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"So have you heard that Charles and Alex got engaged?"
"Yes, what about it?"
"Do you think we will?"
"What? Get engaged?"
"Yes."
"Hmm.. I think so."
"Mhmp you think so?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"We will. Not now, but we will. Even will get married and all that."
"Okay."
~~~~
08.09.2025 Italy, Monza
Lando is happy about yesterdays race, he finished second and Oscar third. Team is happy, they are, everyone satisfied. Now he gets to rest. Sun peeks into their shared hotel room, his and Oscars. His teammate, friend, boyfriend, no sorry scratch that, fiance. He still can't believe this. Oscar really asked him to marry him. It happened on the summer break. They had been spending their break in Australia and it was nice, very much he can say. Him and Oscar had been strolling on the beach, you know the whole romantic film scene, empty beach, hot sand, sun setting down. So when his then boyfriends hand slipped from his he thought "Oh maybe he needs to tie his shoe?" Or this type of thing. But then he looked back and saw Oscar kneling on the sand with small box in his palm. The rest is history, you know how it all goes. Whole speech about loving someone till the end of the world, sharing his best moments off and on track, being happy about every podium and what not, but also loving that part when they feel small, uncomfortable, vurnerable and being the comfort person for them to come to with their feelings and hoping to win many podiums together. Yup. Then crying like a child, even though Lando never cries, then saying yes over and over again. The feeling of the silver band on his finger is his comfort, after every race the first thing is getting the ring back on his finger.
Now lying on his fiances chest Lando is day dreaming about the day when they get married. He never thought he will be so exited about wedding of all things but he is getting married so sue him. But they agreed, they will annouce it after the season. The pressaure of the championship fight is slighty overwhelming for them, to team also, so they don't want to lay this big bomb on them. Not right now at least. Their families know of course but they promised not to mention it so they get to sleep calmly. Silver band on his finger isn't suspicous because he wears them somethimes, and Oscar is wearing his as a necklace so it isn't visible under his shirt. So everything is under control. He is incredibly happy, his season is going well, it could better though, he has a fiance whom he loves dearly, supportive friends he can call at any moment, loving family who also support him and big amount of money on his bank account so he can't really complain. What can go wrong right?
22.09.2025 Azerbaijan, Baku
"Lando, honey we need to talk." Uh oh, isn't it the worst thing you can hear? Lando isn't in the mood to talk about serious matters right now. After the shit show they presented he really really doesn't want to talk about whatever Oscar came up with. Maybe Oscar only wants to change something about their flight? Yeah maybe, or maybe Lando again left mess in the bathroom and his fiance finally got enough? He wouldn't judge him, he knows how irritable Oscar gets when race wasn't pleasent so he will be a good fiance and will apologize, pick up the mess and they will get with the day. Haha right. He hope so it is only this.
"What about Osc?" He says. Praying even that Oscar just made his words sound dangerous but means something irrelevant.
"I.. I think we should put it off aside for a while." Oscar looks at him like he is.. scared, anoxious. Oscar pick at his nails when he is nervous but that doesn't mean that Lando gets what he said to him.
"What? Osc I'm really not in the mood for the ridles. Just say what you mean."
"The engaged thing, us being together. You know.. take a break..." Now Oscar isn't even looking at him. Because What. The. Fuck.
"So in other words you just said that you want to call it quits? Just like that? Because what the fuck Oscar? We have been together for what? Two years and been engaged for not even a month and you decide that you don't want me anymore? What about the vow you told huh? Explain to me what changed your mind in fucking night!" Lando is angry, because what. You don't spent two years being together just for changing your mind in one night. Yes Oscar has been feeling down after the race but he said that he loves him before they went to bed.
"No Lan, you.. uh.. don't understand I still love you it didn't change but I think we need to stop seeing eachother after the races and maybe… uh.. you know stop living together but I promise it's just for a while." Lando has question marks around his head he swears.
"What. What the fuck. So you are breaking with me? You want to take a break Oscar? Don't be fucking ridiculous. You love me, I love you, we have been living together for some time now so I don't really see a reason why do you want to stop now?" He is confused, angry, sad and it isn't a great combination. He wants answers. He wants to wake up from this fucked up dream.
