Work Text:
It wasn’t meant to be like this..
no it really wasnt trust me i swear!
it was a simple assignment at first “Sketch out something or someone important to you”. okay,easy enough! Zanka could do that! anyone could do that! so he picked riyo,shes his best friend and looks easy to draw (dont tell her he said that). so on his downtime he began. turned on his favorite concentration playlist and took his sketchpad out his book bag,placing it on his wooden desk and sharpened his pencil with a knife. alright! hes in the mood now! this will be easy,take about one-two hours tops. he was confident in himself for a change,and thats when he should of know this would all inevitably go to shit.
seriously he doesn’t understand where he went wrong. all was going well,he was sketching Riyo to an absolute T and somehow..
jabbers face looked back up at him
weird,,,maybe he was thinking of him right then and there? probably. because what logic would it make for him to start off drawing riyo and to end up drawing jabber? okay take two! he rips the paper off the pad and begins anew. first the eyes,then the nose,then- then its jabber again.
why is it jabber again?! what the fuck?!
no seriously! what the fuck?!
this has to be a damn fluke or something?! the music! yeah the music! the music is distracting him and hes now thinking about other people because of it or something! so he shuts it off,sure he could of changed his playlist but all his other songs are either way to loud or way to emotional to focus with. so he taps the pause button on his phone and rips up the paper of the pad.
second times the charm- wait no thir- fourth! FIFTH?! SIX?!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
why?! why,why,why is that goddamn sociopathic nerd plaguing his mind!? the fuck?! what about him was making his thoughts continuously go back to him??? i mean- Jabber?! of all people?? the sames jabber whos spends every waking moment of his life seeking out ways to piss Zanka off? one class! he has him for one class! and he barely sees him during lunch let alone passing period,the only time they ever truly are together are when his clubs run late and they mingle with the chemistry clubs departure,or when he stays late afterschool and Jabber(smelling freshly like chemicals) runs to the library to come and bother him.
and sure maybe their hangouts last about 4 of 5 hours but normally most do! and yeah,theyve exchanged numbers and sometimes end up talking on the phone hours after they’ve already departed but who doesn’t talk on the phone in this day and age? (nobody, not even Zanka. see how whipped he is already?) shut the FUCK up brain!
but that just loops back to his earlier point! him and Jabber don’t see each other enough for him to be on his mind like this! how does this keep on happening?! let’s retrace our steps..
first he took our his sketchbook…
then he sharpened his pencil..
okay so far so good
next he began sketching..
he had gotten to Riyos face when he saw leaves fall and get stuck on his window sill,fall was coming, meaning its gonna get colder outside. Zanka needed a new jacket Aibo got into his clothes the other day and scratched almost all his shit up,most was salvageable but his jacket was one of the few things a needle and thread just could not fix on its own.
he’ll go on friday after studying a little in the school library, but then jabber would be alone.. jabber normally runs up to the library after science club ends to go and bother zanka a little before the school kicks them out at 5. and they usually hang out the remainder of the day afterwards.
does jabber have a fall jacket or a winter coat? hes one of those weirdos who likes to pretend they’re not cold and wears summer clothes in the middle of fall. not that he’s watching him like a creep or something, he just tends to notice that in the year and a half he’s known him he never wears a proper hoodie…unless it’s for fashion statements. the bastard can never dress for the weather but tell him to style a ramen noodles hoodie and suddenly hes wisdom kaye levels of enlightened, and if Zanka ever complains about his poor choices? “you ain’t gotta like it cause the hood gon love it”…how many times is jabber gonna quote meaningless tiktok audios before realizing Zanka isn’t as chronically online as him? he doesn’t even know where thats from,besides the obvious aforementioned app..
But still,he should ask jabber if he has a coat,if not they can probably just go together on friday and buy him one. Jabber would follow him anyways,that was a guarantee. The loser doesn't like being by himself for even five minutes,so of course he’d follow him..oh yeah,and that juice shop opened up in the shopping center down the street from the school,they should check it out together.. He wonders what jabber would get,probably some random ass concoction from hell, the psycho just loves eating like a goddamn pregnant lady,mixing random combination just today he decided to mix up school taco meat and fritos together and eat it with a spork as if it was gourmet. God hes so weird.. But in an endearing way kinda? Zanka’s mind wandered for awhile more before he finally zoned back in and realized he was midway through sketching in jabbers face on the sketchpaper,the sketchpaper that originally started as Riyo.. “The fuck-” ..okay..that explains the first time.
