still knew that staying in his room all day and mourning what could’ve been wouldn’t make him feel any better.
Looking in the mirror confirmed what Seonghyeon had already suspected – he looked like a mess. Red, puffy eyes and a face that looked void of any emotions stared back at him. He couldn’t stand to see himself like this and quietly wondered if Keonho was in a similar state or if he had completely detached himself from his emotions.
Seonghyeon shook his head, trying to erase the image of Keonho’s puppy eyes being filled with tears. He would find out sooner or later how he was doing at school anyway.
Right, he still had to get ready for school.
❀𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
The school hallways were noisy and crowded just like always and for once Seonghyeon was thankful for blending in. He knew that he realistically couldn’t avoid seeing his friends today, but the more he could delay it the better. Seonghyeon also still hadn’t spotted Keonho and wondered if he had even come to school today.
Just as he was about to enter the classroom Seonghyeon bumped into someone. A hand reached out for his shoulder to steady him and it was almost embarrassing how fast he recognised who exactly it was he had just walked into.
“Ah, I’m sorry,” Keonho mumbled and Seonghyeon averted his eyes. He didn’t catch how Keonho’s expression softened upon seeing Seonghyeon’s face, a guilty look almost overshadowing the cool facade Keonho tried to keep.
Keonho stepped aside to let Seonghyeon enter, holding the door open like he always did for him. Seonghyeon couldn’t help but notice the act of service, internally cursing himself for the butterflies that erupted in his stomach.
❀𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
The first few periods passed in a blur. From time to time Seonghyeon’s eyes accidentally strayed to where Keonho was sitting, noticing the tension in his shoulders. Occasionally the person next to him tried to talk to him, but it quickly became apparent that Keonho only gave half hearted replies.
There were still around ten minutes left before lunch break when Seonghyeon’s phone suddenly vibrated against his leg. A quick glance confirmed that Keonho was holding his own phone under the table, his leg bouncing up and down as if he was nervous about something.
Slowly Seonghyeon pulled out the device from his pocket, making sure that his teacher wouldn’t catch him.
keonho <3
can we talk during lunch?
It was silly how a single, simple message could throw Seonghyeon so off balance. He had thought that it would take way longer for Keonho to reach out since he was usually pretty caught up in his head whenever they argued. Seonghyeon had been convinced that he would have to contact him first, and now he didn’t know how to act.
The clock kept ticking on and Seonghyeon became aware of how little time he had left to make a decision. Was he already ready to face Keonho again?
He really thought about denying Keonho, about postponing this talk until he was not as wounded by Keonho’s previous words.
But then he caught Keonho’s eyes, the boy looking at him with pure desperation.
me
okay
❀𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
Keonho led them to a secluded area behind the school. They hadn’t talked yet, only filling the awkward space around them with random comments.
Once they arrived they sat down on an unstable looking bench with a deliberate distance left between them, showcasing pretty clearly that they were still stuck in this stupid fight.
“Are you okay?” was the first thing Keonho said to him. Seonghyeon let out a bitter laugh, not believing that Keonho could be so tone deaf.
“I’m sorry, that was stupid to ask.”
He at least had the decency to back track, Seonghyeon thought.
“Really, Seonghyeon, I’m sorry. Not just about this but about yesterday as well. I treated you really shitty and it wasn’t fair to you.”
When Seonghyeon didn’t respond Keonho tried again, “Please, Seonghyeon. Please let me explain.”
He sounded so devastatingly genuine that Seonghyeon felt his composure slip through his fingers. Tears welled up in his eyes again at the unresolved emotions still occupying his mind, but he nodded his head at Keonho to let him know he was listening nonetheless.
“I don’t really know how to say this… It’s like, it’s something that has been on my mind for a long time. I didn’t want to burden you with it and so I thought it would be smart to keep a bit of a distance. Seonghyeon, I have… I really, really like you. Like, I’m kind of really in love with you.”
After he finished speaking Keonho took a big gulp of air, embarrassment tinting his face in a cute shade of pink.
Seonghyeon sat utterly still, trying to wrap his head around the confession. Did this really just happen? He had dreamed about this moment for ages, imagining time and time again what it would feel like if Keonho liked him back.
“Keonho-yah…” Seonghyeon began, finally facing Keonho again. The fear in the other’s eyes felt overwhelmingly similar to what Seonghyeon had felt the whole night and it almost made him tear up again.
“Keonho-yah, I like you too,” he quietly replied and he could feel his own ears burning up.
The smile that broke out on Keonho’s face almost blinded him, washing away all the lingering anxiety from his mind.
Seonghyeon opened in his arms as an invitation for a hug and like he was a dog just waiting for a command, Keonho immediately buried his face in Seonghyeon’s neck.
“I didn’t mean to lash out like that yesterday, you have to believe me. I was just so scared but seeing you look so sad today made me feel even worse,” Keonho mumbled into Seonghyeon.
“I get it. I’m also sorry for being so jealous all the time, I don’t know… I was just so scared you replaced me or something,” Seonghyeon confessed quietly.
He felt Keonho slightly tighten his hold on him before he came face to face with Seonghyeon again.
“Hyeon, don’t ever apologise for that. I should’ve done better and I should’ve confessed way sooner. I’ve wanted you to be my boyfriend for so long you have no idea,” he looked so determined to make Seonghyeon understand what he was saying that Seonghyeon couldn’t help but tease him a little.
“So we’re already boyfriends, huh?” he asked with a big smile. It was almost comical how Keonho’s eyes became bigger, his blush deepening cutely.
“I mean, yes? Or do you not want to be my boyfriend? I should probably take you out on a date first-”
“Keonho, relax. Yes, I do want to be your boyfriend.”
Seonghyeon felt so lucky to have his best friend turned boyfriend in his hold, he almost missed the distant ringing of a bell.
Both of them freezed for a second before they quickly sprung apart and ran back to the school building. Seonghyeon couldn’t believe that the confession he had dreamed of for so long was rudely interrupted by the end of the lunch break signal, but they thankfully still made it in time.
They both went back to their seats, a permanent smile etched onto their faces. It was odd how quickly a day could turn good, and Seonghyeon was eternally grateful that he had agreed to Keonho’s earlier text message.
It still felt surreal and he couldn’t stop thinking about his boyfriend. Calling Keonho like that made Seonghyeon feel giddy all over.
Keonho didn’t seem to be doing any better though, since he looked just as happy as Seonghyeon felt. Seonghyeon really did love him a lot already.
He was sure that there were many disagreements waiting for them in the future, that they would fight and make up more times than Seonghyeon could count. But right in this moment, the freshness of the new turn in their relationship still lingering, Seonghyeon was the happiest he had ever been.