"It is just.. the championship fight Lando. We are main rivals and... it gets very confusing for me okay? When we get to sleep after the race sometimes I.. I don't even see my fiance anymore but a rival, a person who takes up my chances for a chapionship. I know it's fucked up I really do. But I.. I need a break. From us." …
"Are you serious. So when you thrive leading everything is okay? We love eachother and shit and butterflies but the moment you start underperforming and I might have a chance to win you fucking bolt? You lied to me Oscar! You said that this fight won't come between us! You fucking liar!" Lando feels the exact moment when his voice cracks and anger fades into incredible sadness.
"No! Don't get me wrong. Mark.." He doesn't let him finish.
"So it was Marks idea! I fucking knew this guy hates me but come on! You said it yourself that you won't listen to him in the matter of our relationship!" The worst thing is that Lando knows that he can't change Oscar mind. He thought about it, agreeded to it and now he will make it happen.
"He made a point Lando. After we got.. I got disstracted with the marriage thing my mind was somewhere else and I can't manage this right now. But I promise you Lando I really really promise after championship is over or until my mind will come back at the right track I will come back to you I swear!" Oscar tries to hold his hand, but Lando doesn't have it in himself right now. Because why Oscar looks like his heart has been broken not Landos? Because why he has the audacity to look like his life fell apart instead of Landos? Just fucking why? Doesn't matter at the end Oscar decided he wants the end. He will get the end.
"So you just comfirmed that you lied? That you put this championship over the person who loved you for the past two years? You say "Oh I will come back." but what if in the next year we will fight again hmm? We will take breaks when you don't get what you want? For how many times it could be hm? Many Oscar, many! We promised to be with eachother in hard times Oscar! And you break it because you are what? Disstracted? Oh fuck you Oscar. And what makes you think that I will want to have you back? How do you think it could work? That after everything no matter who wins I will just take you back again into my arms like you didn't broke my heart into million pieces some months ago? What made you think that it could work huh? Because with my perspective nothing makes sense!" Lando now screams just for the sake of screaming, because he can't make anything about it, he will spend the night alone and will for the visible future but he stands by it, it really doesn't make sense. He is hurting and he can throw it at Oscar because it is what they promised. Communicate how they feel, so he is doing exactly that. He doesn't break the vows that easily like certian someone.
Oscar just stares at him now. It show he hadn't thought about it from this side. He considered his side, present and the future. He could get the championship Lando would want him back because he loves him, so he will understand no? He hadn't thought how Lando will feel about this. That there is a chance that Lando won't welcome him again. Pathetic. Fine if that's what he wants.
But.. It still hurts. Lando really loves him. He is or rather was engaged to love of his life. He probably won't be in love with other person so deeply like he is in Oscar. So it fucking hurts. He feels like he gave Oscar his heart just for him to rip it apart. How could he expect him to just accept that?
Oscar is still silent and if you walked right now, you could feel the tension in the air.
"Just... Please Oscar say that you chagned your mind, that Mark has been wrong and you don't want this. Please Oscar."
"I'm sorry..." Barely a whisper.
"Okay. Okay! Yeah just end this because someone can't manage being in the relationship and fight for the championship. Did you even loved me at this point that you throw it away that easily-"
"Of co-"
"Don't interrupt me! You know what? You can suck Marks dick! Fuck you Oscar! I hope that this break will fucking work for you." He said it while gathering his belongings into his hands, just grabing whatever was his just to be done and go away from this tragedy. He doesn't want to see Oscar, doesn't what to hear him. Maybe pleases that Oscar will beg him to stay and will apologize and say that yes he was stupid fuck and promise not to do that again and never ever let Lando go. But he is met with silence. So he takes what he has, looks back at Oscar willingly the last time and says:
"I wish for you to never win that fucking championship." Slams the doors and leaves.
~~~~
Some days before Mexico Grand Prix 2025
It is weird. Living without Oscar. He thought that the worst will pass, the depression, sad looks from everybody who saw something is not right, calls from his mum asking for a thousand time if he needs them or if he is okay, the feeling of void in his heart and looks from Oscar. They did not. His now ex-fiance looks like he considers asking Lando to forgive him and he would without a heartbeat. He loves this man even if he did shatter his heart but also knows how to fix it. He would be angry sure, he might not forgive him in a day but they could try and fix it. It could take very long time but Lando is willing to work on them, for them. But is has been a month now and Oscar hadn't make even a slight step to talk with Lando. So Lando decided to accept it as a lost cause thinking about Oscar trying doing something to get Lando back.