He was simply thinking of the chemistry nerd while he was doing his assignment,but how does that explain the other five time?! Had he seriously kept zoning out and sketching the idiot repeatedly like some love sick fo- LOVE SICK?! “Okay brain! Time to shut up now!” Zanka ripped the paper out the book and crumbled it up,tossing it in the trash.
Fuuuck this! He never even wanted this class in the first place! Hes not even GOOD at art! Hes entirely mediocre at it,so many other people in his class being so much better than him when it gets down to it! Riyos better,Augusts better,hell even RUDOS better- wait no- no the fuck hes not- okay hes better than Rudo,BUT THATS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT! Everyone’s better than Rudo!
He only took this class because riyo begged him after seeing rudo was in her period. She wanted them all together in at least one class this school year and with how annoying she had been since their schedules dropped,he kinda felt like he had to. Yeah bad idea. Cause now hes dealing with this! He wishes he could go back in time,grab his past self by the shoulders and yell “NO! DON’T GIVE INTO HER! RUDO CAN JUST JOIN ONE OF OUR OTHER MANY CLASSES TOGETHER” but nooooo he just had to switch out of band! Sure the band teacher is fucking annoying,but you know whats more annoying? Assignments that make you question your heterosexuality,thats what.
Not that he is gay- he would know if he was gay! 17 years on this earth,and hes certain he knows himself well enough to know hes everything but. Hell hes dated girls before! Hes even crushed on girls! Despite what Enjin and Riyo may think hes extremely sure and secure of his straightness. That needs no debate.
So what he thinks a little to much about Jabber? That doesn't automatically make him queer. It just makes him a person who thinks about his friends often! He thinks of Riyo and Rudo the exact same amount (no he dosen’t) he worries for them just as much as he does jabber (no tf he dosen’t) and he thinks about inviting them to places just as much (now you know your introverted ass is lying) oh my fucking- DIDNT I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?!
Zanka groaned and slammed his head against his desk,and quickly regretted it as he felt pain surge his forehead. ya’know what no, maybe that pain will fix his brain before his dad starts suspecting he needs to go to a reformatory camp for people with..”special issues”. Seriously though,whats wrong with him? Why cant he focus? What is it about Jabber that decided to crawl into the space in his eyes,part the wrinkles in his brain,and worm itself in there? Theres something in him that is so frustratingly fixated on the boy,and he wished that it would just give up and leave him the fuck alone..
Know what? Its not his fault,no its not his fault at all! Its Jabber’s! Whats his fucking problem?! Theres like,500 people in this damn school,he couldn't have found anyone else to bug? To worm into? To infest their minds!? Why the hell did it have to be him? He just wanted to study in a library alone,but now thanks to his god awful fucking fate he spends 6 hours of his day with the worlds most annoying mad scientist. Or chemist? Jabber always gets annoyed whenever he mixes them up. He gets this look in his eyes,and his brows furrow into a little wrinkle.. Oh and the way his lips form this unamused little line,as if he said the worlds most unfunniest joke. Stars its hilarious,and the way he mutters little insults under his breath after the conversation is over and he makes his point? That or he messes with one of his bracelets,pouting for about 3-4 minutes before his adhd filled brain reminds him of something new to talk about and he starts a whole new ramble again…
Zanka slams his head against the table again. Theres a lot of things painfully normal about him. Hes entirely aware of that. Things about himself that are just as painfully average as he looks. His favorite flavour of icecream,average. His social circle,average. His grades..above the marks as always but even then. Painfully average.
Everything about himself is average,and despite how much damage his ego takes from it hes completely and utterly aware of it.
Jabber however? Not average at all,hes different..unique..the real deal. Hes extremely popular and is surrounded by different people constantly,zanka doesn't think he sees him with the same people for more than a week before it switches. His grades are always the highest he can get,and he never even studies. Just..knowing it off the top of the dome! A real genius..
And no matter what he does he will never beat him,thats something zankas aware of aswell.
His best will always be Jabbers worst.. Thats logic baby. Who is he to complain?
Yet despite all that they're friends. Jabber talks to him, like really talks to him. Is interested in him and the things he has to say. He seeks him out afterschool daily instead of just going home,instead of just running off with one of his friends.. He looks for him,and if zankas not there he seems genuinely upset,seeking him out during passing period to scold him for leaving him alone.
If you told Zanka two years ago he’d meet someone like this,someone whos so interested in him as a whole,he would of laughed. Or maybe sobbed,depends on how suicidal he was feeling that day really.
He dosen’t understand what jabber sees in him really,hes better than him in every way possible and yet,, and yet hes sees the best in him. Not like how Riyo or Enjin do,definitely not how his classmates do. No,he sees them as peers. Like they're on the same level or something. Like they're the exact same. And that,that he just doesn't understand..
Despite his urge to melt into his desk and wither away, he sits up,his hand drifting against the spot he hit himself,feeling it slightly swollen under his fingers,ugh he hit his head to hard…
He took his pencil in his hand and grabbed a knife,sharpening the pencil one last time and began sketching on the pad. This time a clear image in his mind. Jabber. At the library. A first person view. He sketches it out carefully,as if doing surgery, remembering every detail about the man that has seemed to do nothing but haunt him as of late. Making sure to add everything of memory to it. Then he gets to the eyes,half done,but he already sees jabber in them. he already sees that mischief in them that the other seemed to constantly exude
And he continues,,
He continues sketching on the page adding every tidbit of him he could remember. Shading and shadowing. Fixing the folds on the clothes. The little errors that he makes. He makes sure the finished artwork is perfect,befitting of his muse of course.
And when he finishes he stares in awe of his own talent. Stars above he didn't even know he could do something like this,has he always been able to do something like this? Maybe all he needed was the right person…the right..motivation.
The artwork was gorgeous. As if Jabber himself was seeled onto the page with dark magic. Trapped in time to preserve this precious memory of him.
He was smiling,looking at the onlooker of the page. Some of his hair covering the left side of his face. His right palm resting on his cheek as those eyes…oh those eyes.. Filled with so much adoration look right back at him. And Zanka felt his heart skip a beat.
And without second thought he ripped the paper out of the sketchbook,opening his drawer and shoving it in. he’ll need to tear it up..rip it into a thousand little pieces. His parents have the staff do routine checks in his and his siblings room,just incase any one of them may hide some sort of contraband. And despite how androgynous Jabber looks,his parents will know the moment they see the artwork. What he they’ll know? Zanka will never admit to himself. Words and subjects he can never speak out loud. He knows he cant keep it. He knows he’ll never be allowed to,and he knows if they find it…
Zanka grabs his pencil and begins sketching again,a simple drawing of Aibo his family cat appearing on the page. Its simple,and its straightforward. He doesn't put his all into it though,not like he did with him.. But it works,its sure to get him an easy B. If he tries a little harder and adds a background or something he may even graduate to an A. He closes the book and places it back into his backpack. Zipping it up and setting it aside for tomorrow.
He gets up and stretches,his back popping with a body shuddering POP! And his eyes wondered,straight to the closed desk and sighed. He cant keep it. Matter fact he needs to get rid of the failed drawings in his waste paper basket,hes not stupid. They’ll see the crumpled up paper and look through it. He’ll put it through the shredder a few times before discarding it in the morning. Yet.. he eyes the desk and frowns. He feels sorta..wrong. Discarding his art like that.. Maybe he could give it to Jabber? Wait no- perish the thought. He can just hear him now
“Ohhhh? This for me???? You drew ya pal Jabber??” or “wow zan-zan..ya really are obsessed with me..arent cha?..” in that infuriating playful tone of his,and he’ll do that annoying ass giggle. And oh just the thought already drives Zanka up a wall. And he KNOWS he will never hear the damn end of it. No,he’ll bring it up till the end of time! Yeah no,Zanka would rather slam his face into a car door than give Jabber any kind of material to work with..
Yet still,he grabs the paper out of his drawer,placing it into a random folder on hand as not to smudge the pencil around and on his books and put it in his book bag.
It would be a waste to just..shred it..