The nights are the worst. Loneliness, memory of this night when everything fell apart, what he could do to avoid it, what he could say differently? His therapist said it will be the most bitter time of his life and he is aware of that too but that doesn't mean he accepts this situation. He casually mentioned that maybe he could try talking to Oscar but Miss Hughes had said it isn't a good idea. Oscar needs to take the lead, if he wants forgiveness he can ask for it but he needs to be the first person to reach. If not, then he doesn't learn anything at the end. Which is just a painful true and Lando knows it.
But also Oscar proved himself wrong. Between now and the fall out they had two races, Lando was on podium twice, Oscar... not even once. So where is the result of the break you needed so much huh Osc?
Still Lando can't get used to silent Monaco apartment, or silence and cold after the race. They had a routine, no matter who won or finished better they would lie down for five to ten minutes together just to rest and calm down. They stopped it of course. Lando had hope that Oscar maybe just maybe would want to keep something from their relationship. He was wrong. Oscar did not come and Lando was left staring at the white wall. The sudden change was always something Lando didn't like so when someone that was the part of his daily life vanished he was devastated and scared. Even when someone who sweared to love you until the end of the world is capable of leaving you for such a selfish reason then who would love him? No one.
So as he isn't petty or revengful person he promised if Oscar broke him for a fucking championship then he will be the person to snatch it right from his hands.
~~~~
26.10.2025 Mexico, Mexico City
Lando had won it! With such a big margin to Charles. Also he is now the championship leader. Third podium in a row and still the first thing he is thinking about is Oscar. He tries not to ponder about him but everyone who lived through such a heartbreak knows how hard it is. Lando has it worse because he fucking work with the guy so. Oscar is here, under the podium. Good. Look Oscar, now you don't have anything. You are losing for now.
Lando instantly shakes his head. What got into him? Okay he knows that some part of him is happy to see Oscar suffering, he deserve it in some amount but he still is sad for him. No podium in almost two months. It shows how it overwhelms him, when he looks at him he sees the big black bags and redness around his eyes, the slight shake in his hands, the moment when his mind is sinking into somewhere that no one can catch him from, the slowness in his body. When some PR intern wanted to give Oscar some prop for the video they were filming he reached for it only for it to land on the ground and Oscar looking at it as he murdered this props whole family.
PR videos are very tiring. Everyone sees that the vibe between them is charged and no one is happy about it. They try to be civil around eachother but Lando after every media duty needs at least twenty minutes to cry and rest. Oscar doesn't look… affected per se. He does what he needs to, smiles in adequate moments, laughs if Lando says something slighty funny but when the end comes he runs away as he was drenched in hot water. Maybe he should be an actor because it looks very convicing in his opinion. If he was an outside fan he could think that nothing changed. Oh he would be so so wrong.
But it doesn't matter at the end of the day. Oscar still looks at Lando with his big doe brown eyes as if he was begging for understanding and forgivness through the eye contact. For Landos misfortune he dreams about them every night.
For now he smiles on the podium trying not to cry in front of the team and crowd.
~~~~
Two days after Las Vegas Grand Prix 2025
If someone will tell him one more time that time heals wounds or with time it will get better he will punch them straight into their face. It hadn't got better and Lando can say that it got worse. Everyday without Oscars warm kills him. His depression is now visible from miles away, no one dares to ask about it though. Probably they guessed some time ago that Lando and Oscar broke up, because they knew that they were boyfriends but not fiances. No one mentions it and he is grateful for that. Doesn't mean it got better. Las Vegas had been also a shit show with double disqualification and Max getting closer to him. Weekend worth of throwing away really.
His therapist is nice and tries to fix Lando but sometimes he wishes she stops trying. It... helps in some way but the whole progress withdraws the moment he needs to race against him. He was so sure that it will help him. Staying in the same area would help him adapt to Oscar but no. He only sees the moments when they were happy together. It gets worse everyday. His mum is very worried he can tell. He wants to reasure her it's okay that he is a big boy now that he can handle it. He doesn't believe himself.
His days look like the days before. The same. The same routine: wake up, eat, train, shower, sit down on the sim, eat again, shower and sleep. The next the same. Over and over. He misses moments when Oscar would randomly ask Lando to come to the beach or come to the bakery they both love so much. Small things that he can't do anymore without some type of panic attack or mental breakdown. He is alone, sinking into deep depression every day and even the fucking meds don't help him anymore.
~~~~
07.12.2025 United Arab Emirates, Yas Island
Being World Champion is everything and nothing at once. Everything because of the emontions, being pround of yourself, happiness of achiving your dream. Nothing because the one person who was supposed to celebrate it with you is absent. He wonders if Oscar will talk to him after race is done. He won the championship, fight is over so the silence between them should be too. Oscars voice is like something alien to him now, he hadn't heard him in so long. He misses it. He misses Oscar. He promised to be back after this, he promised so why he doesn't look at him on the podium? Why is he running away from Lando? Why just fucking why? Shouldn't he beg for forgivness by now? That's what he said two and a half month ago. That they will get back together. He knows he fucking knows that Lando screamed that he won't welcome him back but he would. His yearning for Oscar is so big now. So why Oscar vanishes and the only thing is cold plain 'Congratulations' under his instagram post?
Lando is sad, angry, furious even that Oscar broke his promise not once but twice! Lando was nothing but understanding. He didn't beg, didn't try playing mind games on him. Nothing! And still Oscar decided that he isn't worth it? Maybe he reconsidered it? Maybe he agreed with Lando that they could fight for many years to come and he couldn't do that yearly? Maybe it is Lando who messed up everyting? He can feel the panic rise in his chest. He has everything but he has nothing. Tears are falling down on his checks, he begs the universe for Oscar to come back for him. Tell him that it was just a big scary nightmare.
Universe must hate him because Oscar doesn't come back.
~~~~
08.12.2025 United Arab Emirates, Yas Island
If he thought that yesterday was bad, today is worse. He is hangover, his stomach hurts, his head hurts, everything hurts. Apparently you aren't supposed to come down from depression meds two days before going on a big party. He is alive but his body isn't grateful for that. Osc still hadn't mutter a word to him, he tried catching eye contact, telepathically signal to Oscar 'YOU CAN TALK TO ME, PLEASE TALK TO ME!' but Oscar doesn't seem to understand.
So in very bad state he does the Pirelli tests hoping for quick session and be done with it.
~~~~
Three days before New Year 2025, Monaco
Lando didn't hear from Oscar to this day. Maybe it is for real end? Someone asked him "If you miss him so much why wouldn't you talk to him? As you see he won't take the first step so maybe you should?" He hadn't had the answer. Maybe because it would show how desperate he is? Miss Hughes would be so dissapointed in him if she knew. So he waited and waited. In silence growing each day. Until today. Just one text.
Osc<3 Online
"Can we meet around 6? Please." 16:21
Landos heartbeat skyrocketed. It is the first time contacting eachother in their private time. His hands are shaking because he was waiting for that moment for so long but when the moment came he isn't so sure. What if Oscar just wants to comfirm that it is better for them to stay away? He wants to say that he hates him? What if, if, if. No. If he wants to know he must go and face the music. No matter how it will end. He deserves to know. So he types quick 'Yes, when?' and waits.
~~~~
Unspecified place in Monaco
It is ten minutes past six. Oscar sits and waits for Lando to come. Lando... has tendency to be late but Oscar had been hoping that this time Lando would be on time. His anxiety is growing bigger with each minute and his fingers are starting to bleed heavily.
He knows he is lucky that Lando still wants to talk to him, or not wants but agreed to give Oscar a chance. He knows he made a big mistake. Made him and Lando suffer because he was insecure and Mark took it into his advantage and used it against him and Lando. Mark hadn't liked Lando from the start. Lando was constantly compared to Seb. That he will made you suffer, he will play mind games on you, he doesn't really love you etc. Oscar didn't believe that. Lando was too pure for this, he could see how much he loved him. He still is angry at Mark, at himself for believing that his beloved could have bad intentions towards him. Oscar was sure that listening to his manager was a mistake when he saw how much Lando has been affected by it. His tan vanished, eyes empty, no eye contact. He was a vessel of himself and he was punishing himself everyday for what he did to Lando. He wanted to say something but prying eyes of Mark were enough to stop him. He didn't want to make Mark mad so he promised he will talk to Lando after the championship. Will make it right again. Even if Lando wouldn't take him again then he would make sure everyday to show Lando how much he is sorry and regrets the words that left his mouth that night. But when he was ready to talk, Mark flooded him with so much media and sponsors meetings that he hadn't had time to even think about other things than work. So when finally he could breath he decided not to run anymore. He loves Lando, so even if Lando doesn't forgive him it's okay he will do everything Lando could want. Leave him alone? Fine. Give him time. It is more than he deserves. Just he needs Lando to hear him. So when it is thirty minutes past their meeting time he starts stressing. Lando had changed his mind. He probably would text informing Oscar that he isn't ready. He draws out his phone from the pocket of his coat to look if he missed a text or a call. Nothing.
He sighs, giving up. Lando probably stood him up. No wonder. Maybe it is his little revenge for that night, pretending to agree for a talk then leave Oscar on ice. He starts walking towards his home, it's chilly now. Evening in Monaco especially in the middle of winter can be cold. Then he hears sirens and sees smoke. Someone must had an accident which isn't daily occurrence in Monaco. Oscar not having plans for the rest of the night Oscar takes longer route. Sound of the sirens is getting louder and intensive. When he gets to the place of, from what he can see, a car crash he notice small group of people. Probably the occupants of the nearest apartment block but what he doesn't expect is a very similar car. He drove this car many times, and the thought of the owner being the victim of such horrible crash makes him nauseous. He excuses himself when pushing to see more of the car wrecked into the wall. Firefighters done their job of putting out the fire and now trying to get out the driver from their seat. Oscar prays that this person isn't Lando. He tries to look for car registration but it probably flew away. So Oscar prays that this person isn't Lando. He waits and waits, letting firefighters work. Time seems to slow down dramaticaly when they finally free the person from the vehicle. He remembers this hair, and recognizes this face. Time stops.
Lando hadn't stood him up, he was dying in pain when Oscar was laughing at himself. But it only gets worse. Medics rush to Lando. Only to check his breathing and pulse. Shake their heads and mutter a word that Oscar didn't want to hear. "Deceased."
It was the moment where his life ended.
He doesn't know how much time passed, Oscar came to the senses only when firefighter asked him to leave and go home. He wanted to scream that this is his fiance… No. They weren't engaged anymore but that doesn't matter they had been close he has rights to know what happened! Then his phone rings. Unknown number. Oscar accepts.
Oscar this whole time was Landos emergency contact. So when he asks if he can go to the ambulance, firefighter doesn't fight him.
It didn't matter at the end. Lando is dead and he hadn't had a chance to talk to him, beg for forgivness. He hates himself even more for agreeing to pushing this everything away. He had time. He didn't use it. Disgusting.
~~~~
Some time into the future, unspecified place
Oscar is retired now, with a wife and two kids at home. He doesn't really love her. He likes her, she is kind, beautiful, and is good with kids. Oscar knows she suspects that she isn't occupying the main part of his heart but they don't talk about it. It is more of agreement than pure love at least from his side. To this day he misses Lando, regrets everything that happened between them and also that he wasn't brave enough to fix it in time. Lando is still main thought in his brain, everything reminds him of well… him. Hah he even gave a second name for his kid after him. The worst part is that he is aware that he watches their shared interviews from many years ago every night before bed. Missing people does that, reaching for everything they left behind, and maybe as form of coping. He just doesn't want to forget how the love of his live looks or sounds. His wife doesn't comment on this. He is a great husband don't get him wrong, he loves his kids but... he wishes that this would be his life with Lando not with her. But Lando is dead. Gone. So it isn't possible. She reminds him in some ways. Blue eyes that under the right light blend into greenish grey, slightly lighter brown hair, but she has different personality, total opposite. Calm, collected, quiet and shy. He wasn't like this, when he was in the room everyone knew he was there, his presence was inevitable. Oscar married her because of that. If he ended up with someone so much like Lando he would go insane. So now he lives here with her and their two kids. Regreting everyday that she sleps with her and not him.
And Landos wish came true. Oscar hadn't won any championships in his career.